Self Help Radio 010915: A Long Time

That's Steve Ditko's "Eternity" that I've marred with my logo!

I keep using the same old joke: Self Help Radio's show with the theme "a long time" is actually only two hours in length; however, it may feel like an eternity while you're listening to it.  Ho ho ho!  Can I call it a joke if I'm the only one who finds it funny?  Wait.  What if I don't really find it funny?

There might be something you'll like in this week's Self Help Radio.  There's lots of great music (the playlist is below) & also I talk to self-help guru Suthabee Queenbii Belladonna, who gives us tips to living a long time, & the famed host of the long-running program Perspectives, Dr. David Fruchter, gives us a sense of what a long time really is.  Plus, I revive my old segment, Dramatic Readings Of Classic Rock Songs.  It made me cry.

The show is where the show always is, you know: where the Self Help Radio website has been for a long time.  Pay attention to password/login information; but it shouldn't take you a long time to figure that out.

Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Run On For A Long Time" Bill Landford & The Landfordaires _Roots N' Blues The Retrospective (1925-1950)_
"It Takes A Long Time" Dent May _Warm Blanket_
"It's Been A Long Long Time" Hep Stars _It's Been A Long Long Time_

"Long Long Long" The Beatles _The Beatles_
"Makes A Long Time Man Feel Bad" Ian & Sylvia _The Complete Vanguard Studio Recordings_
"Rocket Man (I Think It's Going To Be A Long, Long Time)" Me First & The Gimme Gimmes _Have A Ball_
"Some Things Last A Long Time" Beach House _Devotion_

"Long Time Man" Tim Rose _Tim Rose_
"Long Time Boy" Nadia Cattouse _Cult Cargo: Belize City Boil-Up_
"It's Been A Long Time" Loveninjas _The Secret Of The Loveninjas_
"You've Been A Long Time Comin'" Clarence Carter _The Dynamic Clarence Carter_

"Tomorrow Is A Long Time" Bob Dylan _The Witmark Demos: 1962-1964 (The Bootleg Series Vol. 9)_
"I'm A Long Time Traveling Away From Home" J. T. Allison's Sacred Harp Singers _Oh My Little Darling_

(part two)

"Such A Long Long Time" Kangaroo _Kangaroo_
"A Long Time Ago" Jamie Coe & The Gigolos _The One Who Really Loves You_
"Long Time To Forget" George Jones _Ragged But Right: The Starday Years Plus_
"I've Been A Long Time Leavin'" Roger Miller _The Genius Of Roger Miller_
"Doing Comedy A Long Time" Todd Barry _Super Crazy_

"Waiting A Long Time" Extra Medium Pony _11868_
"Long Time Waiting" Munks _Nightmares From The Underworld, Vol. 1_
"Been A Long Time" Jerry Butler _Ice On Ice_
"Long Time Gone" Memphis Slim _Legacy Of The Blues, Vol. 7_

"It's Been A Long, Long Time" Keely Smith _Swingin' Pretty_
"A Long Time Comin'" Ellie Greenwich _Composes, Produces, & Sings_
"It's Been A Long Time" Annie Laurie _The OKeh Rhythm & Blues Story 1949-1957_
"Ela (Long Time)" Tarika _Soul Makassar_

"Long Time Ahead Of Us" The Walkmen _You & Me_
"We're Going To Live For A Very Long Time" Heaven 17 _Penthouse & Pavement_

Whither A Long Time?

Look, I know I do a dumb radio show that doesn't get controversial or edgy or even interesting most of the time, but I do appreciate living in a place where something I say on the radio that might offend someone won't get me killed.  As it stands, if I might make fun of something someone else holds precious, there's only a very small probability that masked gunmen would come into the radio station & gun me down.  The fact that it does happen in some places - & that it happened in France this week - pains me, & so of course I say: #jesuischarlie

(The best of the world says so too.)

Tomorrow my show won't insult any religion, it won't insult anyone's way of life, it won't offend anyone in any way other than that person may not like the music I play.  If I want to be critical of someone's faith or way of seeing or anything, however, I am glad there are people who will fight - &, sadly, die - for that right.  I hope I am one of those people.

Friday morning, Self Help Radio, which has been on the radio for a surprisingly long time, explores the theme "a long time."  It won't take a long time - it's on from 7 to 9am - so please come & have a listen, either in Lexington at 88.1 on the fm dial, or online at WRFL's web site. Your time zone may vary; calibrate with Eastern Standard Time.

