Saturday, September 28, 2019

Preface To Postcards: I Shoulda Sent You A Postcard

Damn, I didn't send you a postcard.  I passed a few shops, you know, & even went in, but although I looked at the postcards, I didn't buy one.  I don't think I even considered it.

But I did think of you!  You were on my mind when I saw the sights, I was thinking it would be fun if you were here.  We would've had a great time.  & that's it, really - I was just having such a great time, I didn't want to interrupt it to have to say "I'm having a great time!" on a postcard.

Still, I should've sent you one.  I usually do.  Funny thing - the last time I sent you a postcard - do you remember? - I got home before the postcard arrived!  I think you even said, "You could just buy a postcard & give it to me, you don't have to send it."  & we laughed.

But I didn't even buy a postcard this trip.  It just slipped my mind, I guess.  & I know I should've done so.  There really is no excuse.

You're acting cool about it, but I think you're quite hurt.  Maybe this slight of mine is unforgivable.  I obviously can't go back & get a postcard, but I hope you can see how much this is tearing me up.  I'm sorry.

& I can't say it more: I really, really should've sent you a postcard.

Friday, September 27, 2019

Sleeping All Day

The interview with the guru went as possibly follows:

Guru, may I sleep all day?

My child, were you up all night?

Yes, guru.  But also up all day.

Then please, stay up all night, before your sleep all day.

Cool.  Thanks.

I'm so glad we had this conversation.

Me too, guru.  Gosh, I'm tired.

It is strange when we stay up all day.  For then we must sleep all night.


But when we stay up all night, surely we must be allowed to sleep all day.

Yes, great.

Unless we have an appointment.  Perhaps a doctor's appointment?

Oh no, no appointments.  I just would like to, you know, lay my head on a pillow & catch some z's, as they say.

Great!  Enjoy your rest.

Hey.  Not to be weird, but.

Yes, my son?

Are you going to stand there, you know, while I sleep?

Of course.  Where else would I be?

Jeez, I dunno, somewhere else?  What if I sleep eight hours?

I'll be waiting for you, my son.

Yeah, that's creepy.  Listen, I'm cool, maybe you could, I don't know, take off?

Where would I go?  I am your guru.

Aren't you some other folks' guru?  What are they up to?

I am - er - between other folks.

Wait.  I'm your only student?

Acolyte, yes.

Damn.  That must be very disappointing.

You have no idea.

Okay, well.  You wanna sleep on the other side of the bed here?

Why the hell not.

Thursday, September 26, 2019

Oh Look: I Done Got Another Show

Or at least I think I do.  The details haven't been ironed out yet.

Quite possibly this Tuesday, October 1st, from 2 to 4 am, I will be doing a show on KXRY - more commonly known as XRAY FM.  I like the station a lot, I help out there, & I was asked if I wanted to do a late-night slot.  I said yes.

But I probably won't be doing Self Help Radio - I can't imagine doing two of those a week!  Instead, I'll probably resurrect my Sugar Substitute moniker for a freeform, mainly indie-type show.

More details as I know them!

Monday, September 23, 2019

Self Help Radio 092319: What House Is This?

(I found all these images somewhere in the Google.)

It's a very common question.  You're with your friend, having a leisurely walk, & one of you stops & says to the other, "What house is this?"  Why, I'll bet you've had this conversation maybe dozens of times!

You: Oh my.  What house is this?
Your friend: This house?
You: Yes.  What is this house?
Your friend: Does it have a sign?
You: No, it does not have a sign.
Your friend: Hmm, it's a puzzler.
You: Say, where are we walking?
Your friend: Along the beach, of course.
You: That could be a clue.
Your friend: That's it!
You: Yes?
Your friend: It's a beach house!
You: Marvelous!
Your friend: Jolly good!

Aren't you glad you have a friend who says things like "jolly good"?  No?  Well, be glad, you selfish oaf.  I don't have friends that say "jolly good."

