Silver Birthday WRFL!

Happy silver anniversary WRFL!  Here's a show for you full of silver for your jubilee!  Happy happy happy birthday dear radio station!

Show is now tarnishing at the Self Help Radio website.  You can listen directly to each part like so: part one | part two.  Silver songs are in a list below.

Happy birthday happy birthday WRFL!

(part one)
"Silver" The Pixies _Doolittle_
"Silver" Echo & The Bunnymen _Ocean Rain_
"Silver" Mark Burgess & Yves Altana _Paradyning_

"Silver" The Anyways _The Sound Of Leamington Spa Vol 1_
"Silver" Ride _Play_
"Gold & Silber" Pyrolator _New Deutsch_
"Gold & Silver" Toots & The Maytals _Monkey Man/From The Roots_
"Silver & Gold" Neil Young _Silver & Gold_

"Look For The Silver Lining" Marion Harris _20 # 1 Hits Of The '20s_
"Silver Lining" Beulah _The Coast Is Never Clear_
"Silver Lining" Guards _In Guards We Trust_
"A Silver Key Can Open An Iron Lock Somewhere" Kleenex/Liliput _Kleenex/Liliput 1978-1983_
"By The Light Of The Silvery Moon" Little Richard _The Essential_

"Silver Morning" Brian Eno _Apollo: Atmospheres & Soundtracks_

(part two)
"Silver Plane" Felt _Poem Of The River_
"Silver Friends" The Lucksmiths _What Bird Is That?_
"Dan Destiny && The Silver Dawn" The Chills _Brave Words_
"Silver Dollars" Allo Darlin _Allo Darlin_

"Silver Rocket" Sonic Youth _Daydream Nation_
"Silver Shorts" The Wedding Present _Hit Parade 1_
"Silver Waterfalls" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Superstition_
"Fine Art In Silver" Phillip Boa & The Voodooclub _Boa Best Singles_

"Maxwell's Silver Hammer" Let's Wrestle _Mojo Presents Abbey Road Now_
"Silver Bird" Ruthann Friedman _Hurried Life: Lost Recordings 1965-1971_
"Silver Dew On The Bluegrass Tonight" Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys _San Antonio Rose_
"Silver Dollar" Bob Scobey Frisco Band _The Good Time Jazz Story_

"Silver Butterfly" Nicky James _Rubble Vol. 10_
"Silver Sportscar" Starlet _Stay On My Side_
"Silver Shoes" Ampersand _Ampersand_

Whither Silver?

I was walking along, minding my own bee's knees, thinking that on Friday, March 8, 2013, I would be doing a nice Self Help Radio show about bridges (probably on my mind since most of them in America are about to collapse) when suddenly someone says something about the radio station I'm on having a birthday that week.  A birthday!  But I do a birthday show every year for the love of my life!  Now I have to do one for a radio station that I love almost as much as I love the love of my life?

It hits me!  25 years is the silver anniversary!  Sure, RFL hasn't been married for 25 years to itself (that's still illegal under Kentucky law) but it has been 25 years of something.  & when you've had twenty-five years of something you have what the Wikipedia calls a Silver Jubilee.  Don't believe me?  Here's what it says on that page I just linked to:

A Silver Jubilee is a celebration held to mark a 25th anniversary. The anniversary celebrations can be of a wedding anniversary, ruling anniversary or anything that has completed a 25 year mark.

I must reiterate that this isn't a wedding anniversary since RFL is technically single (though in several committed relationships) but it is a ruling anniversary, since WRFL rules.  Oh yeah.

Listen today from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm in Lexington, or online at WRFL dot fm.  I'll archive the show this weekend.  Oh, & why not come celebrate with us tonight while you're in town?

Happy Silver Jubilee, WRFL!

Preface To Silver: Happy Birthday WRFL!

At 2pm on March 7, 1988, WRFL went on the air.  It's been playing amazing programming ever since. Happy birthday to this station I have come to love so much!

Do you know about this?  The first of a year of celebrations, at Al's Bar Friday night, with lots of RFL people in bands + RFL deejays.  What fun!  It will be great!

Here's the official poster.  I hope to see you there!

