Okay, I'm Back - What? Sunday's Nearly Over?

Let me tell you, the worst thing about having eight awesome animals is that you miss the hell out of them when they're not around.  Of course, they didn't go anywhere - my friend Ben watched them - & I have to be honest, it was nice to not have to worry about them while I was in Texas.  So glad to be with them again though!  Four days away was rough.

Now I have to work on a show!  I should probably get some sleep.

Any thoughts about Texas?  Look, I've complained about this before: there's not a vegetarian or vegan restaurant within sixty miles of Lexington, & places that have vegan options (of which there are maybe five) seem to have them begrudgingly.  Going to Dallas, you have not only amazing Ethiopian food (Lalibela), but possibly the best all-vegan diner in the world (Spiral Diner), among other treats (like vegan donuts at Glazed Donut Works, which has a vegan donut choice every damn day*).  Then we went to Austin for a day, where we discovered an extraordinary vegetarian (many items vegan!) food truck called Shhmaltz (the Reuben is divine, the Bob Dylan is a revelation), & I had breakfast (vegan pancakes, yum) at the same old Kerbey Lane (now twice its size) that I went to twenty-seven years ago, & pretty much all the time until five years ago.  Gah!  So much food!

Also I got to see dear friends whom I never really ever get to see.  That was better than all the food in the world.

Oh no!  Look at the time!  Radio show!  Sending tee shirts out!  Maybe even getting sleep?

* I called a hip new donut place here in Lexington & asked if they served vegan donuts.  The person on the other line said, "Why would we do that?"

On Vacation

Your fumbling host is having a weekend getaway to the exotic wilds of Texas (I hope I am spelling that right - I'm not sure what language that is) this weekend, so posting here is going to be light or maybe even nonexistent (well, okay, not that).  Please excuse.  Irregularly regular posting should resume when I'm back in town Sundayish.

Self Help Radio 110315: Poetry

(Original image here.)

Ooo, Self Help Radio got all literary & shit this week, with a highbrow show about poetry.  All the pseudo-intellectuals were there.  Who was there?  Let me see.  There was me.  & that was enough!

Also: I talked to a professor who's written a book called "Anyone Can Write Poetry."  We returned to our never-popular "Talk Back" segment to hear a listener tell us why he doesn't like poetry.  & I cold-called my spiritual advisor the Reverend Doctor Howard Gently, who was kind enough to share his insights about poetry.  Of course plenty of swell music.  About poetry.  & poets.  Like I said: highbrow.

There was a rumor that listening to this show will count as a three-credit college English class credit, but I can neither confirm nor deny that I totally made that up.  I suggest you take it up with the bursar.  Or the ombudsman.  Or the registrar.  Or any bureaucratic office on campus whose actual duties are confusingly named.

The show is now at the Self Help Radio website for your listening - er, enjoyment?  Maybe?  Please remember the password information, or don't, as it's written on the page.  The show is in two hour-long parts.  What are in the parts I have noted below.

Try to guess the show's rhyme scheme!

(part one)

"Mr. Poem" Mike Batt _Mr. Poem_
"San Francisco Poet" Nikki Sudden _Crown Of Thorns_
"Poet" Sly & The Family Stone _There's A Riot Goin' On_

"Poets Problem" Blondie _Plastic Letters_
"Poets Turmoil No. 364" Anne Clark _Changing Places_
"Poems" Bo Burnham _WHAT._
"Bad Poetry" Soko _My Dreams Dictate My Reality_
"She's Never Read My Poems (7" mix)" Television Personalities _She's Never Read My Poems EP_

"Poetry Of Destruction" Andrei Codrescu _No Tacos For Saddam_
"Poet, Fool, Or Bum" Lee Hazlewood _Poet, Fool, Or Bum_
"The Old Poet" The Palisades _A Month Too Soon 12"_
"Poetry Man" Phoebe Snow _Phoebe Snow_

"It's Not A Poem" Brideshead _Some People Have All The Fun_
"Not Poetry" Milky Wimpshake _Popshaped_
"Dead Poets" Lida Husik _Fly Stereophonic_

(part two)

"Dead Poets Make Me Smile" Bubblegum Lemonade _Some Like It Pop_
"The Poet's Dead" Rah Rah _The Poet's Dead_

"Cemetry Gates" The Smiths _The Queen Is Dead_
"Sister I'm A Poet" Colin Meloy _Colin Meloy Sings Morrissey_
"The Uncertainty Of The Poet" Kurt Elling featuring Stefon Harris & Laurence Hobgood _Man In The Air_
"Physics For Poets" Patton Oswalt _Werewolves & Lollipops_
"Teenage Poetry" Suburban Kids With Biblical Names _# 2 EP_

"Poetry In Motion" Bobby Vee _The Very Best_
"Poet For A Generation" Charlie Fawn _Charlie Fawn_
"Profit In Your Poetry" Butcher Boy _Profit In Your Poetry_
"My Finest Hour" The Sundays _Reading, Writing & Arithmetic_

"Poet Is Priest..." Julian Cope _Jehovahkill_
"Chatterton" Mick Harvey _Intoxicated Man_
"A Poem On The Underground Wall" Simon & Garfunkel _Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, & Thyme_
"Pop Art Poem" The Jam _Sound Affects_
"Love Poems To The Lovely Juanita Beasley" Andy Griffith _This Here Andy Griffith_

Whither Poetry?

(I found this image here.)

Confession time: I used to write poetry.  I might even share some with you if you ask.  But it was pretty bad.  & that's okay, because most poetry is pretty bad.  I once compared poets with singer-songwriters - the vast majority of each are most probably going to be churning out god-awful material.

There was a conundrum I had to deal with in regards to this show, which is this: should the show be about poets & poetry, or should it be songs that are inspired by poems?  Or perhaps songs that were actual poems, set to music?  I decided to go with the former.  It doesn't mean that I won't do the latter at some point, but today the show will focus on songs about poetry & poets in general.

Will there also be an interview with someone who wrote a book called "Everyone Can Write Poetry"?  Will a listener who hates poetry get a chance to explain why?  Will I maybe decide to telephone my spiritual mentor?  What will a radio program about poetry sound like, anyway?

You'll have to listen to find out!  It's on from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington, & online at wrfl dot fm.  I'll archive it tomorrow at the Self Help Radio website, but it might sound more rehearsed then.  It may be more like a slam poetry night if you listen live.

(Seriously, I have no idea what I'm talking about.)

Preface To Poetry: 2200!!

Oh yaz, we have now reached post number two two zero zero commonly known as twenty-two hundred or two thousand & two hundred - & no one's really very excited about it except me.

That's cool.  I am perfectly able to appreciate the achievement ("achievement") without you throwing me a party or baking me a cake or even saying "congrats!" in the comments section of this very blog.  Just like I've gone several weeks at a time doing my radio show without a single caller.  I understand I operate in near obscurity.

Here's some news, though: the shirts for the 13th Anniversary should arrive this week.  Alas, I'll be out of town this weekend.  But I'll start sending them out next week.  I hope they look good.  I'm pretty excited.

One of my oldest friends is a poet.  His name is Dale Smith, & he may be my only close friend who has a Wikipedia page.  He's quite good, too.  I asked him if maybe he'd like to write poems for my show, & he was very sweet & wrote a very touching one for my kitchen show this summer, & the wife asked me today why I didn't involve him in my show this week.

