Saturday, October 15, 2011

Preface To A Show That Flows: 1200 Posts OMG!

Excuse me while I cut & paste for my own amusement.

I started this blog on 09/12/06.
176 days later, I reached post # 100 on 03/07/07.
158 days after that, I reached post # 200 on 08/13/07.
149 days after that, I reached post # 300 on 01/09/08.
138 days after that, I reached post # 400 on 05/26/08.
141 days after that, I reached post # 500 on 10/14/08.
162 days after that, I reached post # 600 on 03/25/09.
186 days after that, I reached post # 700 on 09/23/09.
149 days after that, I reached post # 800 on 02/19/10.
154 days after that, I reached post # 900 on 07/23/10.
143 days after that, I reached post # 1000 on 12/14/10.
& finally, 158 days after that, I reached post # 1100, at 05/21/11.

It's 147 days later - & I've probably made a mistake somewhere, because I count 1714 days up there but it's been 1859 days since the blog began. DON'T LET ME DO MATH. ESPECIALLY NOT IN MY HEAD.

Now back to working on the radio show...

Friday, October 14, 2011

Omigosh! Nearly Twelve Hundred Posts!

Holy crap. Tomorrow will be the one thousand, two hundredth entry on this blog. It's kind of exciting it's happening around the same time as my ninth anniversary, although it's only a coincidence they somewhat coincide. I wish I had thought of a blog at the same time I thought of doing the show, but I didn't know whether I'd be doing a show like Self Help Radio for very long. It's a little like dating the woman I ended up marrying. I hadn't dated anyone for very long in many years. So too with the radio show - who could've known it would last almost a decade?

This blog is just a little over five years old. Tomorrow I'll bore you with my accounting but assuming that it's been five years & one month, the goofy math I did suggests that 1200 posts over 1855 days (I multiplied 365 {the days in a year} times 5 {the years the blog has existed} plus I added 30 {for the extra month}) averages out to me scribbling on the blog about once every day & a half. All the more remarkable because I really have nothing to say.

Especially since entries like this are really just time wasters. Place holders. Stalling, if you will.

Oh, & I'm not trying to create suspense or anything - tomorrow's 1200th entry will not be exciting or important in any way. That hasn't happened before - why would it happen now?


Thursday, October 13, 2011

A Joke A Day A Week, Episode Sixteen

Though I am a negative person, who sees the worst in everyone, who expects the worst from the world, I find I hardly ever have a problem praising goodness & being excited about something original or noteworthy. That's why I am presenting this quite punny A Joke A Day joke in its entirety. I believe it's a good joke.

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing. She would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife asked, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"

He hadn't and said so.

Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road. "Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.

"No, she's not." he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

"Well, what is it, then?" his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said. "Her name is Sally and she's a battery salesperson."

"Batteries?" cried the wife.

"Yes," he replied. "Sally sells C cells by the Seashore."

Only one quibble. The famous tongue twister, a pun upon which is the whole raison d'etre for this joke, is "she sells seashells by the seashore." Why did the person telling the joke need to name the girl Sally? Wouldn't the last line be even more funny if the punchline were just, "She sells C cells by the seashore"?

It would, but then, if that were the case, it just wouldn't be A Joke A Day.

Monday, October 10, 2011

The Ninth Anniversary Show

Yes, Self Help Radio has been on the air for nine years. The other night I counted roughly (well, I was drunk) over 450 (that's four-hundred-fifty) episodes of Self Help Radio over the years, or (as I do the math) about fifty episodes per year, which means either I'm pretty dedicated or I really should learn to enjoy vacations.

For this anniversary, I revisit a theme that I first tackled in 2004, & looking back over that playlist, I feel like back then I was phoning it in. No "Telstar"? No "Space Junk" by Devo? I must have thought of the show the night before! That's the cool thing about revisiting a theme - at least for me - I can try to revisit a theme with all the musical knowledge I've gained (&/or lost) in the intervening years.