I'll put the show up at Self Help Radio dot net later.  Not a long time after the show, I promise.

Preface To A Long Time: The Words We Use To Discuss Long Periods Of Time

Far be it for me to be too critical of lexicographers & whatever you call people who assemble thesauruses, but I found this list of "synonyms or related words for long period of time" to be more amusing than helpful.  Look at these definitions!

eternity (n.) an extremely long time
light years (n.) a very long way in time, distance, or quality
ages (n.)  a long time
aeon (n.) an extremely long period of time
hours (n.) a long time
years (n.) a very long time
long (n.) a long period of time
epic (n.) an event or activity that lasts a long time & is sometimes difficult or complicated
hour after/upon hour a very long time
donkey’s years an extremely long time

By these definitions, "donkey's years" are basically the equivalent of "eternity."  Poor donkeys!  They live such a long time!

Contrast this with actual dictionary definitions of the words.  For example, the dictionary here defines "eternity" as "infinite time; duration without beginning or end."  An aeon, at the same place, is defined both as "the largest division of geologic time, comprising two or more eras," &, in astronomy, "one billion years" (!).

Wouldn't that list up there look cooler if it said:

eternity (n.) infinite time; duration without beginning or end
aeon (n.) the largest division of geologic time, comprising two or more eras; (Astronomy) one billion years

?

I think so!

But please don't expect Self Help Radio to be any more rigorous than the first list.  It's cold in Lexington & I am prone to napping.

Miller Time

I haven't watched this yet, & may not.  It was brought to my attention by one of my favorite musicians, Momus, on his Tumblr blog.  It's a documentary about Henry Miller, a writer whose ability I admire, although I'm not sure I'm crazy about his subject matter.  (We get it, Henry, you've had sex.  Sheesh.)  Here it is:



Momus adds something that I've been thinking about a lot.  He says the documentary

contains pretty much everything you need to know about how to live well:
* Give up your job.
* Leave America.
* Pursue a life of untrammeled self-expression.
* Live in a cheap city full of shabby patina and colour.
* Embrace precarity.
* Befriend other artists.
* Explore the “demimonde”.
* Believe — but really believe — in sex.
* Don’t think too far ahead, either in your writing or your life.
* Live for companionship and experience rather than money.
* Swim often.
* Play ping pong while your Japanese girlfriend sings a song about the Tokyo to Osaka steam express.

I did at one time want to be a writer.  I did at one time fancy myself an artist.  I do right now, two weeks before I turn 47 years old, wish I had done even one of those things twenty-five years ago.

I wrote to a friend that my problem was that I had a big ego - I really believed I was great - coupled with big fear - what if I wasn't as great as I believed?  I never took creative writing classes because I knew I couldn't handle being told I was terrible.  & I knew, even then, that the process of getting better would have been such hard work.

It's only been recently that I've felt comfortable enough in my own skin to share my one real creative outlet, my radio show, with other people.  My friends who are my fake interview guests are funny, expressive, brilliant people with whom at another time in my life I would've felt too competitive to ask to be on my show.  What changed is that my ego was deflated by time, by defeats that I had to endure even though I tried to avoid them.  I have, I suppose, chosen to pay attention to the lessons of life's endless humblings rather than defy them.  I can remember a time when it would've been galling to me to not be the funniest person talking.  That changed when I realized I am almost never the funniest person talking.

Maybe there's some wisdom in the Miller doc up there.  Please enjoy.

A New Year, Same Old Website

This isn't at all that important, but this weekend I moved all of my 2014 playlists to a separate page & now have the 2015 shows I've done on the front of my Self Help Radio website.  This isn't a terribly difficult thing to do, & would probably be a couple of buttons pushed, but since I hand-code the site, it took a little while.  (Most of the time actually was spent updating all the other pages of playlists to add a "2014" link to them.)  I wish I could say there were some new bells & whistles added, but I can't.  It's pretty much the same old thing.

If you're wandering around the site (why would you?) & some links aren't working, please let me know, please.  Again, the site is mainly a repository for my playlists, which are of minimal interest to pretty much everyone but me, but I do hope no one gets a "404 not found" while browsing.  I've only been on the internet for two decades, after all.

