Self Help Radio 030817: Maybe

(Original image here.)

Maybe Self Help Radio was on last night?  No, I'm sure it was!  The theme was "maybe."  Or was it? Come on, it's like twelve hours ago!  Who's supposed to be able to remember that far into the past?

Yes, there was a show.  Yes, the theme was maybe.  Yes, there were lots of silly interviews.  Yes, there were lots of songs in which the word "maybe" was repeated many, many times.  Enough to make one less indecisive?  Maybe.  But maybe not.

The show is definitely I'm pretty sure no maybe at the Self Help Radio website.  Maybe you need a username & password to listen?  & maybe those are on the site?  Probably.  Maybe.  For sure the songs you'll hear are listed below.  I know that for certain.  Yes.

(part one)

"Maybe" Moondog _Moondog_
"Maybe" Tall Dwarfs _Hello Cruel World_
"Maybe" The Fastbacks _The Day That Didn't Exist_

"OK Maybe OK" Mega Emotion _OK Maybe OK_
"Maybe" The Three Degrees _Can You Dig It? The '70s Soul Experience_
"A Sex Maybe" Mike Birbiglia _My Girlfriend's Boyfriend_
"Maybe Someday" The Submissives _Do You Really Love Me?_
"In The Maybe World" Lisa Germano _In The Maybe World_

"Maybee" Tania + Holy Worm _Maybee_
"Maybe This Day" Kissing The Pink _Naked_
"Maybe Baby" The Skywriters _The Skywriters_
"Maybe This Song" Bruce Haack _Farad: The Electric Voice_

"Maybe Your Baby" The Dirtbombs _If You Don't Already Have A Look_

(part two)

"Maybe Baby" Buddy Holly _Not Fade Away: The Complete Studio Recordings & More_
"Yes, No, Maybe So" Barrett Strong _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 1: 1959-1961_
"Maybe (Acoustic Radio Session)" The Wonder Stuff _Love Bites & Bruises_

"Maybe" Raindrops _Confidential Doo-Wop, Vol. 1_
"Don't Mean Maybe" Dakota Staton _I Hate Cherries (Serious 50s Female Jivers)_
"Of Course, But Maybe" Louis CK _Oh My God_
"Not Even A Maybe" Television Personalities _Strangely Beautiful EP_

"Maybe You're Right" Cat Stevens _Mona Bone Jakon_
"Maybe" The Submarines _Honeysuckle Weeks_
"You Deserve More Than A Maybe" St. Christopher _Temple Cloud_
"Maybe - Who Knows?" Gene Austin _Fats Waller 1927-1929_

"Oh Yeah, Maybe Baby" The Crystals _Da Doo Ron Ron: The Very Best Of The Crystals_
"Maybe I Know" Lesley Gore _Growin' Up Too Fast: The Girl Group Anthology_
"Maybe Laughter" Dressy Bessy _Sound Go Round

Whither Maybe?

(Clip art from here & here.)

One of the things I miss most about being at WRFL - which just had a birthday, happy birthday to them! - is that I got to do a lot of "fills," which means basically freeform radio shows where I could play music not related to a particular theme.  There were weeks when I would do five or seven hours of radio, & of course only two of those hours would have been Self Help Radio.

Oh boo fucking hoo Gary, I hear you say. Why not just do a Self Help Radio one week that's just music you like?

It's a nice suggestion, & I'm sure no one would care if that happened, but it's not something I've ever really done, so it would feel like I was being lazy if I started now. I mean, the show has covered <a lot of themes, but the truth is, there are so many shows I still haven't done.  In addition to feeling lazy, a show where I just basically played random music would also seem like a wasted opportunity.

What is there to do? What happens when a band I really like releases a song or an album I really like & I want to play it on the radio? How about make a show with a theme based on that song? Well, there's an idea!

& that's how this week's show came about. One of my favorite bands in the world is called Bearsuit, & they don't exist anymore, but three of the Bears have a band now called Mega Emotion & Mega Emotion have a new single called OK Maybe OK that's f-ing brilliant, & so I have made the decision to make a show around that song. Perhaps I should have gone with the theme "OK" - but things really aren't okay - so "maybe" won out.

Which is maybe how it should be.

The show is on tonight (!) on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at Lexington Community Radio's website - you'll need to choose WLXU. It's on from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central, & that's about as specific I can get.

Will you enjoy it? Maybe.

Preface To Maybe: Synonyms

At Self Help Radio, we love synonyms.  Sure, they're not as clever as homonyms, or as brainy as antonyms, but there's a peace & satisfaction to redundancy that it's easy to be drawn to.  Did you know the two funniest sketches in the world of comedy derive a great deal of their humor from synonyms?  Those are, first, the world-famous Monty Python Dead Parrot sketch:



& then there's the Cheese Shop sketch (which I love more than the Dead Parrot sketch) (it's true!):



Sometimes on Self Help Radio I indulge myself (& maybe you) with synonyms.  But I don't know if I'll have time tomorrow to go on about synonyms for the word maybe.  So, thanks to thesaurus.com, here are the synonyms for maybe:

perchance. perhaps. possibly. peradventure. probably. potentially. conceivable. conceivably. credible. feasible.  imaginably. as it may be. can be. could be. it could be. for all one knows. at all.

