A Trip To Fort Wayne

(Picture from the city's Wikipedia page.)

The wife & I drove to Fort Wayne, Indiana, yesterday, because that was the closest (so far) that Bill Maher has come to Kentucky recently.  Fort Wayne is about 250 miles from Lexington, but because there's not a major highway connecting the two cities, you have to spend some portion of the drive on highways which pass through small towns, which means stop lights, varying speed limits, & the occasionally horse & buggy.  We opted, on the way, there, to follow I-75 through Ohio most of the way, & arrived in about four & a half hours.

A friend at WRFL, who is from Indiana, told me the place was a "shithole."  My wife, who has not-very-fond memories of living in West Virginia, decided the place reminded her of Huntington.  (Huntington, however, is about an eighth smaller than Fort Wayne, & doesn't have anything resembling a skyline.)  I kept an open mind.  We were going to be there for less than a day; why have preconceived notions that color your short stay?

Complicating matters somewhat was that our youngest beagle, Pauline, who wants to be friends with everything, which means wanting to play with everything, which has resulted in the deaths of things too small to play with (birds, chipmunks) & sometimes mean reactions from things of the same size & even species who didn't want to playing with her (cats, unfriendly dogs), tried to make friends with a skunk on Friday night, which ended as you might expect, & though the wife did her best to de-stink her, we drove the long drive with a lingering skunky smell in the car.  A skunky smell will, in small doses, cause a skunky smell headache, which got to me a little as I drove the last leg there.

But!  Fort Wayne has an awesome vegan restaurant called Loving Cafe which was packed when we visited, & we know why: the food was great.  It broke my heart to think I might never visit there again - when will I find another reason to visit Fort Wayne?  It took nearly forty-eight years & the eccentricities of Bill Maher's schedule to bring me there in the first place!

The weather was chilly but good & though parking was a bitch, we got to the Embassy to see the man himself, & were sandwiched in-between two older couples who, I confess, I would've taken for more conservative on first glance.  (The city has a Democratic mayor, but its City Council & state representatives are overwhelmingly Republican.)  Maher himself joked that perhaps all the liberals in the city were there that night.  He was great, he talked/told jokes/was himself for ninety minutes, & we went back to the hotel, where our pups were waiting, & we were lucky the place let us open the window to the room, because it was a little skunky in there.  (Our apologies to the nice people who had to clean the place.)

After we woke this morning, we walked the dogs through Headwaters Park in the downtown area.  We went to a nice bakery for lunch & I begged the wife to let me drive the longer drive (by around an hour) through rural Indiana, basically running parallel to I-75 on the Indiana side, & driving through such notable small towns as Decatur, Berne, Portland, & Richmond, before stepping over into Ohio through Oxford, & finally down to Cincinnati to pick up good vegan pizza at a place called Mac's, & heading home.

When I lived in Austin, & had to visit the family in Dallas, I would often drive the longer drive through Texas east or west of I-35 just to see more (& also not to drive on dangerous I-35), but eventually I knew it would be faster to just risk my life on that eighteen-wheeler-clogged artery because I knew I'd get there in roughly three hours.  But you see so much of the world by taking a little bit of time - we did in fact see a horse & buggy on the road, as well as driving slowly through Levi Coffin Days in Richmond, & seeing a surprising number of Confederate flags flying from Indiana porches.  (They do know, don't they, which side Indiana fought on during that war?  Here's a hint: the winning side.)

Such a nice little trip we took.  I liked Fort Wayne.  I wish Lexington had a vegan or vegetarian restaurant.  Don't the city's daring restauranteurs know that anyone can eat vegan food?  My wife mentioned while we were at the Loving Cafe that we might be the only actual vegans eating there at that moment!  Let's hope Fort Wayne gives me another excuse one day to visit the town that - contrary to what my friend at RFL said - was a nice little urban area.

The Gary Files # 1: Gary Oldman

(I found this picture here.)

An explanation: Since the name Gary is going extinct, I thought it incumbent upon me to celebrate more notable Garys than myself.  This is the first of a series!

Gary Oldman is an English actor who's just ten years older than I am, & you read all about him here.  I'll ask myself questions & answer them about him.

When did you first see him?  When he starred in Sid & Nancy, which, even though I know the film is pretty fact-free, I still enjoy thanks to his performance.

Do you have a favorite performance of his?  I liked a lot of his early film performances, especially as Sid Vicious & Joe Orton.  I think he made a great Commissioner Gordon.

But you don't like all the villains he's played?  It's fun to watch him do over-the-top stuff, like in The Professional & Air Force One, but I always imagined he'd be less a box office star & more of a cinema artiste in the vein of Montgomery Clift.

Why do you think that eluded him?  It's arguable that it did, but if it did, maybe it's because he's not traditionally handsome.

He's not?  He's decent I suppose, but also kind of funny-looking.  That may be an asset, since he changes himself to get into roles - he kinda really looked like Lee Harvey Oswald in JFK.

Did you ever see Nil By Mouth, the only film (so far) he's written & directed?  No, it seemed pretty bleak.

Is his name really Gary?  Yes, Gary Leonard Oldman.

Do you know why he was named Gary?  I don't.  I think the name used to be more popular in the UK.  I once met a Scottish drummer whose name was Gary, although he said it in such a way that I didn't understand we had the same name for the first few seconds we talked.

Does it bother you that he might be a little right-wing leaning?  It doesn't, but it might not be true.  As this weird web page suggests, he's not really made his political views known.

Do you have anything else to say about Gary Oldman?  Not really, although one day (& soon), I think I'll be an Old Man Gary myself.

Self Help Radio 091515: Deserve

(Original image here.)

Do people get what they deserve?  Do you deserve happiness?  What did you do to deserve your fate?  Make no mistake, these questions, & related others, are not answered on this week's Self Help Radio. But we're hoping you give us credit for at least asking them.

So many things happened on this show!  I interviewed a fellow who is starting a new awards show, the Deservies!  I also interviewed a self-help (how appropriate) guru who has a personal enrichment program called "You Deserve It!"  Plus, my spiritual mentor, the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently called!  All this & the deserve-oriented songs you see listed below.  Maybe you do get what you deserve!  If, you know, my dumb radio show is what you deserve.

The show is now where you can listen to it any time at all at the Self Help Radio web site.  You know there's a username (SHR) & password (selfhelp) required to listen, right?  All right then!  Please enjoy.

Especially since you know I don't deserve you!

(part one)

"One Good Turn Deserves Another" Don Grady _One Good Turn Deserves Another_
"You Deserve What You Got" Eddie Holland _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 2: 1962_
"Deserve" The Wolfgang Press _The Legendary Wolfgang Press & Other Tall Stories_

"I Deserve It" Samantha Jones _Girls On 45: A Collection Of Girl Groups, Girlie Pop, & Soulful Ladies 1963-1968_
"You Deserve More Than A Maybe" St. Christopher _Air Balloon Road_
"Get What They Deserve" Close Lobsters _Forever Until Victory: The Singles Collection_
"You Don't Deserve Yourself" Andrew Jackson Jihad _Can't Maintain_

"So Little Deserve" Heavenly _So Little Deserve_
"She Don't Deserve You" The Honeybees _Growin' Up Too Fast: The Girl Group Anthology_
"Do I Deserve It Baby" Barbara Lewis _The Many Grooves Of Barbara Lewis_
"You Get What You Deserve" The Siddeleys _Slum Clearance_

"You Deserve" Peggy Lee _All Aglow Again!_
"What Have I Done To Deserve This" Pet Shop Boys feat. Dusty Springfield _Simply... Dusty_

(part two)

"I Don't Deserve It" Proto Idiot _Andrew Anderson_
"We Have Only What We Deserve" Billy Childish _Hunger At The Moon_
"Deserve" Trembling Blue Stars _Lips That Taste Of Tears_

"You Deserve Each Other" Robert Mitchum _That Man, Robert Mitchum, Sings_
"What Did I Ever Do To Deserve Such A Fate" The Music Explosion _Little Bit O' Soul: The Best Of The Music Explosion_
"What Did I Do To Deserve You?" Joey Ramone _...Ya Know?_
"I Don't Deserve A Boy Like You" The Chiffons _Sweet Talkin' Girls: The Best Of The Chiffons_

"You Get What You Deserve" Big Star _Radio City_
"People Don't Get What They Deserve" Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings _Give The People What They Want_
"Nothing Less Than You Deserve" Fat Tulips _Starfish_
"I Don't Deserve You" The Gitanes _Strange Girl_

"He Didn't Deserve You" They Go Boom!! _Atlantic_
"Undeserved Disgrace" Mondial _Labrador 100: A Complete History Of Popular Music_

Whither Deserve?