Up Series

I have spent the last few nights watching (& in some cases, re-watching) those documentaries called the  "Up Series."  The most recent one, which I haven't seen, just came out last year & may even still be in theaters like now.  (Probably not in Lexington though frowny face.)

It makes me wish & also not-wish (which means, you know, my life as it is) someone had filmed me every seven years.  I can't really imagine how different I would've looked/seemed/acted every seven years - also, I would've been in six of the films by now!

We should all have done that - yearbooks & crummy memories are not enough.  I wouldn't necessarily have wanted a documentary made - I was such an ugly child & worse as a teenager - but I wish I had a video snapshot of my life every seven years or so.  I might watch it too many times to be healthy.

Is it too late to start now?

Salmon Fishing In Alaska

Does this make you think of either Orange Juice's song "Salmon Fishing In New York" or Richard Brautigan's book Trout Fishing in America?  (I suppose you might also know the band as well.)  Neither of these have anything to do with actual salmon fishing in Alaska, but they were the two things I immediately thought of when I got an email entitled "Salmon Fishing In Alaska."

The email wasn't an ad or solicitation sent directly to me - instead it was sent to my Self Help Radio address.  Which is I suppose an address that spiders or other automation could rip from websites such as mine - but what if they thought they were writing to a self-help radio show?  What could that mean?

Here are some insights from the email:

There’s one reason why over 90% of our anglers return
to our Nushagak King Salmon Camp... They catch fish!

Also:

According to preliminary forecast from Alaska Fish and Game Biologist the 2013 King Salmon run on the Nushagak will be the largest in years which should mean another round of phenomenal fishing.

Want more proof?  Here's a picture!

That fish does not look happy.  That dude looks a little too happy.

I don't fish, & there's nothing about the details of the trip in the email, but do you have to eat the fish you catch there?  Can you imagine taking home a suitcase full of those suckers?  Plus the ice?  Or will they turn them into fish sticks for you at no additional cost?  What are the rules?  I don't know the rules.  Here's more:

It's hard to imagine better fishing than averaging over 30 King Salmon, per boat, per day (3 fishermen).

I do find that hard to imagine!  Where I am going to find 3 fishermen???

Shock

Shocker!  This week's Self Help Radio shocked no-one!

Relive all the shocks by listening to the show now available on the Self Help Radio website!  Or listen to the show directly by clicking these links: part one! & part two!  Songs guaranteed to be shocking are listed below.

Rats!  Self Help Radio has no shock value.

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Shock" Psychedelic Furs_ Midnight To Midnight_
"The Shocking Truth" Flux Information Sciences _Private/Public_
"Beautiful Shock" Robyn Hitchcock _Shadow Cat_

"The Ghost Chained To The Past, Present, & Future (Shock Treatment)" GTO's: Girls Together Outrageously _Permanent Damage_
"Shock Treatment" Richard O'Brien _The Rocky Horror Show_
"Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment" The Ramones _Hey! Ho! Let's Go: The Anthology_
"Electric Shock" The Human League _Credo_
"Electro-Shock Blues" Eels _Electro-Shock Blues_

"Future Shock" Curtis Mayfield _In Yo' Face!: The History Of Funk, Vol. 2_
"Future Shock" The Gordons _Future Shock EP_
"Wire Shock" Brian Eno _Nerve Net_
"Atomic Shockwaves" Spanish Dogs _Don't Sweat The Petty Things..._

"Euphemisms - Shell Shock To PTSD" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_

(part two)

"Shellshock" New Order _Singles_
"In Shock" Kristin Hersh _Learn To Sing Like A Star_
"Shock The Monkey" Don Ho _When Pigs Fly: Songs You Never Thought You'd Hear_

"Shock Rock" T.Rex _Tanx_
"Culture Shock (live)" Rezillos _Can't Stand The Rezillos: The (Almost) Complete Rezillos_
"Shock Mount" Dub Narcotic Sound System _Out Of Your Mind_
"Shock Of The New" Trees _Sleep Convention_

"Shock Me (live)" Red House Painters_Retrospective_
"Shocked By A Revelation" Trampoline _spinART Pop Licks 7" Box Set_
"Shocked" The Snitches _Metamorphosis_
"Two Shocks" Brakes _Touchdown_

"Shock-A-Doo" Cadillacs _Crazy Cadillacs_
"Booker T & His Electric Shock" Markley _A Group_
"Shocked" Tangiers _Hot New Spirits_

Whither Shock?