Most certainly you can think of a funny sketch where someone needs to know something but the person he or she turns to for the information can't be nailed down to a concrete response.  & out come the synonyms!

Now I wish I had written something like that for the show.  Maybe I still can.  But.  Maybe I can't.

This Is My Brain Looking Out My Window

Outside my window - in our new house - the window still doesn't have curtains - there's a sheet tacked up to keep too bright light & a lack of privacy out - if you look out the window I was saying - which I can do if I turn to my right & pull the sheet aside - the wife asked me if I wanted curtains or blinds & I said blinds - I hope that was the right decision - what was I talking about? - oh yeah - if I look out the window, I can see two houses - the houses in the neighborhood aren't exactly across from one another - they build houses quite long around here - so I see - out the window - most of the house across the street - well, all of it, technically - but also some of the house just north of it, on its right - my left - but in between those houses I see a lake - yes, a lake - I'm sure I've mentioned that before - the houses across the street have their own lake.

Actually - only one of the houses owns the lake - the others just use it I suppose - maybe they give a little money to the owner? - I have never asked - in fact - our neighbors have expressed concern that when the owners die - & the male owner  is between 94 & 97 years old - we watched him cross the street one day - we've never met - he was crossing the street to bring magazine to our neighbor to the south - on our right - I asked the neighbor about this, he said the old man brought him his "conservative" magazines - charming! - anyway we were at the end of the street with the dogs & we saw him start to make his way across the street - I guess we were seven houses away - but remember these are long houses - still, we got home before the old conservative gentleman got to the neighbor's front door - & he walked with his cane & his hunched frame through the yard - no time for out-of-the-way sidewalks! - but anyway the neighbors are afraid that when he dies, the whole property will be sold to someone who'll drain the lake & build an apartment complex.

That could happen - or he could live much longer - he has a beautiful house & he owns a damn lake - you know, one of the neighbors - the one to the north of the old conservative man - he told me it was fine to come back to his yard & look at the lake - & I've done it twice - I still feel like I am trespassing - both houses have big back windows for to look at the lovely lake - & there are so many ducks & other fascinating waterfowl - who swim quickly away when I show up - I keep meaning to go to a feed store to buy some goose chow or something - that I feel conspicuous, especially if, let's say, the very old conservative man - who's probably armed to the teeth - this is Texas after all - this is America after all - sees me - he doesn't know me - & thinks I am in fact trespassing - that would suck - I don't need a load of buckshot in my butt - or worse.

Still, it would be better - much better - to just have the lake to peek at through two houses instead of an apartment complex - you know?

Prospects, Part III

Back in this post, about six months ago, I detailed what I thought my chances were at different non-commercial radio stations in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex, & I thought I'd give you a quick update about what's happening in that search.

Every week, I prepare a short (never longer than two minutes each) segment for KFTW - the low-power fm station here in Fort Worth - called the Arts Calendar.  Basically, I detail what things are happening with theater, dance, independent film, & classical music in the city for Thursday, Friday, & Saturday.  I had said that I might do some sort of local show on the station, because they do play only local music, but that "the chances of Self Help Radio finding a home at KFTW are the unlucky toss of a coin."

That turned out to be true.  I obviously met the station's founders & they're awesome & I'm glad to help in any way.  But Self Help Radio can never just play local music, so it won't air there.

I was much more hopeful about KTCU, the college station at Texas Christian University, & I even met with the Station Manager who is also a faculty member at the station.  I thought the meeting went well, & although it was just a volunteer position, he asked me to send him a list of referrals like it was a job application (that's never happened before), & I did.  But I never heard back from him.  When the spring semester began, I wrote again & said I was still interested in volunteering.  But he never responded to that email, either.  Back in August, I wrote, "I think the chances of Self Help Radio find a home at KTCU are pretty good."  I couldn't have been more wrong.

One thing to point out is there's a good show - programmed by a non-student - called Night Skool, which is, like Self Help Radio, organized around a particular theme.  It may be why the person in charge of KTCU didn't want Self Help Radio, or me, although I can't understand why he couldn't have just written & said that.  But oh well.  The station seems very happy with the majority of its programming being automated, & if it's fine with that, I can understand why an eager body wouldn't be welcome.