Here's the thing: while the songs I play are usually pretty seriously about the theme, most of my airbreaks are designed to be entertaining.  (Just because they may not be is mostly my fault.)  Dale is a pretty serious damned poet.  I felt weird presenting his talent in the midst of my farce.  So I haven't asked him again.  Honestly, I think he was just humoring me the first time!  Self Help Radio is several levels below his pay grade.

The past few days I have been wondering if he'd like this week's show.  I won't tell him about it - the whole idea embarrasses me.

But!  I soldier through!  Tomorrow!  A show about poetry!  That might even feature some poetry!  But!  Today!  An accomplishment!  2200 posts on this stupid blog!

Damn it!  I should've written a poem about it!

2199

That's a scary future date.  Will the world be underwater?  Will it be Martian water?

It's also the number of this post.  I've written two thousand, one hundred, & ninety-nine posts on this blog.  Counting today's.  That's fucking crazy.

When I was a kid, like in elementary school, I wanted so badly to have my own line of comics books.  I would take a piece of paper, fold it, & on the outside draw a front + back cover, & on the inside the story.*  Rarely did I finish an actual story.  I remember I had named the comics line - something like GAD Comics (GAD are my initials), but I can't really remember - but I was most proud of the tag line: "We're not newer, we're just better."

There were probably no more than ten of these - many of them written & drawn hastily in-between dumb assignments in school - & naturally they were all very derivative.  I was not going to be a comics writer or artist when I grew up, not with this stuff in evidence.

The point of this little aside is that I hardly ever finished anything I started when I was a kid, & really, well into adult life.  I grew bored easily, & I lacked the patience & follow-through to commit to something that might have led to a more creative life.  But oh well.  Because:

This blog has almost got 2200 posts!  The fourteen year old me would have been astonished.

Hell, I am astonished.  Not just because of the posts here, but that I'm on my fourteenth year of a silly radio program.  Who would've thunk it?

Probably not my mom.  She would've thrown out all my tapes after I moved the show from Austin.

That last line only has bite if you've read the note below.  I am still not a very good writer.

* Oh yes, I would have gladly saved all of these, & carried them with me for the rest of my life.  Alas, I came home from school some time in the seventh or eighth grade to find my mother had thrown them all away when she cleaned out my closet.  Any bit of creativity - anything I wrote & drew before that time - was consigned to a dumpster.  No, I have never forgiven her for that.

The Gary Files # 7: Gary Numan

(I found this picture here.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the seventh of a series!

Gary Numan is, according to the Wikipedia, "an English singer, songwriter, musician, & record producer."  You probably know him, if you know of him at all, from his hit single "Cars."

When did you first become aware of him?  I heard & enjoyed the song "Cars" on the radio.

You like it?  Sure, it was catchy.  It was the beginning of new wave music, & it coincided with my discovery of other bands that would, briefly, appear on commercial radio, thanks to their popularity.  I would say they appeared in spite of the corporate radio structure.

Did you know anyone who hated him?  Oh yeah.  My friend Russell thought he was a Bowie rip-off.  He spoke of him with great disdain.  At the time, I hadn't heard anything else but "Cars," & wasn't really in a position (had no money, had no know-how) to explore any artist.  I didn't know about independent record stores, etc.  What I liked & knew about was confined to what I heard about on the radio, what I had been given to me by friends on cassette, & my older brothers' meager classic rock collection.  If they had a Gary Numan disc, I wasn't interested enough to listen to it then.

But did you start liking him later?  I like him fine, mainly the Tubeway Army stuff, & the album Replicas.  I confess that while I have a few of his 80s & 90s releases, I haven't listened to them much.  But boy do I know people who really love him.  Whew.

Did you know he married a member of his fan club?  Really?  When?

1997.  Ah.  He must be one of those musicians who really benefit from having an online presence.  But I suppose he's also much more popular in Britain than he has ever been here, since I know his 80s albums did well there.  Maybe I should have listened to more of his stuff before I started answering questions about him.

Is his name really Gary?  Yes, but his last name really isn't Numan.  His full name is Gary Anthony James Webb.  Sounds rather British.

I think Gary Numan is a pretty good punk rock name, even if he really isn't punk rock.  When a dude renames himself, he may feel like a new man.

Do you know why he was named Gary?  I have no idea.  He was born in 1958 so it might not be because of the actor.  Perhaps it was the name of a friend of his parents in London.  It's not something that's easy to find online.

Are 'friends' electric?  You know I hate to ask.

Hallowe'en Spooktacular!!

It turns out that I've been hoarding old Halloween shows on my site, & perhaps you opt out of the old Halloween fun & games, so why not listen to old radio shows of questionable quality?  In alphabetical order below are five old & one new Self Help Radio Halloween shows plus one RFL sub show that revised & expanded on an old Halloween show.  Enjoy, if you can!

Halloween 2015: Clowns!

Halloween 2014: Mummies!

Halloween 2013: Hell!

Halloween 2012: Nightmares!

Halloween 2011: Graveyards!

Halloween 2010: Haunted Houses!

Halloween 2010 Bonus: Zombies!

Self Help Radio 102715: Halloween 2015 - Clowns!

(I found the original image on the Clownopedia.)

There were two interesting phone calls I got yesterday (I should say especially interesting - all of the calls I get are interesting!) regarding this show I did about clowns:

The first caller told me something I didn't know, which is that clown colleges are apparently closing all across the country.  It surprised me that there was more than one clown college, as I had known about only one, which closed in the last century.  But, as I hate & fear clowns, as all sane people should, I said "Good!"  The caller did not share that sentiment, but did imply that my show was part of the general zeitgeist that's resulted in people not wanting to be clowns anymore.  I also think he hung up on me!

The second caller asked me, "Are you really afraid of clowns?"  I was taken aback!  What sort of person would do an entire radio show about clowns, revealing his anxiety & phobia on the public airwaves, talking with his psychologist, his spiritual advisor, & a former clown about his apprehensions?  It's almost like that person imagined that I would pretend to be someone else for the sake of the show's theme, that I would air fake interviews with funny people pretending to be experts!  I have no idea how anyone would get such an idea.

In any event, if it's a Halloween show you want, it's a Halloween show you'll get.  You may listen to it, if you dare, anytime at the Self Help Radio website.  It's so frightening I had to password protect it, so you'll have to find that information on the page.  It's in two parts, & what songs are in those two parts are listed below.

You've been warned!

(part one)

"Be A Clown" Judy Garland & Gene Kelly _De-Lovely Cole Porter_
"Bravo Pour Le Clown" Edith Piaf _The Essential Collection_
"The Clown" Roy Orbison _Orbison 1955-1965_

"No One Really Loves A Clown" Johnny Crawford _The Complete Del-Fi_
"Everybody Loves The Clown" Nirvana _All Of Us_
"Everybody's Clown" Johnny Dynamite _Southern Soul Showcase_
"Space Clown" Jobraith _Jobraith_
"Space Klown" Sissybar _Songs For Peeps_

"Killer Klowns" The Dickies _Killer Klowns From Outer Space_
"Clowny Clown Clown" Crispin Hellion Glover _The Big Problem ≠ The Solution. The Solution = Let It Be._
"Clown" Ric Menck _The Ballad Of Ric Menck_
"The Clown" Chuck Wilder _Eccentric Soul: The Tragar & Note Labels_

"The Clowns Are In Town" The Go-Betweens _G Stands For Go-Betweens: The Go-Betweens Anthology Volume 1_
"Clown Strike" Elvis Costello _Brutal Youth_

(part two)

"Clown Town" Steve Clayton _Clown Town_
"Jumper Clown" The Wedding Present _It's A Gas_
"Chromium Clown" Gary Wilson _Alone With Gary Wilson_

"Don't Send In The Clowns" Zorak _Space Ghost's Musical Bar-B-Que_
"Tears Of A Clown" The Beat _What Is Beat?_
"Don't Kill The Clowns" Soda Fountain Rag _Sometimes I Wonder If You Have A Heart_
"Death Of A Clown" The Kinks _Something Else By The Kinks_

"Eiderdown Clown" The Scots Of St. James _Circus Days: UK Pop-Sike Obscurities, 1966-1970_
"Pantomime Clown" Damien Youth _Strangest Hits, Vol. 1_
"Cabaret Clown" Marc Almond _Varieté_
"Clown Town" Laughing Clowns _Throne Of Blood, Reign Of Terror_

"The Clown Prince" The Triffids _The Black Swan_
"The Way Of A Clown" Teddy Randazzo _The Way Of A Clown_

Whither Clowns?