(Apparently this was a game show.  I found the image here.)

Oh no, it's another one of those shows the theme of which is a verb!  Why does Gary do that?  Does he think we deserve that sort of thing?  & why is he talking about himself in the third person?  Does that make it easier to distance himself from an uncomfortably weird theme?

Seriously, why can't I do a show about nouns like crickets, crucibles, or crockery?  It's because sometimes I get caught up in things I'm listening to.  Like, a while back, I was listening to Big Star's Radio City.  There's a song on there called "You Get What You Deserve."  Do I believe that?  I don't know - I'm almost certain that many people who live in fear, poverty, deprivation, & want don't deserve it, just as I'm completely certain that most people born into privilege do not deserve all they have.  I then happened (in a manner of minutes) to listen to the Sharon Jones' song "People Don't Get What They Deserve," & that's when I thought, "I smell a theme!"

We can argue about who deserves what if you want but let's instead focus on the fact that there's a lot of songs about deserving or not deserving on this week's Self Help Radio, which airs from 4 to 6 pm on WRFL in Lexington (that's at 88.1 fm) & also simultaneously online at wrfl dot fm.  You'll hear both the songs I mentioned about plus many more as well as an interview with self-help guru David Fruchter (the "you deserve it" guy) & an interview with a man named CJ Buchanan, who has just created a new awards show, the Deservies.

If you think you don't deserve to miss this, don't worry!  I'll archive it tomorrow on self help radio dot net.

Look, I know I don't deserve your listening, but I hope you'll do so all the same.

Preface To Deserve: Look At These!

It's the day before I do Self Help Radio & I am hard at work half-heartedly working on my show, so do you mind if share a neat web site I stumbled on while avoiding editing stuff?  This is a collection of "acquaintance cards" from the 19th century.  Like this one:

You can find lots of them - & find out what exactly an "acquaintance card"is - here.

Let's bring these back!  & not ironically!  If it at possible.

Write-Up

The semesterly magazine of WRFL, called "Rifle," has its fall issue out, which you can find all over Lexington & online here.  In addition to a section featuring drawings of two characters from the show - Werful, the monster who lived under the station, & the Princess he/she secretly was - both beautifully rendered by my friend Suloni Robertson - Self Help Radio makes an appearance in an article about the new schedule, which I present here:

In case you don't feel like clicking to read, it says this: "Gary continues to be hilarious & largely indescribable on Self Help Radio."

Really?  Largely indescribable?  Every week I explore a different theme with music & talk.  Also, hilarious?  Maybe not me, but certainly my guests!

Still - it's nice to be thought of!

Spending The Day In The Past

(I found this image here.)

It's not near the time of my birthday, so there's no real excuse for me to be stumbling into my past, but I was talking to a friend about our old haunts in Garland, Texas, & I asked him about this place from my past.  It was a knick-knack/tchotchke store in the portion of the Ridgewood Shopping Center very close to the apartments my family lived in from around 1977 to 1982.

During the time we lived there, we knew some kids - a couple of them were teenagers, who were more friends of my sister Karin - who, like us, were quite poor, so my little brother & I emulated them in their shoplifting ways.  I can't say I stole a whole lot of things, but I got pretty good at it.  There was a "dime store" called TG&Y & across the drive from that place, was the weird knick-knack store.  You can read more about TG&Y here; its demise is a little sad.  I think the store I visited had closed before the chain itself disappeared, but I can't be sure, because it had been four years since I lived near the Ridgewood Shopping Center.

The tchotchke place seemed very fancy to me.  It smelled of odd fragrances inside, & every shelf seemed to have a soft lining, & the little things - carved ceramics, figurines, etc. - had their prices hand-written on little tags usually on their bottoms.  Thinking about it now, I realize that it's the same smell you associate with hobby places like Michaels or Jo-Ann's or that hateful & intolerant place - what's it called, Lobby Lobby? - that smell from ceramics & metals.  Except at this place, it was crammed into a small, not terribly lit place.  Oh, & the people there watched me like a hawk, with good reason - I probably wanted to steal something.  Just to have it, you know?

There was a grocery store called Minyards on the same side as the knick-knack shop, & it existed until the end of the late 1990s, because I remember going there during my third year of college & seeing someone I hadn't seen since middle school.  That, by the way, never happens anymore - I haven't run into anyone I knew from high school in two decades or more.  Not in my home town, not really anywhere.

In any event - I know this information is only of interest to me, & I apologize for that - the most interesting thing about TG&Y is something I've just discovered, which is this: the former employees have a web site & a Facebook page where they reconnect with each other, & share information about possible retirement benefits.

Where I am going with this - what I asked my friend - is what the hell was the name of the shop that existed across from the TG&Y?  Here's a picture from Google maps of what the old place looks like now-ish:

TG&Y would be the building on the right, the knick-knack place would be the first shop on the left.  The place looks so nondescript now, but the pillars that line the left side used to have this pebble-y covering that was attractive & also painful if you ran into it.  It was probably too hard to maintain - I guess pulled off the pebbly thing & painted the pillars.

In my lame "research" - you know, just trying to find stuff with Google - I found a forum where I asked if anyone remembered the place's name.  & then - just a few minutes ago - in the shower - my brain told me this name: "The Gift Shoppe."

There's no real way to know if that's what it was actually called, but in my mind I can see the sign hanging by the door, I can almost make out the font.  It feels right.  It feels like there's a place called "The Gift Shoppe," where I never could ever afford to buy a gift.  & wouldn't even know anyone who would want a gift from there.

Was that really its name?  I don't know.  I think so.  I did spend the whole day trying to find out!

Self Help Radio 090815: Ambition

(Original image here.)

It certainly didn't feel ambitious to do a radio show about ambition.  Although I am proud that the first fifteen songs I played were all called "Ambition."  & one of those was a request!

The show went tolerably well despite how terrible I do in it.  Much of that is because of the great interviews I had: CJ Buchanan, talking about his new book, "The Death Of Ambition"; Mark Miller, talking about ambition in Hollywood; & the Reverend Dr. Howard Gently, giving us spiritual wisdom about ambition.  As I said on the air, it's good to have them around, because it means less of me on the show.

& the show is now available for your listening - pleasure? could it be? - at the Self Help Radio website.  As always, please pay attention to password/username information at the top of the page.  What I played is below.

So much for ambition!

(part one)

"Ambition" The Subway Sect _Twenty Odd Years: The Story Of Vic Godard & The Subway Sect_
"Ambition" Iggy Pop _Soldier_
"Ambition" TV21 _Ambition_

"Ambition" UK Subs _Endangered Species_
"Ambition" The Lonely Hearts _Ambition 7"_
"Ambition" Dalek I Love You _Dalek I Love You_
"Ambition" Robert Marlow _The Peter Pan Effect_

"Ambition" New Model Army _No Rest For The Wicked_
"Ambition" The Knack _Zoom_
"Ambition" John Vanderslice _Mass Suicide Occult Figurines_

"Ambition" Graduate _Acting My Age_
"Ambition" Velvet Elvis _Velvet Elvis_

(part two)

"Ambition" Smog _Supper_
"Ambition" Blue Skies For Black Hearts _Serenades & Hand Grenades_
"Ambition" We Are Scientists _Barbara_

"Man With Ambition" Denzil Dennis _Early Dayz_
"Good Ambition" The Ethiopians _Everything Crash_
"Aim & Ambition" Jimmy Cliff _Hard Road To Travel_
"My Ambition" Marcia Griffiths _Truly_

"Ambitious" Wire _The Ideal Copy_
"Ambitions" Liechtenstein _Fast Forward_
"My Life's Ambition" Groovey Joe Poovey _Greatest Grooves_
"Slave Of My Ambition" Malaria _Emotion_

"Great Expectations" The Ghost Of A Saber Tooth Tiger _Midnight Sun_

Whither Ambition?

(Original image found here.)

This is true: I am probably the least ambitious person you'll ever meet.  Sure, I put a lot of work into my radio show, not that you could tell, but I don't know that if I knew how to make it really great, if I could actually do it.  Because I have spent my life doing the bare minimum required of me to make or do something passable.  A striver for excellence I ain't.