It realize that it's been a while since I have actually "explained" my choice of themes.  I am usually writing this minutes before my show on Friday & it's mainly me saying "Listen to my show please! Or if not listen to it later please!"  I've never have my shizzle together enough to actually write about the whys & wherefores or a certain theme.

Did I ever do that?  Maybe I did.

So, why "shock"?  Is March the first a shocking day?  Have I finally taken everyone's advice & gotten electroshock therapy?  Would I like for my show - which is rather predictable & hasn't shocked anyone ever - except when they say, "I'm shocked it's still on the air!" - to somehow be shocking?  Is that why that theme has emerged?

Who knows?  I don't know why I picked that theme.  Suddenly it was in the queue.  I am probably the only one mildly shocked by the fact that "shock" is this week's theme on Self Help Radio.

Waitaminute...  I think I remember...  What about that time my wife told me that it would feel good if I stuck a wet fork in that electrical outlet?  What?  Oh.  My wife is telling me that never happened, & for sure the memory is hazy, like a dream.  Only, why is she giggling?

Hey!  Don't be shocked!  Self Help Radio's show about "shock" is on this afternoon from 4 to 6 pm on 88.1 fm WRFL in Lexington.  You can listen online at wrfl dot fm during those times.

& yeah, I'll put it on the Self Help Radio web site later.  Nothing shocking there.

Preface To Shock: Shock Jocks

Apparently this fellow here, named Roy O'Connor, has written a book called Shock Jocks: Hate Speech & Talk Radio, which has some very polarized opinions about its quality on its Amazon page.

I haven't read it, & probably never will, but I'd probably agree with the author about the hate speech part.  Except I don't think Roosh Limboo & Shawn Hammertime (I'd hate for people looking for those guys to find my blog) (you know who I'm talking about anyway) as "shock jocks."  The Wikipedia says a shock jock is "a type of radio broadcaster or disc jockey who entertain listeners or attracts attention using humor &/or melodramatic exaggeration that a notable portion of the listening audience may find offensive."  I don't think right-wing radio guys are interested in shocking anyone except the people their desired audience hates.  They are more interested in delighting their desired audience - & offending their perceived enemies makes the talk radio hosts lots & lots of money.

But here's the weird thing.  Imagine you've written a book.  It's out of print, but surely you're proud of it.  You've even registered your own domain name: http://shockjocks.org.  Except when you go to that site, you find a boring placeholder page comparing bogus fad exercise devices.  Dude!  You wrote a whole motherflipping book!  How do you let your domain names lapse?

I've actually known a lot of people who've let their domain names lapse.  It reminds me of the ephemeral quality of this ubiquitous internet.  It still sort of shocks me when it happens.

Meanwhile, isn't Howard Stern a better example of a shock jock?  & isn't the jock in "shock jock" from "disk jockey"?  Have any of those right-wing guys really handled an actual disc - an LP or a CD - any time recently?

Boom!  I just dissed an out-of-print book.  You can't wait to see what I'll do when its copyright lapses.

President Of Snow

Who - do you know? - elects the President of Snow?  His (or her) domain seems vast when you're there, but there are places (lots of places) that the President of Snow does not go.

I knew a fellow who claim he talked on the phone with the President of Snow.  He was often alone.  He said that the President had no phone but he (or she - I never asked about the gender) used a pay phone near one of the Poles - North or South.

My friend tells me the name of the President of Snow is Joe.  Or maybe it's Jo - short for Johanna or Joan.  How should I know?  Sometimes Presidents have plain old names like Joe.  Or Jo.

I'm guessing there's not a lot of dough in being the President of Snow.  My friend tells me that Joe (or Jo) made much more money when he (or she) was the Emperor of Snow.  "But now," my friend says, "there's campaign money to be owed!"

Whoa!  A campaign for the President of Snow!  What a show that would be!  That's why I enjoy elections - they often upset the status quo.