Thanks!

Self Help Radio 010215: Cracked

(Original picture here.)

I cracked the new year.  Sorry.

Would you believe it came cracked already?  Do you remember how 2014 arrived?  The same people brought this year to us!  "Contents may settle during shipping" & all that.  I bet they dropped 2015 because they had too much to drink on New Year's Eve!

Anyway.  Here's a show about all kinds of cracks.  Plus there's an interview with David Fruchter, who has written a book called "The Autobiography Of Crack," & Marge Most reports on Lexington's crack epidemic, & I talk to the enigmatic creative type who calls herself "The Artist Later Known As Craquelure."  All that & lots of music, too!

The show is at the Self Help Radio website.  Pay attention to rudimentary login/password info.  That keeps malicious bots from shutting down my site.  The songs I played are listed below.

Happy new year!  Thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Cracked" Happy Birthday _Happy Birthday_
"Crackin' Up" Bo Diddley _Go Bo Diddley_
"Cracking Up" Nick Lowe _Labour Of Lust_

"Blue-Tailed Fly (Jimmie Crack Corn)" Pete Seeger _American Favorite Ballads, Volume 1_
"Cracker Jack" Janis Martin _The Female Elvis: The Complete Recordings, 1956-1960_
"Mein Herz Hat Einen Knacks" Liani Covi _Mein Herz Hat Einen Knacks_
"Alle Frauen Dieser Welt" Gerhard Wendland _Pop In Germany, Vol. 2_
"Crackity Jones (Demo)" The Pixies _Doolittle 25_
"She's Crackin' Up" Cosmic Psychos _Go The Hack_

"Facts About Crack" Trendy _I'm Just The Other Woman_
"Who's Got The Crack?" The Moldy Peaches _The Moldy Peaches_
"All The Young Children On Crack" Television Personalities _My Dark Places_
"Genius Of Crack" Tsunami _World Tour & Other Destinations_

"Cracka" Mike Birbiglia _Two Drink Mike_
"Stuff Up The Cracks" The Mothers Of Invention _Cruising With Ruben & The Jets_

(part two)

"Cracks In The Sidewalk" The # 1 _The Collector_
"Stepping On The Cracks" Green Peppers _Domino Mornings_
"Cracked Wheat" The Go-Betweens _Send Me A Lullaby_

"Cracked Actor" David Bowie _Aladdin Sane_
"She Cracked" The Modern Lovers _The Modern Lovers_
"Crack" Big Black _The Hammer Party_
"Suzi Crack" Arts & Decay _Shadowjesus_

"Crackin' Up Over You" Roy Hamilton _Dark End Of The Street, 1963-1969: The Operatic Soul Of Roy Hamilton_
"Cracked Up Over You" Lee Rogers _Rare Soul 45s_
"Crack In The Sidewalk" House Of Freaks _Monkey On A Chain Gang_
"Cracked Open" The Manhattan Love Suicides _Burnt Out Landscapes_

"I Can't Crack" Furniture _The Lovemongers_
"Crack-Dream-Over" Data Bank A _The Birth Of Tragedy_

Whither Cracked?

Happy new year!  Another long year of Self Help Radio!  Oh, sorry about that.

A show about cracking (but not a show about crack) (although there will be some content about crack, it can't be helped) probably came to me while listening either to the first Modern Lovers record (where you discover that she cracked, I'm sad, but won't; she cracked, I'm hurt, you're right) or perhaps the record Aladdin Sane (where you are told to crack, baby, crack, show me you're real).  Most likely both at a similar time.  Such is the way ideas fester.

Somewhere however there's the song "Anthem," by Leonard Cohen, which I won't play tomorrow, but which has the immortal chorus:

Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack in everything

That's how the light gets in.

Why won't I play it?  It's really long!  Maybe I'll play it on the show before Self Help Radio - I'm subbing that show tomorrow.

Tomorrow!  From 7 to 9am!  (Plus the two hours before, freeform radio.)  WRFL Lexington, 88.1 fm in town.  WRFL dot FM online.  Hopefully at the Self Help Radio website later in the day!

Happy new year!

New Year's Eve

According to some noodling & calculation & stuff, I did 92 (!) radio shows this year.  Technically, nineteen or twenty of those were not actually on the radio (they were podcasts), so the number is more like 72 - but surely that's still kind of impressive.  It means I was on the radio an average of every four or five days.