For example: I usually wrote my college papers the night before they were due.  In fact, in the days before most people had computers, I would often ask my professors if it were all right if I turned papers in hand-written.  I remember one class - it must have been an existentialist lit class - where I wrote a paper on my bedroom floor on my stomach in pen about two hours before class.  It was for a book a really love, Jean-Paul Sartre's Nausea, & I had a lot to say about it, but still.

You might say, well, you know you could get away with it.  But that's completely wrong - I've never had the confidence that I could in fact get things done in time.  I even told one professor I should take an incomplete instead of writing a paper, but she talked me off the ledge & let me turn that final report in a bit later.

Anyway, I could've gone to grad school, I suppose.  But I stuck with the easiest job I could find after college.  & at one period of time, I thought I might write, but it turned out I liked being ridiculous on the radio even better.  It was certainly less work - it was in fact easy, sharing music with people.  If in fact my radio shows sound as shabby as I believe they do, it's because the whole process feels easy to me.  Perhaps I should try harder.  I wonder what that would feel like.

In any event - today I unambitiously present a show about ambition.  It's on from four to six pm (4-6pm) on eighty-eight point one fm (88.1 fm) WRFL in Lexington proper.  All over the world improper it's online at wrfl.fm.  I have lots of guests today - I guess that's ambitious - & the first hour or so will be entirely filled with songs called "Ambition."

Don't worry, I didn't work that hard on it.  If you can't listen, I'll archive it tomorrow on the show's web site.

By the way, it's annoying to me that we still say "man" or "mankind" to mean the entire human race.  When I see a quote like the one above, my first thought is, "& what did Marcus Aurelius think a woman's worth was?"  (Well, chances are he didn't think of women at all.)  Would it be so bad to retroactively change quotes like that to "A person's worth..." or "A human's worth..."?  It's translated from the Latin anyway.

Here's an ambitious thought: just as I think I'll be old & die in a world in which same-sex marriage is no big deal to the vast majority of us, I hope I'll be old & die in a world where people stop saying "man" & "mankind" & instead say "human" & "humankind" or "humanity."  That way, even though every day will be over 120 degrees, & most of the great coastal cities will be underwater, I'll at least be glad that as the human race is dying out, we aren't as homophobic & sexist as we were when I was a kid.

Preface To Ambition: Ambitious Inspiration

There are two songs that I was listening to recently that made me think, Hey, I should do a radio show about ambition.  (I've already shared this on my Facebook page today.  Sorry for the repeat.)  (I'm going to post this to my Twitter page too.  It's the lame way I try to be relevant on social media.)

Here's the first one, a legendary single by Subway Sect:



& the other, from the mid-80s version of Wire:



This is normally what I talk about on the day of my show, but I thought I'd share today.  Great songs - maybe a great show?

Belabor Day

Do you remember where you were at when you learned what certain words meant?  Is that a weird questions to ask?  I used to be one of those kids who had a dictionary by the side of the bed - because I read in bed - & I would look words up I didn't understand.  Not that I always remember the meanings.  I always have to look up "feckless" (I note this ironically) & also "jejune," for example (another word that may painfully describe me), since for some reason I can't keep them in my head.  Two words that I used to have a problem with - "atavistic" & "quotidian" - I am now comfortable with.  So there's hope for me yet!

Nowadays of course I just look them up on my computer or phone (which is a computer, isn't it).  But that wasn't the question I asked.  Do you remember the moment when you learned what a particular word meant?  There are some words that I remember exactly when I learned what they meant.

To qualify my previous statement: I don't know an exact date or time, but I do know an exact scenario, usually involving a book, or comic book, or newspaper, or magazine.

One of those words is "belabor."  It's most often used in the phrase "to belabor the point."  I might be accuse of belaboring many points in this blog.  Belabor means to argue or go on about something in too much detail.  Belaboring a point is basically talking something to death.

It must have been in the late seventies because I was skimming a magazine (Time? Newsweek? People? Hustler?) at my mom's convenience store, & they were complaining about the President - who was Carter - belaboring a point about his foreign policy, most probably with Iran.  My initial thought was that he was working hard to make the point - he was "laboring" to make the point, although I didn't know what the "be-" prefix might point to.  Some hours after that, on the news, they used the same phrase: "belaboring the point."  It didn't seem like a positive statement in context.  It started to drive me crazy.

So I looked it up.  & I learned what it meant.  That very day.

& you - do you have memories of discovering word meanings in a specific matter?  Maybe you should think about them on this Belabor Day.

One Thing Is Clear: Backmasking In Secular Rock Music Is Always Negative

This is so much fun.  When I was a kid, I discovered "backmasking" - it was because of a list in a book that had "proof" that Paul McCartney was dead, that the other Beatles left "clues" in songs & in album designs to tell the world about it.  (In case you've never heard this, you can read about it here & here.)  I was completely floored by the backwards segue from "I'm So Tired" to "Blackbird" which seemed to have John Lennon say, "Paul is dead, miss him, miss him."  & then of course, "number nine" backwards is "turn me on, dead man"!  Truth be told, I was a little freaked out by it all.  I took the book - it was called "The Book Of Rock Lists" - & hid it downstairs for a while, afraid it had some kind of weird dark magic.

(When I was a kid, I dearly wanted to believe in magic.  Have I told you my astral projection story?  Remind me to tell you my astral projection story one day.)

It was only later when I found out that some fundamentalist Christians were freaking out about backmasking as somehow the work of satanic forces, which didn't affect me as much because I wasn't really raised Christian, didn't really believe necessarily in Christian mythology, & by that point I was pretty disillusioned by most supernatural stuff.  The Christian trappings made it seem even more unlikely to me.

Besides, if the messages played backwards were so obvious, why did the person presenting the messages have to tell you what you were supposed to hear before they played it?  It's because they needed you to expect to hear what they told you to hear.  Mostly it's just paranoid nonsense used to justify a social agenda.

That doesn't mean it's not fun to listen to!  I found this website which has one of these tapes, the tape booklet of which is above.  The straight face with which this is presented makes it the more ridiculous.  But except for the boring witnessing at the end, the "26 Amazing Examples Of Backward Messages In Rock Music" is pretty entertaining.  Black Oak Arkansas has never felt so relevant!

Self Help Radio 090115: Failure

(Original image here.)

It's only natural a show like Self Help Radio would celebrate failure.  After all, many self-help websites (I know, I read a lot of them this past week) encourage people to learn from their failures, to pick themselves up & dust themselves off, & of course to try, try again.  They consider failure to be a stepping stone - a setback - a speedbump on the road of life.

Only sometimes failure isn't that.  Sometimes - more times than we perhaps know - it's the thing that happens right before the end.  & sometimes - more times than we doubtless know - the end takes a long time.  I'm just saying.  We hear about & applaud those who fail & recover & go on to bigger things.  We hear less about those who fail & never make it out of that failure.

That got depressing fast.  Whew.  Can I just say that today's show, while certainly not a success, wasn't quite the failure I hoped it would be?  I think it helped that there was good music, a sort-of interview with internet sensation Mr. Failure, a report from Marge Most at the Museum Of Failure, & a special "word of encouragement" from the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently.  I tried to keep my head down.

The show can be listened to (unless I failed to upload it properly) at the Self Help Radio website.  If you fail to look at the page, you might not notice there's a username/password combo you'll need to listen to shows.  & what songs you will hear are listed below.

Don't fail to listen!

(part one)

"The Will To Fail" Katie Lee _Songs Of Couch & Consultation_
"Love Will Make You Fail In School" Mickey & Sylvia _Love Is Strange_
"He Hasn't Failed Me Yet" Wendy Rene _You Thrill My Soul: Early Stax Females & Girl Groups_

"I'll Never Fail You" Billie Holiday _The Essential Brunswick Recordings_
"Don't Make Me Fail" The Creary Sisters _Man From Galilee: Tabernacle Studio One_
"There's One Thing That Beats Failing" Bobby Womack _The Very Best Of Bobby Womack 1968-1975_
"Nothing Beats A Failure (But A Try)" The Natural Four _Night Chaser_

"Failures" Joy Division _Heart & Soul_
"Capital (It Fails Us Now)" Gang Of Four _A Brief History Of The 20th Century_
"Rudie Can't Fail" The Clash _London Calling_
"Jeane" The Smiths _This Charming Man_

"Failing In Love" The Waltones _You've Gotta Hand It To 'Em: The Very Best Of The Waltones_
"My Failure's Success" Brighter _Heol_

(part two)

"You Love To Fail" The Magnetic Fields _Distant Plastic Trees_
"Other People's Failure" John Wesley Harding _John Wesley Harding's New Deal_
"I'm So Happy You Failed" Laptop _Opening Credits_

"Failure" My Robot Friend _Soft-Core_
"Failure" A Sunny Day In Glasgow _Ashes Grammar_
"Failure" Kings Of Convenience _Quiet Is The New Loud_
"Failure" Fragile _Popular World_

"Failure" P:ano _The Den_
"Failure" Juliana Hatfield _There's Always Another Girl_
"The King Of Failed" From Bubblegum To Sky _A Soft Kill_
"Holy Failure" Certain General _Invisible New York_

"The Bar Is Too Low To Fail" BOAT _50 Sweaty BOAT Fans Can't Be Wrong_
"Mission Failed" San Cisco _San Cisco_

Whither Failure?