Lastly, I wandered into the KNON studios in October, asking to volunteer, & was welcomed warmly, to the point that now I help out on some talk shows running the board, & have volunteered at benefits & the like.  & of course I've subbed three shows there.  But the station doesn't really have a process by which one can get a show short of just sticking it out - so that's what I'm doing.  I had written back in August "the chances of Self Help Radio finding a home at KNON are probably very small."  That's not entirely now.  I can't say where I might be in a queue of people waiting to do shows, but KNON has certain "blocks" of programming in which Self Help Radio just wouldn't fit - you know, the show's not Gospel, nor Latin Energy, nor Country - so when spots in those hours open up, as they have, Self Help Radio isn't even a consideration.

But I would hope my contributions to the station, including showing that I do a decent job subbing shows, will be in my favor if a spot that Self Help Radio might fit into opens.  I like the folks there a lot, & I like the station a lot.  & at this point, it does look like it might be the only place in the area that Self Help Radio might land.

As it stands, of course, the show still airs weekly in Lexington on WLXU - something for which I am truly grateful.

Self Help Radio 030117: In The Sky

(Original image here.)

Look!  Up in the sky!  It's a bird!  It's a plane!  Oh wait, it's just radio waves.  & what's worse they're carrying that Self Help Radio show.  What a public nuisance!

Yes, Self Help Radio was in the sky last night, & luckily there were no stray dirigibles around to knock the show about.  Instead, there were lots of songs about being in the sky, there were lots of silly interviews - the same old thing, really, except with some altitude.

The show is down-to-earth again (is that what that means?) at the Self Help Radio website.  Please note username/password information.  See the songs that almost floated away below.

Or was it all just a dream of flying?

(part one)

"In The Sky" Moston & Malente _Ursadelica_
"Sitar In The Sky" Mykej _Bombay Beats_

"Riders In The Sky" Vaughn Monroe _The Best Of Vaughn Monroe_
"Ship In The Sky" Woody Guthrie _Hard Travelin' (The Asch Recordings Vol. 3)_
"Eyeballs In The Sky" Firesign Theatre _Give Me Immortality Or Give Me Death_
"Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" Circulus _Mojo Presents Sgt. Pepper... With A Little Help From His Friends_

"Signal In The Sky (Let's Go)" The Apples In Stereo _The Powerpuff Girls: Heroes & Villains_
"Up In The Sky" The Jean-Paul Sartre Experience _I Like Rain: The Story Of The Jean-Paul Sartre Experience_
"Up In The Sky Sometime" Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers _Rockin' & Romance_
"Spirit In The Sky" Norman Greenbaum _Super Hits Of The '70s - Have A Nice Day, Vol. 2_

"Dancing In The Sky" Moonbabies _Moonbabies At The Ballroom_

(part two)

"Armenia City In The Sky" The Who _The Who Sell Out_
"Flowers In The Sky" Revolving Paint Dream _CD86: 48 Tracks From The Birth Of Indie Pop_
"Castles In The Sky" Blonde On Blonde _ Circus Days Vol. 2 (UK Pop-Sike Obscurities 1967-1970)_

"Castle In The Sky" Gerri Granger _High Voltage: The Big Top Records Story_
"City In The Sky" The Staple Singers _City In The Sky_
"Stained-Glass Windows In The Sky" Felt _Poem Of The River_
"Susan's In The Sky" Bubblegum Lemonade _Doubleplusgood_

"Home In The Sky" Cat Stevens _Buddha & The Chocolate Box_
"Hairdresser In The Sky" Music Seen _The Waaaaah! CD_
"Rain In The Sky" The Delinquents _The Delinquents_
"Star Up In The Sky" Jandek _Telegraph Melts_

"Castle In The Sky (feat Jens Lekman)" Montt Mardié _Clocks/Pretender_
"Owl Cut (White Flowers In The Sky)" Elf Power _In A Cave_

Whither In The Sky?

(Image from here.)

Why a show in the sky?  How often have I been in the sky, anyway?  I'll tell you: I first got on a plane when I was six - I've probably told this story before - going to Germany with my mother.  I was very disappointed to discover there weren't angels & other celestial beings living on the clouds - the seeds of skepticism were sowed quite early in me.

The next time I got on a plane was when I was eighteen, flying quickly down to Austin for college orientation.  I remember telling my friend Joe, who accompanied me, that it was weird that people get used to flying.  He wrote a note that said, "I was the only one on the plane who knew it would crash." He wanted to be remembered as a prophet, although people might have judged him foolish for getting on the plane in the first place.

It was a few years - six, in fact - that I got in a plane again, flying to Germany again.  Since then, I've flown back & forth to Europe twice, flown all over the country, to Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, New York, & flown the longest to Australia & back.  Since I can't really sleep on planes, the longer the trip, the harder to endure.  Flying can be exhausting.

But I don't dislike flying.  My sister Pat hated it so much she didn't step on a plane until she was in her late 50s, & afterwards said she'd never do it again.  & she didn't.  I am not so fearful, but I am aware there's something quite strange in being in a metal cylinder in the sky.  Something unnatural.