(I found that image here.)

Halloween shows!  They're the bane of my existence!  That might be appropriate!  But I notice a lot of deejays are happy to break out "The Monster Mash" once a year, & probably a lot of audiences are happy with that.  But not me!  I want to make sure each Halloween show is different than the last, because, of course, there are many different elements of Halloween that can be explored.  So, Self Help Radio has done shows about ghosts, vampires, monsters, zombies, werewolves, haunted houses, graveyards, nightmares, hell, & mummies. Such a long list! Where does the restless programmer go from here?

As an avid fan of Halloween, you must agree that there are surely some things out there that are scarier than all of these. For years, as I did these shows, I knew - I knew - in the back of my mind I was forgetting the worst of all. The terror that, unlike many of these others, was very real, was almost common, that had, unlike mummies or zombies, convinced the rest of the world that they were harmless, objects of delight for children, beings that could easily exist in a theatre or a three-ring circus without being frightening of all. These were - it hurts to say this - the clowns.

You've heard that line, the best trick the devil pulled was convincing everyone he/it doesn't exist. I disagree. I disagree vehemently. The worst trick pulled on the human race was clowns convincing the world they were objects of fun, & not fearsome creatures making nightmares into reality.

Self Help Radio will expose these horrors on the show this afternoon! It's on from 4 to 6 pm in the airwaves on 88.1 fm (in Lexington) &; in the computer waves at wrfl dot fm.  Tune in!  It may save you from a clown!

Preface To Halloween 2015: Clowns! - Scared Of Clowns

There are a few good articles online about coulrophobia, or fear of clowns.  (That word is a recent coinage - have clowns been getting more scary in the last few years?)  I will link them below for your reading convenience (I will be sharing them on social media all day today too):

This Telegraph article shares "their terrifying history."

This Psychology Today article talks about why we get afraid in the first place.

The Vulture has an interview with a Harvard psychiatrist about why I'm so scared of clowns.

One more:

The Smithsonian Magazine has a history of people being frightened by clowns throughout history.

Self Help Radio tomorrow will shock & startle with two hours of (gulp) clown songs!

Marilyn & Her Hi-Fi

Almost certain she'd be listening to Self Help Radio if she were around these days.

The Gary Files # 6: Gary Gygax

(Image from his Wikipedia page.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the sixth of a series!

Gary Gygax was, according to the Wikipedia, "an American game designer & author best known for co-creating with Dave Arneson the pioneering role-playing game Dungeons & Dragons (D&D). Gygax has been described as the father of D&D."

When did you first become aware of him?  In ninth grade, when I was introduced to D&D.  His name was on all the books: Advanced D&D (which I always called The Dungeon Master's Guide), the Monster Manual, & the Player's Handbook, all of which I acquired in time.

Were you a super-nerdy D&D player?  I wanted to be.  But the group I was with wasn't very adventurous (no pun intended).  I remember in my first game asking the Dungeon Master, after he said I did five points of damage to some creature, "What did I do?  Did I take off a limb?  Was there lots of blood?  Will he be able to have children?"  The DM looked at me blankly & said, "You did five points of damage.  Now roll again."

Did you do things to exacerbate the situation?  That's overstating it.  But once I realized that they were not going to be inventive & fun, I went ahead & had my own fun.  I had a paladin I named Perry.  I did this because they were naming their characters Frodo & Bilbo & the like.  When I got a ranger, I named him Iridium, which everyone liked, until I told them it was the name of a metal element.  Then they frowned again.

So you didn't play for a very long time?  All told, probably less than a year.  My friend Scott, who had introduced me to the game, moved away, & then there were only three of us.  Scott kind of was our common friend, we didn't really hang out as a trio after that.  It's very possible that they found other people to play & didn't invite me.  Scott & I would still talk about our characters, but I'm sure he found other people to play with, too.  I never did.

Wait.  I think there might have been an opportunity to play again later in high school, & I might even have joined a group, but my heart wasn't in it.  I was more into listening to music & dealing with my depression at that point.

Was it cool that the guy who invented D&D was named Gary?  I didn't think about it at the time, but then, I never noticed in those early days that I was usually the only Gary in my class.  But I do think the name was unfamiliar enough that for many years, some people would remember my name as Greg.

Is his name really Gary?  It's his middle name.  His full name is Ernest Gary Gygax.  I'm sure he dropped the Ernest for the alliteration.  "Gary Gygax" sounds like the alias for a Stan Lee/Jack Kirby super-villain.

So, the name, it's probably because of Gary Cooper again?  He was born in 1938, so, probably.

What the hell sort of name is Gygax?  Wikipedia said his dad was Swiss.  But.  Your guess is as good (& maybe as equally uninformed) as mine.

Self Help Radio 102015: Belonging

(Original image here.)

Do we belong?  This is probably not a question that philosophers & deep thinkers have been asking & answering for many, many years.  It hadn't occurred to me, actually, until I started thinking about doing the show.  But once I did think about it, it became one of the many questions I ask out loud in public places that earn me dirty looks & threats from neighborhood toughs.

Self Help Radio this week attempted to resolve whatever issues about belonging there might be, but not with tired tactics like conversation or reasoning.  Instead, lots of songs said things like "you belong to me" or "you don't belong to me" or "I belong to you" or "I belong to nobody."  You get the drift.  Maybe some questions were answered, however, questions like, "Do heiresses belong on a university campus with their talking dogs?"  & "Is there a sense of belonging in Hollywood"?  & of course "Is the sort of guy who writes a book called You Don't Belong going to be a total jerk?"

You may find out what & who belongs yourself - it might be you, after all - by listening to this week's Self Help Radio episode.  You can find it on the Self Help Radio website.  Please pay attention to the password info there.  The show is in two roughly hour-long parts.  What is played in each hour is listed below.

Once you've downloaded it, the show belongs to you.  No take-backs!