But that's misleading, since fourteen of those shows were my summer blues show, Woke Up One Early Morning Blues.  I did the show before Self Help Radio, so I wasn't really on the radio more, I just did two different shows in a three hour period.

So if you say I did 58 radio shows this year, you can say I was on the radio an average of every six days.  I wish I weren't so anal about making unfactual claims, especially when those claims aren't really about anything important.  Oh, fuck it.

I did 92 radio shows this year!

Of those shows:

55 were Self Help Radio shows
23 were sub shows on WRFL
14 were Woke Up Early One Morning Blues shows

How did I get 55 Self Help Radio shows in a year that only has 52 weeks?  Easy.  I made up a "Self Help Radio Week" in March & did five shows that week.  I probably won't do that again, mainly because I'll be out of town during Spring Break, &, anyway, I'd hate to ask the other RFL morning deejays to give up their time slots for me.  It was also exhausting!

For Self Help Radio:

I explored 44 new themes.
I did seven "regular" shows (my birthday, Valentine's Day, anniversary, Halloween, my wife's birthday, my favorites of the year, + Christmas)
I did four "indiepop a to z" segments.

But all of this is just me being goofy about a radio show that very few people care about.  Maybe you're one of them, & if you do, & you like my nonsense, you're someone I should thank for making 2014 a fun year to be doing my teen-aged radio show.  I do this because I have a weird compulsion, but the fact that sometimes there's someone listening - & that someone is you - makes it even more fun for me.

Thank you!  Have a happy 2015!

Naps A Lot

2014 was the year of the nap.  At least for me.

I nap because I usually stay up late.  I stay up late because I nap.

I knew a guy who went home after work & took a thirty minute nap every day.  Thirty minutes!  It takes me a half hour to work my way into a nap!

Sometimes napping is about being tired.  Sometimes napping is about napping.

I dream a lot when I nap.  I can't be sure, but I'm guessing I'm in REM sleep for more than 70% of my nap.

That's not possible?  It feels like it's possible.

I just read this at this site:

Some scientists believe dreams are the cortex's attempt to find meaning in the random signals that it receives during REM sleep. The cortex is the part of the brain that interprets & organizes information from the environment during consciousness. It may be that, given random signals from the pons during REM sleep, the cortex tries to interpret these signals as well, creating a "story" out of fragmented brain activity.

I love the idea that dreams are the result of our brain confusing itself.

Now.  After all this.  It's nap time.

Sticking Stories

I don't know if anyone is ever telling the truth.  When I tell stories, I assume I'm telling the truth, but recently a friend told me a story that I had told him two decades ago as if it had happened to him.  Both of us routinely tell each other things that we did that we don't remember doing.

Did we?  How can we be sure?

In that spirit, I don't entirely believe anything that's a personal anecdote from someone I either don't know very well or don't see enough to communicate with them regularly.  & I'm highly skeptical of the rest.  I treat them as perhaps colorful fictions, like mediocre movies you find yourself watching in an afternoon with nothing else going on.

& I assume it's going to get worse.

There's so much time in our lives to fill.  I've had so many long conversations with friends, & once the internet was invented, complete strangers, that I haven't the slightest memory of.  Most interestingly, some of those conversations happened on the telephone when long distance calling was quite expensive.  I think I can remember the contents of maybe a dozen phone calls.  Those late night conversations, especially when I was young - they are lost to the ether.

What's fascinating to me is that people who are much older - & I assume myself, come to think about it - they tend to tell the same stories over & over.  Like all the time they've lived can now be summarized in shorter & shorter anecdotes.  As we get older, it seems, many of us become a Reader's Digest version of ourselves.

I loved those conversations, I loved the feeling of connection they gave me in lonelier parts of my life.  Friendships & love happened because of those conversations.  If all I have left now is the memories of having the conversations, I allow myself a bit of self-pity to begin to dread those memories going away, too.

I know it doesn't happen to all of us.  But I can't imagine I'm going to be one of the exceptions.

Self Help Radio 122614: Indiepop A To Z # 46

The June Brides

Yay!  I finished the letter J!  Now only fourteen more letters to go!