The world is too big, & it's weird & sad to not want to go see as much of it as you can.  You know?

As for what's in the sky: I am someone who's always looking up into the sky.  I love that we live on a planet that has a moon.  I love the sun, I love all the stars.  I love clouds & how they create such different light situations, not to mention storms.  I love the sudden unexpected sight of a helicopter, or a kite, or birds, in an otherwise empty sky.  I love that there are things in the sky.

Also I think it's cool that we build things called skyscrapers that are like homes in the sky.  I would love to live in one of them, not for long - I will always assume I will have dogs, & I would hate to have to talk the elevator down from the millionth floor to let them out - but for a time.

Well, let's just settle for a show in the sky.  Okay, not in the sky.  About things in the sky.  But technically, since it'll be sent out in the form of radio waves, it'll be in the sky.  Most of my shows have gone into the sky.  Gee!

It's on tonight on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & everywhere at LCR online, from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central. Don't be afraid of heights!  Listen!

Preface To In The Sky: High Time

Warning: what follows is probably of interest to nobody but the host of this radio show.

In conversation with a friend, once I told this friend that the theme of this week's show is "in the sky," this friend said to me, "Didn't you do a show about skies at some point?"

This is what I'm up against.  I know for a fact this friend doesn't really listen to my show.  In fact, this friend is only vaguely aware of my show, sometimes asking about it in passing just to be polite.  &, I might add, never impressed by the theme.

There's a show somewhat similar to mine in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex, which I enjoy, even if sometimes I don't really like the themes that are covered.  For example, last week, since it came before the Oscars, the show featured Oscar-winning tunes.  Something I would never enjoy - I mean, this won the Oscar for best song in 2017, & I personally find it painful to listen to.  I would rather let rats eat my extremities than subject myself to that (or, I should add, the other nominees in the category).*

When I mentioned the theme to my friend, this was the response: "Oscar songs?  That's great!"

Oh how I often feel like Tantalus!

In any event, I went to my index of themes on my website, & discovered just one theme related to skies, which was blue skies, back in 2015.  I didn't feel like confronting my friend, but it didn't seem to me that the two themes overlapped.  There was not, for example, a song called "In The Blue Sky" which might also be applicable for this show.

But there you go.  Some people are friends despite being mostly disinterested in your life.  It happens.  The bonds that hold you together are older than what you turn into as you age.  & frankly, you just like the person.

In any event, my friend won't be listening to my show tomorrow night.  Maybe you will.

* Of course, you can like what you want to. I don't think my opinion is better than yours.

Another Post Entitled "What I Did Today"

Somehow I thought it would be funny to turn this blog - ostensibly about a radio show - into a kind of mundane diary recounting dumb experiences I had during the day like anyone cares.  It's just that I don't have many experiences, dumb or otherwise.

For example, the best experiences I had today were dreams.  This morning I dreamt I went to a sort of secret party where I saw people I knew but was aware I had to call them by special names.  I sat on a sofa next to John Cleese where I ruined everything by acknowledging of him & thanking him for all the joy he gave me which led to him standing up & going to sit somewhere else.

& when I napped this afternoon, I dreamt I was in a car accident on I-30 - a road on which I am a lot, as I take that route to volunteer at KNON - & it was strange to wake up in bed & slowly realize that I wasn't in a car at all.

Other than that, I spent the day working on my show.

But I do keep a kind of diary.  It's more or less a list of things I've done - nothing interesting like thoughts or philosophizing - it's more a memory aid.  I can look at it & it lets me know things I might have done a couple years ago that I'm sure to forget.  For example, two years ago today, I read:

Woke to find out that Leonard Nimoy died.  He was 83.  Shit.  Ow, fuck.  Sad.

It occurs to me that this blog also sort of function as a diary of a kind reminding me of what might have been happening at some point in time.  For example, three years ago here, when I was writing about the theme split, I began the blog entry like so:

One day I split in two.  Was it mitosis?  Was it meiosis?  Was it youosis?  I have noosis idea.

Ho ho, what a card.

Best I stop a) talking about my life & b) trying to be funny.  Stick to the radio shit, pal!

What I Did Today

Besides driving to Dallas & back & watching the Oscars I mean.

Today was the 16th Annual Mardi Gras Gumbo Party, a benefit for KNON, at which I volunteered.  Seeing as I don't eat any animal products at all, & that the gumbo prepared by I think eight cooks was all pretty meaty, I didn't get to sample any gumbo, but that was fine.  I stood at an entrance, making sure the people who came in that way had wristbands &, if they didn't, I directed them to where they needed to enter.

A fellow on a bike with a big backpack (someone there suggested to me he was homeless) asked me what was going on at the event.  I said it was a Mardi Gras Gumbo Party.  He said, "Can you hook a brother up with some gumbo?"  I told him I couldn't because the cooks hadn't set their stands up yet.  I probably would have, though.  I suggested he come back in an hour but he didn't.