(I found this here.)

Why a Self Help Radio show about failure?  Are you kidding?  Have you ever met a radio show with such low self-esteem?  All right then.  Why are you so surprised?

Personally I don't think of life as a game or a contest you can win, though I am fond of how comedian Marc Maron describes certain people with the phrase "he or she won life."  I don't think I've in any respect "won" life (Maron used the phrase to describe Iggy Pop, I think), but I also hope that I haven't gotten to the point where the determination can be made that I have failed life.  Give me a couple more years, please!

Hey!  The show is on today from 4 to 6 pm (like usual) on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online at wrfl dot fm.  If you fail to listen today, I'll archive it tomorrow.  If you fail to listen after that, I'll adopt my best Donald Trump voice & say, "Oh well!  It doesn't matter.  He/she is a failure!"

But I hope it doesn't come to that!

Preface To Failure: The Failure That Is Me

The show - Self Help Radio - was not yet two years old when I got one of the first "criticisms" of it by a listener.  I don't remember her name, I just recall she called & said she had noticed that the show tended to be more "negative" than positive.  She remembered a show I did called "the broken show" where I played songs & talked about being broken.  She mentioned a show about war, about being lost, about being stupid.  It occurred to me at the time that maybe she had actually heard only four shows.*  But there is no denying it: I am a negative person.

When my sister died a couple of months ago, those in my family who are reflective tried to paint a picture of her that was more complete than the moments we spent with her, especially those last moments.  It became very clear to me, at least, that somewhere along the line both she & I had inherited, if not from our mother's behavior, something genetic which made us the blackest of pessimists.  As my nephew, her son, said, "I didn't realize how strong the Dickerson** was in her."

In addition to our bleak outlook on life - we "expect the worst" - apparently we're a bunch of quitters.  Honestly, I thought it was just me.  I have quit a lot of things in my life - I have found catharsis in quitting - but those who see things through obviously disdain even the best intentions for bailing.  I don't know enough about my brothers to know exactly what that means, unless it's about quitting work - except for my little brother, who goes to church, I don't know about any of my siblings having hobbies outside of televised sports.  I should also ask my nephew what his mother quit that he remembers.

In any event, there is reason to believe I'm something of a failure.  I went to college with the intention of becoming a teacher, but that obviously didn't happen.  The "career"*** I had for twenty years is not something I want to return to.  The thing I've loved most is a thing I will never ever get paid for, which is the radio.  Crazy, right?

Do you know those lists of so-called "famous failures" which is designed to make you realize that many successful people fail a lot before they succeed?  I know, it's all about inspiring people.  But I wish I could find a list of failures that never ever succeeded, never got out of the hole they found themselves in.  I can't - they're unmemorable.  Although I have an idea
for something to talk about on the show...

Where was I?  Oh, I was just thinking of whether I am actually a failure.  I confess I don't even know what I'd do if I could somehow find success.  Which reminds me of the sad Woodentops line from "Last Time": "I found success in the Eden that we made."  Maybe my wonderful life with a wonderful woman & eight infuriatingly wonderful animals makes me a few notches above a failure.

Nah.  The Dickerson is too strong in me.

* Actually, someone called me a few months ago on WRFL & mentioned that he liked my show, but that he had only heard it "about four times."  So perhaps four times is the average saturation point.

** That's my last name, my sister's maiden name.

*** The job I had after college that I stumbled into.

History Section

Sometimes when I'm in a bookstore I stand in the Self-Help section to see if I feel a sense of belonging.  There are Glenn Beck books in the Self-Help section.  That was weird to see.  I guess narcissism is a kind of self-help program, sure.

Today though I was looking for a book about the Middle Ages.  I was at a store whose name suggests that they sell books for half their cover price, although that's not always true.  It's like so-called "dollar stores."  Lots of things there cost much more than a dollar.  But I suppose you could have a store called "Chicken Express" & only sell candles & most people wouldn't bat an eyelid.

As I was saying, something about the Middle Ages.  It's a minor interest of mine.  I am reading a book now about popes.  I wanted some background & most of the articles on Wikipedia about the subject are kind of terrible.  Not really readable.  I wanted something by a person who could actually write.  A writer.  A historian.

Standing therefore was I in the small history section when the fellow who had been standing behind me said to me, "I guess they're all kinda mixed-up, hunh?"

Sensing he wasn't sure how the shelves were organized, I showed him the little flags which indicated the areas about which the books were supposed to be.  Little areas for "England," "Germany," "Eastern Europe," etc.

He said, "I was looking for a book about Scandinavian history."

Suddenly I felt like he thought I was an employee, but I did scan the area where European countries were represented & couldn't find a section about Denmark or Sweden or Finland or Norway.

"Yeah," I said, "there seems to be sections for a lot of countries, like this giant section for Russia, but it seems that the northern European countries got short-shift."

"Got what?" he said.

"Short-shrift," I said.  "Treated poorly, neglected," I added.

"I like that!" he said.

Guess he found something in that section after all.  He's lucky I hadn't yet read about the origin of the phrase.  It was first written down by Shakespeare!  He would've gotten an earful from me.

Spent The Day In Versailles, Kentucky

It's pronounced "ver-sails," not "ver-sigh," like those hipster French people say.

My camera was at the ready, snapping things I thought were interesting.  At one point, a tween or maybe she was a teenager already saw me take a picture of something & she said, "Are you not from here?"  I fibbed a little - I didn't want a lecture from a smarty-pants denizen - & said, "I'm from a town over.  But I like taking pictures."  That seemed to satisfy her.

Pictures!  Eventually ones I like will make their way to my stupid Tumblr site.  But it takes a while for me to sort through them.

There was a bonfire, though.  I hope those pictures come out.

Self Help Radio 082515: Indiepop A To Z # 48

(I got most of the images of album/CD covers from discogs dot com.)

Here it is: episode 48 in the series called "Indiepop A To Z," from King Midas to Kristallin.  Can I tell you?  I am four songs away from finishing the letter K.  Isn't that crazy?  Four damn songs!  It's annoying.  But.  I'll be back at the end of the year to finish the letter K & start the letter L.  This dumb series is not going to go anywhere.

Oh but this may interest you: of the twenty-seven songs featured of this week's show, 8 come from artists in the United States, 7 come from England, 3 come from Germany, Sweden & Norway have two apiece, & there are ones from Scotland, Greece, New Zealand, the Netherlands, & Canada.  That's some globe-trotting right there!  I don't think this is atypical of indiepop, by the way - I just think it's the first time I've tallied it up.

The show can be enjoyed now at the Self Help Radio website.  The playlist is below.  Pay attention to password info on the site!

& as always, thanks for listening.

