Self Help Radio 081023: Quicksand

(original image here)

We survived! The entire show fell into quicksand & we thought we would be completely submerged but instead we sort of floated there until we were rescued by the following program! No more dangerous themes for us!

Oh I know, we did say on the program that quicksand wasn't deadly - you can't drown in it, though if you're trapped, you may die of exposure or thirst or some animal that will see you as easy prey. But knowing that doesn't help when you're panicking in quicksand!

Still lots of things happened while we were stuck there - it felt like days but it was just two hours - we had lots of songs about quicksand & we talked to folks & it was a pleasant way to pass the time even if we were sure we were going to drown.

Listen to the peril we experienced at the Self Help Radio website. Remember you'll need a username & password, that's SHR & selfhelp. Every song that was played & all the people we talked to are mentioned below.

Be careful out there!

Self Help Radio Quicksand Show

"Quicksand" Guitar Slim _You're Gonna Miss Me: The Complete Singles Collection As & Bs 1951-1958_

"Quicksand" Maymie Watts _Quicksand: The Groove Records Story 1954-1956_

"Quicksand" Hank Thompson _Hank Thompson & His Brazos Valley Boys_

introduction & definitions

"Quicksand Love" Macy Skipper _Good Rockin' Tonight: Red Hot Rockabilly_

"Quicksand" Don Schroeder _Teen Town U.S.A. Volume 10_

"Quicksand" Kell Osborne _The Northern Soul Of L.A. Volume 2_

"Quicksand (Second Pressing - Alternate Mix)" Martha & The Vandellas _The Complete Motown Singles 1963_

"Love's Like Quicksand" Sandy Wynns _The Northern Soul Story 1_

interview with realtor Fran Innes

"Quicksand" The Youngbloods _Elephant Mountain_

"Quicksand" Tim Buckley _Sefronia_

"Quicksand Around My Mind" George Jackson _Leavin' Your Homework Undone: In The Studio With George Jackson 1968-1971_

"Quicksand" Bobby Womack & Peace _Across 110th Street_

"Quicksand" David Bowie _Hunky Dory_

interview with adventurer Foster Iverson

"Quicksand Lovers" Cristina _Sleep It Off_

"Quicksand" Reinheitsgebot _The Complete R.S.C. Recordings - Volume 1: December 1984_

"Quicksand" Hellfire Sermons _Hymns, Ancient & Modern (1988-1993)_

"Quick Sand" Carlene Davis _The 15 Classics Of Carlene Davis_

"Quicksand" Albert Collins _Don't Lose Your Cool_

interview with PR guy Felix Isodore

"Quicksand" September Girls _Age Of Indignation_

"Quicksand" Belly _Dove_

"Quicksand" Holly Golightly _Do The Get Along_

"Shipwrecked Boat On Quicksand" Franny London _Cold Water_

"Quicksand" George Carlin _More Napalm & Silly Putty_

"Quicksand" Persil _Duotone_

conclusion & goodbye

"Quicksand" Adrian Belew _Side Two_

"Quicksand" John Mulaney _New In Town_

"Quicksand" Siberia _Harm's Way_

"Quicksand Castle" Dirty Ghosts _Let It Pretend_

"Quicksand" Blackbird _Blackbird_

Whither Quicksand?

(image from the Wikipedia)

It begins, like so many things in my life, with David Bowie. Specifically, the Divine Symmetry box set that came out last year. As I discussed yesterday, I found the song "Quicksand" puzzling back when the album was new to me, some forty years ago. Listening to Bowie sing the song into a cassette deck in San Francisco was a little too intimate for me. & at some point, it caused a cascade.

"How many songs about quicksand can there be?" I wondered. Turns out, more than enough for a two-hour radio show.

Was it triggering for me? Wasn't I one of those kids who grew up with the media telling us how dangerous quicksand was? Here's something startling - according to this article, in the 1960s, "nearly 3 percent of the films in that era - one in 35 - showed someone sinking in mud or sand or oozing clay." Today? Not so much.

We will be experiencing the wonders & perils of quicksand on today's episode of Self Help Radio, which will air from noon to 2pm on Freeform Portland. Listen in town at 90.3+98.3fm & online at Freeform Portland dot org. & please - be careful!

Preface To Quicksand: That David Bowie Song

(image from the song's Wikipedia page)

Bowie's album Hunky Dory became my friend I think in the eleventh grade. Before I acquired it, I probably listened to Ziggy Stardust & Scary Monsters more. I don't think I had begun listening to Diamond Dogs or Low at this point. I think I bought it at a chain store (like Sound Warehouse) at "the Nice Price" around the same time I bought Aladdin Sane. I was not as enamored with that album as much as with Hunky Dory.

With the exception of "Changes," which I had heard way too often at that point, & which I think I was tired of by the time it was included in The Breakfast Club, I would generally listen to the album all the way through, starting on side A with "Oh You Pretty Things." I have memories of listening to it while the night came on, my room getting increasingly dark, & me refusing to turn the light on as I rose from bed to flip the record over. While I was never as enamored of the song as I was - & am - of "The Bewlay Brothers," I found "Quicksand" fascinating.

Back then, I imagined songs had some essence of truth that needed to be teased out, like explicating a poem. I had no idea how Bowie wrote songs - the two other musicians I paid the most attention to at the time were Elvis Costello & John Lennon. Lennon's penchant for absurdity was difficult to fit into that paradigm - yes, "One & one & one is three," but did that mean something? Despite his vitriol, Elvis Costello was a bit more fun - he liked to pun & write lines like, "You lack lust, you're so lackluster." But "I'm living in a silent film/Portraying Himmler's sacred realm of dream reality"? Himmler? The Nazi?!?

Most depressing for a sixteen year old person is the repeated lines (I guess it's the chorus):

Don't believe in yourself

Don't deceive with belief

Knowledge comes with death's release

Good grief. How could that possibly be true? Even then I didn't believe in anything happening to me after death. What were you supposed to know after "death's release"? You couldn't really know anything. Was that the truth?

Now I wonder if I ever spoke to anyone about these questions I had. Probably not. They probably just took up residence within me in the darkened room of my teenage years. The song, like the album, lives inside me still, having taken hold about forty years ago. & it is somewhat responsible for this week's theme.

Which I'll talk about tomorrow.

Dogwalk 2020

In a Zoom conversation tonight with old friends from KVRX, the phrase "now that covid is over" was used more than once. It doesn't feel over to me. Two of my radio pals have had covid (one of them twice!) & they both said it was mild. I guess when you get it, if you're vaccinated, it's mild? I dunno. I never got it.

The picture above was taken on a dog walk three years ago. We wore masks on walks - I still wear a mask when I go shop & when I'm inside any place with a lot of people - but we don't wear masks on walks anymore. Oh by the way that's me & my wife. I'm the one on the right. If that isn't obvious.