(part one)

"Make Me Belong To You" Barbara Lewis _Hello Stranger: The Best Of Barbara Lewis_
"You Belong To My Heart" Julie London _Sings Latin In A Satin Mood_
"You Belong To Me" Cherry Vanilla _Venus D'Vinyl_

"Tonight You Belong To Me" Cubsimo Grafico _Tout!_
"This Is Where I Belong" The Kinks _Face To Face_
"Your Love Belongs Under A Rock" The Dirtbombs _Ultraglide In Black_
"A Sense Of Belonging" Television Personalities _The Painted Word_

"She Belongs To Me" Bob Dylan _Bringing It All Back Home_
"You Belong To Me" Elvis Costello _This Year's Model_
"Do I Belong?" The Hidden Cameras _Origin: Orphan_
"Right Here Is Where You Belong" Jerry Washington _Cheatin' Soul & The Southern Dream Of Freedom_

"Your Heart Belongs To Me" The Velvelettes _Does Anybody Know I'm Here?: Vietnam Through The Eyes Of Black America 1962-1972_
"She Belonged To Another" The Statesiders _Mindrocker: Anthology Of 60s US-Punk Garage Psych, Vol. 12_
"You Belong To Me" The Chesterfield Kings _Stop!_

(part two)

"We Belong" The June Brides _For Better Or Worse_
"It's The Love" The Breeders _Mountain Battles_
"You Belong With Us" My Favorite _Love At Absolute Zero_

"My Heart Belongs To Daddy" Mary Martin _American Musical Theater: Shows, Songs, & Stars, Vol. 2_
"Where Does Your Heart Belong?" The School _Reading Too Much Into Things Like Everything_
"I Belong To Nobody" Flaming Hands _Tales From The Australian Underground: Singles 1976-1989_
"Belong" The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart _Belong_

"She Doesn't Belong To Me" Pete & The Pirates _Little Death_
"You Belong With Me" X-Teens _Love & Politics_
"Bengali In Platforms" Morrissey _Viva Hate_
"Your Mind & We Belong Together" Love _Forever Changes_

"Need To Belong To Someone" Isaac Hayes _Black Moses_

Whither Belonging?

(I found this image here.)

Ah, a radio program about belonging!  This could indeed be ironic, because certainly for most radio deejays, doing a radio show is a solitary experience.  (I can't speak to commercial radio deejays, however - but they usually don't program their own shows themselves, so it's not something I can relate to.)  But those of us who love radio were drawn to it because of its ability to create a temporary community through love of music.  Sharing what one loves is surely a way to facilitate a sense of belonging.

It turns out, though, I'm kind of a loner.  I have many theories why that is, & it must have something to do with how I was raised, because most if not all of my siblings are (or appear to be) friendless.  Certainly my mother seems content to be by herself most of the time, or to have maybe one or two people whom she sees socially every once in a while.  I'm at my most gregarious when I am part of something I feel strongly about - especially non-commercial radio.  Outside of that, I'm usually reading, or listening to music, or watching a movie, or looking around the internet - stuff that doesn't require a community at all.  Perhaps I don't belong anywhere?

Today of course there are lots of songs about belonging (& not belonging) on Self Help Radio, so I hope you find your way over to 88.1 fm in Lexington (or wrfl dot fm everywhere else) around 4pm till around 6pm for this week's show.  If not, of course, I'll archive it on the SHR website, but you'll feel more like you belong if you listen live.

Just sayin'.

Preface To Belonging: That Groucho Marx Joke

It is going to take all my power to refrain, on tomorrow's show about "belonging," from mentioning one of my favorite quips of all time, by one of my favorite people of all time, Groucho Marx.  He wrote, in his book Groucho & Me: 

I sent the club [the Friar's Club of Beverly Hills] a wire, stating: "PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION.  I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT PEOPLE LIKE ME AS A MEMBER."

To this day I find that so damn funny.  But I won't mention it tomorrow.  I promise.

But it does bring to mind something very real that I often found happening back in the days when I was youngish, carefree, & dating.  I would find myself with a lovely young lady with whom I might or might not have much in common.  There was an initial attraction, so we were going out, but something was off.  I guessed I didn't like her as much as I thought, or perhaps the fact that we had very little in common was more glaringly obvious by the day, but I knew the relationship was doomed.  In most cases, the relationship would end, of course, before that time - a bright young woman would naturally see me for the mediocre human being I am.  But if it were to go on - almost as if by intertia - I'd withdraw, possibly become more passive-aggressive, in order to sabotage the thing.

It doesn't matter what or how, but the relationship, whether two dates or two months long, would end.  & then suddenly - it never failed - suddenly, magically, I would fall heels over head in love with the woman.  I would be obsessive.  I would be heartbroken.  & I thought it might be sour grapes, at first, but I think the opposite would be more true: people usually nurse hate with a broken heart.

No, for me, it was the very Marxist revelation: I admired them for having the good sense, the exquisite taste, to reject me.  Dating me was a mark against them.  Dumping me was such a tremendously wise decision that it caused me to swoon.

In other words: I found it very hard to date a girl who would have someone like me as her boyfriend.

This of course happened in the absence of real love.  When real love happened, I was never bored, or focused on how little in common we had, or anything like that.  & there was no sudden insight of love when the relationship ended - I stayed in love because I was always in love.

Anyway - I won't talk about that, or the Groucho Marx quote tomorrow.  I swear.

Photo Of What I Am Convinced Is The Average Self Help Radio Listener

The Gary Files # 5: Gary Larson

(I found this picture here.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the fifth of a series!

Gary Larson is, according to the Wikipedia, "an American cartoonist, the creator of The Far Side, a single-panel cartoon series that was syndicated internationally to over 1,900 newspapers for fifteen years, until 1995."

When did you first become aware of him?  A few years after the cartoon's debut in 1980.  I think one of the two Dallas papers (that existed at the time) carried it.  If it were the Dallas Times Herald, which was the more liberal of the two (& which went out of business in 1991), that would make sense - that was the paper that was most often in the house.

Did you like it?  I loved it.  Oh my god, it was so funny.

Do you have a story about reading The Far Side at school & getting into trouble?  I do!  In my senior year, I had a physics class which was taught by a coach who was waaaaay over his head.  A lot of the time, we just sort of sat there while he encouraged us to read.  None of the experiments we were supposed to do worked as they should have - not even the teacher's.  The class was my last period of the day, & one Friday, the teacher was clearly not wanting to teach, & my friend Mike Jones brought a Far Side book, & we read it together at our desks (which were, as in science classes, giant tables) & we laughed & laughed.  Every cartoon seemed funnier than the last.  I was laughing so much I was crying.  The teacher got more & more angry until he threatened to send both Mike & me to the office if we didn't shut the hell up.

Did your appreciation of the comic change over time?  I haven't read it in years, but I remember a girlfriend of mine had a collection that I read in the crapper at some point, & I was surprised how quaint it seemed.  Though I did think it had funny moments.

Why do you think you felt that way?  Maybe so much of what was innovative about the comic had become so much a part of the culture that it now seemed old hat.  Or maybe my sense of humor had changed since high school.

It was probably the first one.  I still laugh at the same dumb things.

Is his name really Gary?  Wikipedia says so.

Do you know why he was named Gary?  He was born in 1950.  It's all Gary Cooper's fault.

Did you know there's a beetle named after him?  Lucky bastard.

Self Help Radio 101315: Rollercoasters Revisited - A 13th Anniversary Show!

(Original image here.)

It was a fun show yesterday, with nice calls & lots of well-wishing, & hardly anyone telling me they're surprised the show has lasted this long.  Almost no calls were about how awesome roller coasters are, which made me sad.  I wanted us to bond over that subject!

There's really nothing I can add to this, except I need to find out when amusement parks are mostly empty, because I'd love to ride every roller coaster there in one day.  Am I getting too old for that?  When I told people this summer I loved roller coasters, they thought I was joking.  We'll see who has the last laugh!

