A History Of Leaving, Concluded

(This image originally from here.)

It seems I have left WRFL twice before.  I took a semester off in early 2013 (from the station, not from the show, which I continued as a podcast for four months), & I made a big public exit just last year, anticipating a move to Los Angeles that never happened.  Now I am leaving for the last time.

You would be wise to be skeptical.  There are those who weirdly thought my leaving last year was a publicity stunt, & I've tried to ask them what did I get out of it, except losing my sweet Friday morning timeslot?  They think I did it for the satisfaction of fooling folks into thinking I was leaving. Because, you know, all the trolling I do.

This time I waited until it was absolutely certain that I would be gone before saying anything.  This past week I told station management that August 2 would be my last show (the theme had been posted before on the show's website as "the two-hour long goodbye," but I don't think many people pay attention to that).  I told them this because on August 4, my family & I will be leaving Lexington.

My wife got a job elsewhere, back in Texas, & she starts work on August 8.  She has resigned from her job here in town, & our house goes on the market on the day we leave.  We have rented a house in the hopes of exploring our new city & eventually buying a home there.  Already many of our things are in boxes.  It's very, very intense at our place at this moment.

But I'll understand if you're skeptical.  I am much like the boy who cried wolf & don't deserve to have anything I say taken seriously if you feel, like some do, that this too might be some kind of inscrutable prank.  Perhaps this comes across as strangely sudden, but we've known we were leaving for a while - I just didn't feel like making it into a countdown spectacle like I did last time.  You should only get one retirement party from the place you've worked at.  I don't want to double-dip like some kinda cheat.

What's the future of Self Help Radio?  In the short-term, there are two more shows on WRFL, this Tuesday & the next.  Where we're going, in the Dallas/Fort Worth area, has a few nice non-commercial radio opportunities for me, which I am eager to start exploring, even in the one hundred degree plus heat.  (I will miss Lexington's lovely mild springs & autumns, though its winters not so much.)  If I am unable to find a place for the show to continue its ridiculousness, I will certainly continue as a podcast as soon as I can.  I can't not do the show.  It's in my DNA.  Also, I have shows lined up.

You can, as always, keep up with the show by following its Facebook page (it would appreciate your "like") or its Twitter feed.  Or this blog.  All linked handily at Self Help Radio dot net.

& of course in this day & age, if you have a computer & you want to listen to shows, whether streamed from radio stations' websites or from the show's own, you're never more than a couple of mouse clicks away from Self Help Radio.

As always, I thank you for any time you might have spent listening to this ridiculous show I'm involved with.  It's with a heavy heart that I leave WRFL for the very last time.

Self Help Radio 071916: Hold On

(Original image found here.)

One thing I wanted to say about this show, which I am posting a day late: I wanted to hold on to this show as long as I could before sharing it with you.  That's not true, of course.  I was very busy yesterday.  I drove to Cincinnati & back.  I just didn't have time to put it on the website.

A second thing I wanted to say about this show, is that Jenny, who picked all the music for last week's show, told me she suggested this theme to me last year.  I have done a half-assed search of my email to see when exactly, & can't find it, but it's always a fair bet that any good ideas I think I have are probably someone else's, so if you liked this show, it's doubtless because Jenny knew it'd be a fine theme.

There's not a third thing that I wanted to say, but please be aware I am still a little OCD-happy that the entire show features nothing but songs called "Hold On."  I know, it's as meaningful as getting a "perfect attendance" ribbon or something, but the part of me that likes to see a playlist with the songs spaced so perfectly one atop another (like below), find its that order a dumb satisfaction.

Meanwhile! The show! It's at the Self Help Radio website.  Hold on, you'll need a username & password to access it, but that's on the site, it's all right, don't fret.  The show has been divided into two parts, reflecting the two hours of the program, & of course the songs I played are listed below.

(part one)

"Hold On" Half Japanese _Perfect_
"Hold On" Bob Mould _Patch The Sky_
"Hold On" Twin Peaks _Wild Onion_

"Hold On" The Bandana Splits _The Bandana Splits_
"Hold On" Yellow Ostrich _The Mistress_
"Hold On" The Postelles _The Postelles_
"Hold On" Former Ghosts _Fleurs_

"Hold On" The Shining Hour _Long Lost_
"Hold On" Darren Hanlon _Fingertips & Mountaintops_
"Hold On" The Junior League Band _Jelly Roll_
"Hold On" Tom Waits _Mule Variations_

"Hold On" Holly Golightly _The Good Things_
"Hold On" Nightblooms _I Lick You Because I Love You_

(part two)

"Hold On" The Train Set _Never California_
"Hold On" The Orchids _Lyceum_
"Hold On" Lou Reed _New York_

"Hold On" Sam Cooke _The Man Who Invented Soul_
"Hold On" The O'Jays _Big City Soul, Vol. 1_
"Hold On" Bernie Worrell _All The Woo In The World_

"Hold On" The Smooty Filth _Greenstuff_
"Hold On" Sharon Tandy & Les Fleur De Lys _Reflections_
"Hold On" The Mirage _We Can Fly, Vol. 2_
"Hold On!" Herman's Hermits _The Best Of Herman's Hermits_
"Hold On" John Lennon _Plastic Ono Band_

"Hold On!" The Redskins _Neither Washington Nor Moscow_
"Hold On" Age Of Chance _One Thousand Years Of Trouble_

Whither Hold On?