I also made shirts for the show! Congrats to John, Kay, Chris & Ethan for winning. & during the week of the show, you can "like" my show on its Facebook page & then like the appropriate comment there to be eligible for a drawing to win a shirt just for being a Facebook friend. It's a happy anniversary all around!

The show is not in a degrading orbit, but at my degraded website, self help radio dot net, & of course it's been in a space collision, so it's in two parts. Part one is hurting toward the International Space Station. Part two is being hassled by a gang of micrometeors. The songs they're singing are mentioned below.

Here's to nine more years! Or months, really. I'm not greedy.

(part one)

"Sputnik I" T. A. Benham _Voices Of The Satellites_
"Beep Beep" Tom Glazer & Dottie Evans _Space Songs_
"The Sputnik Story" Bill Thomas __The Ultimate 50's Rockin' Sci-Fi Disc: American Sci-Fi Songs From The 1950s_
"War Of The Satellites" Man Or Astroman? _Postphonic Star Exploration_

"Telstar" The Tornados _It's Hard To Believe It! The Amazing World Of Joe Meek_
"Satellite" Teresa Brewer _Miss Versatility_
"Satellite Of Love" The Velvet Underground _Peel Slowly & See_
"Satellite" The Aluminum Group _Pelo_
"International Space Station" Figurine _Transportation + Communication = Love_

"Sputnik II" T. A. Benham _Voices Of The Satellites_
"Sputnik Kiss" The Revillos _From The Freezer_
"Satellite" Robyn Hitchcock _Eye_
"Satellite" Kicking Giant _Halo_

(part two)

"Satellite" Magnapop _Mouthfeel_

"Sputnik (Satellite Girl)" Jerry Engler & The Four Ekkos _That'll Flat Git It!, Vol. 6_
"Satellite # 2" Carl Mann _Carl Rocks!_
"Big Red Satellite" Hasil Adkins _The Wild Man_
"Sputnik's Down" Folk Implosion _Take A Look Inside_
"My House Is A Satellite" The Shapes _Songs For Sensible People_
"Mix Up The Satellites" Guided By Voices _Earthquake Glue_

"Explorer 1" T. A. Benham _Voices Of The Satellites_
"Satelllliiiiiteee" Flying Lotus _Cosmogramma_
"Space Junk" Devo _Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo!_
"Satellites Like Butterflies" The June _Green Fields & Rain_
"Worry Satellite" South Ambulance _South Ambulance_
"Satellite" Luscious Jackson _In Search Of Manny_

Sunday, October 09, 2011

Whither Space Junk?

Today is the day of the official ninth anniversary of Self Help Radio, which went on the air with no incident & probably no listeners, on 91.7 fm, KOOP Austin. It was a Wednesday at 2pm. The first theme I did was "The War Show," since around that time then-president Hurk W. Burk was talking about war, war, war, with Iraq, Iraq, Iraq. I was certain my little radio show could bring peace. No, I wasn't.

Anyway, it's nine years later & the one consistency (besides the show's basic ineffectual nature) is that I've been doing theme after theme - something like over 360 of them - & only repeating myself on rare occasions, like this week. I've decided that on my anniversary shows I'll repeat an old theme & so I shall!

I did a show about "space junk" in January of 2004. I remember loving the idea but not having nearly enough songs about satellites, which are the predominant "junk" humans put in space. I played some songs about meteors & comets, but I wanted songs about Sputnik, damn it! & yeah, I forgot all about the Tornados' "Telstar." Not this time, though.

Tomorrow morning, then, at 7:30 am, celebrate nine years (it's the pottery anniversary) of Self Help Radio. In Lexington, it's on the 88.1 frequency, but you can listen anywhere at wrfl dot fm. & if you want to celebrate later, by yourself, with the windows down, I totally understand & I'll put the show up at the Self Help Radio website.

Remember, tomorrow I'm giving away Self Help Radio special ninth anniversary tee shirts designed by my logo's creator, Austin artist extraordinaire Suloni Robertson. I'll also be giving a couple of shirts away to people who "like" my Facebook page, if you won't be listening in real time.

But if you're listening in the morning, can you bring the cakes & booze? I'm bringing the space junk music, after all.