The show this week is chock full of guests, so if you're into that, you're in luck!  It's now available for your listening pleasure at the website my shows live on.  Did I mention username/password?  Did I say SHR/selfhelp?  I can't recall.  The show is in two parts, what songs I played in each part are listed below.

Hey!  No line jumping!

(part one)

"Roller Coaster" Chuck Higgins _So Long_
"Roller Coaster" Little Walter _The Complete Chess Recordings_
"Love Roller Coaster" Big Joe Turner _Big, Bad & Blue: The Big Joe Turner Anthology_

"Rollercoaster" Dear Nora _We'll Have A Time_
"Roller Coaster By The Sea" Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers _Rock 'n' Roll With The Modern Lovers_
"Rollercoaster" Everything But The Girl _Amplified Heart_
"Rollercoaster" Michael Shelley _Half Empty_

"Roller Coaster Blues" Diana Dors _Sex Kittens In Hi-Fi: The Blondes_
"Roller Coaster" The Partridge Family _Bulletin Board_
"Rollercoaster" Sportique _The Matinée Summer Splash_
"Emotional Rollercoaster" Romanovsky & Phillips _Emotional Roller Coaster_

"The Rollercoaster Ride" Belle & Sebastian _The Boy With The Arab Strap_

(part two)

"Rock & Roller Coaster" Tony Crombie & His Rockets _Great British Rock & Roll, Vol. 2_
"Roller Coaster" Bobby Caver & Group _Never Leave Me_
"Roller Coaster Ride" American Death Ray _Smash Radio Hits_

"Roller Coaster" The Ides Of March _Ideology 1965-1968_
"Rollercoaster" M Ward _Post-War_
"Fear Of Rollercoasters" The Lucksmiths _Why That Doesn't Surprise Me_
"The Rollercoaster Song" The Lilac Time _Paradise Circus_

"Rollercoaster" Spirea X _Fireblade Skies_
"Rollercoaster" Northern Uproar _Northern Uproar_
"Rollercoaster Ride" The Whitest Boy Alive _Rules_
"Rollercoasting" Helen Love _Radio Hits 2_

"Rollercoaster" Sleater-Kinney _The Woods_
"My Rollercoaster" Kimya Dawson _Juno OST_

Whither Roller Coasters Revisited?

(I found this image here.)

It was probably late summer/early autumn 2000 - around fifteen years ago - that I put in an application for a show at KOOP radio in Austin, Texas.  I had no idea what I was getting into.  The station had been rocked by in-fighting for a couple of years - you can see on this webpage what the losing side in the battle thought - but I was blissfully unaware of what I was getting into.

Without going into specifics - there were some crazy things that happened at that station during my eight years there - I began to volunteer but found out they had no real path for newcomers to get a show.  Programmers basically got to keep their shows as long as they wanted them, unless they did something really stupid, like steal or, worse, cross the people in charge.  I knew a lot of people there - many of them former KVRXers like myself - so I helped train, I got involved, & I waited.  I waited & waited & waited.

Something happened - a few hours opened up - I don't recall how or why - in September 2002 - & I campaigned for a show.  The name "Self Help Radio" is something I came up with at the very last minute - I remember then-Station Manager Angela Keaton laughing happily when I told what I was going to call my show.  I had toyed with many others - my friend Joe suggested I called the show "Be My Radio Friend," & I even worked out a Mr. Rogers-type theme song for it.  But "Self Help Radio" - a reference, ultimately, to my own desperate need for all kinds of self-help - took, & despite some people thinking it's an actual self-help radio show - like dozens of my "followers" on Twitter - I am happy I called it that.

The themes were there from the beginning as well, but if I had a copy of that first show for you to listen to, you'd be surprised how unfocused it was.  I didn't actually come up with the idea of talking about the themes, along with playing songs about them, until perhaps the end of the year.  It was so obvious that of course I missed it.  The show has always been, & will continue to be, a shambling work-in-progress.

The first show aired on October 9, 2002.  Now it's thirteen years later.  I don't even want to count the number of shows I've done, or the number of themes I've covered.  Doubtless it's over six hundred shows, maybe the same number of themes (though I revisit them from time-to-time - like today!).  & yet I feel like I have a few more shows in me.  Silly old me.

You can listen today from 4-6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington - that's WRFL, you know - & you can listen online at wrfl dot fm if you're out of town &/or don't own a radio.  I'll be speaking with lots of guests, including the show's head writer & a fellow who sued me over the idea of the show, & of course there'll be lots of songs about roller coasters - & hopefully not some of the same as I played the first time around.

Oh yeah - you can win a tee shirt too!  If you listen!

Preface To The 13th Anniversary Show: Reflections On Thirteen Years

Oh no, I'm not going to spend time writing about the last thirteen years of this show right now!  I'm self-involved, but I'm not that self-involved.

Instead, let me show you this:

It's the 13th anniversary design by Suloni Robertson, who also designed the original logo.  I'm going to have some shirts made in honor of the anniversary, & you will have a chance to win one on tomorrow's show!

It's lovely, isn't it?  She's my favorite artist.

So: no reflections on thirteen years.  I was actually going to see if I could dig up the old cassette of my original roller coaster show from 2004 & try to digitize it - but I wasn't feeling masochistic enough.

Secure Your Things, People

This is a picture I took at King's Island this summer.  (I talked about that trip here.)  As someone who likes to take dumb pictures (& whose pictures have taken over the show's Tumblr blog), I really really wanted to take out my crappy little digital camera & attempt to take photos on the ride.  But that collection made me hope everything I had would stay in my pockets!

Turns out I didn't have a lot to worry about - I fit snugly into the seats & my things were in my pockets.  Not that I didn't check after every damn ride.

Why am I thinking about this?  Because I am listening to songs about roller coasters for this week's show, of course.  I went to Columbus a week or two ago, & I drove home on a chilly Thursday morning in the rain, & passed King's Island, which (I believe) is closed for the season.  It looked quite desolate & alone.

Thinking about it, though: I wonder what that grand amusement park looks like covered in snow?

The Gary Files # 4: Gary Peacock

(I found this picture here.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the fourth of a series!

Gary Peacock is, according to the Wikipedia, "an American jazz double-bassist."  He started performing in the 1960s, notably playing with Bill Evans, Albert Ayler, & even Miles Davis.  He is still with us, at the age of eighty, & I hope still performing.  (Update: he is!)

When did you first become aware of him?  Probably on the mid-1960s Albert Ayler records, especially Ghosts.

Are you a fan of jazz bassists?  Honestly, I know very little about the bass guitar, in jazz or otherwise.  I try very hard when I listen to Peacock's sessions to pay attention to his artistry, but he strikes me as in the same vein as the late, great Charlie Haden.  I like how versatile he is.

Did you know he studied Zen Buddhism in the late 60s?  I didn't, but I have read about it.  I imagine it helps musicians a lot to practice mindfulness, which is something you can learn in meditation, which you can learn as you study Buddhism.

Ever seen him live?  I haven't.  I would have liked seeing him playing with Ayler, as well as the stuff he did with Keith Jarrett in the early 80s.  I really need to spend more time with Peacock's work as a leader.

Is his name really Gary?  As far as I can tell, it is, & he apparently has no middle name.

Do you know why he was named Gary?  It's gotta be Gary Cooper, again.  Peacock was born in 1935!

Anything else you want to say?  No, but if you'd like to see him play, here's a snippet:

Self Help Radio 100615: Everybody Knows

(Original image here.)