(I know it doesn't say "Hold On" but that's what the little thing is doing!  Image from here.)

That's right.  The theme today is "hold on."  Like I said yesterday, every damn song I play today will be called "Hold On."  Not "Baby Hold On" or "I'll Keep Holding On" or "Hold On I'm Coming" - just "Hold On."  Why?  Because I can.  Because I think of it as some kind of achievement.  Because it's part of my obsessive-compulsive disorder to organize radio shows, when possible, in this manner.  & guess what?  I have way more than two hours' worth!  So there.

There's nothing really to recommend this show otherwise, I realize.  But what else would you expect?  That's what this damn radio show is like!

It's on from 4-6pm today on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington.  You can also listen online at wrfl dot fm.  You can also call me at 257 WRFL.  & if you do, you can bet I'll say, "Hold on!"  Because I'm stupid like that.

Preface To Hold On: Some May Call It Obsession!

That's a Stan Lee title if I ever saw one!  I only need to add:

(I found that here.)

So - this has happened on Self Help Radio three times - I believe - with a fourth attempt that failed - & what is it we're talking about?  & furthermore why would you care?  This is the worst form of radio navel-gazing, an arguable "achievement" that has absolutely no bearing on the quality of the show.  It's the radio version of a kind of self-milestone of which no one is proud but the one who attempts it, unasked, unprompted, to mostly apathy if not downright derision.

It's this: doing an entire radio show with every song that's played having the same title.

Like I said, it's happened three times, with the following themes: Tell Me, Heaven (on my second attempt), & Everybody Knows (just last year).  My failure - I got through 3/4 of the show but couldn't sustain - was the Wonderful show.

Why would I mention this?  Because I believe I will try for a number four tomorrow: an entire show with every song having the same title.  That title?  "Hold On."

Will Self Help Radio succeed in this competition that means nothing to anyone but itself?  You'll have to listen to find out!

...But hey, I understand that you probably don't care, in which case, it's totally cool if you don't listen. That's what happens most of the time anyway, dumb self-challenge or not.  Everyone understands!

Chapter XII: Right Before The Scene Of The Crime

The Contessa entered the parlor, oblivious to the gentlemen sitting in her family's antique chairs.  She was preoccupied about family business.

"Whom are you?" she said, grammatically incorrectly, to the strangers.

"We're police detectives, ma'am," said the one who looked & smelled like sausage.

"The constabulary?" she said, aghast.  "Why would you have been called?"

"It appears," said the mousey one, looking at a notebook, "there was a complaint last night, about," he flipped a few pages, "screams of agony & shrieks as if from hell itself."

"Well," the Contessa said, "we did have some friends over."

"Ah," said Sausage-Man, "& where are your friends now?"

"They have retired to their quarters," sniffed the Contessa.  "But of course the shrieks were from the murdered people."

"Murdered?" the two detectives asked, almost simultaneously.

"Yes, murdered," the Contessa said, "naturally.  They were killed in the ceremony, & consumed afterwards."

"Consumed?" said the Mouse.  "You mean, eaten?"

"Oh," the Contessa said, with a weary gesture, "it was the same old ritual.  Kill the strangers, feast on their flesh."  She gave them both a knowing look.  "It was a Thursday, for Pete's sake!"

"Ma'am," Sausage said, "are you admitting to a crime?"

The Contessa looked at him blankly.

"I mean to say," Sausage corrected himself, tugging uncomfortably at his collar, "are you saying you killed someone here?"

"Oh! Heavens no!" she said, to the relief of the two obviously distraught policemen.  "No, we have the help do that.  Oh Jenkins!"

A stiff butler type appeared, almost magically, from behind an unseen door.  His chin high, he seemed incapable of holding his head any other way.  "Ma'am?" he said.

"Please tell these awful man about the people you killed," she told him.

"Indeed," he said.  He turned to the baffled lawmen.  "During the ceremony I murdered an alcoholic drifter, as well as the rebellious teenage daughter of one of Madame's chambermaids."

Sausage turned to Mouse.  They shrugged their shoulders in turn.

"Ah," said Mouse.  "How - how did you murder them?"

"Poison," said the butler.  "In their food."  He paused, thoughtfully, & turned to his mistress.  "It would not have stayed in the portions of them that you would consume, Madame," he said.

"Good, good," said the Contessa.

"What the fuck?" said the Sausage.

"Yes, yes," said the Contessa, "take him away, hang him, he's a menace to our community, all that, now, please, do not tarry in my family's antique chairs any longer!"  & she fanned herself as she made her way to the front room.

"I plead guilty to all charges," said the butler, half-heartedly holding his hands out to be cuffed.

"Um," the Mouse said to the Sausage.  "Can we - uh - can we see the bodies?"

"Or what's left of them?" said the Sausage to the butler.

"Certainly, sir," said the butler, "right this way."  He paused, appearing to think something over, "other remains might appear in some of our guests' leavings."

The Mouse threw up on a family heirloom.

"C'mon," said the Sausage.  "Get yourself together."

"Rich people," the Mouse choked.

"Rich people," the Sausage agreed.  "Am I right?"