Today's show went from Jim's Twenty-One to Kanda, & not only features the great indiepop I play but also includes a bonus visit from the Reverend Dr. Howard Gently, who uses his tremendous spiritual abilities to make some predictions for the year 2015.  Come for the indiepop, stay for the visions.

The show is now at the Self Help Radio website.  Please pay attention to login/password information.  Make sure your capslock isn't on!  The songs I played, by bands in alphabetical order, are listed below.

Thanks for listening - & especially thanks for being a part of Self Help Radio in 2014.  Let's do this again all next year, shall we?

(part one)

"Map Of The World" Jim's Twenty One _Throwaway Friend 7"_
"Wussy Void" Joanna Gruesome _Weird Sister_
"Moulted Fur From A Labrador" Jody & The Creams _A Big Dog_
"Yes, I Miss The Ramones" Johann Sebastian Punk _More Lovely & More Temperate_

"Fell Into You" Johanna's House Of Glamour _Farewell Street_
"Goodbye Flip Flap Guitar" Johnny Dee _Love Compilation_
"Bittersweet" Johnny Says Yeah! _Friends Gone By 1986-1989_
"Cranes & Cranes & Cranes & Cranes" Johnny Foreigner _Waited Up Til It Was Light_
"Ode To St. Valentine" Calvin Johnson _What Was Me_

"Museum Of Love" Daniel Johnston _Yip/Jump Music_
"In That Space" The Jordans _Katydid_
"Sorry For Laughing" Josef K _Sorry For Laughing_
"Tarde De Fiesta" El Joven Bryan _Expreso_
"El Reloj" Jóvenes y Sexys _Bruno EP_

"Love Will Tear Us Apart" Joy Division _Love Will Tear Us Apart_

(part two)

"Her Wave" The Judy's _Washarama_
"Rocketscientist" Juicy _For The Ladies_
"At The Appointed Hour" Julie Ocean _Long Gone & Nearly There_
"Sister" Jumprope _Holiday In Brazil_
"Every Conversation" The June Brides _There Are Eight Million Stories..._

"The Beery Boysclub" Juniper _I've Got It Now - A Popfest Compilation Cassette_
"El Resto De Mi Vida" Juniper Moon _Rough Trade Shops: Indiepop, Vol. 1_
"Gordie Can't Swim" The Junipers _Cut Your Key_
"Leave The Ground" Jupiter _Just A Taste: A Summershine Records Compilation_
"Violet Intertwine" Jupiter Sun _Why Popstars Can't Dance_
"Hey Boy... You're Oh So Sensitive" The Just Joans _Hey Boy... You're Oh So Sensitive_

"Catch" Kaia _Oregon_
"Go" Kaito _You've Seen Us... You Must Have Seen Us..._
"My Favorite Tofflor" Hideki Kaji _Tea_
"Last Night" Kaleida _Knowing Who Your Friends Are_
"Drink For Three" Kanda _All The Best Meetings Are Taken_

Happy Christmas!

I have nothing to say about today - hope you have a good one!

I'll be with you tomorrow with another indiepop a to z installment.  I think I will make it all the way through the letter J!  7 to 9am on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm!

Christmas Eve

Is this true about your family: would you spend Christmas with them if you had the choice?  Or, to put it another way, do you feel an obligation to be with your family during the holidays, rather than a need & affection?

I won't be spending Christmas with my family.  I haven't for a long time.  I think the last time I did, I realized that I just sat there getting drunk while people I didn't really know very well exchanged gifts.  As lonesome as it might have been being alone on Christmas, I was far lonelier among family (& probably drunker).

Being in Kentucky is a good excuse not to make it down to Dallas for the holiday, as well as being in charge of seven pets while the wife visits with her mother & sisters in California.  But I think I'd make some excuse in any event.  I long before stopped going home for Thanksgiving since, as a vegetarian, the holiday was already going to be unpleasant, but just sitting there while half the family shoved dead animal in their mouths & then spent the rest of the time yelling at a television didn't seem like it was worth the drive from Austin.

Christmas was something a little harder to give up, although probably 75% of that was my mother acting sad that I wasn't there.  I have tried to explain to her why it became no fun for me, but she's more driven by the obligation than the affection, I think.  (Though it seems unfair to say so.)

(25% was the romance of the holidays.  Also, I'll bet, getting presents was in there somewhere too.)