Alas, sometimes context clues aren't enough.  If you are ever in a situation where you & your friend, you know, the one who says "jolly good," cannot discover what house it is that you've come across, then please come to this week's Self Help Radio, which can be used as a guide.  Many kinds of houses are discussed on the show.  You need not be puzzled or otherwise vexed on your walks again!

You may listen to the show now & whenever at the Self Help Radio website.  You will need a username (try: SHR) & a password (try: selfhelp) to access the show.  It's one big file this week for some reason, & you can see what's on the show below, in detail.

One day there will be a Self Help Radio House.  & no one will visit.

Self Help Radio What House Is This Show

"The Big House Blues" Shelley Lee Alley _The History Of Country & Western Music, Vol. 8: 1941_
"Dog House Blues" Bill Monroe _Blue Moon Of Kentucky_
"Road House Boogie" Big Jay McNeely _The Boogie Box, Vol. 11_

introduction & definitions

"Rock House" Roy Orbison _The Sun Years_
"The Doll House" Phil Ochs _Farewells & Fantasies_
"Fun House" The Stooges _The Stooges_
"Grandma's House" Space Ghost _Yeah, Whatever_
"Two Story House" George Jones & Tammy Wynette _Together Again_

interview with Duke Simpson about upcoming trends

"Happy House" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Once Upon A Time: The Singles_
"White House" Schizoid _Messthetics # 1: UK '77-81 'D.I.Y.' Bands R To Sh_
"Tempo House" The Fall _Perverted By Language_
"Bad Houses" Big Black _Atomizer_

interview with Donut Jon of Jon's Donut House

"An Eating House" The Nits _In The Dutch Mountains_
"Open House" Lou Reed & John Cale _Songs For Drella_
"Visiting Someone Else's House" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Lime House" The Breeders _Pod_
"Linctus House" Robyn Hitchcock _Eye_

interview with head White House tour guide David Fruchter

"Country House" Blur _The Great Escape_
"Council Houses" Denim _Denim On Ice_
"Haunted House" Grant McLennan _Watershed_
"Ocean House" Parsley Sound _Parsley Sounds_
"Rooming House On Venice Beach" Jonathan Richman _I, Jonathan_

conclusion & goodbye

"Squat House" The Hard Ons _Go & Do It: The Aberrant Compilations_
"The Girls At The Corner House" Tochigi _The Gang East Of The River_
"Hot House" X _More Fun In The New World_
"Ugh! Your Ugly Houses!" Chumbawamba _Swingin' With Raymond_
"Cat House" Takako Minekawa _Cloudy Cloud Calculator_

Sunday, September 22, 2019

Whither What House Is This?

(This used to be our house, in Fort Worth.  It belongs to someone else now.)

In trying to explain this week's theme to someone who foolishly asked me about my radio show, I simply said, "Doing a theme show every week would get boring if it were always about things, nouns, you know.  At some point I decided it would be fun to do shows about phrases that commonly appear in songs."

This was when I was answering phones at a station for its pledge drive, & a deejay said to me, "About every third or fourth show, I do a theme show."  I hear that a lot.  & I always say, "Oh, no, I'm not saying that what I do is special.  All people who do radio do themes."  At which point, the deejay said, "Yeah, even Bob Dylan did a 'theme-time' show!"

This week's show, which has the awkward title "What House Is This?" is simply one of those phrase shows.  It might be better described as "_______ house."  Every song will be entitled something house.  If you ever visit the Self Help Radio Facebook page, you'll notice that I put up some songs which I'll probably play on the show, to give some idea of the theme.

That's all.  Blank house.  But why?  Probably because I noticed a lot of "house" songs & wondered if I could make a show about them.  & I think I can!

Tomorrow in Portland from 6-8am on 90.3 + 98.3 fm plus online at Freeform Portland dot org.  I won't be doing the show from a house, though, but from a building.