Well, lookee here.  I done did an entire radio show with every song titled "Everybody Knows."  Oh, there were a couple of songs with parentheticals next to them - a "(Part One)," a "(The River Song)," & an "(Except You)."  But I've always been told that you're not supposed to say that part.  Therefore, boom!  An entire two-hour show with every song with the same title.  It may not be impressive, but it is something that I like to do, therefore my self has been helped by this radio show.

But wait!  There's more!  I myself visit a town in Ohio where everybody knows everything!  I talk to a scientist who's written a book called Everybody Nose in which he postulates that everything we know comes from our sense of smell!  & I interview a cagey CIA analyst who's written a book called Stuff Everybody Knows!

All this & - if I haven't mentioned this before - every song I play is called "Everybody Knows"!  Seriously, I can't understand why my cats don't find this as amazing as I do.

The show is available now at the Self Help Radio website.  You say username/password?  I say SHR/selfhelp .  On the website you will see the show is in two parts - I will list the songs I played in each below but I don't really have to because... oh you know.

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Everybody Knows" Louis Prima with Sam Butera & The Witnesses _The Wildest Comes Home_
"Everybody Knows (Part 1)" Little Johnny Taylor _Everybody Knows_
"Everybody Knows" Sean Buckley & The Beatcrumbs _Beat It! Killer Tracks From The Roarin' 60's_

"Everybody Knows" The Dave Clark Five _Everybody Knows_
"Everybody Knows" Lost _The Arf! Arf! El Cheapo 2-CD Sampler_
"Everybody Knows" Brenda Holloway _The Motown Anthology_
"Everybody Knows (The River Song)" O.V. Wright _Down & Out: The Sad Soul Of The Black South_

"Everybody Knows" Incredible Kidda Band _Too Much, Too Little, Too Late_
"Everybody Knows" Half Japanese _Fire In The Sky_
"Everybody Knows" The Decemberists _Otis' Opuses_
"Everybody Knows" Three Finger Cowboy _Kissed_
"Everybody Knows" The Corner Laughers _Tomb Of Leopards_

"Everybody Knows" Leonard Cohen _I'm Your Man_
"Everybody Knows (Except You)" The Divine Comedy _A Short Album About Love_

(part two)

"Everybody Knows" James _Laid_
"Everybody Knows" Ride _Firing Blanks (Unreleased Ride Recordings 1988-1995)_
"Everybody Knows" The Cherry Orchard _The World Is Such A Groovy Place_

"Everybody Knows" Lunchbox _Lunchbox Loves You_
"Everybody Knows" Sex Ghost _Sex Ghost EP_
"Everybody Knows" The Free Association _David Holmes Presents The Free Association_

"Everybody Knows" East Village _Drop Out_
"Everybody Knows" Slow Loris _Routine Glow_
"Everybody Knows" Ballard _Bucky_
"Everybody Knows" Candybomber _Everybody Knows_

"Everybody Knows" Men Without Hats _Love In The Age Of War_
"Everybody Knows" Sheer Agony _The Unruly Sisters_

Whither Everybody Knows?

(I found this image here.)

A few years ago, I sent my show's playlists to a mailing list based on a band I liked, because the members wanted to know what I played. (It occurs to me I don't belong to lists like those anymore.  I wonder why.)  I'm not going to remember the theme of the show when I sent one particular list out, but the response I got was something like, "Gary's kinda going off the deep end."

(It might have been the show with the theme Here I/You/He/She/It/We/They Come.  But I can't recall.)

The point of mentioning this is that, at some point, I kinda got tired of themes that were mostly nouns.  Themes that were things.  My dumb process of making this show involves me suddenly noticing something about the music I'm listening to, & thinking, "That would be a good theme!"  Sometimes they're verbs.  Sometimes they're phrases.  Phrases recur in songs, you know.

In the case of this show, I was listening to Leonard Cohen (like I said yesterday) & wondered whether there were enough songs that were called or said "everybody knows."  That was the genesis of this show.

But it gets better!  I am kind of obsessed about doing a show in which all the songs have the same title.  I've only managed to do this twice.  (Here & here.)  Guess what?  It's happening again today!  That's right - every song today has the title "Everybody Knows"!

Don't believe me?  Listen!  The show is on today from 4 to 6pm on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington, & online at the same time online.  Yes yes, I'll archive it tomorrow at SHR web central.  Of course I will.  Everybody knows that!

Preface To Everybody Knows: The Great Man

This week's show has the theme "Everybody Knows." & I think everybody knows the song that was the inspiration & impetus for it. Here's that extraordinary old man performing his wonderful song live.

Live Blogging On The DVD

Have I mentioned recently how awful I am on the Twitter?  Maybe it's because I don't have a Twitter account for me, but rather for my radio show.  & I sometimes worry that I'm being inappropriate, but trying to be funny or insightful on the Twitter about things in my life (my latest tweet is something my wife said to me) instead of things that pertain to my radio show.

Which is also something I worry about with another of my stunted social media experiments, my Facebook page.  When talking about it on the air, I often say, "You can follow me on Twitter or like me on Facebook."  But that's misleading - I want people to follow my show on Twitter, & like my show on Facebook.  I understand how incredibly unlikeable I am.  It's a hefty cleaning job every week to make the show as little about me as possible!

Currently I have over three hundred "followers" on Twitter (I loathe that term, I have no desire to be the sort of person that has "followers"), & a little over two hundred fifty "likes" on Facebook.  Those numbers baffle the fuck out of me.  I know that many of my Facebook friends, who are sweet & want to support me, & also probably pity me appropriately, "like" the show page when they don't listen to me on the radio at all.  But the Twitter thing - that's weird.  It's weird & I know there are several people on the Twitter who think they're "following" the idea of self-help radio.

You're thinking I obsess about this too much & you're right.  To change the subject entirely, I filled out an application tonight to do a show on WLXL, Lexington's new low-powered fm station.  I figured I should.  No word whether I'll actually get a show &, of course, to make matters worse, no word on whether I'd be able to handle two radio shows a week!

You know I'll let you know as soon as I hear anything.

The Gary Files # 3: Gary Collins

(I found this photo here.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the third of a series!

Gary Collins was, according to the Wikipedia, a "an American film & television actor & award-winning talk show host."  After a long career in television, continues the Wikipedia, Collins "hosted the Group W television talk show Hour Magazine from 1980 to 1988, & co-hosted the ABC television series The Home Show from 1989 to 1994. He was the host of the Miss America Pageant from 1982 to 1990."

When did you first become aware of him?  Saw him on television doing talk show stuff when I was a kid.  I don't remember The Home Show, since those were my college days & I didn't watch a lot of television then, but I must have sat through Hour Magazine more than once when I was flipping channels & nothing else was on.  I vaguely remember the commercials.

Did you like the show?  I have no memory of the show itself, I can't bring to mind a set or any format at all.  Looking at the show's IMDb page, I can see it was a celebrity ass-kiss of the highest order, so perhaps I tuned in when someone I gave a shit about was the guest.

What about his acting career?  Do you remember seeing him on television in dramas in the 1970s?  Not at all.  He has a generic middle-aged man look that would've made it hard for me to tell him apart from half of the other actors in television at the time.  If I watched three different shows that he guest-starred on back-to-back I might not be able to tell he was on all of them, or maybe even what characters he played.

Maybe that's why he became a talk show host?  I guess so.  Sometimes they aren't required to have much of a personality.