I keep harping on this, & I apologize, but 'tis the season.  I just don't think my siblings really want to spend any time together.  If they did, wouldn't they do so outside of mandated holidays?  Because they just don't.  Every obligatory gathering feels so strangely artificial.  Thinking about this reminded me of something from my childhood.

It seemed like every damn weekend there was some family get-together, especially in the summer, where there'd be a cookout.  Most of these - probably nine out of ten - happened at my oldest sister's house.  She had apparently decided that it was part of her responsibilities to bring family over to hang out.  I remember these mainly from my teenage years - before she & her husband moved back from out of state, the left-behind siblings simply didn't get together.  If I saw my older brothers, it was usually because my mother was making them take me somewhere.  (My other sister, who is six years older than I am, was my little brother & my de facto babysitter, so she had to put up with us most of the time.)

One footnote: my oldest brother, who is eighteen years older than I am, was out of the house & married before I became aware of my surroundings & started stumbling toward personhood.  I hardly saw him at all during my childhood; if I did see him, he was visiting my mother, or my mother was dragging me along to visit him.  As far as I can remember, he was never drafted to take me or my little brother to school, or wherever, as my other two older brothers were.  At some point during my middle school years, my oldest brother's marriage fell apart, & he moved in with us for a time, but we didn't connect.  Again, there wasn't much interest.

& jumping from that footnote that's not a footnote: that's the thing - I don't think any of us - any of my siblings - feel any sort of connection with one another.  I'm not sure why.  Well, I have theories, but I think I need to gather more evidence before I throw out a hypothesis.

To return to a point I was tripping around: my oldest sister (& her husband) threw these shindigs, & the siblings came.  I think my brothers came because my mother was there.  I think they felt an obligation.  There was basketball played & animal cooked & even (sometimes) alcohol consumed.  The nieces & nephews were young & they swam & played & cried.  As I grew older, I came to hate these gatherings.  Not because of the cooked dead animals - I hadn't converted yet - but because I simply didn't have anything in common with any member of my family.  I didn't want to play basketball or swim in an aboveground pool.  I didn't want to waste an afternoon that could've been spent reading or listening to music or (later) spending time with my best friend.

At the risk of sounding whiny, however, I must note: though I felt I had nothing in common with my siblings, they concurred.  They made zero effort to engage with me in any way.  Honestly, when I see siblings who are close, I am baffled by it.  They don't call you "weirdo" & "fag" behind your back because you don't like the same things they do?  They genuinely like you & want to know what your interests are?  That, it seems to me, is as unbelievable as unicorns.

So tonight most of the family is gathering at one sibling's house for Christmas Eve, where gifts will be exchanged & lots of dead animal consumed.  I think only one of my siblings-in-law drinks - but perhaps there'll be wine for my mother.  At some point, my mother will call & try to pass me around (on the phone), & I'll be tempted to take the call, if only for the point it makes: my siblings & their children (my nephews & nieces) will only talk to me when my mother makes them feel obligated.

I envy you if you're spending time with family whom you truly like & feel close to.  With the exception of my sisters, with whom I became friends in adulthood, I don't have that, & I wonder what it feels like.  & I wonder, if I could find out why my family is the way it is, could I change it?

Because surely there's a part of me, more like them than I ever wanted to admit, that perpetuates this too.  Would it be worth changing myself to try to change the family dynamic?

On The Fifteenth Day Of Christmas...

I don't have much to say today because I did my Christmas show last week & nothing I say here about Christmas therefore has anything to do with my show this week.

(In fact, if you're interested, I am putting up videos for bands that will appear on my show this week on my Facebook page, if want a little preview.  While you're there, you can "like" the page & make me a happy fellow for a short period of time.)

(My Twitter page would also like your likes - or follows, or whatever - while I keep putting up dumb photographs I have taken on my Tumblr page.)

(Someone asked me why I don't just do that on an Instagram page but really one has to draw a line somewhere, doesn't one?)

(& no one has to like or follow or approve or rubber stamp or whatever any of those pages to see anything.  I am not an owner of exclusive content.)

I am doing a late-night radio show tonight/tomorrow morning from 2-5am on WRFL if you're up wrapping or drinking or even if you're not up I was going to add if you want to listen but the truth is I'll do it even if you're not listening because I am like that dumb tree falling in the forest more often than not.  No one listens, I still play music on the radio.