Since it was at a bar, there was drinking; since I had to drive, I didn't drink.  But surprisingly, two women - both smokers, who came to near I was standing to smoke (I was outside) - had in a short period of time consumed a good deal of alcohol, & chatted with me.  I asked them lots of questions & found out lots about their lives.

One of them told me she was a therapist & began to give me therapeutic advice.  She told me she knew why I was volunteering.  75%, she said, was because I believe in the cause of the station; the other quarter percent, she insisted, was because of a sense of obligation.  I told her that first part was probably true, but the other 25% was because I was hoping that, if I put it lots of work for KNON, I might one day get a show.  But I'm probably more selfish than that - it's probably 25-75% the other way around.  She got offended in that drunken way when I joked to a friend that she was psychoanalyzing me.  But at least I got her name!

The other person (who never told me her name) was a chef, a food critic, & one of the judges of the gumbo (it was a competition) (I didn't stay long enough to find out who won).  She complained that she got no protein in her samples, just "rice & beef broth."  She was very nice & very engaging, but when another judge came up to us, she repeated her complaint to him, & was disappointed when he told her he didn't have the same experience.  "One of my bowls," he said, "had an entire crawfish in it.  What're you supposed to do with that?"

The vegan didn't have any response for him.

Self Help Radio 022217: Fate

(Original image here.)

You won't believe it, but this is kind of a neat & special episode of Self Help Radio, if such a thing can be.  Not the music or me - that's the same old stuff.  But I had the notion to come up with an overarching motif that would connect all the funny people who improvise interviews with me on the show for this week.  Since one of my collaborators plays a character, I needed that character to be the lynchpin for the proceedings.  Thus was created (not by me, but by the person who plays Dr. Gently) the Fate's Ahoy Captain Of Your Own Destiny Voyage Of Self Discovery!

Every person you hear on the show came up with their own experience of the cruise, & then Dr. Gently reacts to their experiences, & of course making up some of his own.  I need to repeat: the improvisers had only the name of the cruise & their knowledge of the Dr. Gently character to go on.  I asked some questions, but everything else comes from their own demented minds.

Personally I think it went swimmingly.  We must try to do it again sometime!

As for the show, it's now of course at the Self Help Radio website.  The fateful songs I played on that fateful show have been listed below.  Will Fate bring you to this week's show?  I dunno, I'll leave it up to destiny.

(part one)

"Fate" Gordon Macrae _Kismet_
"Fate" Miaow _When It All Comes Down_
"Fate" Rocket 3 _Burn_

"The Killing Moon" Echo & The Bunnymen _Ocean Rain_
"Cast Your Fate To The Winds" We Five _You Were On My Mind_
"Fate Planned It This Way" Showmen _Crescent City Soul: The Sound Of New Orleans 1947-1974_
"Fate Vs The Impossible!" The National Pep _Citizen Gomez_

"Simple Twist Of Fate" Bob Dylan _Blood On The Tracks_
"I Believe In Fate" Papas Fritas _Buildings & Grounds_
"It's My Fate" The Sweets _Gone 7"_
"Fate To Fatal" Breeders _Fate To Fatal_

"Cheer For Fate" Mt St Helens Vietnam Band _Mt St Helens Vietnam Band_

(part two)

"My Fate Is In Your Hands" Josephine Baker _Exotique_
"It's Fate, Baby It's Fate (with Betty Garrett)" Frank Sinatra _Sinatra In Hollywood: 1940-1964_
"Senior Service" Elvis Costello & The Attractions _Armed Forces_

"Master Of My Fate" American Breed _Pumpkin Powder Scarlet Green_
"Our Fate" The Mourning Reign _Good Things Are Happening_
"Twist Of Fate" Bad Lieutenant _Never Cry Another Tear_
"Orange Light" Latimer House _Hey!_

"Seal My Fate" Belly _King_
"The Fickle Finger Of Fate" Jerry Keller _The Complete Recordings, Vol. 2_
"When Fate Deals Its Mortal Blow" Scientists _Blood Red River 1982-1984_
"Bondage Of Fate" OMD _History Of Modern_

"What Did I Ever Do To Deserve Such A Fate" The Music Explosion _Little Bit O' Soul_
"That's How I Escaped My Certain Fate" Mission Of Burma _Vs._
"Fatal Twist Of Fate" Cartridge _Fractures_

Whither Fate?

(image from the Wikipedia page)

Dr. Fate was a comic book hero who dabbled in the mystic arts way before Dr. Strange did.  Created by Gardner Fox & Howard Sherman, Dr. Fate's powers always perturbed me somewhat - he tended to have whatever spell was necessary for solution of the plot - & his origins were vague enough that there have been half a dozen other Dr. Fates (since the powers come from the helmet, which is possessed by a being called Nabu) since then whose abilities & adventures rely upon whomever is writing the story at the time.  I still think he's pretty cool, though.