Covid doesn't feel over. & it's obviously not over with people who have long covid. & I really believe I will still get it at some point. Which is why I don't drop my guard. Except I have dropped my guard somewhat. Which is why I'll probably get it.

Have I been traumatized by the past three years? You bet. Will I ever entirely get over it? I dunno. Do I want to get over it? Yes! Will I spend the rest of this post asking myself yes/no questions? I think so. Is this the last one? No. Will there ever be a last one? Yes.

Sir Archibald Von Poesy Redux

This is something I never do so I thought I'd do it so I couldn't say I never do it instead I can say I rarely do it. Which is this: share the dumb poetry I write & "perform" as Sir Archibald Von Poesy.

Poesy is a dumb character with a fake English accent that occasionally shares his verse with Self Help Radio. His work inevitably has the rhyme scheme AAAAAAA - however long the poem is - basically every line rhymes. It's very stupid & shabbily performed & it's something that I have great fun writing.

So without further ado - this is the poem "Tongue" which appeared on last week's show:

A bee alit upon my tongue

It seemed so pretty & so young

Interrupting the song I sung

As to a nearby branch I clung

Yes from a tree it's true I hung

Like from a ladder with one rung

From the ground I up there sprung

From branch to branch I swung & swung

From each moment of life I wrung

Experience inhaled into my lungs

My thoughts expansive & far-flung

My world an instrument to be strung

But in the middle of this song I song

A bee landed quietly on my tongue

& now my tongue, it is beestung.

This is how I wrote it - I sometimes change it slightly when reading. But you get the idea.

Ought I share more of Poesy's verse? No, I ought not.

Self Help Radio 080323: Tongues

(my dog Pauline is sticking her tongue out at you)

This is true: my wife has these cool images of tongues taken with a very powerful microscope. I thought, hey! I'd love to use one of those images for this week's show's page when I put the show up. But you know what? They're really gross. I mean, our tongues are pretty gross anyway. But up close, they look downright diseased. A total horror show.

Which is not what this week's show was! We had tongue twisters & slips of the tongue! We were tongue-tied & we spoke in tongues! We talked to experts & we talked about idioms! The only truly gross thing about the show is yours truly, & I do my best to minimize that. At least you don't have to look at me - I look downright diseased. Am I the close-up of a tongue?

Listen to the show with your ears but with your tongue hanging out at the Self Help Radio web site. Please remember you'll need to use a password - selfhelp - & a username - SHR. But you can download it! Everything that happens on the show is listed below.

As for me, I'm watching my tongue from here on in.

Self Help Radio Tongues Show

"The Tongue Song" The Ethnobabes _Thoughts On Barbecuing_

"Tongues" Tanya Tagaq _Tongues_

"Tongues (Everybody's Got One)" Modey Lemon _Thunder + Lightning_

introduction & definitions featuring a secret recording of an actual anatomist teaching about tongues!

"Lizard-Long-Tongue Boy" Bridget St. John _Ask Me No Questions_

"Sitting Here On A Tongue" The Grodeck Whipperjenny _The Grodeck Whipperjenny_

"Slip Of The Tongue" Nits _Work_

"Bit My Tongue" Earth Dad _Townies_

interview with Chet Martins of the Curb Your Tongue Society

"Sugar On My Tongue" Talking Heads _Popular Favorites 1976-1992: Sand In The Vaseline_

"Mary Long Tongue" Barrington Levy _The Barrington Levy Collection_

"Speaking In Tongues" Felicia Michaels _Lewd Awakenings_

"Mother Tongue" Dead Can Dance _The Serpent's Egg_

interview with Reverend Chris Masters, expert in speaking in tongues

"Tongue Tied" Betty McQuade _Hot Boppin' Girls Vol. II_

"I'm Tongue-Tied" The Magnetic Fields _i_

"Tongue-Tied" The Snow Fairies _Feel You Up_

"Tongue Tied" Bubblegum Lemonade _The Great Leap Backward_

"Tongue Tied" Erase Errata _Other Animals_

interview with Cory McIntyre of the Tip Of The Tongues Clubs

"It's On The Tip Of My Tongue" Doris Day _It's Magic (1947-1950)_

"Tip Of My Tongue" Tommy Quickly _The British Invasion: The History Of British Rock, Vol. 1_

"Right On The Tip Of My Tongue" Brenda & The Tabulations _Can You Dig It? The '70s Soul Experience_

"Tip Of My Tongue" Tall Dwarfs _Weeville_

idioms with tongues

"Lip Sync (To The Tounge Twisters)" Len Barry _The Very Best Of Len Barry: Original Master Recordings_

"Tongue Twisters" The Looking Glass _Tongue Twisters_

"Speaking In Tongues (feat. Terrence McKenna)" Spacetime Continuum _Alien Dreamtime_

"Tongue Of Fire" Gitane Demone _Never Felt So Alive_

conclusion & goodbye

"Spanish Is A Loving Tongue" Marianne Faithfull _Come My Way_

"Sharp Tongue" The Passage _Enflame_

"Tongues Begin To Wag" Orange Juice _Coals To Newcastle_

Whither Tongues?

(Gross! Image from here.)

My wife, who is an anatomist & anthropologist, studies tongues. Did she contribute anything to the show? Not directly - but I did spend a lot of time talking to her about tongues this week.

& yes, there's a Self Help Radio episode about taste - from almost twenty years ago! - but you didn't listen to that & I have no memory doing it. Besides, just because you're doing a radio show about taste doesn't mean you get to be tongue-tied, speak in tongues, try out some tongue twisters, or any of the other things that I meant to write but are on the tip of my tongue.

How many anatomical facial structures have I done shows about? Surprisingly few - no shows about eyes, ears, nose, or mouth. Maybe this week's show demonstrates a commitment to explore more of the face - shows about cheeks, chins, & forehead can't be far behind. (I have done shows about lips & teeth tho.) I mean for Pete's sake why not a show about mustaches already?!? I have no excuse.

Please listen to Freeform Portland today from noon to 2pm for a show about the tongue. It's on 90.3+98.3fm in Portland & online at freeform portland dot org. Lots of music, maybe even some fun. No tongues held or curbed here!

Preface To Tongues: Something Wrong

One of my favorite Peanuts comics, from September 16, 1968. Maybe not as brilliant as the one on February 3, 1962 - but I think about both of them when I think about the tongue.

Dead Facebook Friends

(image from here)

This should not be shocking news: I don't have a lot of friends on Facebook. I don't have a lot of friends in real life. What isn't shocking (apparently) is that some of my Facebook friends are dead.

According to this article (which is called "Death On Facebook Now Common As 'Dead Profiles' Create Vast Virtual Cemetery" & which is over a decade old), "By the end of this year, 3 million Facebook users' pages will have become memorial sites for their owners." How many is it now, I wonder?

