Wednesday, May 15, 2024

Self Help Radio 051424: Arrested

Something terrible happened to this week's Self Help Radio, & it's not just that the show happened & no one stopped it. The show did happen. I was there. But sadly there's no recorded evidence of it. My recording device failed to capture the show. The KBOO website failed to record the show. I assume the show as it aired is lost forever. But!

Because the fake interviews are prerecorded, & because I have a sense of the nonsense I spout on the air, I went ahead & rerecorded my airbreaks for the show & that's what you can listen to, should you want to listen, linked on the Self Help Radio & KBOO websites.

The show this week had the theme "arrested." Is there someone who might put out a warrant for my arrest due to my criminal carelessness & probably illegal stupidity? Gosh I hope not. But I should perhaps stop talking now & call my liar - I mean lawyer.

The show! Listen at the Self Help Radio website (remember the username SHR & the password selfhelp) or at the KBOO website (no passwords needed but you can't download the show). Lots of music + talk on the show - that's all listed below.

Oh no will I need a bail bondsman?!?

Self Help Radio Arrested Show
"Your Under Arrest (For Stealing My Heart)" Ray Price _The Honky Tonk Years (1950-1966)_
"You're Under Arrest" The Shirelles _The Collection_
"Arrest Me" Jamo Thomas _Popcorn's Detroit Soul Party_

introduction & definitions

"Advice On Arrest" The Desperate Bicycles _New Cross, New Cross_
"Arrested" Blouse _Imperium_
"The Under Arrest Joke" Mike Birbiglia _Thank God For Jokes_
"She Got Arrested" The Interrupters _Say It Out Loud_

interview with police offider Margaret Potter

"Under Arrest" Holly Golightly & The Brokeoffs _No Help Coming_
"You're Under Arrest" S.W.A.T. _Deep Inside A Cop's Mind_
"Love Arrestor" Bobby Goldsboro _Honey_
"How High The Mountain (Ronnie's Theme)" David Cross & Bob Odenkirk _Mr. Show: The Complete Third Season_
"Arrested" The Accused _Messthetics # 103: DIY 77-81 Midlands I_

interview with fingerprinter Mark Parker

"Arrested For Driving While Blind" Z.Z. Top _Tejas_
"I Wanna Make An Arrest (Acoustic Demo)" Martha Wainwright _Come Home To Mama_
"Under Arrest" Debbie Harry _KooKoo_
"Citizen's Arrest" Wolf Colonel _Intercontinental Pop Exchange No. 1_
"Highway Patrol" Junior Brown _Guit With It_

interview with cop's son Matty Peterson

"You're Under Arrest" Serge Gainsbourg _You're Under Arrest_
"Under Arrest (feat. Young MC)" Sly & Robbie _Silent Assassin_
"You're Under Arrest" Benjamin Zephaniah _Rasta_

interview with author Milt Pullman

"Cordial Arrest" International Airport _You Don't Need Darkness To Do What You Think Is Right_
"House Arrest" Field Medic _Grow Your Hair Long If You're Wanting To See Something That You Can Change_
"Blah Blah Blah" Lenny Bruce _To Is A Preposition; Come Is A Verb_
"Finally I Can Get Arrested In This Town" Frenzal Rhomb _The Cup Of Pestilence_

conclusion & goodbye

"Can't Get Arrested" Lloyd Cole _Bad Vibes_

Monday, May 13, 2024

Whither Arrested?

(That time Kirk arrested Spock. Image from here.)

Why a radio show with the theme "arrested"? Was I recently arrested? Or someone I know? No. But I am about to confess to something that is almost as nerdy as that picture up there from TJ Hooker featuing Leonard Nimoy as the guest star. It's this: I am kinda obsessed with the show Criminal Minds. It's not because of the stories, which are absurd, but because the characters are superheroes. The minute they're called onto a case, they're going to solve it. A serial killer's been murdering people for 27 years & has never been caught? The team gets to town & they've caught him in a couple of days. That's amazing. I joke that they should assign them to older mysteries, like the Kennedy Assassination. They'd figure that out in a jiffy.

But I noticed one night - I watch about two episodes a week, time & whiskey permitting - there aren't a lot of arrests on the show. On Law & Order, you're guaranteed at least one arrest per episode. But more often than not, the criminal on Criminal Minds dies before getting their day in court.

It seems I found myself missing the process of arrest. So I decided to do a show featuring lots of arrests. & that's what's happening tonight.

Yes tonight! From midnight to 2am on 90.7fm in Portland & online everywhere at kboo dot fm. In-between songs & interviews I'll be asking for her during our Spring Membership Drive. If you can help, please do so!

Sunday, May 12, 2024

Preface To Arrest: Proud To Have Never Been Arrested

(Comic by Glen Baxter)

It's a dumb thing to be proud of, not being arrested. I've been stopped by cops - when I was younger, they seemed to let me off with warnings more often than not - always in the case of speeding. But as I've aged, the most interactions I've had with law enforcement is speeding tickets. & maybe a little more when I worked at a Seven-Eleven, where they wanted free stuff - especially donuts.

& it's not that I'm proud of being a good boy. There have certainly been situations where I might have been in a lot of trouble if I'd been caught - especially stealing things. But I wasn't caught. Cops were never called. I never got arrested.

That being said, I've never really done anything that would've actually landed me in jail. Never drove drunk (more than once or twice). Never assaulted anyone. Never killed anyone. Never embezzled a large amount of money. & when, in the depths of the pandemic, I got caught running a light by a traffic cam, I paid the money to sit through a sixty-minute "education" seminar on Zoom in which the internet froze several times & the movies they tried to show were utterly ineffective. But the charge was expunged from my record!

& heck yeah I know people who've been arrested. It doesn't sound like fun. It's bad enough the government knows where I live & makes me pay all the taxes. Imagine if there were a box checked somewhere for "public indecency" because I urinated outdoors! I don't want that. Luckily I didn't do that.

So what the hell will I talk about on the show tomorrow? Ha ha! I won't be doing most of the talking. As usual! Despite what everyone thinks!