Do you remember seeing him in infomercials in the past few years?  Oh yeah, & I remember when the people behind the informercials got in trouble with the FCC.  I always notice when someone named Gary gets in trouble.

Did you know he was an alcoholic?  Aren't all actors alcoholic?

Is his name really Gary?  Yes, Gary Ennis Collins.

Do you know why he was named Gary?  I'll bet it's because of Gary Cooper.  He's responsible for all the Gary names during the time he was a star.  But I can't say for sure.

He's dead now, you know.  Poor bastard.

Self Help Radio 092915: The Holy Show

(I found the clip art halo here.)

Holy smokes, I finished another Self Help Radio.  Hopefully without offending anyone.  (Some people act pretty "holier-than-thou," if you know what I mean.)

What happened on the show, you may ask, before you download it & utterly waste your time?  I'll tell you!  I talked to a college professor who's written about cool Eastern religions.  I chatted about minced oaths.  I spoke with internet sensation Holy Joe!  (He always writes his name with an exclamation mark, & yes, he's always yelling.)  I played a lot of songs about holy things - & yes, in alphabetical order.  Except the last song.  The next deejay ran a little late.

This is important: you don't have to be holy to enjoy this show.  Though it might help to be sanctimonious.  You can listen to the show now & even at church over at self help radio dot net.  Being ultra holy won't help you listen unless you know the password/username combination.  It's available on the page.  All the holiest of songs I played are listed below.

I'll see you in hell!

(part one)

"Holy Holy" David Bowie _The Man Who Sold The World_
"Holy Are You" Electric Prunes _Release Of An Oath_
"Holy Calamity (Bear Witness II)" Handsome Boy Modeling School _So... How's Your Girl?_

"Holy Cow" Lee Dorsey _Working In The Coal Mine_
"Holy Cow" The Aurbisons _The Sound Of Leamington Spa, Vol. 1_
"Holy Dances" Beach House _Devotion_
"Holy Dotage" Magazine _No Thyself_

"Holy Fire" Robert Pollard _Lord Of The Birdcage_
"Holy Fool" Love & Rockets _Lift_
"Holy Forest" Pinkshinyultrablast _Everything Else Matters_
"Holy Ghost" Happy Mondays _Hallelujah_

"Holy Head" The Wake _Make It Loud_
"Holy Honey" The Wreckery _Past Imperfect_

(part two)

"The Holy Hour" The Cure _Faith_
"Holy Joe" Haysi Fantayzee _Battle Hymns for Children Singing_
"Holy Love" Julian Cope _Fried_

"Holy Mackerel" Prentice Moreland _Holy Mackerel! Pretenders To Little Richard's Throne_
"Holy Moly" The Pastels _Sittin' Pretty_
"Holy Mountain" Best Friends _Hot. Reckless. Totally Insane._
"Holy Night Fever" Deerhoof _Reveille_

"Holy Picture" Sebadoh _III_
"Holy River" House Of Love _She Paints Words In Red_
"Holy Roll" Rufus & Ben Quillian (Blue Harmony Boys) _Hokum, Blues & Rags_
"Holy Smoke" Tony Allen _Rhythm & Blues Goes Rock & Roll, Vol. 2_

"Holy Water" The Triffids _Calenture_
"Hole In The Holy" Echo & The Bunnymen _Echo & The Bunnymen_

Whither The Holy Show?

(I found this cartoon here.)

Can I tell you, I kind of agonized over this show?  I had a recent experience where something I was involved in, which had no hint of offense, had to be changed because it might have been offensive.  I don't know if I've ever worried about that before.

For example, a while ago I did a show about glue.  During one airbreak, I pretended to sniff glue on the air.  Later on, of course, I admitted I hadn't sniffed glue, but the only comment I got (& yeah, I am assuming more than one person was listening, which is perhaps a bad assumption) was someone saying, "This is why I love your show!"

But the climate is weird.  Someone like Kim Davis - who lives & works within about an hour & a half's drive from here - should I put works in quotes? - who lives & "works" close to me - she can refuse to do her job because of her beliefs.  My sensitive brain was saying to me, "What if someone thinks by doing a 'holy show,' I'm somehow making fun of people's beliefs?"

Once upon a time I worked in a building on the campus of the University of Texas.  I ran a computer lab.  I had to be in the lab at 8am every morning, so I'd drag myself into old Batts Hall, take the ancient elevator up to the second floor, & open my lab.  During one semester in the mid-90s, some joker with a sharpie would write, probably twice a week, the phrase "Jesus was gay" on the inside of the elevator door.  I would note it with amusement but would otherwise be unaffected by it.

Around 9:30 or so, I'd have to go downstairs to do something in my department's office.  I'd stumble into the antique elevator, & what would be on the wall?  Desperate scratching, violent crossings-out, crazy wild strokes of pen, pencil, or marker, all over the phrase "Jesus was gay."  I mean, the door probably needed repainting, but this was a strange way to suggest it!

What struck me about this odd little back-&-forth is how insecure the reaction was to a meaningless little phrase.  How in the world does it affect your faith if someone believes or says something about it that you disagree with?  I suspect most people would have shrugged the graffiti off, if they even noticed it - I imagine some eyes don't focus until they've had coffee.  But there are the others - the ones who just cannot allow what they consider insult or even blasphemy to exist.  So they deface public property in such a way that draws more attention to the provocative scribble.

Which is my way of saying, who the hell knows.  I may offend someone today, someone who thinks the word "holy" is, well, "holy."  It's not my intention.  But boy the possibility that it might has affected some of the things I might say on the air.  Expect me to be more self-censoring than is my normal practice.

Hey!  Find out how inoffensive I can be today from 4-6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & also simultaneously online at wrfl dot fm if you like to listen to the radio & the computer at
the same time.  I'll archive the show tomorrow on the show's website, of course, but it'll be in real time that I might ruffle some feathers.

It does seem to me that the thin-skinned are, in fact, covered in feathers.

Preface To The Holy Show: New Rules

The show this week is called "the holy show."  Will it be a collection of my favorite gospel tunes, especially those of old-time country & blues songs?  Or will it an ironic collection of skeptical/critical songs in the popular music idiom taking aim at religiosity?  Or will it be both?

It will be neither.  Because I am a boring dude, it'll be songs in which people use the word "holy," either in the sense of an oath ("Holy Moly!") or to describe something ("Holy Thursday").  Seriously, I am so boring.  Rereading my first paragraph, I'm like, why couldn't I have played an entire two hours of cool old gospel music?  (It might be because I've kinda already done it, for an hour at least.)  But no, it's a Self Help Radio thing.

& there are a lot of songs in which things are described as holy.  Quite a few.  So I then thought to myself: maybe I should just play songs in which the title is "Holy Blank" (where the word blank indicates another noun or whatever).  Further, what if I try to do it in alphabetical order?!?

Holy spit, I think I lost you there.  Hey, I haven't even finished listening to music for the show, I don't know how the hell it's going to come out.

As a bonus, here's a song I'll probably talk over - but it's an awesome piece of music by David Axelrod, called "Holy Thursday."  (It's based on the William Blake poem.)  Enjoy it!

Sometimes It Needs Reminding

This is Yoko.

Self Help Radio has a Tumblr page.  I don't reblog (re-tumbl?) things there, I don't do anything really that's related to the show there.  I just put my dumb photographs, like the one above of my home's newest addition, the yaptastic Yoko, on there, in batches of ten, in no coherent order, with no discernible theme, except "pictures I have taken in the last couple of months that I have gotten around to looking at on my digital camera & that I like enough to share."