But Dr. Fate has nothing whatsoever to do with tonight's show.  Tonight's show is based around the fact that next month I'll be going on the Fates Ahoy Captain Of Your Own Destiny Voyage Of Self Discovery hosted by none other than the Reverend Doctor Howard Gently!  Not only will he be on the show to talk about the cruise, but also I'll talk to three people who took the cruise last year!  Plus, you know, tons of songs about fate.

It's on tonight on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington from 9-11pm eastern time.  It's also on Lexington Community Radio dot org at the same time, which happens to be 8-10pm central.  Perhaps it is your fate to listen?

Preface To Fate: Something I Found Online

There's nothing really to say about the fate show (which airs tomorrow) that I won't say tomorrow, but I did find this cool Youtube collection of the most popular songs from 1840 to 2013.  I confess I am mostly unfamiliar with the songs passed 1990, & have never really heard any of them past 2000 (I thought "Hey Ya" would make it whatever year it came out), but I am really fascinated by the early songs.  Have a listen - enjoy the presentation - it's kinda cool.

It Is My Fate To Write Crappy Blogs

Arrgh, there's no time today, I've been working on my dumb show & living my dumb life so, for your edification & probably revulsion, I have found a very old poem - I wrote it almost twenty years ago - in which I happen to mention "fate."  Enjoy?

Game Theory

stare at life, through the lens that's dirty.  i'm thirty, closing in on

older, wishing for the heart to make my mind catch fire.  moments so mired

in emotion wait, do they, to bog me down.  i'll drown, a better fate, than

slowing to statue in a haze of cigarette air.

let me see, as out of practice as out of time.  i go from salt to lime,

washed throat with alcohol swabbing, spider in a dark ditch.  but which is

which, the heart or the balls, hand to hold or body to bang.  something

someone sang resonates, something someone said i disbelieve.

whatever, i'm kept busy by being kept busy, feeding cats & bathing.  i

don't mind aging, though it's not growth.  no i don't see souls together,

just vases filled with dying flowers yards apart.  my broken heart believes

out of spite, even though so fond of the word "never."

so sign me up, eyes need eyes to make sense of chemical need.  always more

to bleed, always more blood though thin, though fading red.  what instead,

newspaper voyeurism, sexual vandalism, embracing the dirt as the blooms

fade.  no, not today, i want to scare the seconds when my time is up.

Shit, It's Sunday Isn't It?

Damn it, I'm supposed to write something in this blog today.  Well, poops.

Were you listening a couple weeks ago when there was an interview with two guys who started the world's first online dating service?  That was a little experiment I wanted to try.  Two of my funny collaborators, David & CJ, were tasked with telling their side of the story - making it up on the spot - improvising, you know - with no idea what the other was saying!

In fact, I'm not sure the two have ever met each other before - I knew one at KVRX & the other at KOOP.

In any event, I thought it was fun.  They both have distinctive senses of humor & they took their stories in interesting directions.  I thought to myself, what if I did that with all four of my current contributors?

So this week we will.  This week my show will revolve not only around songs about fate, but about a specific event that the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently is involved with, & I'll "interview" three fellows who attended the event last year.

It's going to be fun, I hope, & funny, no doubt.  I kept telling them, "Let's Rashomon the shit out of this thing!"  That's the background for this - all they know is the character of Dr. Gently & the name of his event.  What they'll experience will be entirely up to them & their demented minds.

Does that sound like fun?

Self Help Radio 021517: Are You Ready?

(Original image here.)

How many of Self Help Radio's themes have been questions?  I count seven, if you include this one, with such probing inquiries as: Are you sure?; At what cost?; Does it matter?; What happened?; What o'clock is it?; & most recently, Who's the boss?

Oh, & I didn't mention yesterday why this theme was explored - I had intended, actually, to simply do a "ready" show.  But early on I titled it "are you ready" & as I started listening to stuff, I thought it might be more fun - & more challenging - to do a show in which I narrowed the idea somewhat to the phrase "are you ready."  (I know most people don't think this show is fun, but I gotta get my kicks somewhere.)  The result, of course, is something you can listen to now!

The show is ready for you at the Self Help Radio website.  Please remember username/password info, available on the page.  Are you ready to listen?  What?  You want to know what songs I played first?  Okay, okay.  They're below.

Now are you ready?