(part one)

"From The Pipeline" King Midas _From The Pipeline_
"A Picture Of Dorian Gray" The King Of Luxembourg _Royal Bastard_
"I Don't Know What I Can Save You From" Kings Of Convenience _Quiet Is The New Loud_

"The Village Green Preservation Society" The Kinks _The Kinks Are The Village Green Preservation Society_
"Mod Boy" The Kirby Grips _Bored, Lonely, & A Little Pissed Off: A KALX Radio Compilation_
"Nilsson" James Kirk _You Can Make It If You Boogie_
"Total Hangover" Kissamatic Lovebubbles _Picnic Basket (A Shelflife International Pop Compilation)_
"Sad City" Kissing Book _Lines & Color_

"A Day Like This" The Kissing Time _Baby I'm Yours_
"Boy Meets Girl" Kisswhistle _Steady As She Goes_
"How To Break This" Kit _Unshakeable Faith_
"Polaroids" Kitchens Of Distinction _Strange Free World_
"Brittle" Kitten Factor _Popular World_

(part two)

"How Long Can This Go On?" Kitty Craft _Catskills_
"Deep Sea" Kittywinder _Livre Des Monstres_
"I Was A Janitor" Klas _To Sleep & Love_
"Never Underestimate The Ignorance Of The Rich" Klaxon 5 _Bellissimo! Él Singles Part One_
"Why I Write Such Good Songs" Kleenex Girl Wonder _Why I Write Such Good Songs_

"Hot Winter Rain (Demo Version)" Knabenkraut _Seven Fantastic Cats 7"_
"Idiot Wizards" Knight School _Revenger_
"The Joy Of Sex" Chris Knox _Yes!!_
"Frantic Romantic" Kobus Gaat Naar Appelscha _Frantic Romantic_
"B.L.O.S.S.O.M." Komeda _The Powerpuff Girls: Heroes & Villains_

"I Beg Your Pardon (I Never Promised You A Rose Garden)" Kon Kan _Move To Move_
"Was It You?" Kosmonaut _The Matinée Summer Splash!_
"Pocket Calculator" Kraftwerk _Computer World_
"The Legendary Bang" Kristallin _Review III (Marsh-Marigold)_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 48?

Because indiepop is so twee, here's a picture of a cute cat, which I got from here.

Look, I know it's a little weird that every four months the show deviates from the whole "here's an arbitrary theme" format & features songs in alphabetical order about a genre of music that most anyone listening knows almost nothing about.  "Indiepop" as a genre has never really been a force in music, & it has happened that now people use the word "indiepop" to mean "pop music made by independent musicians," which means anyone trying to sound like Katy Cyrus who hasn't made it big yet is an "indiepop" musician.  That's not really true, but indiepop itself isn't really fighting back, so what the hell.  It can mean what you want it to mean.  What it means for me is bands like the website twee dot net feature.  I use that list as a skeleton for my own show, where I add bands that have influenced or have been influenced by indiepop.  My list is a lot longer than theirs, which is probably why I'll never finish the series.

Hey, I'll understand if this is not your thing.  But I might finish the letter K today!  (I won't finish the letter K today.)  It might feel like a milestone to have covered hundreds of bands from the first eleven letters of the alphabet in forty-eight shows!  (But it won't, because I won't finish the letter K today.)

It's on from 4 to 6pm today on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexingtown, & online at wrfl dot fm.  I'll archive it tomorrow on the Self Help Radio website, where, by the way, you can listen to almost all the previous installments, what? Yeah! Maybe you'd find them easier on this table of contents page which indicates that I've been doing this for ten years.  Ten years!  That's insane.

Maybe you'll listen today though?

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 48: What Has Not Yet Been Said

It has been a relaxing week at Self Help Radio HQ, since I've just been listening to songs by bands in alphabetical order that I already know & like, & then deciding which ones to play on the radio.  I do this (never-going-to-be-finished) indiepop a to z project every four months, give or take, & I am required (by me, mostly) to write something about it, & there's very little I haven't said.

Perhaps the saddest thing, to me, is that it's a kind of sound that seems to be on the wane.  Saying that, I am already aware that I might just not be looking for it as diligently as I used to, or that the stuff that my radio station gets (which I try to keep up with) is from bigger labels, so the indiepop that makes it through is the exception, not the rule.  But I confess I don't even know which labels I should be watching these days.  Am I asking for help?  Maybe!

My bad.  I just went to a couple of labels' sites & saw there was tons of stuff I could be looking at/listening to/buying.  Of course I haven't listened to it, I was just looking - what if the stuff on these labels has changed?  These small labels are run by people, not corporations, & sometimes peoples' tastes change.  So why can't a person running a label decide they want to change from indiepop to electronica?  Not such a stretch.

Most tragic to me is when labels had a personality - I'm thinking of some from the 1980s, mainly - & then they got bought up by a corporation & just start releasing stuff to make money.  Some diversify, & that dilutes the sound; others just plain sell out.  I'm not mentioning specific labels here because of two reasons: a) I may be talking out of my ass (see above); & 2) I don't want to start an argument.  Everything on the internet is about taking sides, & I'm a terrible partisan.

What to talk about, when I talk about indiepop now?  I wish I knew!

He's Embarrassed Enough As It is

My wife was talking to our dogs about whether she should wear pants on our nightly dog walk.  She decided that the dogs are embarrassed enough about her & me as it is.  & not just about us - about each other.  She listed a few things the dogs are probably embarrassed about when it comes to walking with each other.

Personally, I just hope we get home in time to watch Fear The Walking Dead.

The show is being taped - or DVRed, as is the case now - but I kinda like watching television shows in real time.  (Especially the show Real Time.)  So I'll see it anyway.  But still.

Oh shit - this is the sort of thing I do that my dogs are embarrassed about!

Occasionally, I Tweet

It's true, Self Help Radio has a Twitter account.  I'm honestly not sure why.  I don't know if any radio show "live tweets" what they play - unless they're a commercial radio station whose playlist is determined by a committee or a programming manager weeks in advance - but that's mainly what I use the account for.  I don't think I'm funny or clever enough to throw out witty observations or one-liners.  & I'm not sixteen, so I'm not going to use it as little confessional snippets of what I'm up to at the moment, where I'm at, pictures of my food.  (Or is that Instagram I'm thinking of?  Anyway, I draw the line at more than four social media sites to keep up with.)

Here's an example of me trying to be funny on the Twitter, from today:

It's not all that funny, I know, but it does reflect a weird obsession I have with the story of the hack.  Yes, there's the great fun with hypocrites being outed, but I'm more fascinated by the fact that people not only feel the need to cheat but that they feel safe cheating in such a way.  I won't let third party apps have access to my Facebook account!

Whatever, I was just going to say, if you're on Twitter, & you like the show, you can "follow" it (I hate that term) (it makes me feel like I'm trying to rally troops) by going to the SHR Twitter page.  It'd be nice to have you.

Self Help Radio 081815: Sand

(Original image here.)

This is true: a fellow called my show yesterday (the one I am presenting today), & said, "Are you doing a show about sand?"  I said, "Yes, yes, I am."  He said, "But why?"  & I had to laugh.  Because there's hardly ever a reason why I do a show on Self Help Radio.  No good reason, really.  I do a Valentine's Day show, a Halloween show, & a Christmas show, but very rarely does the show attach itself to an event, or anniversary, or whatever, related to the day of the show itself.  That would be even harder than to do a show about sand!

Speaking of: I think it's an okay show.  I'm on it, which brings the average down a lot, but there's also very good music (you can see the playlist below), as well as a conversation with my spiritual advisor, the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently, about the spiritual metaphors for which sand is used, & there's an interview with sand artist David M. Fruchter, & inexplicably, motel heiress Magdalena La Quinta stops by.  It was a lot of fun to do at the time, maybe it's a lot of fun to listen to.

The show is now where it ought to be, at the Self Help Radio website.  You will probably be asked for a username (it will be SHR) & a password (it will be selfhelp).  That information is on the page.  Or you can write me like some folks do, & I can tell you that way, too.

Sand! Sand everywhere! Gaah!

(part one)

"Mr. Sandman" The Puppini Sisters _Betcha Bottom Dollar_
"The Sandman" Neo Retros _Listen To Your Leader_
"Sandman's On The Rise Again" Felt _Rain Of Crystal Spires_

"Sand" Nancy Sinatra & Lee Hazlewood _Nancy & Lee_
"Sand & Sea" Frank Sinatra _The Complete Reprise Studio Recordings_
"Sand In My Shoes" Bobby Short _Saloon Singer_
"Castles In The Sand" Little Stevie Wonder _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 4: 1964_

"Cowgirl In The Sand" Neil Young _Neil Young Archives, Vol. 1: Live At Massey Hall 1971_
"Clothes Of Sand" Nick Drake _Made To Love Magic_
"Sand In My Shoes" Cair Paravel _Some Other Morning_
"Every Grain Of Sand" Bob Dylan _The Bootlegs Series 1961-1991, Vol. 3_

"Men Are Building Sand" Montage _Montage_
"A Pebble In My Sand" The Fallen Angels _Washington, D.C. Garage Band Greats!_

(part two)

"(Remember) Walking In The Sand" The Shangri-La's _The Leader Of The Pack_
"White Bikini Sand" Throwing Muses _Limbo_
"Tiny Craters In The Sand" The Wave Pictures _If You Leave It Alone_

"Sandstorm In Paradise" Cleaners From Venus _In the Golden Autumn_
"Sandstorm" All Over The Place _La-Di-Da... So Far..._
"Sandstorm" Cast _All Change_
"Shifting Sands" Armitage Shanks _Bang Crash Boom!!! A PopClub Compendium_

"Man O'Sand To Girl O'Sea" The Go-Betweens _Bellavista Terrace: The Best Of The Go-Betweens_
"The Sea & The Sand" Lloyd Cole & The Commotions _Rattlesnakes_
"Kicking Sand" The Lodger _Grown-Ups_
"The Sand That Holds The Lakes In Place" His Name Is Alive _Stars On ESP_

"Sand In My Joints" Wire _Chairs Missing_
"In The Sand (Live)" Wavves _Life Sux EP_
"Sand" The Concretes _Layourbattleaxedown_

Whither Sand?