It reminds me of old Geocities websites. There was a time when everyone it seemed has some sort of web presence thanks to Geocities. Unsurprisingly, it was sold to Yahoo, who deleted the whole thing in 2009. & even more unsurprisingly, someone stepped up to try to archive as many of those sites as possible.

Is there a parallel between the early web & early silent films, where more than 75% are lost forever? I dunno. I maintained the KVRX website in the mid-90s & very rarely saved my work. Many things I created back then are lost now for good.

Meanwhile, of my less than 400 Facebook friends, I now count that at least ten are no longer with us (one of them is something I never met, who became friends with me because we had friends in common). I once mentioned I had a dream that Facebook would update our status once we died - it's very strange that these pages are still there, for folks to visit, with that eerie final post of theirs like words no one thought would be the last thing they ever wrote.

Should we be preparing our final social media post like our last words?

Maybe because I'm entering that phase of life in which, as my wife has said, "There are fewer marriages & births, & more divorces & death." It does seem like death is more visible & more inevitable. I wonder which of my Facebook friends will go next - & am painfully aware it could be me.

The Sirens Of Film

(Image from the IMDb)

On last week's show - which you can listen to at the Self Help Radio website - we talked about & played songs about sirens - the mythical bird/woman creatures whose song meant doom for unlucky sailors passing by.  Our resident cinephile Chuck stopped by to talk about films in which Greek mythology played a part - because, sadly, while there are plenty of songs about sirens (& about the songs of sirens), sirens aren't as well-represented in films. & we're always happy when he stops by!

Once you've listened to his segment, explore the following links he's provided for further film enjoyment:

Here is his YouTube playlist of films & trailers.

Here is his Letterboxd list. (Chuck says that he put the links to available videos in the notes for the films plus where they are available to stream for free.)

His reviews for the films he watched are here.

Chuck reviews films on his Substack. Subscribe for free!
He may write some review on his Bluesky account.

& he may write about them on Dying Twitter.
Here is the IMDb list of films available to stream for free elsewhere. Please note: there is duplication with of some on the YouTube list but quality is usually better, and their availability may be for limited time: 

Oh, & here is Chuck's IMDb keyword search.

Go listen! Go watch!

Self Help Radio 072723: Sirens

(original image on the Wikipedia)

They said it couldn't be done! & by they, I usually mean me, because I don't really believe in myself. Well, take that, me! Here's an entire show about sirens!

The only thing this show lacked was an idea I had for one of my fake interviews - I wanted to interview a retired siren. Alas, the improviser who I thought would be perfect for this was unavailable. I thought about just doing it myself but ran out of time. Another idea was me reading parts of the Odyssey in an over-the-top super hammy style - instead, I opted for stuff from an audiobook.

What you did get however is four good interviews & lots of great tunes. At least I think so. Go ahead, go listen to the show over at the Self Help Radio website. Please remember you need the username SHR & the password selfhelp to listen. All the stuff that happen on the show is below.

The original painting up there, by John William Waterhouse, is really rad, & I feel bad about defacing it. My apologies.

Self Help Radio Sirens Show

"J'Entends La Sirene" Edith Piaf _L'Accordeoniste_

"Isle Of Sirens" The Impressions _The Fabulous Impressions_

"Song To The Siren" This Mortal Coil _It'll End In Tears_

introduction & definitions

"The Poet & The Siren" Damien Youth _The Man Who Invented God_

"Dial 'S' For Siren (feat. the Randall Zanelli Singers)" The Barry Gemso Experience _Harpsichord 2000_

"Sirens Call" Louis Philippe _A Kiss In The Funhouse_

"Siren Song" The Besties _Singer_

interview with explorer Grant Adkins, who's looking for sirens

"Sirena" Calexico _Convict Pool_

"The Sailor & The Siren" Rusalnaia _Rusalnaia_

"Sirensong" The Cure _4:13 Dream_

"Sailor To Siren" Sam Beam & Jesca Hoop _Love Letter For Fire_

our resident cinephile Chuck stops by to talk about mythology in the movies

"Siren" Half Waif _The Caretaker_

"I Hear The Sirens" The Dirtbombs _We Have You Surrounded_

"Sirens" The Pack A.D. _Unpersons_

"The Siren Song" Joan Gerber _The Story Lady_

"Waiting For The Sirens' Call" New Order _Waiting For The Sirens' Call_

interview with classics scholar Dr. Gerald Arthur, who's written books about the Odyssey

"Siren Song" Brave Combo _No, No, No, Cha Cha Cha_

"The Siren Song" Folk Is People _The Devil Always Comes_

"Siren Song" Dinner _New Work_

"Siren" Emily Haines & The Soft Skeleton _Choir Of The Mind_

interview with former captain Geoff Anderton, who has seen sirens
+ conclusion & goodbye

"Song To The Siren" Tim Buckley _Starsailor_

"Siren" Makthaverskan _III_

"Of Sirens, Vampires, & Lovers" Me & That Man _Songs Of Love & Death_

"Siren Song" Bat For Lashes _Two Suns_

Whither Sirens?

(from the Wikipedia)

Like almost everyone else, I heard about sirens in the context of The Odyssey. It is a testimony to the weird power of the story that it's so memorable although it takes up a very small fraction of the narrative arc. They are these creatures who sing to sailors, mesmerizing them & causing them to wreck their ships, presumably to consume them or some other horrible thing. Homer doesn't describe them but later stories involving sirens have them as half-woman/half-bird monsters - since birds sing, one supposes, & since women seduce.

Perhaps the most famous song about sirens is Tim Buckley's "Song To The Siren." Like a lot of people listening to "alternative" or "independent" music in the 1980s, I was first exposed to this tune thanks to This Mortal Coil. I had almost certainly listened to the Cocteau Twins by the time I found the record It'll End In Tears, & it was Elisabeth Frazer's haunting singing that made me love the cover of "Song To The Siren" on that record. It would have been child's play for her to make me dash my boat against her rocks.

A few weeks ago, I discovered a television appearance from 1983 of her singing that song live. It is here - I'm not going to try to embed it. It's incredible & I've watched it over & over. (There's also an official music video for it too.) It made me think, are there enough songs about sirens to make an entire radio show? The answer is yes.

Please listen today on Freeform Portland from noon to 2pm local time on 90.3+98.3fm in online everywhere at freeform portland dot org. Maybe dock your seafaring vessels while listening? I'm not responsible for any damage caused by siren songs.

Preface To Sirens: No, Not Those Kinds Of Sirens

The dictionary defines a siren as "a device that makes a loud prolonged sound as a signal or warning." But it also tells us that it means, in Greek mythology, "each of a number of women or winged creatures whose singing lured unwary sailors on to rocks."

When I first thought about doing a show about sirens, I thought I might have to mix the two. But nope! The show will be about the mythological sirens.

