(Seriously, these guys are all anyone on the internet thinks about when you type in the word "guards." Original image here.)
Please enjoy this great, unaired episode of Self Help Radio. Well, at the very least it was unaired. & even that seems too generous.
A radio show about guards would be derelict in its duty if it didn't talk about security guards (there's an interview with the dean of the Security Guard School Of America), about art guards (there's an interview with one of them), & about guardian angels (a topic the show's spiritual advisor discusses & expands upon). In addition, there's a summery set of songs about lifeguards, & something weird happens to me as I am visited by an FBI agent dressed like some kind of guard. & so many songs. Why so many songs? I have a guarded opinion about that.
The show is on guard at the Self Help Radio website. Please note that, much like being stopped at a guard post before being allowed to enter, you'll need a username & a password. I wish the password was "swordfish":
But no, the username is "SHR" & the password is "selfhelp." The shows are divided in two, & what's in the two parts, including the interviews, is listed below.
(part one)
"Border Guards" The Rosebuds _Life Like_
"Changing Of The Guard" The Marquis Of Kensington _The London Look_
"Invisible Ones Guard the Gate" Orenda Fink _Invisible Ones_
"Coast Guard (feat. Holy Worm)" Drug Boyfriend _Coast Guard_
"Coastguard" The Young Knives _Junky Music Make My Heart Beat Faster_
"The Unguarded Moment" The Church _The Church_
"Mon Ange Gardien" April March _All Is Fair In Love & Chickfactor: CF Mixtape 1_
interview with art guard David Fruchter
"Art Guard" Fishboy _Art Guards_
"Standing Guard" Wastrels _Jenner Affair_
"Knocking Down Guardrails" Tina Peel _Pajama Party!_
"River Guard" Smog _Knock Knock_
a discussion about guardian spirits with the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently
"Please Don't Talk To The Lifeguard" Andrea Carroll _Meet The Carroll "Family" Girls_
"What Does A Lifeguard Do In The Fall" June August _Surf Bunnies & Hot Rod Honeys_
(part two)
"Mr Lifeguard (Come & Rescue Me)" Brenda Holloway _The Artistry Of Brenda Holloway_
"I Wanna Be A Lifeguard" Blotto _Hello! My Name Is Blotto. What's Yours?_
"Lifeguard On Duty" Morrissey _Bona Drag_
interview with Security Guard School Of American Dean CJ Buchanan
"Lonely Security Guard" Hayden _In Field & Town_
"Honor Guard" Tobin Sprout _The Universe & Me_
"Traffic Guards" Ronnie Willhoite _The Doorkeepers: A Church Leadership Development Program For Ushers_
"Hopes Up, Guard Down" The Safes _Record Heat_
"Blue Our Old Cell Block Guard" Dale Watson & His Lone Stars _People I've Known, Places I've Been_
surprise visit with FBI Agent Allen Shariaty
"Guardian Angel" Donnie & The Del Chords _Donnie & The Del Chords_
"Guardian Angel" The Children _Every Single Day_
"Guardian Angel" Smack Dab _Majestic Root_
"Guardian Angel" Human Sexual Response _Fig. 15_
"Guardian Angels" Wyldlife _The Time Has Come To Rock & Roll_
"Changing Of The Guards" Patti Smith _Twelve_
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