Keep it away from me.
Keep it between the lines.
Keep it clean.
Keep it down.
Keep it easy.
Keep it fresh.
Keep it going.
Keep it handy.
Keep it in your pants.
Keep it juicy.
Keep it kool.
Keep it light.
Keep it mellow.
Keep it natural.
Keep it on the down low.
Keep it positive.
Keep it quiet.
Keep it real.
Keep it simple.
Keep it together.
Keep it up.
Keep it vague.
Keep it weird.
Keep it x-l-ent.
Keep it (to) yourself.
Keep it zen.
Saturday, May 16, 2020
Friday, May 15, 2020
New Intro Time Again Again Again Again Again Again Again Again!
Oh hey! It's around that time again - I make a new intro for Self Help Radio every year. I don't know why. I just do. Actually I do know - I've explained it before - I used to make it because the "season" began in May at KOOP, & then the summer semester began at WRFL in May - but the season at Freeform begins in March - so I should have done it in March - & also it's the middle of May - but last May I wasn't doing a show because I was moving to Portland - anyway, I did make a new intro in the middle of last May - now it's the middle of May & here's a new intro!
Here's the 2020 Self Help Radio Intro!
The show is nearly eighteen years old, & I've made seventeen intros for it. Here in fact are the previous seventeen. In chronological order. If you wanna listen.
You can listen to the 2002 intro (my first!) here.
You can listen to the 2003 intro here.
You can listen to the 2005 intro here.
You can listen to the 2006 intro here.
You can listen to the 2007 intro here.
You can listen to the 2008 intro here.
You can listen to the 2009 intro here.
You can listen to the 2010 intro here.
You can listen to the 2011 intro here.
You can listen to the 2012 intro here.
You can listen to the 2013 intro here.
You can listen to the 2014 intro here.
You can listen to the 2015 intro here.
You can listen to the 2016 intro here.
You can listen to the 2017 intro here.
You can listen to the 2018 intro here.
You can listen to the 2019 intro here.
So yeah, the new one, this is the intro for Self Help Radio for the next twelve months. You'll probably get sick of it. Apologies in advance.
Here's the 2020 Self Help Radio Intro!
The show is nearly eighteen years old, & I've made seventeen intros for it. Here in fact are the previous seventeen. In chronological order. If you wanna listen.
You can listen to the 2002 intro (my first!) here.
You can listen to the 2003 intro here.
You can listen to the 2005 intro here.
You can listen to the 2006 intro here.
You can listen to the 2007 intro here.
You can listen to the 2008 intro here.
You can listen to the 2009 intro here.
You can listen to the 2010 intro here.
You can listen to the 2011 intro here.
You can listen to the 2012 intro here.
You can listen to the 2013 intro here.
You can listen to the 2014 intro here.
You can listen to the 2015 intro here.
You can listen to the 2016 intro here.
You can listen to the 2017 intro here.
You can listen to the 2018 intro here.
You can listen to the 2019 intro here.
So yeah, the new one, this is the intro for Self Help Radio for the next twelve months. You'll probably get sick of it. Apologies in advance.
Thursday, May 14, 2020
May 14, 2008
In May of 2008, I was about to do a radio show about lemons. This is what I wrote the day before the show:
Whither Lemons?
A fan of lemons was telling me just the other day, "There's that old song, you know, about how the interior of the lemon isn't very good to eat, & I was always puzzled by this. I always ate lemons like other kids at oranges, or even grapefruit. I'd scoop the pulp out & just eat. It never occurred to me that it wasn't supposed to be edible. So I continue eating the flesh - for lack of a better word - of lemons to this very day. You may not believe me but it's true.
"What's weirder," he continued, "is that I can't do the same with limes. I can't eat a section of a lime in the same way that I can basically 'eat up' a lemon. It doesn't taste good enough & the consistency, the texture of the lime isn't the same. Isn't that just too odd? Because you can set a lemon & a lime side-by-side & even cut them in half, & they look like basically the same fruit, only colored differently. But they are very, very different. They are - at least to my taste buds - polar opposites.
"I can also tell you," said the fan of lemons, "that I could chew on a lemon rind - did you know they also call it a 'zest'? - I could chew on a lemon zest in the same way other kids chewed gum. To me, there was nothing better, after consuming the inside of a lemon, spitting its seeds out, wiping the sticky sour juice from my face - nothing better than gnawing off a piece of lemon zest & spending the rest of the day just chew, chew, chewing it. Other children, with their Wrigley's & their Fruit Stripe & they're Double Bubble, they'd complain of losing flavor & having to keep sticking new pieces of gum in their mouths, but not me. A little lemon rind went a long way."
"I wish I could tell you," he said with a sigh, "why I am so obsessed with lemons. There's probably a moment - or moments, really, felicitous, random moments when I was young - when lemons were the only thing around to eat, & I ate them. Ate them up. & my love of lemons continues undeterred to this day. I love lemon tea, lemon-flavored soft drinks, lemon garnishes, lemon juice dripped on frying foods, lemonade of course, lemon added to any alcohol, lemon candies, lemon, lemon, lemon! The taste of lemons. It overwhelms me & is the one thing on this planet that makes me completely, totally happy."
"Well," I said, "that's good news, because my radio show, Self Help Radio, this week features nothing but talk & music about lemons!"
"Hey," said the fan of lemons, "I didn't know you did a radio show."
Whither Lemons?
A fan of lemons was telling me just the other day, "There's that old song, you know, about how the interior of the lemon isn't very good to eat, & I was always puzzled by this. I always ate lemons like other kids at oranges, or even grapefruit. I'd scoop the pulp out & just eat. It never occurred to me that it wasn't supposed to be edible. So I continue eating the flesh - for lack of a better word - of lemons to this very day. You may not believe me but it's true.