Siren by the way can also mean "a woman who is considered to be alluring or fascinating but also dangerous in some way." Some singers are called sirens but there are also sirens of the silver screen.

Even better though is that there are at least four kinds of animals called sirens:

Siren (genus), a genus of aquatic salamanders in the family Sirenidae

Hestina, a genus of brush-footed butterfly commonly called sirens

Sirenia, an order of aquatic mammals including dugongs and manatees

Sirenidae, a family of aquatic salamanders

Alas, I will not be doing a show about them - except that they might have been named sirens after the mythological sirens - I can't find evidence of that in my limited research though.

Why a show about the deadly singing bird-like sirens? I'll tell you that tomorrrow!

Closed For Pandemic

Something that is very hard for me to come to terms with is that "the pandemic is over." You know the dude who's still wearing the mask in supermarkets & at shows? That's me. I never got covid (as far as I know) & I never want to get covid (which is something that still happens!).

At both Freeform Portland & XRAY I no longer wear a mask when I'm around other people. I haven't been to KBOO for a while (my show is recorded) but the policy there is to be masked in the studios, so I would be. I don't wear a mask at my local liquor store, but I do at the clinic where I pick up my meds. & when we are walking dogs, though I am unmasked, I still cross the street to avoid one-on-one interactions with people - which is fine as my dogs get too excited & become total assholes.

The picture above was taken three years ago outside the Voodoo Donuts on Davis Street. There are those we've met who will insist this is a rule: "No one who lives in Portland goes to Voodoo Donuts!" Those people have other issues to work out, because for those of us who are vegan, Voodoo Donuts has many more vegan options than your average Portland donut shop. When I tried to get some vegan donuts for my wife on this day three years ago, this is what I found - that shop was closed due to the pandemic.

It's open now. I sometimes pick up donuts on Saturday mornings after my XRAY show, since it's between the XRAY studios & where we live. But it's interesting to see this picture & remember stranger days.

Days that, to me, aren't quite over. I think there's a booster vaccine out there I should get that I am not currently qualified for. I need to look into that.

The 1968 Project

(The front page of the 1968 releases section of Rate Your Music.)

Some time last year, wanting to help have some late-night content for KBOO, I conceived of something I thought would be fun. KBOO & I were born in the same year, 1968. What if I used a list of albums from 1968 as a kind of playlist, listening to the records myself even if I previously didn't like them? What if I also took as much on-air real estate as possible by playing the longest song on each record?

This is what I did, for three shows that aired during otherwise empty slots on KBOO. I also made a couple of shorter ones for Freeform Portland (starting at # 1 but only covering four hours), but other things intervened - like having to do three shows a week on three different stations - & it fell by the wayside.

Last week I was thinking about this & decided to do it for Corporate Standardized Programming this week. The first thing was to find out exactly where I was on the list. This became an issue because, since Rate Your Music is dynamic & new people are voting all the time on the list, the original numbering I had was changed - sometimes radically so. The Mothers Of Invention's We're Only In It For The Money, which last year was at # 17 is currently at # 24; the Band's Music From The Big Pink went from # 18 to # 27. So much for there being an objective "best"!

Nonetheless I forged ahead & recorded an episode that will air tonight on KBOO from midnight to 3am in the Corporate Standardized Programming slot. It probably makes no sense but in case someone was curious about the previous shows, I need to put them on my table of contents on the web site but before that, let me link to the original episodes for you here:

The 1968 Project, Part I

The 1968 Project, Part II
The 1968 Project, Part III

Remember you'll need a username/password to listening to these, I'd suggest SHR/selfhelp as that's what they are.

& hopefully I'll return to it again sooner. It's wonderfully fun to do. Even if it's a sausage party. Seriously, so few female voices on the show. It's depressing.

Self Help Radio 072023: 1987 (Continued)

(images from Discogs)

Here ya go. Two more hours of my favorite music from 1987. (This is continued from a show earlier this year.) It can't be stressed any more how important a year this was for me. & if I were doing radio then - which I wasn't - it would've sounded very much like this.

Listen to the show at the Self Help Radio website. Use the username SHR & the password selfhelp to do so. There are no interviews or anything this week, it's all music & a couple of memories. The song list is below.

Oh, to be 19 again. I bet I'd stick fuck everything up!

Self Help Radio 1987 (Continued) Show

"Gary's Song" American Music Club _Engine_

"Return To Yesterday" The Lilac Time _The Lilac Time_

"Julie Profumo" The Cleaners From Venus _Going To England_

"Last Night I Dreamt Somebody Loved Me" The Smiths _Strangeways, Here We Come_

"In Spite Of These Times" Close Lobsters _Foxheads Stalk This Land_

"A Million Miles" The Wedding Present _George Best_

"Fish" Throwing Muses _Lonely Is An Eyesore_

"Wrong Wrong Wrong" Fastbacks _...And His Orchestra_

"Ahead" Wire _The Ideal Copy_

"Lips Like Sugar" Echo & The Bunnymen _Echo & The Bunnymen_

"Heartbreak Beat" The Psychedelic Furs _Midnight To Midnight_

"Jennifer She Said" Lloyd Cole & The Commotions _Mainstream_

"Luminous Times (Hold On To Love)" U2 _With Or Without You_

"What Went Wrong This Time?" The Siddeleys _What Went Wrong This Time?_

"Ask Johnny Dee" The Chesterfields _Kettle_

"If I Said" The Darling Buds _If I Said_

"Sally Cinnamon" The Stone Roses _Sally Cinnamon_

"Sign On The Line..." Fizzbombs _Sign On The Line..._

"Beats + Pieces (Mo' Bass Remix)" Coldcut _Beats + Pieces_

"Christianity Is Stupid" Negativland _Escape From Noise_

"Masterhit (Part I & II)" Front 242 _Official Version_

"Neo Geo" Ryuichi Sakamoto _Neo Geo_

"The Model" Big Black _Songs About Fucking_

"Mandinka" Sinéad O'Connor _The Lion & The Cobra_

"Bury Your Love Like Treasure" The Blue Aeroplanes _Spitting Out Miracles_

Whither 1987 (Continued)?

Hey look. It's a picture of me. Up a tree. Probably in January 1987. I grew my first real beard that winter. & shaved it off sometime before spring. Also I am wearing a Sid & Nancy tee shirt. I saw that movie at the Varsity theater in Austin in the fall of 1986. I have no idea where it went. The tee shirt I mean. The Varsity closed in 1987 I believe. It later became a Tower Records. I'm not sure what it is now.

This week's show forgoes all the interviews & other silliness to continue playing music I love from 1987. It's a very important year for me. Sure, I was in college & learning & all that nonsense, but also I was spending what little money I had on music.