I am alone this Christmas (as alone as a fellow with three beagles & four cats can be) though the wife keeps in touch with me by the text messaging while she navigates Christmas with her family.  For a while I was watching a neighbor's dog, which required me to do an extra 1/3 walk a day, but a neighbor of the neighbor has taken over the task, which is good - it's been raining all day & I assume it'll rain all night.  I couldn't walk my dogs but I'd feel obligated to walk the lonely dog.

I think I like doing late night radio shows for the same reason I like when the town empties for the holidays (as I spoke about yesterday).  It's just me, pretending someone's listening, & quiet streets to & from the radio station.

Also, I made myself Thai mac & cheese tonight (it has no cheese, it's vegan) & I've decided I like it better than macaroni with real cheese.  Granted, I haven't had macaroni with real cheese in probably five years but this stuff I made tonight, it was great.

In my head, I can hear my lovely wife saying what she says in ridiculous moments like this: "It's a Christmas miracle!"

I'm Dreaming Of A Zen Christmas

I think it's because Lexington, like Austin when I was there (who knows what it's like now), is a college town, the place just seems to depopulate when the students at the university go away.  I just went for a walk with the hounds &, except for main roads, the place seems deserted.  I fucking love that.

But I might be fooling myself about Austin.  Since I worked at the University of Texas, which is larger than most of the towns its students come from, I'd enjoy walking through the large, deserted campus at this time of year.  I guess I didn't get out much otherwise.

As we edge slowly toward the Christmas holiday, I look forward to wrangling my dogs on quiet walks through a ghost town (or a reasonable facsimile).

Except.  Oh no!  It's supposed to rain all day tomorrow.  & the next day.  & snow on Christmas Day?!?

I guess I'll not find enlightenment this week.

Self Help Radio 121914: A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2014

(Original image here)

Another year, another collection of Christmas tunes, some weird, some faithful to the originals.  In-between, I talk about whether Christmas really is Jesus' birthday, I talk to my spiritual advisor the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently, I talk to David Fruchter about his book I Found Santa, & Tania sends in a Christmas song just for the show.  It's like a cheap Christmas present you might like, though you wanted something else.

It's over at the Self Help Radio website.  Pay attention to Scrooge-like login & password information.  The songs I played are below.

Happy Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate!

(part one)

"Christmas Alphabet/White Christmas" Günter Kallmann Choir _Christmas Sing In_
"Merry Christmas To The Drunks, Merry Christmas To The Lovers" Ballboy _Merry Christmas To The Drunks, Merry Christmas To The Lovers_
"Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer" U.S. Arm Band _Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer_

"12 Days Of (Hipster) Christmas" Tea Kettles _Christmas EP_
"Reggae Christmas Eve In Transylvania" Count Floyd _Count Floyd_
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" Johnny Farnham _I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus_
"The Story Of Santa Claus" Sam Ulano _The Story Of Santa Claus_

"Santa Baby" The Dollyrots _A Dollyrots Christmas EP_
"The Christmas Song" Erasure _Snow Globe_
"Am I Too Old For Christmas?" The Ashes _Mint 400 Records: A Very Merry Christmas Compilation_
"Here Comes Santa Claus" Louis Aguilar _Les Meilleurs Morceaux De Noël_
"The Christmas Song" Lead Belly _Complete Recorded Works, Vol. 2 (1940-1943)_

"George & Andrew" The Boy Least Likely To _Christmas Special_
"Last Christmas" From Bubblegum To Sky _Eenie Meenie Holiday Mix 2013_

(part two)

"Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" Cranes _O Come All Ye Faithful: Rock For Choice_
"Christmas Parade" Al Terry _Country Christmas_
"I Fell Out Of A Christmas Tree" Little Rita Faye _I Fell Out Of A Christmas Tree_

"Countdown To Christmas Party Time" The Three Wise Men _Thanks For Christmas_
"Lonely Hearts Club Christmas Party" The Love Machine _Spin into Christmas_
"The Little Drummer Boy" The Do Re Mi Children's Chorus _The Little Drummer Boy_
"Xmas Everyday (For My Kids)" Those Dreaded Gnats _A Dreaded Xmas - More Xmas Negatives_

 "Low Spirits" Benjamin Bearclaw _I May Be Lost But I'm Laughing_
"A Very Sorry Christmas" The New Mendicants _A Very Sorry Christmas_
"Blue Christmas" Seymour Swine & The Squealers _Blue Christmas_
"Christmas Vs. Saturnalia" Tania Rivas _Christmas Vs. Saturnalia_

"Alla Pastorale (Christmas Music)" Ottavio Dogali, Giuseppe Napoli & Giuseppe Ascani _The Italian Treasury: Calabria_
"Talking Christmas Goodwill Blues" John Wesley Harding _God Made Me Do It: The Christmas EP_

Whither A Very Self Help Radio Christmas 2014?

