Youth Group

Here's a picture I took on this day in 2017 which I entitled "Youth Group."

According to the sketchy dumb notes I keep about my life, I went to see "Thor Ragnarok" on this day five years ago, & almost certainly took this picture from the parking garage in downtown Fort Worth where a favorite movie theater was.

Hey! It's been a long day!  I did my first XRAY show from 5-7am today. Forgive me if I have very little else to offer.

But I think I took the picture after the movie, which I doubtless saw at a matinee.  I would never dally before a movie, needing to get there as soon as I could.  I remember liking the film, at any rate.

Self Help Radio On Two Days A Week?!?

Oh my stars & garters!  Here is interesting news!

Self Help Radio has joined the XRAY family!  It will air from 5-7am on Saturdays on 91.1 & 107.1 fm which is of course XRAY FM.

Does this mean it will no longer be on KBOO?  Nope, we'll still be there early Tuesdays.

Does this mean there will be two different themes explored every week?  Uh, no.  Wow that would be a lot of work.  The Saturday show will be a shorter version of the previous Tuesdays show - but I'll add new stuff just in case someone listens twice.

Why do it then?  I dunno.  A different timeslot.  A different audience.  More fun on the radio!

Luckily it's on early so most of Portland still won't be subjected to it!

Listen to the XRAY version of the "infinity" show tomorrow on xray.fm from 5-7am Portland time!

Self Help Radio 110122: Infinity

Does an episode of Self Help Radio feel like it might go on forever?  This week instead of just seeming like it takes an infinity to get through one of these shows, it just explored the theme "infinity."

During the show, a person who identified himself as a mathematician told me two definitions of infinity, which he used to explain to his son, whom he identified as a "child" although he revealed the son is 26 years old.

Number one: think of the largest number you can think of.  Then add the number one.  That's infinity.

& number two: infinity is a four & a half hour long Jerry Garcia song.

There's really nothing I can add to that.  You can listen to the show in one of two places: the KBOO website or the Self Help Radio website.  At the latter you'll need a username & a password, which are selfhelp & SHR respectively, & you can download the file there if you want.  Everything that happened on the show is below.

A finite show about infinity.  The Self Help Radio way.

Self Help Radio Infinity Show
"Infinity" They Might Be Giants _Here Come The 123s_
"Infinity Suite" Burnt Ones _The Space Lady & Burnt Ones_
"Infinite Trips" Peaking Lights _Cosmic Logic_

introduction & definition

"Infinity ytinifnI" These New Puritans _Beat Pyramid_
"Infinite Roads" The Hawaiian Pups _Split Second Precision_
"You're A Reflection Of Infinite Chaos" Outrageous Cherry _Our Love Will Change The World_
"Billy Infinity" Bill Nelson _Atom Shop_
"Infinity" Desdamona _The Source_

interview with my friend Gus, who has a fear of infinity

"Spud Infinity" Big Thief _Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe In You_
"Infinite Combinations" John Wesley Harding _New Deal_
"It's Infinite" Lomelda _Hannah_
"December Infinity" Lee Noble _Ruiner_
"Infinity Avenue" Electric Sunset _Electric Sunset_

interview with Hank Ralph, who has an Infiniti dealership

"Neighbourhood Of Infinity" The Fall _Perverted By Language_
"Approximately Infinite Universe" Yoko Ono _Approximately Infinite Universe_
"Masculine Infinity" CS Yeh _Transitions_
"Infinity" Mouth Music _Shorelife_
"Infinity Of Rhythm Instrumental" AmmonContact _You Don't Know: Ninja Cuts_

interview with creator of Infinity Lad & Eternity Lass Jeff Clarement

"Infinitely Late At Night" The Magnetic Fields _i_
"Infinity Net" Sisu _Light Eyes_
"Infinity Pools" The Smittens _City Rock Dove_
"Infinite Mile" King Tuff _The Other_
"The Infinite Shoeblack" Nits _Giant Normal Dwarf_

interview with Betsy The Spirit Guide about how to spend infinity

"Infinity" Suuns _Hold/Still_
"Infinity" Catnaps _Why Don't You Whisper?_
"An Infinite Loop" Hutch & Kathy _Hutch & Kathy_
"Bound For Infinity" Renaissance _Prologue_
"Infinity" Montreal _A Summer's Night_