The first 1987 show aired in January on KBOO, which is where Self Help Radio was at the time. You can listen to it here. At least look at the playlist so you won't think today that I missed something. This is a continuation. While I was listening to songs this week I started getting panicky about that. Don't make me panicky about that!

The show is on today, Thursday, noon to 2pm on Freeform Portland which in town is at 90.3+98.3fm & is online everywhere at freeform portland dot org. Again, mainly music with a smattering of memories. A good time is guaranteed for some.

Preface To 1987 (Part Two): Another 1987 Anecdote

This might be a story I've told before. I warn you, it has some hateful language in it. I apologize but it's kinda the punchline. So. It's necessary I think.

This happened to me in 1987. I was 19 years old. I came back to Garland on Spring Break, which would have been mid-March. I was in my second semester of college at the University Of Texas At Austin. Most of my family lived in Garland, Texas.

Having nothing to do one day I wandered over to where my sister Pat & my brother-in-law Dan lived. That's the very house up there, as it looked a few years before Pat died. They mostly thought me unusual but my sister in particular felt family should look out for family. My brother-in-law did not like me, thought me arrogant & thought my dislike for manly endeavors like working on cars made me soft. He was always trying to get me to do things like chop wood, things I wasn't very good at, which then left me open for humiliation & mockery. To his credit, my brother-in-law didn't seem to enjoy making fun of me as much as my brothers did. My little brother lived with Pat & Dan at the time.

We hadn't had a good relationship for most of our teens, my little brother & me. Around the time I began to be obsessed with music & comics, he took a different route & found people to play basketball with. He felt like he was in a competition with me & I didn't really feel that way at all.

Anyway, as I stepped into Pat & Dan's house that March day in 1987, there was some commotion. I was told to go up to the crawlspace at the top of the house - it wasn't an attic, I mean, you can see in the picture above. I was instructed by my brother-in-law to hold a pipe. There had been a freeze which had damaged a pipe & someone needed to prevent the pipe from leaking while repairs were being made. I had the proper skill set for such a task & Dan knew it.

How long I lay up there I don't know. I am afraid of bugs so I worried a spider or something might crawl on me. Occasionally Dan would say "You okay up there?" so I knew I wasn't being forgotten. I let my mind drift, played some songs in my head, & began to notice the temperature rising.

At some point, my little brother poked his head into the crawlspace. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," I said.

Without any real preface, he blurted out, "I bet I've fucked more girls than you have."

I started laughing. He said, "What? What?" - thinking I was somehow putting him down.

"If you have fucked one girl," I told him, "you've fucked more girls than I have."

His face, from what I could see looking down the narrow crawlspace, had a confused look. I wasn't playing the game correctly, you see. I was supposed to say "Nuh-uh!" & counter with some bullshit or other. But I hadn't played that game with him or anyone in a long time.

He didn't quite know how to respond. So he just said, "Faggot," & disappeared.

Plane

Sometimes I take pictures in lieu of journal entries. I don't save all the photos I take but I save some. Like the one above. What is it a photo of?

Unfortunately, I have no context. It was taken on this day in 2014 in Lexington, Kentucky. I was almost certainly attracted by the worn-out sign, by the failure of the bottom part to indicate where the airport was.

Where was I? Possibly on the road, maybe New Circle Road. The other pictures I've saved from that day do not give me any clues. & how is that helpful as a journal? It's not.

Look at this:

This is a picture taken in my front yard. It indicates to me I didn't really go anywhere that rainy day.

So where did I take the picture? Probably in my neighborhood. Is it a mystery? It is not. Not at all.

Yes Buffet

Here is a photo I took in Grand Prairie, Texas, in March. I titled it "My philosophy - the sign."

It's this place. I didn't think I would enjoy the place & we didn't eat there - just stopped long enough to take the picture. I still haven't really gone into a sit-down restaurant to eat - I mean technically I did during that visit - but in one case, we sat in the patio area & I put my mask on as soon as I was done eating, & in the second case, we were the only people in the place.

There were two great buffet places in Austin I kinda miss. One was an Indian restaurant which we used to cater our wedding. The other I think was called Shanghai Palace & they helpfully kept the vegetarian food on a separate - what would you call it, cart? table? buffet row?

Shanghai Palace is long gone, but the other place, Star Of India, is still there, on Anderson Lane, near one of the Alamo Drafthouse satellites. Before I became vegan, my favorite thing there - besides the saag paneer - was these - were these - that sounds better - were these Indian tater tot things filled with cheese. Never seen them anywhere else.

Nothing I've read about Yes Buffet suggests they have such innovations - or that they segregate (or even offer) vegetarian/vegan food.

But what a sign!

Self Help Radio 071323: The Dumb Show

(Original image here)

Dumb show? More like FUNmb show, amirite? Oh that was dumb.

My week of computer hell continued yesterday with my laptop deciding to malfunction a half-hour before the show, so I began the show in a kind of panic. You may recall I was having issues with my web host last week - they appear to have been fixed without any input from me, which validates my original belief that it wasn't anything I was doing wrong - so computer fuckery came home to haunt me. But. No matter how dumb I was, how dumb the things happening to me were, how dumb ultimately everything I do is - the dumb show aired & that's all I could hope for. Gosh I'm dumb.

You can get in on all this dumbness by visiting the Self Help Radio website. Remember, to listen you'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp). The entire show can be downloaded for later, & everything that happened is mentioned below.

Hey! You're not dumb I'm dumb!

Self Help Radio's Dumb Show

"Dumbbell" The Cadillacs _The Complete Josie Sessions_

"Dumb Head" Sharades _Let's Go - Joe Meek's Girls!_

"Young, Dumb" Curtis Blandon _Lost Deep Soul Treasures Volume 1_

introduction & definitions

"Dum Fun" Bonnie Hayes with the Wild Combo _Good Clean Fun_

"I Love You, You Big Dummy" Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band _Lick My Decals Off, Baby_

"Dumbo The Flying Elephant" Joan Gerber _The Story Lady_

"The Dumb Waiters" The Makers Of The Dead Travel Fast _Can't Stop It! Australian Post-Punk 1978-82_

"Dumb" Poprace _Clear EP_

interview with self-described dumb person Wendy Ebersoll

"Dum Dum Girl" Talk Talk _It's My Life_

"Yeah, I'm Dumb" Grover _My Wild Life_

"The Dumb Gay Friend" Patton Oswalt _Finest Hour_

"We Play Dumb" Shampoo _Girl Power_

"Dum Dum" The Vaselines _The Way Of The Vaselines: A Complete History_

interview with Winston Evers, who has a "solution" for dumb people

"Poor Dumb Bird" Ida _Ten Small Paces_

"Big Dumb Man" John Maus _A Collection Of Rarities & Previously Unreleased Material_