"What's weirder," he continued, "is that I can't do the same with limes. I can't eat a section of a lime in the same way that I can basically 'eat up' a lemon. It doesn't taste good enough & the consistency, the texture of the lime isn't the same. Isn't that just too odd? Because you can set a lemon & a lime side-by-side & even cut them in half, & they look like basically the same fruit, only colored differently. But they are very, very different. They are - at least to my taste buds - polar opposites.
"I can also tell you," said the fan of lemons, "that I could chew on a lemon rind - did you know they also call it a 'zest'? - I could chew on a lemon zest in the same way other kids chewed gum. To me, there was nothing better, after consuming the inside of a lemon, spitting its seeds out, wiping the sticky sour juice from my face - nothing better than gnawing off a piece of lemon zest & spending the rest of the day just chew, chew, chewing it. Other children, with their Wrigley's & their Fruit Stripe & they're Double Bubble, they'd complain of losing flavor & having to keep sticking new pieces of gum in their mouths, but not me. A little lemon rind went a long way."
"I wish I could tell you," he said with a sigh, "why I am so obsessed with lemons. There's probably a moment - or moments, really, felicitous, random moments when I was young - when lemons were the only thing around to eat, & I ate them. Ate them up. & my love of lemons continues undeterred to this day. I love lemon tea, lemon-flavored soft drinks, lemon garnishes, lemon juice dripped on frying foods, lemonade of course, lemon added to any alcohol, lemon candies, lemon, lemon, lemon! The taste of lemons. It overwhelms me & is the one thing on this planet that makes me completely, totally happy."
"Well," I said, "that's good news, because my radio show, Self Help Radio, this week features nothing but talk & music about lemons!"
"Hey," said the fan of lemons, "I didn't know you did a radio show."
Tuesday, May 12, 2020
Self Help Radio 051120: A Personal Show
Look, I didn't want to get too personal, but I personally felt it was time for a more intimate, more personal Self Help Radio. I'll completely understand if that's something with which you're not very comfortable. There are other, more impersonal radio shows out there. But not Self Help Radio, not this week.
Don't take it too personally!
Listen to a personal Self Help Radio show at the Self Help Radio website. Remember, there's a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) required - this is for everyone, not just you personally! What happens on the show is below.
We'll return to being a cold, secretive show in due time.
Self Help Radio's Personal Show
"Personal Space Invader" Andrew Jackson Jihad _People That Can Eat People Are The Luckiest People In The World_
"Personal Detritus" The No-No's _Tinnitus_
"Pers-O-Nally" Bobby Paris _The Golden Torch Story (A Collection Of 18 Classic Northern Soul Shakers)_
introduction & definitions
"Personals" Jon Hassell & Bluescreen _Dressing For Pleasure_
"Personal" The Ballet _Mattachine!_
"Personal" Stars _In Our Bedroom After The War_
"Personal Column" Jake Thackray _Jake In A Box: The EMI Recordings 1967-1976_
"Personal Confusion" Guther _I Know You Know_
Alyssa & Jason discuss the young generation's idea of personal
"Too Personal" Generation X _Generation X_
"Too Personal" The Mekons _I ♥ Mekons_
"Personal Freedom" Monty Python _Monty Python's Previous Record_
"Personal" Ice T _Power_
"Take It Personal" Gang Starr _Full Clip: A Decade Of Gang Starr_
interview with my personal trainer Kkris Tiger
"Personal Computer" Doris Norton _Personal Computer_
"Personal Computer" Silicon _Personal Computer_
"Personal Information Waltz" Demitri Martin _These Are Jokes_
"A Personal Issue" Cleaners From Venus _The Cleaners From Venus Vol. 1_
"Personal Hygiene" Wreckless Eric _Wreckless Eric_
interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently
"Personal Jesus" Johnny Cash _American IV: The Man Comes Around_
"Personal Manager" Albert King _King Of The Blues Guitar_
"My Personal Possession" Nat "King" Cole & The Four Knights _Stardust: The Complete Capitol Recordings 1955-1959_
"Personal Property" Jimmy Jones _Looking For My Baby! (Soul Treasures From The Vaults Of Amy-Mala-Bell)_
"My Personal Property" Shirley Maclaine _American Songbook Series: Cy Coleman_
conclusion & goodbye
"Personal Things" The Triffids _Born Sandy Devotional_
"Personal Saviour" Bugs _Self Help_
"Personal Question" Little Caesar _Your On The Hour Man: The Complete Modern, Dolphin, & Downey Recordings 1952-1960_
"Personal Secret" Cathy Carr _Shy_
"A Personal Friend Of Mine" Jim Lowe _Rockin' Behind The Green Door_
Sunday, May 10, 2020
Whither A Personal Show?
(Image from here.)
Do you want to know a phrase I dislike? It's this one: I ain't gonna lie. It's supposed to mean, "I'm going to tell it to you straight," with the implication that the circumstances warrant no softening of language. But it also suggests that the speaker lies a lot. It's a bit of linguistic fluff people pepper their speech with because they have to fill up space somehow - whether to think about what to say next or because they have very little to say. & it irks me.
Having said that, I ain't gonna lie, I probably won't have a new Self Help Radio ready till late tomorrow. I have been feeling under the weather & have wanted to sleep most of today, although I haven't. I will rest some tonight & see how I feel in the morning. But I'll do my level best to get the show done - I know very few people listen, if any, but certainly I'd like the funny contributions of my co-conspirators to be heard. They were great this week.
If this seems like too much personal information, then, sorry, that's what the entire show is about this week. Not just me, either - it seems like every song takes it personally.
Look for the show tomorrow at the Self Help Radio website. I'll announce it here of course. Now. I need to sleep.