(A closeup shot of sand from here.)

Guess what?  I can tell you exactly where I got the idea for this week's show!  It's from a song I will play today, a song you already know, that weird & wonderful Lee Hazlewood & Nancy Sinatra tune called "Sand."  Like a lot of the songs on today's show, it uses sand as a metaphor.  But I was liking it enough one afternoon that I thought, Hey, I'll do an entire show about sand.

Man, I didn't realize there were so damn many songs about sand!

Here's something you won't hear me play today: a cover of the Hazlewood/Sinatra tune.  I am in the habit of playing covers of more popular tunes, & while the tune wasn't quite what you'd call a hit - it only got to # 107 on the US charts - it's certainly aged well, & it very recognizable.  So much so that there are a few covers from the sixties, & a famous cover by Einsturzende Neubaten, & a nice cover by Howe Gelb & Lisa Germano under the name "OP8" in the 1990s, & a swell version with Holly Golightly & Billy Childish also from around that time.  For whatever reason, none of them affect me the way the original does.  I like to think of it as one of the best Leonard Cohen songs he never wrote.

So much sand!  Today on Self Help Radio from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online at wrfl dot fm.  Unlike sand, there's almost no chance the show will get in your shoes, your hair, or any unusual bodily orifices.

Preface To Sand: A Sad Sandbox Story

My childhood - at least before I started school, which is to say, first grade, which was the first grade of school I attended - was fraught with accidents.  I was a clumsy, foolhardy child.  At different times, I would drink alcohol I wasn't supposed to (thinking it was juice), I would run under teens playing basketball & get my ankle stepped on, or I would crack my head on the side of a table so hard & bloodily there's still a scar there (it's actually how I measure my receding hairline).  I don't have many memories of these events, but they were fodder for "Gary is a dumbass" stories of my youth, so the stories themselves have been implanted in my brain.

One memory I do have involves a time - certainly I wasn't more than five - when I was playing in a sandbox in the apartment complex in which we lived.  I was playing with trucks, I have a sense memory of moving a truck through the sandbox while I crawled behind it on my hands & knees - one hand, of course, maneuvering the truck.  At some point, I got a big surprise - a piece of glass, from a broken soda bottle, had been hidden under the sand.  I rammed my knee right into it.

The scar that used to be there disappeared with age, so I'm not sure whether it was my right or left knee.  I do know I screamed bloody murder & there was in fact a great deal of blood.  I was taken to the nearest hospital - probably the emergency room at Parkland Hospital - where I was seen & my knee stitched up.  How many stitches?  I couldn't see through the tears.

It's an indicator at the level of poverty in which I & my family lived that one could find broken glass hidden in a sandbox.  I'm not insinuating that someone put it there deliberately.  Rather, I think that broken glass was a commonplace.  I'm sure if I could visit back there, I'd find our apartments lousy with roaches, I'd find lots of trash & litter all around (these were the days when soda cans had pull-off lids, & they were a hazard kids learned to avoid), not to mention cigarette butts.  People in drunken frolic break glass.  Some of that glass got into a sandbox.  Some of the glass that got into a particular sandbox got into my knee.

It didn't deter me from sandboxes - there was another one at another apartment complex at which we lived that I played in all the time.  But certainly those experiences, after a certain point, made me more careful.  I didn't have any accident like that again in my childhood.

Notes On A Sunday

Sometimes it seems I'll never get used to writing on this blog on the weekend.  I'm sitting here listening to songs about sand.  There are lots of songs about sand.  There's a lot of sand.

Oh, I should point out something.  In case you're expecting something on the sand show on Tuesday: I'm not going to play any songs about quicksand.  But why not?  Quicksand!  The most interesting sand of all!*

It turns out that I did a show two years ago with the theme "quick", & I played a quicksand set.  & I hate to repeat myself.  Even if two years have passed.  & no one cares but me.

Why do I even care?  Because, like that dude says in The Wire,** "A man's got to have a code."  (A woman, too, I presume.)  I grew up with commercial radio, & even one ennui-filled afternoon, sat next to my radio writing down the songs that were being played, & found that a few artists (I wish I still had that notebook) were played pretty much every hour, & a couple of songs were replayed at the same time hour after hour.  There might have been a moment when I said to myself, "If I ever get a radio show, I will never ever never never ever be so damned repetitive."

Even though that's how & why radio works.

But I suppose I was a curious sort.  I remember discovering non-commercial radio & it was amazing, because I wanted radio to help me find new music, not take advantage of how the brain processes repetition to breed familiarity & eventually acceptance.***  Radio shows that play the same thing over & over will always be more popular because, like I said, that's how radio works.

One time, talking with a friend, we were discussing how out-of-touch we are with today's popular music.  I suggested that we look at the Billboard charts & listen to the top three songs or whatever, just to find out.  She said, "No!  Those terrible songs will just get stuck in my head!"

Apologies, then, for not repeating stuff.  But, a deejay's gotta have a code.  Or this deejay does, anyway.

Did I mention there are a lot of songs about sand?

* One would assume.
** I thought it was Omar, but one search engine query later I discovered I was wrong.
*** I need to research this more.  Maybe Oliver Sachs has written about it?

The Ice Maker Isn't Working

In this weather!  Okay.  I'll go get a bag of ice.

Also a soda.  I know sodas are bad for you!  You know how you grew up in a more-or-less regular house where people drank milk, water, juice?  I grew up in a convenience store.  I was always sugar-ified, I was alway caffeinated.  Check out my teeth.  It took years to make them look this borderline acceptable.

Nowadays I drink sugar-free, caffeine-free soda - one guy on Twitter once said that caffeine-free Diet Coke should be called "Coke Science" - & I know it tastes pretty awful, but it has a taste at least.  Water just doesn't.

Used to be I'd go through half a twelve-pack of sodas a day, or more.  I'm done with that.  I make it kind of a schlep to get soda - I usually get one before a radio show - but unless I'm willing to drive to a convenience store to get a fountain drink, I drink water.  Or, you know, beer.  But not beer all the time!

By the way, I grew up in the South, where people say "coke" to mean any carbonated beverage.  I just like saying soda.  It confuses people, that & my lack of accent.  They think I'm from the midwest.  Nope!  Texas born & raised!

At the Speedway, I waited patiently while someone stood in front of the long soft drink dispensing apparatus, apparently finishing up his self-soda-creating experience.  He was taking a long time.  He was standing directly in front of the place where the average cup size I get is (the largest, because I was getting my seventh soda free, thank you very much), & also where the Caffeine Free Diet Coke (sorry, Coke Science) spigot was.  But he wasn't moving.  He was hunched over, fiddling with something in his hands.

Rudely, I moved in to get a cup.  I noticed he was counting large bills - twenties & fifties - which he had pulled from an envelope inside a baggie.  We made eye contact - I realized he was what we now call "mentally challenged."  Maybe he just got a government check, maybe cashed it at a local place.  Maybe he just keeps his money like that.  He was not aware, immediately, that he was in my way.  He was happy to say hello to someone.

A little embarrassed about being impolite, I stepped back & waited for him to finish.  It took a while, & it took a very large woman in too few clothes all but pushing him out of the way to clear space for me.  Luckily he didn't drop anything.  The next time I saw him, he was fumbling with his money at one of the cash registers (do they still call them that?), & to his credit, the cashier was being very patient, although there was a line of us at the time.

The ice bought & grabbed from the machine outside - the perennial questions, why is ice the sort of product that they trust customers to grab themselves? & its opposite, who would want to steal bags of ice? - & I passed him as he - who, you'll recall, was at check-out a few minutes before I was - was leaving.  He said hello to me, his eyes bright, as we walked by one another.