"Teenagers Are Dumb" Jen Kirkman _Hail To The Freaks_

"Young & Dumb" The Lucksmiths _Warmer Corners_

"Dumbhead" The Shermans _In Technicolor_

interview with Walter Edwards, who likes dumb people

"Dumb It Down" Pernice Brothers _Discover A Lovelier You_

"Young & Dumb" The Soft City _The Soft City_

"Dumb Things" Doug Benson _Potty Mouth_

"Sticky Dumb Gum" Tada Tátà _Tada Tátà_

"Don't Act Dumb" Sonny & The Sunsets _Hit After Hit_

interview with Webster Engels, who doesn't like the word dumb

"Dum Dum" The High Violets _Heroes & Halos_

"Dumb Baby" The Coathangers _Nosebleed Weekend_

"Hey Dummy" The Exbats _E Is 4 Exbats_

"Dumb Dad?" John Heffron _The Better Half_

"Life Is Hard, But Life Is Hardest When You're Dumb" Austin Lounge Lizards _Small Minds_

conclusion & goodbye

"Dumb All Over (live)" Frank Zappa _Have I Offended Someone?_

"Dummkopf" Parsnip _Health 7"_

"Dumb" The Beautiful South _Quench_

Whither The Dumb Show?

(image from the Wikipedia)

First of all, I do know what a dumbshow is. Says the Wikipedia,

Dumbshow, also dumb show or dumb-show, is defined by the Oxford Dictionary of English as "gestures used to convey a meaning or message without speech; mime." In the theatre the word refers to a piece of dramatic mime in general, or more particularly a piece of action given in mime within a play "to summarize, supplement, or comment on the main action"

In the Oxford Encyclopedia of Theatre & Performance, Michael Dobson writes that the dumbshow was originally "an allegorical survival from the morality play." It came into fashion in 16th-century English drama in interludes featuring "personifications of abstract virtues & vices who contend in ways which foreshadow & moralize the fortunes of the play's characters."

This week's Self Help Radio will not be a dumbshow. It will be a dumb show.

Second of all, that just means lot of song featuring the word "dumb." But not dumb meaning "mute," instead dumb meaning "not very smart." Depending on how mean-spirited you're feeling, you could say a "dumb Self Help Radio episode" is redundant, or to be expected, or the norm. Please insert your favorite insult here. But really I was just digging lots of tunes that featured "dum" or "dumb" or "dummy" & thought wow it would be really dumb to do a dumb show. & so I shall.

When? Today! Noon to 2pm Portland time!
Where? In Portland! On 90.3+98.3fm!
But also! Online at freeform portland dot org!

It's not really for me to say but I think it might be dumb to miss it.

Preface To Dumb: Bumper Stickers

Isn't it fascinating what people will put on their cars? Imagine that one thought - Baby Boomers Are Dumb - so resonated with this driver that the sticker was purchased & put in a place where anyone driving near could read it & where it would be particularly hard to remove. I've never removed a bumper sticker before but I assume it's hard to do. It must be a pain.

For the record, I have two bumper stickers on my car. One is a Freeform Portland bumper sticker, one is from a local place & it says "Vegan, I heart you." The vegan one was the first bumper sticker I have put on a car since I had my first car back in the 1980s.

One friend I had put lots of band stickers on his car back in the day. I didn't have a car by then & so I might've done that. Family members put bumper stickers that said things like "Whoever dies with the most toys wins." It's like putting a one-liner by a comedian on your car - "Take my wife, please!"

& I've never made bumper stickers for Self Help Radio. Who would want one of those?

Learning How To Be Supportive

(Portland is supportive)

Some people are kind. Some people are kind & clear-sighted. Some people are kind & pragmatic. I confess that I think I am kind but I am neither pragmatic nor clear-sighted.

Oh damn I am judgmental. I approach things after the judgment. That can be so harmful. I will do almost anything for a friend (my wife has some stories she finds infuriating) but it doesn't mean I won't think that it's not necessarily the best thing I can do.

This is my way of saying I need to learn how to be supportive without the judgment. I have a friend who is amazing in this manner. I asked that person's advice today. It was so simple & it hadn't occurred to me. It bypassed so much judgmental bullshit.

Once upon a time, I found myself presenting in front of a group of people an orientation for one of the radio stations at which I volunteered. It was entirely by accident. We hadn't planned who would talk first. So I got up & talked & I said what I believed: that community radio is a marvel, a sacred space (in the most secular definition of sacred). Media is depressing & sad, it's anonymous, even public radio sounds the same from show to show, but the idea that you can come to a community radio station & do the show you want to do - that anyone could do that - that's as precious a belief as I can hold.

A person from the station afterwards came up to me & said, "You're so critical of so many shows, it was amazing to hear you talk about how great the station is." & I thought, "It's because I may not like the shows but I love the idea of community radio. I will fight for this station & all community radio stations."

My conversation today suggested I focus less on the subtle general criticism & more on the idea. In that way it might be inspiring. In that way it might be more helpful.

In that way perhaps I am learning how to actually be supportive.

Goldilocks

("Story of Golden Locks" by Seymour Joseph Guy from here)

Last week's Self Help Radio - a show about locks - featured a visit from our favorite librarian, Carole, who talked to us about the history of the story of Goldilocks, & also two books exploring the story in different ways.

The evolution of the Goldilocks story discussed was found in large part in this article from the Toronto Public Library.

She talked specifically about two books:
Goldilocks & The Three Dinosaurs by Mo Willems
& Professor Goose Debunks Goldilocks & The Three Bears by Paulette Bourgeois & Alex G. Griffiths

What? You didn't hear Carole's segment? You can listen to the show at the Self Help Radio website. & after she talks, I play a bunch of Goldilocks songs!

Self Help Radio 070623: Locks

Apologies for the delay. I have been having issues with my web hosting company & what appears to be some change in their FTP protocol. There have also been some exceedingly condescending tech folks, one of which actually asked me, "Have you tried turning it off & then turning it back on again?" If you download the show this week, it'll be from my Guggol Drivel. It's a band-aid but I hate not having the show out there somewhere, even if no one really listens to it.

It was a show about locks! There were songs! Interviews! Goldilocks! Lockers! A guest locked in a room! So much that is probably wrong that maybe I should be ashamed! But I am not! What do I care! It's my radio show! I have funny people who help me! I am not shackled to your ancient ideas about shame!

Ahem. Okay. Well. You can listen to the show at Self Help Radio Web Central. It's actually not called that. It sounded cooler in my head. Everything on the show is below. I'm gonna lock myself away for a while now, chatting with people half a world away about why file transfer protocol just suddenly stopped working for me. You know, when I can still upload things to Guggol Drivel!

Enjoy.