(part one)

"Are You Ready" Henry Wilson _Record Hop_
"Are You Ready" The Dixie Hummingbirds _A Christian Testimonial_
"Are You Ready" Sly & The Family Stone _Dance To The Music_

"Are You Ready" Dave Davies _Hidden Treasures_
"Are You Ready?" Pacific Gas & Electric _Are You Ready?_
"Are You Ready" Bruce Ruffin _Rain_
"Are You Ready" The Chambers Brothers _New Generation_

"Are You Ready" Gruppo Sportivo _Back To 78_
"Are You Ready" Crispy Ambulance _The Plateau Phase_
"Are You Ready" James _Strip-Mine_
"Are You Ready?" Fatty Gets A Stylist _Fatty Gets A Stylist_

"Are You Ready?" Wire _Object 47_

(part two)

"Are You Ready" Mercury Rev _The Light In You_
"Are You Ready For It" Holograms _Night Of 1000 Ex-Boyfriends_
"Your Fucking Sunny Day" Lambchop _Thriller_

"R U Ready (R U Freddy)" Tania + Holy Worm _R U Ready (R U Freddy)_
"Are You Ready For The Sex Girls?" Gleaming Spires _Songs Of The Spires_
"Are You Ready For This" Jackie DeShannon _The Complete Liberty & Imperial Singles, Vol. 2_
"Are You Ready To Be Heartbroken?" Lloyd Cole & The Commotions _Rattlesnakes_

"People Are You Ready" Prince Mohammed _People Are You Ready_
"Are You Ready To Dance?" Dirt Bike Annie _Hit The Rock!_
"Are You Ready To The Party (ft. Nicole Willis)" Mr. Comicstore _SoulShaker Vol. 4_
"Are You Ready For The Country?" Neil Young _Harvest_

"(Are You Ready) Do The Bus Stop" Fatback Band _Raising Hell_
"Are You Ready For This" Bill Deal & The Rhondels _The Best Of Bill Deal & The Rhondels_

Whither Are You Ready?

(Image from here.)

Are you ready for a show with the theme "Are You Ready"?  If you answered yes, then, cool!  The show's on tonight!  If you answered no, then, well - might you be ready in around eleven hours?  If you answered yes, then, yay!  The show will be on then!  If you answered no, then, rats!  If you're not ready then, the show will have to go on without you.  I hope that doesn't bother you.  Does it bother you?  If you answered yes, then, hey!  Maybe try to be ready at eight pm central, nine pm eastern!  If you answered no, then, ah, I see, you don't care about the show, & that's all right.  I understand there's much, much better radio out there, & I am certain you at least care about some radio, right?  Do you care about some radio?  If you answered yes, then, I knew it!  It's good to care about something!  If you answered no, then...

What the hell am I doing?  This has become like some kind of "choose your own adventure" of an unwell mind.  I just wanted to let you know about the show tonight, not quiz you constantly about your motivations.  Anyway, the theme is "Are You Ready," it's not a question for you to answer but rather a question for the show to answer.  You see.

The show's on tonight from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central, airing in Lexington on the radio at 93.9 fm & online everywhere at the Lexington Community Radio website.  I hope you can listen.

Also I hope you can handle hearing the question "are you ready?" asked over & over without feeling the need to respond.  I couldn't.  I'll screaming "I'm not ready!" at myself all show long.

Preface To Are You Ready: Mercy Dash

Happy Valentine's Day!  I am done with sharing old Valentine's Day shows.  I am sure you're relieved.

If there has been a criticism of Self Help Radio I've had to hear over the years, it's that the show focuses on the theme being "in the song's title" rather than just what the song's about.  It's a fair criticism, & I have no defense - I generally wanted to make sure that the songs I play follow the show's theme & the easiest way to do so is to have it as obvious as the song's title - though if the song is called the theme but doesn't actually talk about the theme, I usually reject it.

There's just so much music!  In the gathering process I must rely upon a dumb old database & my worse old brain.  So - in my zeal to gather music related to this week's theme "Are You Ready" - I focused more on titles than on content, & I forgot about - until this afternoon - a Shriekback song I totally would have played.

But wait, Gary!  Your show is tomorrow!  Can't you play it then?

Alas, the show is prerecorded, since I no longer live in Kentucky.  I sent it to the station today, as I do every Tuesday.  I was in the shower, singing to myself, when I thought of this song, which constantly asks, "Are you ready?"

In my embarrassment I play it for you hear.  Enjoy.  & hope that one day Self Help Radio can be live again!

Valentine's Day Approaches

(Original image here.)

Here's another bit of the past: a Self Help Radio Valentine's Show from 2007.  It's the second-oldest Valentine's Day show I currently have a copy of that is digitized, although I think I have the earlier shows on cassette (if they survive at all).  There was apparently no Valentine's Day show in 2006, & I have no idea why.  But I resumed in 2007 with a show about crushes.