Oddly, when I got to my car, & turned to see where he was heading, he had disappeared.

Self Help Radio 081115: The Kitchen

(Original image here.)

Is the kitchen the most important room in the house?  Can you protect yourself from the dangers of the kitchen?  What will it take to convince you that tables can talk?  Are there really two hours of worth of songs about kitchens?

These are indeed questions.  Perhaps they are questions I asked myself before embarking on a radio program about the kitchen.  More likely however is that I tumbled headlong into such a venture without thinking about it at all.  No matter!  I believe those questions, & others sorta similar, are not only asked but answered on this week's Self Help Radio.

The kitchen!  Included with the songs is: a conversation with David Fruchter, host of the television program "The Home"; a poem written & read by poet Dale M. Smith; & an interview with a breakfast table.  The only thing that would have made this show better is pancakes.  Someone should've made pancakes!

The show is now at the Self Help Radio website.  It should be right at the top of the home page.  You'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen to the show.  That information is also there.  What I played is there, as well, although I am listing it below too.  Basically, this whole blog thing is a redundancy.  I guess it keeps me busy.

Now do the dishes!

(part one)

"Come On In My Kitchen (Take 1)" Robert Johnson _The Complete Recordings_
"Rats In My Kitchen" Sleepy John Estes _The Sun Records Collection_
"Kitchen" Sam Baker _Mercy_

"There's A Kitchen Up In Heaven" Red Allen _I Was Born To Swing_
"Paw's In The Kitchen" The James Quintet _Over The Top Doo Wops Vol. 2: Don't Pull, Don't Push, Don't Shove_
"Switchen In The Kitchen" Don "Pretty Boy" Covay _I Hate CD's: Norton Records 45 RPM Singles Collection Vol. 1_
"Kissin' In The Kitchen" The Dukays _1961-1965_
"Twistin' In The Kitchen With Dinah" Sam Cooke _Twistin' The Night Away_

"All Around The Kitchen" Mike & Peggy Seeger _American Folksongs For Children_
"Singing In The Kitchen" Bobby Bare _Singin' In The Kitchen_
"My Wife Can't Cook" Lonnie Russ _My Wife Can't Cook_
"Kitchen Blues" Nikki Sudden _Treasure Island_
"Soul Kitchen" X _Los Angeles_

"Too Many Cooks In The Kitchen (The Cooks)" XTC _Rag & Bone Buffet_
"The Secret Dreams Of A Kitchen Porter" Cleaners From Venus _A Dawn Chorus_

(part two)

"You'll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties" Jona Lewie _The Stiff Records Box Set_
"Kitchen Sink Drama" Soft Cell _The Art Of Falling Apart_
"The Art Of Cooking For Two" The Lucksmiths _Happy Secret_

"Rat In Mi Kitchen" UB40 _Rat In The Kitchen_
"Dream Kitchen (7" Mix)" Frazier Chorus _Typical EP_
"From Across The Kitchen Table" The Pale Fountains _...From Across The Kitchen Table_

"In Her Kitchen" The Wave Pictures _Beer In The Breakers_
"Your Kitchen" Hefner _Catfight_
"Stovetop" Juicy _For The Ladies_
"Bat In The Kitchen" The Icicles _A Hundred Patterns_

"Still In The Kitchen" The Jazz Butcher Conspiracy _Distressed Gentlefolk_

Whither The Kitchen?

(I found this image here.)

Boy do I love kitchens.  Most of the time, that's where the food is!  Since I've learned to cook - something I sort of talked about yesterday - I've come to appreciate a clean kitchen, a kitchen with room to move around, a kitchen that make some kind of sense for the culinary process.  I like a kitchen that can stay cool while you're cooking & has plenty of light.

None of that has anything to do with today's show, which will celebrate kitchens with music & chatter. I'll talk to the host of a popular show about house renovation, & a friend of mine will read a poem he wrote for me about kitchens, & it says here I'll also be interviewing a kitchen table.  That must be a misprint.  But one thing is for sure: there'll be kitchen songs from the 1930s to the present day.  You'll have to do your own dishes, though.

Today!  From 4 to 6pm!  On 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington!  Online at wrfl dot fm!  I hope you "come on in my kitchen" today!

Preface To Kitchens: Kitchens I Have Known

When I was a kid, I loved looking at cookbooks, & not just because I wanted to eat everything in those unreal, hyper-colored glossy photos that illustrated Betty Crocker volumes in the 1960s.  No, I liked the recipes.  They were like instructions for model planes - except you had to go get the ingredients, they (usually) didn't come in a package for you.  When I was in eighth grade, they offered "Home Ec," which was supposed to be for girls.  But I wanted to learn how to cook.  I enjoyed the class.  I thought I did all right.

Sadly, it didn't take.  Probably because it was much easier to make something quickly - I still subsist mainly on sandwiches - than to take the time to make a meal for oneself.  In that way, cooking was a lot like writing letters.  I remember spending so much time writing letters to people back in the day, & then sending them off, & waiting for a response, & the response (if I got one) would be read in a fraction of the time it took me to write mine.  Cooking is the same - I can labor in a kitchen for an hour, but the meal will be over in a quarter that time (the wife & I are fast eaters, & yes, we know it's unhealthy).

But finding oneself vegan in towns like Huntington & Lexington, one realizes that one ought to perhaps find a way to prepare one's own meals, since these cities are full of folks who've never heard the word "vegan" before, & who think of vegetarians as a kind of queer aberration.  So one starts to prepare one's own meals.

At some point in the fall of 2009, we were living in Huntington, & I was very concerned about my wife.  She didn't like her job, she didn't like the city, & she had the added responsibility of making food for her & me every night.  In Austin, which we had just left, there were so many places we could go on those evenings where we were both too exhausted to try to cook.  Not so hereabouts.

People are surprised when I tell them there's not a single vegetarian restaurant in Lexington.  It's a college town, for fuck's sake!  But there isn't one.  There are places with vegetarian options, & even a couple that might make one or two dishes for vegans.  The nice thing about your standard vegetarian place is that they usually can make most of their dishes vegan - but in restaurants that mainly serve dead animals, that's not an option they've even considered.

& while I appreciate that some places (not many but a handful) around here have a vegan option or two, there are a couple of reasons that I generally don't support the places that have the one vegan thing on the menu for people like me:

1) I don't know if I want to give my money to places that mainly, overwhelmingly, make their money selling dead animals.  It just doesn't seem like patronizing these places ever makes them think about adding other vegan stuff to their repertoire.

2) I can cook better than pretty much all these places.

That has turned out to be a bad thing, me becoming a somewhat competent cook.  My wife will tell me that she likes my food better than most of the stuff we can buy around town.  But sometimes I would like a night off!

My kitchen is pretty simple, though.  I try to keep it clean.  I tend to rinse dishes off & put them in the dishwasher while I'm cooking, to avoid them piling up in the sink.  & because the wife keeps the house pretty clean, the place usually doesn't smell like some houses do, like their kitchens, especially if the kitchen is mainly used to fry things.  An aroma will fill the house after the meal, but the next day, it's just a memory.

This started with me thinking about cookbooks, & cookbooks are how I cook.  It was only after a couple of years of following recipes that I made minor adjustments to them - & usually that was to add more vegetables.  Recipes are my friends.  I follow them slavishly.  So the meals will always be as good as they were the first time.  That's the trick, I think, to being a competent cook.

Although having a nice kitchen really does help.

You Might Not Hear Much From Me Today

Because.

My friends Maria & Macy asked me to sub their radio show, which I will shortly do.

I did something else yesterday that took up too much of my time which I now regret but luckily I can with experience say that sometimes you do stuff for people who you suppose are friends but of course they don't really care or respect you so they do whatever the hell they want & more than likely use your contribution in a way you wouldn't have approved if they had asked you but guess what they were never going to ask you or really take your thoughts into consideration but the good news is it's a learning experience so you know you'll never ever make that mistake again.

Also, I got very little sleep last night.  I will not be able to make up that sleep tonight.

But I will watch the True Detective finale, then I will stay up (a little whiskeyfied) & read how disappointed everyone is in it.

State Songs 080715: Idaho

(Original images here & here.)

I subbed a fun show on WRFL called "State Songs," it's on Friday mornings from 8 to 9am, & host Ben explores a different state every week.  He couldn't do the show yesterday, & he knows how fond I am of potatoes, so he asked me if I could do a show about Idaho.  Idaho!  I found lots of songs about Idaho.  There might be more songs about Idaho than there are people in Idaho.  Maybe.