Self Help Radio Locks Show

"Who Stole The Lock From The Hen House Door" Otto Gray & His Oklahoma Cowboys _Serenade In The Mountains_

"I'm Gonna Lock My Heart" Carmen McRae _Sings Lover Man & Other Billie Holiday Classics_

"Unlock The Lock" Jimmy Nelson _Unlock The Lock: The Kent Records Story, Vol. 1_

introduction & definitions

"Locking Up My Heart" The Marvelettes _The Complete Motown Singles | Vol. 3: 1963_

"Locked In A Room" The Poets _Beat It... (Killertracks From The Roarin' 60's)_

"Lock Me In Your Heart" The Apollas _The Best Of Loma Records: The Rise & Fall Of A 1960's Soul Label_

"Behind Locked Doors" The Missing Lynx _The Psychedelic Experience Vol 3 (Psychedelic Illusions)_

"Locked In Your Love" Dee Dee Warwick _I Want To Be With You The Mercury Blue Rock Sessions_

interview with locksmith to the stars Steve Lassiter

"Behind That Locked Door" George Harrison _All Things Must Pass_

"Wedlock Is A Padlock" Laura Lee _Women's Love Rights_

"Locked-In" Firehose _Ragin', Full-On_

"Locks & Bolts" The Carousel _I Forgot To Remember To Forget_

"Locked Out Of The Love-In" One Thousand Violins _Locked Out Of The Love-In_

our favorite librarian Carole stops by to talk about Goldilocks

"Goldilocks & The Three Bears" Rosemary Clooney _Memories Of You_

"Gold Locks (feat. Jean Grae)" MC Frontalot _Question Bedtime_

"Goldilocks & The Three Bears" Joan Gerber _The Story Lady_

"Goldilocks" Don French _Saints & Sinners Vol. 6_

"Goldilocks Zone" Grass Widow _Internal Logic_

interview with Steve Lockwood of Lockwood's Lockers

"Locked In A Room With Betty" P. Paul Fenech _Daddy's Hammer_

"Locked Groove" Kitty Craft _Beats & Breaks From The Flower Patch_

"Locked Away" Robert Forster _I Had A New York Girlfriend_

"Love Lock" The Bad Signs _Black Magic Moments_

"Lock The Locks" The Streets _Computers & Blues_

interview with Sandra Lewis, host of the In A Locked Room podcast

+ conclusion & goodbye

"Lockdown" Soft Regime _Hard Feelings_

"Lock On The Door" Audacity _Hyper Vessels_

"Lock, Stock, & Teardrops" Wednesday _Mowing The Leaves Instead Of Piling 'Em Up_

"Macbeth Witches Scene" Christopher Keown _Macbeth_

"It's Locked Away" Band Of Susans _Wired For Sound_

Whither Locks?

Though it's true there was a Self Help Radio episode about keys once upon a time, & that some of the songs (naturally) mentioned locks, there was never been a full episode about the noble lock, without which the key would have a meaningless existence.

Shall we ponder the ambivalent lock, which may protect our belongings but also take away our freedom? Oh indeed we shall! With many songs, stories, & interviews! & it won't cost a thing - not even a lock of your hair - because it's on the radio!

But why, you may ask, is there a radio show about locks at all? Was I locked in a closet a goodly portion of my childhood? Is it impossible to unlock my heart, to discover my true feelings? Should I be locked away once & for all for the betterment of our world? Were these reasons for a radio show about locks? Or did I simply hear a bunch of songs about locks & then think, hey, that might be a good idea for a show? I don't suppose we will ever truly know.

What is true: Self Help Radio airs from noon to 2pm Portland time this afternoon on 90.3+98.3fm in town & online everywhere at Freeform Portland dot org. For a show about locks, it is key that you listen.

Too corny? Yeah, I'm feeling bad about it already.

Preface To Locks: Locks On The Gates Of Empty Houses

There's a street in my neighborhood that has at the very least three empty houses - I call them "ghost houses" although I don't believe in ghosts - & I'm not entirely sure they're all completely uninhabited. The owners of my favorite ghost house come by the spring & early summer to tend to a garden on the property, for example. & one of the ghost houses has a suspiciously well-kept lawn. But I think they're all mostly empty. & there could be many reasons why.

One empty house (not on this street but very near) suddenly had repair crews & all kinds of remodeling going on after many months of just sitting there, & a neighbor told me that the house had been owned by two siblings who fought about its fate - one wanted to rent it out, the other to sell it. They were in a stalemate until one of them died - the one who wanted to rent it out. The house was fixed up & sold. So you see. Why they're empty is all speculation.

Though I do suspect at least one of them has a very old occupant who is passing their last days in the home they've lived in for decades & it's dark & lonesome & quite terrifying in there. Mainly it's terrifying because I think it could be my fate. Especially if in my old age I can't afford the internet.

My favorite ghost house, though, is fenced all around, but the fences are locked with a padlock. That's the picture above. Taken this afternoon. Not that I'd sneak in. I felt I was trespassing leaning over the fence to take this picture!

Fireworks

As the day ends, jerks in our neighborhood, not caring about all the animals they might frighten nor the fires they may cause, explode fireworks into the night.

My dog Pauline comes to me, panting, just terrified. I do my best to comfort her.

Yay America.

Brötzmann

(image from Wikipedia)

Free jazz legend Peter Brötzmann died on June 22. I became an admire only after I was completely baffled by his work. & I was lucky enough to see him perform live in Austin in the early parts of this century.

Tonight in the last hour or so of Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO, I'll play some of his work. I haven't heard all of it. Some of it didn't resonate with me. Some of it I find fucking transcendent. In most cases I find it fascinating & challenging. What a life!

Midnight to 3am on KBOO - 90.7fm & kboo.fm. If you can tune in.

Self Help Radio 062923: Howard Gently Year One

Sorry for that terrible graphic. I have not a lot of time today. Anyway, my friend Russell would have chuckled at it. I hope.

On the show I explain the whole premise, but suffice it to say, as a tribute to my dear friend, who died two weeks ago, & who gave so much to me, to my life, to my dumb radio show, I played the first eleven times he appeared on Self Help Radio as the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently. I found myself laughing out loud in the studio yesterday & that helped a little. He made me laugh for four decades, I am so glad I have recordings of him being funny, he can make me laugh for the rest of my life.

The Howard Gently Spectacular can be listened to now at the Self Help Radio website. Please remember to use the username SHR & pass the password selfhelp in order to download & listen. There's also the Corporate Standardized Programming episode from Tuesday if you find the KBOO website interface weird - if you download the show, you can fast forward to the parts that interest you. What happened on the show is below.

There'll be another Howard Gently Tribute before too long.