Please note: I don't think of myself as a photographer, I don't think of myself as an artist, I'm just taking pictures of things I think are lovely, weird, funny, etc.  Maybe you'll enjoy looking at them too.    Maybe you'd like me to be friends/follow/whatever it is your Tumblr blog.  Follow me, I'll follow you.  Most of the time.  I don't always pay attention.

The Gary Files # 2: Gary Hart

(I found this image on the dude's Wikipedia page.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the second of a series!

Gary Hart is, according to the Wikipedia, a "diplomat, politician, lawyer, author, professor, & commentator."  He was a senator from Colorado when I was in high school, & ran for President of the United States twice, most notably in 1987 & 1988 when I was in college.  He flamed out because he got caught cheating on his wife, which was headline news for much of that year.

When did you first become aware of him?  When he was running for president the second time, in 1987, especially because people talked about him being "Kennedy-esque."  I was born after the Kennedy administration, but his presence loomed large in politics then.  I must've known he was running for president in 1984, but I don't have any memory of that.

Did you support him?  I was going to support anyone who wasn't involved in the Reagan administration.  My god, when I hear how that awful man has been deified, I have to wonder if his admirers lived in a different 1980s than I did.

Did you ever see him speak while he was running for president?  I did, actually, after his campaign was basically over.  After the scandal broke, he had suspended his campaign for most of 1987, but returned at the end of the year.  I saw him sometime early in 1988, in a room in Burdine Hall, if I recall.

Were you on the news that night?  I was!  I didn't know about it till the next day, but apparently the local news videotaped me watching him speak.

How did you find out about it?  One of my professors told me about it the next day.  He said I looked "skeptical."

Did you ever see him/think about him/etc. after he lost the nomination?  He kinda disrespected the name Gary so I didn't really know or care about him.  He was stupid - stupid like John Edwards would later be - with his indiscretions, so, you know, he kinda go what he deserved in that regard.

Is his name really Gary?  Yes, Gary Warren Hartpence.

Do you know why he was named Gary?  I can't say for sure, but he was born in 1936, the year Gary Cooper starred in Mr. Deeds Goes To Town, so that doubtless played a big part.  Many Garys were named after Gary Cooper.

Do you know what he's doing now?  It says on the Wikipedia page that he's U.S. Special Envoy for Northern Ireland.

What's that?  Like an ambassador, but lesser?

Did you know he's written five novels?  Oh good lord.

Self Help Radio 092215: Shapes

(I probably could have made this myself, but instead I modified the image I found here.)

Shapes!  They come in all sizes &, er, shapes.  Shapes are shapely, there's no doubt about that.  Some shapes are in two dimensions.  Others in three.  The fourth dimension, I think, is time.  The fifth dimension did that song about letting the sun shine in.  Is the sixth dimension where warp drive is?  I have no idea where I'm going with this.  I was talking about shapes, right?  Shapes!  How they shape our lives!  (No pun intended.)  (What do you mean, of course pun was intended!)  (Sorry.)

The truth is, I wanted you to actually care about shapes for once in your life.  Not be worried about home invasion, or whether hair can grow on your tongue, but just care about something.  & shapes are very easy to care for because everything has a shape.  Except for those things which are shapeless, which you are allowed to not care about because why would you?  Oh god, can hair really grow on your tongue?  Why would you put that image in my head?

In any event.  In any case.  At any rate.  Anyway.  Terrible segue.  Awkward transition.  The show about shapes can be listened to anytime you're a-round (good grief) over at the Self Help Radio website.  Don't be a square (please stop)!  Make sure you notice there's a username & password requirement!  They're available on the page.  The songs I played I list below in case you don't want to be surprised.  Also, polygon.

Hooray, shapes!

"The Ballad Of The Shape Of Things To Come" Blossom Dearie _Needlepoint Magic_
"The Different Shapes They Are" Lou Carter _Louie's Love Songs_
"Shape" Breakfast In Fur _Flyaway Garden_

"Shape Of Things To Come" Max Frost & The Troopers _Shape Of Things To Come_
"Shapes Of Things" David Bowie _Pin Ups_
"Give Me Shapes" Grass Widow _Past Time_
"Odyshape" The Raincoats _Odyshape_

"Everything Around Us Has A Shape" Brian Dullaghan _Have Fun Learning_
"Colors & Shapes" Nobody's Children _Mayhem & Psychosis, Vol. 1_
"Colours & Shapes" Pale Saints _Mrs. Dolphin_
"Cut-Out Shapes" Magazine _Secondhand Daylight_

"Mis-Shapes" Pulp _Different Class_
"Last Shapes Of Never" Múm _Sing Along To Songs You Don't Know_

(part two)

"Four Sides In Three Shapes" Great Plains _Length Of Growth 1981-89_
"Heart-Shaped Box" The Vichy Government _Filthy Little Angels Singles Club_
"Pull Shapes" The Pipettes _We Are The Pipettes_

"Changing Shape" Milky Wimpshake _My Funny Social Crime_
"Shapeshifter" Elephant _Sky Swimming_
"Shape We Made" Peggy Sue _Fossils & Other Phantoms_
"Shapes Of Venus" Clone Defects _Shapes Of Venus_

"All Shapes" JDSY _Ghostly Swim_
"Forms & Shapes" Sascha Funke _Camping Complilation_
"Shapes To Escape" He Said _Hail_
"Chatter Shapes" The Moodists _Two-Fisted Art_

"Shapes For Sale" Eugene Mirman _The Absurd Nightclub Comedy Of Eugene Mirman_
"The Shapes Between Us Turn Into Animals" Robyn Hitchcock _Globe Of Frogs_
"The Shape Of Dolls" Able Tasmans _Songs From The Departure Lounge_

Whither Shapes?

(I found this image, where the circle isn't looking very circular, here.)

Can I tell you what not to expect from this week's show, which is about shapes?*  Don't expect individual songs about specific shapes, like squares, circles, nonagons, etc.** (I did a show about circles ten years ago, anyway.)  No, in typical infuriating OCD Gary fashion, this is a show about shapes in general.  Songs about shapes may reference specific shapes, but they should be talking about different kinds of shapes.  You'll see!

Also:*** I'm avoiding songs today about "shape" as used in the sense of "being in shape."  I might not play a lot of songs about "shaping" things, focusing instead on the noun form.  I most probably will not play songs with colloquial or idiomatic uses of the word, like "shape up!"  Instead, it'll be all about the shapely shapes like the ones above.****

Might you want to listen?  If so, it'll be on from 4 to 6 pm today on 88.1 fm in Lexington & all over the world in all shapes & sizes at wrfl dot fm the website.  I'll archive it later over at the show's website, but who knows what shape it'll be in at that point?  Better to listen to it when its edges are sharp & its color bright!*****

Hope you listen!

* I mean, besides not expecting it to be very good.
** So many damn songs about nonagons.
*** There's more?
**** Though I'll say it again, that's not a circle up there.
***** Kill me now.

Preface To Shapes: Different Shapes & Sizes Of Radios

This super-duper website (from where I nicked the pictures above) has cool photos of radios in all shapes & sizes.  Why do I bring it up?  Because this week's show is about shapes!  Certainly you can see that the shapes that Self Help Radio can mold itself into are endless!

More details about the show tomorrow - before it airs, of course.