Yes, my annual Christmas show is happening tomorrow morning from 7 to 9am on 88.1 fm in Lexington & online at wrfl dot fm.  I'll put it up later on the website, like I do.

You may think: Christmas has come early!

Or you may think: I'm sick of all this Christmas music already!

My Christmas

If I don't seem to take the Christmas holidays terribly seriously, it's because I don't really celebrate them.  I think it's wonderful there's a time when family comes together, & I think it's wonderful there's a time when children get presents they've been anticipating for a while.  But I'm not a Christian, so the religious aspects of the holiday are lost on me, & I don't have children, so there's no emphasis on gift-giving.

In fact, I live when a cheapskate who, if I were to buy her something she didn't want or need, would snottily say to me, "You spent money on that?"

As for family - well, she goes home to be with her family, while I long ago stopped going home for Christmas.  My family unit is basically organized around my mother.  Virtually none of my siblings speak to one another or spend time with each other outside of events involving my mother.  So, her birthday, Thanksgiving, & Christmas.  Otherwise, we simply don't communicate with one another.  I have literally not spoken to any of my four brothers in years.  (My two sisters & I communicate pretty regularly, however.)

I do like Christmas music, though.  Much like experiencing adventure or romance through a movie or a song, I experience a kind of emotionally-heightened fictitious Christmas through its music.  Imagine a world with peace & love!  Imagine a family that loves one another & enjoys spending time together!  What a beautiful dream!

I've probably talked too much about my family here.  I'm not saddened by our lack of closeness, but I think I understand it.  My mother somehow inculcated in us a belief that we were the best thing that ever happened in the universe as well as a certainty that we were in competition with the world, including our own siblings.  How can you be close to someone who is basically your foe?

In this sense, there's a part of my siblings that believe they're like the stock Ayn Rand hero: perfect & right the way they are, & waiting for the moment when the world comes around to realizing their greatness.  That the world hasn't should be troubling for them - but so far, it doesn't appear that way.

It was troubling to me, so early on I called bullshit on it.  (To be fair, my sisters were never much that way with the brothers, but to this day, they compete with one another, mainly for my mother's stingy, judgmental affection.)

In any event - I stress about Christmas because I know it makes my mother sad that I don't attend.  I am saddened that she must be aware - is she? - that when she's no longer around, there'll be no apron strings to keep the family together, & there'll be no more family gatherings.  I often note that the next time I'll see my brothers will be at my mother's funeral.  & that that will be the last time as well.

But I do like Christmas music, so I do a Christmas show!

Should I have saved this for tomorrow?  Ah well.  I was up late doing a radio show in the wee hours & I'm loopy from lack of sleep.  Time to nap a bit.

Santa=Satan

Not only are they anagrams!

According to this article, Georgia pastor Edward Carothers, who runs the church in the photo (do pastors run churches? what's the proper verb?), "Santa Claus is robbing Christ of his glory."

"It's [Jesus'] birthday, it's not Santa's birthday," he says.

Of course, December 25th isn't really Jesus' birthday.  Pastor Carothers surely must know this, as the bible doesn't mention what date Jesus was born.  It would be nice, actually, if he were curious about when his savior was born.  Rather than put up a ridiculous sign designed entirely to irk people & get himself on the local news (which it did), he could have just used an online search engine to find articles like this one, which uses actual scholarship to show how, for example, early Christians didn't actually celebrate Jesus' birth until centuries after his death.

That's a better read - the article here - than the sensationalism of a desperate clergyman.  But provocative is fun!  Especially during the holiday season!

'Tis The Season

I know Christmas is nearly two weeks away, but my show this week is the only show I'll do before the holiday, & it's going to be another Very Self Help Radio Christmas.  It should be pretty damned embarrassing.