But I still don't know who elects the President of Snow.  Long ago there was an Emperor of Snow, or so I'm told - but he (or she) had to forego the throne when times changed.  But he (or she) has been President of Snow for several terms in a row!

Hello, hello, President of Snow!  Can one day I vote for you?  Let me know.

Who's Prettier: Superman Or The Hulk?

The internet has captured conversations I had as a child with other children & made them as though between adults - or they are really adults after all - possibly even adults who were once children having the same argument.

Superman Vs Hulk: Who Would Win In A Fight

Answered definitively!  Superman would (spoiler alert) trap the Hulk in the Phantom Zone.

But what if it were just a slugfest?  Not just a "fight"?  Superman & the Hulk trapped on a planet where no one could be hurt but one of them had to "win" before some alien creature who transported them there would transport them back?

I hate that I am such a geek that I can't just say, "Trapped on a planet" without coming up with a scenario wherein the two are trapped on a planet.

Like, my brain says, "The upper atmosphere must be seeded with kryptonite but not so much that Superman is weakened even when he flies or else he could just escape."

I have begun to hit my brain until it stops thinking that.  Bam bam bam bam.

Where was I?  Oh yeah.  Even though she watched the first several seasons of "Smallville" with me, my wife couldn't tell me Superman's Kryptonian name.  She did, however, remember the name "Clark Kent."  (She couldn't however remember the name of the Klingon messiah, Kahless.)  For this, we may need marriage counseling.

Buzz

From bees buzzing to buzzers buzzing, Self Help Radio has all the buzz on buzz.  You may never get the buzzing out of your head.  (Really, though, if you hear constant buzzing, that might be tinnitus & you should probably see a doctor.)  (Listening to this show, it must be noted, may be as irritating as having tinnitus.)

All the buzzing your onomatopoeia-loving self can stand is now available at the Self Help Radio web site.  You may go directly to show by buzzing the following links: part one bzzz & part two bzzz.  I have prepared a handy list below that's got the buzz on which buzz songs are on which part.

Thanks for listening to all this buzzing!

(part one)

"Mr. Buzz" P. Van Meren _Stereo Ultra Vol. 2_
"Why Does A Bee Buzz?" Marais & Miranda _More Nature Songs_
"Buzz Buzz Buzz" Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers _Back In Your Life_

"Buzz Me Babe" Slim Harpo _Rocks_
"Buzz Buzz A-Diddle-It" Freddie Cannon _His Latest & Greatest_
"Buzzin'" Kathy Zee _Hot Boppin' Girls, Vol. 4_
"Buzzin'" The King Bees _Rockin' From Coast To Coast, Vol. 2_
"Buzz Buzz Buzz" The Treniers _A Proper Introduction To The Treniers: Go! Go! Go!_
"Buzz Me" Ella May Morse _The Very Best Of Ella Mae Morse_

"I Gotta Buzz" The Buzz _Joe Meek Rarities Vol. 2: The Beat Groups Era_
"I Live For Buzz" The Swingin' Neckbreakers _Children Of Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The Second Psychedelic Era 1976-1996_
"Buzz" Lord High Fixers _Flaming Burnout_
"Keep That Buzz Alive" Booze-O-Phonic _Green Light Go!_
"The Buzz" John Wesley Harding & The English UK _Making Love To Bob Dylan_

"Buzz" Pylon _Chomp More_

(part two)

"Buzz" Throwing Muses _The Season Sessions: Fall_
"Buzz" Lemuria _Get Better_
"Love Buzz" Shocking Blue _At Home_
"What's The Buzz" Ted Neeley _Jesus Christ Superstar_

"Buzzin'" Panjabi MC _The Album_
"Eardrum Buzz" Wire _Wire 1985-1990: The A List (Best Of)_
"Sugar Buzz" Li'l Cap'n Travis _Twilight On Sometimes Island_
"Birds Buzzin'" The Gronks _Cats & Dogs_
"Buzz Buzz Buzz" The Primitives _Lazy 86 - 88_

"Saddle Up A Buzz Buzz" The Cramps _Stay Sick!_
"Buzz Stomp" Afrika Korps _Music To Kill By_
"Buzzers" Scott Walker _The Drift_
"Big Blue Buzz" Choo Choo Train _Briar High_
"Buzzing Unobtrusively" The Deep Freeze Mice _The Tender Yellow Ponies Of Insomnia_

P.S. Yes, that's a Self Help Radio buzzer up there.