Some things to note about this show:

1) The show was recorded on a failing cassette player which sped up my voice because it recorded things too slowly.  But the music sounds fine, so maybe my voice was a little higher back then?
2) The show is 90 minutes long.  I think I had moved to Fridays at this point.
3) There's a special appearance by a woman named Lisa who went on the air as "Miss Novak" for reasons I never asked about.  I believe she did the show before mine, which is why she sticks around for an airbreak.  Later on, she came to dislike me because of arguments on the station's Programming Committee, so it's strange to me to hear us so cordial.  I haven't seen nor heard from her since I left KOOP in 2008, barely a year later.  (Looking at the KOOP web site, I don't see her show's name, so perhaps she no longer deejays at the station.)
4) Two features of old Self Help Radio: the "Self Help Radio minute," an attempt to be funny that I never spent too much time on, so I apologize in advance; & haikus.  I used to ask listeners for haikus (& yes, I know the plural of haiku is "haiku" but I still prefer "haikus") & didn't get many submissions, so I wrote them myself.  Eventually I gave them up, though for months afterwards people said they loved the haikus on my show.

The show is now at the Self Help Radio website.  It's in two parts, so you'll need to go there to get it.  What's in the parts are below!

(& remember, this year's Valentine's Day show (about sweethearts) & last year's Valentine's Day show (about heartbreak) are still available if you wanna listen!)

(part one)

"Crush" CJ Buchanan _Whom To Love?  Whom Not?_
"I've Got A Crush On You" Petra Haden & Bill Frisell _Petra Haden & Bill Frisell_
"The New Teller" Jonathan Richman _Beserkely Chartbusters_
"1-2 Crush On You" The Clash _Clash On Broadway_

"Crush On You" Little Girls _The Podolor-Cooper Sessions_
"Teenage Girl Crush" Angelica _Teenage Girl Crush_
"Crushed" Girlfrendo _Surprise, Surprise It's Girlfrendo_
"Nerdy Boys" Candypants _Alright, This Time Just The Girls Vol. 2_

"I Don't Really Love You Anymore" Magnetic Fields _i_
"Oops! I Did It Again" Richard Thompson _1000 Years Of Popular Music_
"You Little Fool" Elvis Costello _Imperial Bedroom_
"The Saturday Boy" Billy Bragg _Back To Basics_

"Mix Tape" Michael Shelley _I Blame You_

(part two)

"Denis" Blondie _Plastic Letters_
"Since You Stole My Heart" Saturday Looks Good To Me _Every Night_
"Crush Lasts Nearly An Entire Bus Ride" Onion Radio News _Onion Radio News_
"Grape Crush" Dirt Bike Annie _Hit The Rock_
"Bewitched" Beat Happening _Jamboree_

"Kylie's Got A Crush On Us" BMX Bandits _Life Goes On_
"Josh Has A Crush On A Femme From Reed" New Bad Things _Freewheel!_
"Crush Whatever" Manhattan Love Suicides _The Manhattan Love Suicide_
"Secretest Crush" Casiotone For The Painfully Alone _The First Two Records On One CD_

"Krush" Stars _The Comeback EP_
"Secret Crush On Third Trombone" Fosca _Diary Of An Antibody_
"Crushed" Cocteau Twins _Lonely Is An Eyesore_

Valentine's Day Past

(Original image here.)

Feeling a little guilty about a Valentine's Day show so far in advance of Valentine's Day, I thought to myself, hey!  Maybe I can share an old Valentine's Day show with you!  (Last's year's show, about heartbreak, is still available to listen to as well.)  So I dug up the oldest Self Help Radio VD episode I could find, which, it turns out, was also way too early for Valentine's Day, so I did a show not about love, but about hate.

It may be strange to listen to now; it was for me!  I don't announce the theme at the beginning of the show.  There's no background music for me to rely upon if I need to pause.  It's really just me talking off the top of my head & trying to be funny.  Listening now, I think I sound much more self-confident than I do these days.  But you can be the judge of that, should you listen.

One day I'll re-do a show about hate, but just until Valentine's Day you can listen to what Self Help Radio sounded like a mere twelve years ago, back before either of us was born.  It's available now at the Self Help Radio website or directly linked here.  You'll need to remember username SHR & password selfhelp in either case.  The quality isn't so good - in those days I recorded my shows on cassette & then digitized them.  A hiss is prominent.

Here's what I played, though the last song fades out:

"I Hate You" Monks from _Black Monk Time_
"I Hate You" Damien Youth from _Damien Youth_
"Today I Hate Everyone" Killjoys from _Starry_
"We Hate All The Same Things" Mr T Experience from _...And The Women Who Love Them_

"Hate" Cinerama from _Va Va Voom_
"All You Need Is Hate" Delgados from _Hate_
"Hate Is The New Love" Mekons from _OOOH!_
"Let's Fall In Hate" Michael Shelley from _I Blame You_

"I Hate Myself" Anita Lane from _Sex O'Clock_
"Hate My Way" Throwing Muses from _Throwing Muses_
"I Am Hated For Loving" Morrissey from _Vauxhall & I_
"The Mill Hill Self Hate Club" Edward Ball from _Creation Records: International Guardians Of Rock & Roll_

"Love & Hate" Crabs from _What Were Flames Now Smolder_
"I Hate Milk" Air Miami from _Me, Me, Me_

Maybe another old Valentine's show tomorrow?  What do you think?