The show is available in Idaho as well as everywhere else now at the Self Help Radio website.  You know about the dumb password protection stuff, right?  The passwords are on the front page.  You can find them.  The Idaho songs are listed below.

Esto perpetua!

"The 50 States Song" Sufjan Stevens _The 50 States_
"Here We Have Idaho" Rick Pickren _The State Songs, Vol. 3_
"Idaho" Alvino Rey & His Orchestra _Dance With Me_
"Beautiful Coeur D'Alene" Arkie Shibley & The Mountain Dew Boys _Hot Rod Race_

"Idaho State Fair" Vaughn Monroe _Lady Love_
"Way Out In Idaho" Rosalie Sorrels _Classic Railroad Songs_
"Easy's Gettin' Harder Every Day" Iris DeMent _My Life_
"Moscow Idaho" Rod Picott _Summerbirds_

"Idaho" Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons _The Genuine Imitation Life Gazette_
"Private Idaho" The B-52s _Wild Planet_
"Idaho" The Divine Comedy _Absent Friends_
"Miss Idaho" Ox _Intercontinental Pop Exchange No. 6_

"Chain Gang" Boise Cover Band _Unoriginal Artists_
"Idaho" The BoDeans _KGSR Broadcasts, Vol. 5_

Self Help Radio 080415: Captains

Boy, that's a shabby image I made right there.  Sorry.  I didn't want to spend too much time on it.  The images were taken from Google, I didn't save where I found them all.  Sorry!

Anyhoo - I did a radio show this week about captains, & it's the reason I'd be thrown to the sharks.  There are plenty of songs about real-life captains, fake-life captains, captains in general, & captains specific.  There's a report from Marge Most about trouble in the world of riverboat captains on the Ohio, there's a call from Mark Miller about famous captains of television & film, & there's an interview with David Fruchter, a cruise ship captain.  I don't know if you're the sort to suffer from what the French call mal de mer, but I have it on terrible authority that this show will give you your sea legs.  Ahoy!

The show can listened to on land but preferably at sea now if you download it from the Self Help Radio website.  Unlike when you're sailing the great oceans, there is a username & a password you'll need to use.  That information is located on the website & not, as you might expect, with the other treasures down in Davy Jones' Locker.  The songs that I play are listed below - the show is two hours long & in two hour-long parts.

Listen or I'll make you walk the plank!

(part one)

"Captain, Won't You Let Me Go Home" Tom Darby & Jimmy Tarlton _Bloody War Songs 1924-1939_
"Captain Kidd" Ella Mae Morse _The Very Best Of Ella Mae Morse_
"Jolly Captain Huddlestead" Jimmie Dolan _Juke Box Boogie_

"Be The Captain" The Beagles _We're The Banana Splits/Here Come The Beagles_
"Captain Of Your Ship" Paper Dolls _Paper Dolls House_
"Capt. Kangaroo" The Suburban 9 To 5 _Sunshine Becomes You_
"Captain Man Pt. 1" Tropical Fish _Syde Trips, Vol. 6_
"Captain Equinox" The Firesign Theatre _Pink Hotel Burns Down_
"Where's Captain Kirk?" Spizz Energi _Where's Captain Kirk?_

"Take A Message To The Captain" Fanny _First Time In A Long Time: The Reprise Recordings_
"Captain Zero" Mixtures _Captain Zero_
"Dancing With The Captain" Paul Nicholas _Jackie: The Album_
"Captain Domino" Promise _Promise_
"Captain's Dead" Guided By Voices _Human Amusements At Hourly Rates - The Best Of Guided By Voices_

"The Ballad Of Laverne & Captain Flint" Guy Clark _Texas Cookin'_
"Captain Kennedy" Neil Young _Hawks & Doves_
"Captain Kidd" Ed McCurdy _Bad Men & Heroes_

(part two)

"The Captain" Leonard Cohen _Various Positions_
"Captain Hook" Shel Silverstein _Where The Sidewalk Ends_
"Captain Courageous (On Disko Island)" John Wesley Harding _The Sound Of His Own Voice_

"Wot" Captain Sensible _Women & Captains First_
"Captain Fantasy" Ween _The Pod_
"Captain Dry" Robyn Hitchcock _While Thatcher Mauled Britain_
"Captain Hampton & The Midget Pirates" The Aquabats _The Fury Of The Aquabats!_

"Captain Pasty" Frank Black _Bluefinger_
"Captain Love" Mock Orange _Captain Love_
"Captain To Captain" I Heart Hiroshima _Tuff Teef_
"Captain" Tarwater _Not Given Lightly: A Tribute To The Giant Golden Book Of New Zealand's Alternative Music_

"Cavalry Captain" The Decemberists _What A Terrible World, What A Beautiful World_
"Dream Captain" Deerhunter _Monomania_
"Captain Nemo's Library" The Ethnobabes _Stargazer_

Whither Captains?

(I found this picture here.)

As a child of the 1970s, & someone who didn't apparently know how to have fun, I often spent Saturday nights watching The Love Boat & Fantasy Island.  I remember being a little confused about The Love Boat at first, because the captain was Murray from The Mary Tyler Moore Show.  Murray was hardly a person you'd put in command of anything.  But eventually I was won over by the paternal captain & his sweet, witty crew.  & was only really frightened when Charo was on board.

(Although I would have been horrified to find out where Captain Stubing ended up.)

Of course, the greatest captain of my childhood was Captain James Tiberius Kirk.  The only rival he might have had is Han Solo.  In the science fiction captain of space vessels class.  But Kirk was much more put-together than Han was.  (I feel weird saying "Solo" - the same way I'd never refer to Kirk as "James" or "Jim"). Anyway, Captain Kirk was way cooler to me than Captain America.  & characters like Captain Nemo didn't capture my attention the same way as sci-fi stars did.  What a nerd I was.  & am.

You can pretend this show is a tribute to the captains of my childhood, but I can't really remember why I wanted to do a show about captains in the first place.  I just know I'm going to.  Just like I know I'll never be in charge of a vessel.  Hell, if I were in Starfleet, I'd be an enlisted man.  Maybe work my way up to Chief Petty Officer.  Until I earned my red shirt & am killed right away on an away mission.

Hey!  Self Help Radio is on today from 4 to 6pm on 88.1 WRFL Lexington.  It should be streaming simultaneously on wrfl dot fm.  If the weather's good & we don't sail into a perfect storm, I'll archive the show on the Self Help Radio website tomorrow.  But you'll want to hear it live.

That's an order, sailor!

Preface To Captains: Rank

There was a time when I was obsessed with rank.  Maybe it had to do with comic books - SERGEANT Fury had his Howlin' Commandos during the second World War but when he took over S.H.I.E.L.D., he became COLONEL Fury.  Obviously a field promotion.

Or maybe it was because of Star Trek - Captain, Commander, Lieutenant Commander, Lieutenant, Crewman.  I liked to know stuff like the ship's counselor on the Enterprise (under Captain Picard) had a rank of Lieutenant Commander but took the Bridge Officer's test to get the rank of full Commander so she could helm the ship.

Who knows?  When I meet folks who were in the military, I often ask them their rank.  I always liked the difference between enlisted & officer, & between non-commissioned officers & the commissioned kind.  Sometimes the people I talk to are a little sensitive - I understand.  The military, like any enforced hierarchy, breeds resentment & rivalry.

Maybe because the world has always admired heroes in wartime, the comic book world is filled with ranked super-heroes.  Especially captains.  Captain America.  Captain Atom.  Captain Marvel.  Captain Universe.  (Someone listed their ten favorites here.  Some of these fought or were created during World War II - I think we're supposed to believe that Captain America, at least, really holds that rank.  I wonder if anyone's written about the connection between ranks & superheroes.  It's almost as common as colors & super heroes (Green Lantern, Black Panther, Blue Beetle, etc.).

Why captains, though?  Perhaps I'll talk about that tomorrow.

I Can't Stop Thinking About Kings Island

Sorry if this is boring coming from a man nearing his fifties.  But I can't stop thinking about our trip to the amusement park - & the wife keeps talking about getting a platinum membership.

This is a ride we didn't get to ride while we were there:



There was a forty-five minute wait.  We were tired & hungry.

We did ride this one, the Diamondback.  I think I enjoyed it the most, primarily because it scared the hell out of me:



Anyway.  I'll talk about radio tomorrow.  Or not.  Who knows? Who cares?