Whither Buzz?

I didn't hear the buzz but I did get a buzz cut with a buzz saw.

That buzzing noise from some far-off buzzer is telling you Self Help Radio's show about all kindsa buzz is happening TODAY on 88.1 fm WRFL.  That's from four to six Lexingtime.  You can listen to it in the city or, if you're not in the city, but you are in your computer, you can listen to it on the WRFL web page.

The buzzing in your head may never stop, since I will put the show later on the Self Help Radio web site.

I'm just going to be going buzzzzzzzzzzzz-zzz-zzzz-zzzz-zzzzzzz-zzz-zz-zz-zzzzz-zzzzzzz all damn day long.

Preface To Buzz: Buzz Off!

Here's the thing.  If you look up the definition of "buzz off," not only is it "chiefly Brit." but it means "to go away; to leave; to depart."

But if you go to an online thesaurus & look for synonyms (is there a special figure of speech for phrases that are synonyms?) for "buzz off," you get these: "bugger off, scram, fuck off, get."

It seems like the phrase is not as innocent as one might think.

Let's go to the Urban Dictionary!

Oh that wasn't very nice.  It just says it means, "Go away."

It doesn't seem to be very polite to say "buzz off."  But is there a polite way to say it?

So Much Tumblr

Did you know?  Self Help Radio has a Tumblr page!  It's only peripherally related to the show - I put videos & images on it, but I don't put things related to themes.  I guess its only relationship to the show is that I do both of them.  But there are some Self Help Radio-ish things on the page, like this graphic I found probably on some other Tumblr blog:

That's on the Self Help Radio Tumblr page today.  Plus a couple of videos.

I just looked - I have almost a thousand entries on in blog!  What?  No!  Impossible!

But there it is.

Fifty Years Later

Sebastian was mourning (once again) the death of radio.  He said radio was like the dodo, or the fan-tailed fluffernutter, or the casio gameboy - things that once may have existed but now surely never will again.

"Do you remember the last time you listened to radio?" he said as he threw himself upon the divan.

"I do not," I said.  "I was born as radio was dying.  I have always gotten music uploaded into my cranial hard drive by juice & pills."

"Also," he yawned, "we don't use our ears anymore.  Except for tattooing their piercings."

Another bridge exploded & fell in the distance.

"Do you know," he told me, "people like you and me - well, you know, not as enhanced by implantation - ha ha!"

"Ha ha!" I said.

"People used to do radio."

"Do radio?" I asked.

"Yes," Sebastian said saucily.

"Do," I repeated.  "You mean like one does Paris?"

"No, no, my dear boy," he said, waving me down with his electronic meth pipe.  "No, I mean do as one does a randy-loo."

"A randy-loo!" I said, feeling a blush come to my cheeks.  "Sebastian, you naughty stinkbug!"

"Oh yes," he said, delighted that he has caused me embarrassment, "there were people called deejays who would sequester themselves in little rooms and play music for anyone who might - well, in those days, it was called listening."

"But all the time they were...?"

"Yes! Yes!  All the time it was randy-loo!"

We collapsed in a heap of naughty laughter.

"Randy-loo!" he gasped.  "Randy-loo!  Randy-loo!"

Mother came in to readjust the oxygen.  "Stop talking, you two," she said.  "Our air rations for this week have been particularly diminished.  Use your virtual keyboards to chat."

We nodded, chastened.  She left.

"Oh but I love to talk," said Sebastian.  "It's so decadent."

"Me 2," I texted him.

Don't Stop!

Don't!  Keep going!  If you stop, you'll die!  Well, maybe not die.  But.  Don't stop!  Don't stop!

Okay, you can stop & listen to the 'Don't Stop' show, which is now available on the Self Help Radio website.  If you can't stand still for long, you can access the two parts directly: part I is here & part II is here.  List of songs below.

Don't stop listening!