Dr. Jeff Green explains infinity

"Infinite Potential" Luke Vibert _Compilation Tracks For Which I Was Never Paid_
"Infinity + 1" Klangwelt _The Age Of Numbers_
"Infinite Snow" Monolake _Silence_
"Infinite Everywhere" Eric Hilton _Infinite Everywhere_

conclusion & goodbye

"To The Infinity" DJ Krush _Strictly Turntablized_
"Infinity (MTR 12" Mix)" Eon _Void Dweller_
"Sweet Honeybee Of Infinity" Boy Robot _Rotten Cocktails_

Whither Infinity?

(image from here.)

Ha ha! & you thought three hours of Self Help Radio felt endless! Get ready for the meta event of the year: a radio show that you desperately wish would just end already covers the topic of infinity! If we're lucky we'll get caught in a time loop & you'll never hear from us again!

Yes, I know it's Halloween night but the show starts at midnight so it's officially November 1 & Halloween is over.  If you want to listen to some Self Help Radio Halloween shows there's tons of them on this web page.

If you're not in a diabetic coma, tune in to 90.7 fm from midnight to 3am Portland time (in Portland town) or wherever you are at that equivalent time at kboo.fm.  For a show about infinity.  What?  I didn't tell you how a show about infinity came about?  Are you sure?  Try reading again from the beginning.

Preface To Infinity: Nightmares

(image from here)

There's something called apeirophobia - which sounds like a fear of the thing you use to get to your boat on a lake or river or sea or whatever - but which is actually the fear of infinity.  We'll talk on the show tomorrow with someone who experiences this but I've been thinking about whether I have felt such a fear, & it reminded me of common nightmares I had as a child.

To understand the first one, it must be said I was very close to my mother until my teenage years.  Like all mothers I suppose she managed to instill in me a trust & loyalty that was seemingly permanent - until I started paying attention to her.  Once I started to recognize her many faults, I didn't feel as close to her - & certainly stopped trusting her or feeling a loyalty to her.  For a long time I thought that was a natural thing, but my brothers never stopped feeling that way toward her, so I guess my disillusionment with her was unusual in our family.

Anyway, before my teen years, a common nightmare would be that she & I would be sitting together & then the earth would move & she would somehow begin separating from me.  She seemed utterly oblivious but I was horrified, & I tried to go to her but the distance between us became a chasm.  In addition, it seemed as though that distance was exponential - I wouldn't have understood that as a child - but the more I tried to get to her, the more it seemed like she'd get farther away, the distance doubling with every attempt.  I would wake up from such dreams crying, horrified, feeling abandoned & alone.

My insecurities wouldn't let me abandon such horror even after I probably wouldn't have been so upset to have my mother wrenched from me.  So the dream changed in my teenage years to me being alone & suddenly realizing how vast the universe is.  In this iteration of my dream the distance between me & everything else seem to increase exponentially.  & it was for me mathematical - I could feel the distance growing as if squared again & again.  & it made me feel inconsequential, helpless, & utterly alone.  I would wake from such dreams in a cold sweat, absolutely terrified & unable to shake that feeling for a long time afterwards

Luckily as I got older this dream faded away - not because I felt any more secure, or because I found someone who made helped my insecurity & loneliness, but because I became more comfortable with those feelings.  They felt lived-in by my mid-1920s.  I haven't had that sort of dream in probably decades.

Was it a fear of infinity?  Do I still have a remnant of that in me?  & if I do, will a show about infinity help or help?  I don't know!