Self Help Radio 230629: Howard Gently Year One

"Know You" Russell Miles _Know You_

"Split Up The Money" Vic Godard & The Subway Sect _Twenty Odd Years: The Story Of Vic Godard & The Subway Sect_

"Split" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: February 28, 2014_

"This Is A Test" Wendy James _Now Ain't The Time For Your Tears_

"Test" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: March 3, 2014_

"Summer's Melting My Mind" The Go-Betweens _78 'Til 79: The Lost Album_

"Melting" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: March 14, 2014_

"Breathless" X _More Fun In The New World_

"Breath" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: April 11, 2014_

"Watch Her Disappear" Tom Waits _Alice_

"Disappear" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: May 1, 2014_

"You Just Can't Push Me (demo)" The Cars _The Cars_

"Push" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: May 16, 2014_

"Sunny Afternoon" The Kinks _Face To Face_

"Afternoons" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: May 30, 2014_

"Needles In The Camel's" Brian Eno _Here Come The Warm Jets_

"Needles" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: June 6, 2014_

"The Devil Ain't Lazy" Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys _San Antonio Rose_

"Laziness" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: June 13, 2014_

"Lemon & Lime" Herman's Hermits _Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Daughter_

"Limes" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: July 4, 2014_

"Seven African Powers" Russell Miles _Six Tunes By "Russ"_

"Candles" The Rev Dr Howard Gently _SHR: July 18, 2014_

Whither Howard Gently Year One?

On the Self Help Radio website, the theme today is "Russell." That was very much the theme of this week's episode of Corporate Standardized Programming, which aired on KBOO on Tuesday. That show featured many of my late friend's songs, pranks, & musical choices, along with the bits he created with me for Self Help Radio. It was both exhilarating & emotionally exhausting to celebrate my dear friend in this manner. I have still hours of material of his I could go through. But I thought I would concentrate, on Self Help Radio, on the character he created for the show.

It became apparent as I listened, chronologically, to his bits, that I couldn't pick out my favorites. That I couldn't condense into two hours what was years of work. I know he did have his favorites & I know there were some he wasn't particularly excited by, but to me that was the idea - let's watch the character change & grow, let's listen when sometimes he wasn't as funny as his genius moments. Let me celebrate it all.

Many moons ago, Frank Miller & David Mazzucchelli had a celebrated comic series called Batman: Year One. It told the story of, well, the first year that Bruce Wayne operated as the Batman. It has become a story idea that DC Comics has done for many characters - & even places - there was recently a Gotham City: Year One. It took place in the 1960s. I decided to co-opt the term & make it literal - I am playing today every time Dr. Gently appeared on Self Help Radio in the first year - starting in February, 2014. There were 19 Dr. Gently spots that year - I doubt I will get to them all.

To break up the bits, I'll play songs from each show that I either know or suspect Russell liked. I knew his musical taste very well - he helped build the foundation for my musical taste - so that was easy. The hard part will be trying to keep my emotions from exploding while listening to my friend, whom I will never get to talk to again, make me laugh over & over & over.

The show airs from noon to 2pm on Freeform Portland. In town that's at both 90.3+98.3fm & online it's freeform portland dot org. It will feel a bit different from other shows. Because it's about an extraordinary person & the gift he gave me & my dumb radio program.

Preface To Russell: The Road To Howard Gently

Sometime in early 2014 I was looking to make a change. I had been doing Self Help Radio for twelve years & I could've kept doing it the way I was - the show was much like the Dickenbock Report is now, without the silly conceit of being a newscast. But I wanted to add something new to it. Much like the bifocals & mustache that changed Dr. Gently up there, I wanted something that might have seemed cosmetic but which would transform the show a little.

What I wanted were interviews with "experts" about each week's theme. I knew it wasn't an original idea, but I felt like it might help the show become closer to being actually entertaining. There would still be lots of music, I'd almost certainly continue talking a lot, but if I could just entice friends of mine who were actually funny to help...

Russell was probably the first person I asked. He wasn't trained in improv & he didn't much like the idea of doing a different character a week, but he quickly came up with the character of the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently, a Deepak Chopra-esque New Age charlatan with whom I, as a host & acolyte, would be completely taken in by. He would be of indeterminate age - in some interviews, he discusses being a young man in the 1960s - & of often indeterminate wisdom - one of his funniest lines would be, after reading something obviously from the Wikipedia, Gently would say, "& I'm not reading this, Gary." He would often have slips of the tongue which, like much malapropism, would be unfortunate & often offensive. & he would be very focused on wringing as much money out of me (& you, if possible) as he could.

Gently appeared on Self Help Radio from February 2014 until last October. I went through his first year & discovered he appeared on the show nineteen times in eleven months. We might discuss what Gently might say before recording & I would sometimes crack Russell up with suggestions, but he hardly ever used my ideas. Instead, he'd slip into character & go whichever way his comic instincts told him he should. They were always right. I wish I'd saved our longer interviews because he would crack me up & then my laughing would crack him up. We had so very much fun doing these.

After listening to nineteen Gently appearances I knew I couldn't go through six or seven years worth of faux interviews & make it out alive. So instead tomorrow on the show I'll focus on the first year of Howard Gently. & return again soon to more of his funnies. How can I not play every time he appeared on the show? Gently was born on Self Help Radio, he made Self Help Radio something better, he needs to be remembered on Self Help Radio. Starting from his first appearance.

Corporate Standardized Programming Brother Russell Show

(image of "Brother Russell" from the back of his second CD, found here)

Last night (or this morning - it's been a long day) I paid tribute to my friend Russell on my KBOO show Corporate Standardized Programming. You can listen to the show here.

That is of course not a picture of Russell. I have a vague memory of him showing it to me when he found it. I realize now looking at it, I didn't center it properly when I edited it. Oh well. He was always a little off. He might appreciate that joke,

The show was not easy to do. We don't often have literally hours of recordings of people we will never see again. In some cases, I was present when the recording happened. I have memories of Russell sharing his recordings with me. For one of his songs, he shared with me early mixes. I was always one of his biggest fans. My only regret is I couldn't find one of my favorite songs of his. If I do find it, I'll play it on Self Help Radio on Thursday. I'll discuss my plans for that show tomorrow.

Maybe there's some things you'll discover about Russell, maybe you'll like his songs, maybe there's a prank call you hadn't heard yet. I think he might be a bit embarrassed by all this, which is fine. He should've promoted himself more. Or picked better friends to promote him. Because as you know about my own self-promotion, I fucking suck at it.

Okay. Gotta get to work on Thursday's show.

Radio Filled With Brother Russell

Tonight on my show on KBOO, Corporate Standardized Programming, I'll play lots of pranks featuring the woman on the left up there, the venerable Melba Jackson, as well as interviews I conducted with the fellow on the right up there, the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently. The person in the middle of that picture is my friend Russell, who is no longer with us. He will be represented by lots of music he wrote & recorded. He was a very dear friend, a person whom I knew for decades, who shared so much life with me that it's strange & sad that he's not here to do that anymore.

Pranks & music & improvised radio interviews. & more? It'll happen midnight to 3am on 90.7fm KBOO Portland, kboo dot fm.