(part one)

"Don't Stop, Don't Don't Stop, Don't Stop, Don't Stop" Wobbly _Wild Why_
"Don't Stop" The Orioles _The Jubilee Recordings_
"Don't Stop" Horace Andy _The Wonderful World Of Horace Andy_

"Don't Stop" Alex Chilton _A Man Called Destruction_
"Don't Stop" The Rolling Stones _Forty Licks_
"Don't Stop" The Frank & Walters _Beauty Becomes More Like Life_
"Don't Stop" The Stone Roses _The Stone Roses_

"Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow (William Clinton)" Oscar Brand _Presidential Campaign Songs, 1789-1996_
"Don't Stop Believin'" Petra Haden _Guilt By Association_
"Don't Stop Til You Get Enough" The Embarrassment _Heyday 1979-83_
"One Monkey Don't Stop No Show" Big Maybelle _The OKeh Rhythm & Blues Story_

"Don't Stop Loving Me" Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys _San Antonio Rose_
"Don't Stop - I Like It! (with Hal Lone Pine)" Betty Cody _The Successful Hillbilly Era Of Betty Cody_
"Don't Stop Kissing Me Goodnight" Sheb Wooley _That's My Pa_

(part two)

"Don't Stop The Music" George Jones _Cup Of Loneliness: The Classic Mercury Years_
"Please Don't Stop Loving Me" Porter Wagoner & Dolly Parton _20 Greatest Hits_
"Don't Stop Now" Roy Hall _Roy Rocks_

"Don't Stop Dancing (To The Music)" The Bar Kays _Gotta Groove_
"It's A Disco Night (Rock Don't Stop)" The Isley Brothers _Step Back & Boogie_
"Move Your Feet" Junior Senior _D-D-Don't Don't Stop The Beat_
"Don't Stop The Night" Momus _Don't Stop The Night_

"Don't Stop Now" The Encounters _Don't Stop_
"Don't Stop" Larry Trider _Teen Town USA, Vol. 4_
"Don't Stop" The Parting Gifts _Strychnine Dandelion_
"Don't Stop Loving Me Baby" Flying Machine _Flight Recorder_
"Don't Stop" The Dodos _No Color_

"A River Don't Stop To Breathe" Múm _Sing Along To Songs You Don't Know_
"Don't Stop" Pocketbooks _Waking Up EP_

Whither Don't Stop?

This day has not stopped, or else I would have stopped to tell you HEY!  Today is Self Help Radio day!  The theme today is "don't stop" & please don't stop me if you think you've heard this before, because I am not stopping now.

Listen!  On the air in Lexington, Kentucky, from 4 to 6 pm, on the 88.1 fm frequency.

Listen!  Online anywhere at WRFL dot fm, also from 4 to 6 pm because the stream is in real time.  Really!

Oh no!  You read this blog entry later than 6pm on February 15, 2013.  What the hell can you do?  You can listen!  But from a file downloaded at the Self Help Radio web site.  (That's not ready as I write this - since I haven't even done the show yet!)

This blog post may be stopping but Self Help Radio today don't stop!

Preface To Don't Stop: Do Stop

I have been thinking about things that I wish would stop, he said.

Like what, she said.

Wars.  Poverty.  Hunger.  Reality television shows, he said.

It seems like those things continue, she said, because there's money in them.

Someone makes money from poverty & hunger? he asked.

You're so naïve, she said.

Happy Valentine's Day, he said.

Happy Valentine's Day to you, she said.

Revenge Of Kid Stupids

So what if that stupid kid called me didn't learn how to tie his shoes until third grade?  Is third grade really nine years old?  What the hell happened before that?  Untied shoes!  Shoes tied so tightly that they couldn't be untied!  Poor stupid kid stupids!

What about stupid kids in the snow?  Did they really say today while there was some snow but it wasn't sticking did they really say:

Stupid kid: We should make a snowman.
Another stupid kid: There's not enough snow.  There's also rain.
Stupid kid: We should make a rainman.

Stupid kid stupids unaware of Dustin Hoffman movie!

Why sit alone in your advancing age thinking about how stupid you were anyway?  You were a kid & kids (except for Mozart) are pretty stupid.  It's only because so many adults are stupid adults that kids are tolerated.  Otherwise something would be done.  To make stupid kids not so stupid.

Or else what could be done?

Goats Yelling Like Humans

Yes.