Friday, February 20, 2009


This blog isn't much, & it's not even the only blog I have, but I hate that I've been neglecting it. I'm just very busy. Do you want to know WHY I am so busy? Because I have been designated by the Planet's Corporate Overlords to officially Pay Attention to the Dying American Culture. Can you imagine how long that takes? I can barely keep up with my dogs when they're telling me all about their day (apparently there are at least fifty different ways to nap) - now I have to keep a little notebook (which keeps getting filled up, which I then have to feed to the Evil Troll that guards the Magic Treasure at the Center of the World - remind me to tell you about that dipshit some day) documenting the things that indicate that America - & really, Western - culture is on its last legs. I mean, why couldn't I just be in charge of the reality television division? But no, it's all of it. Books, movies, music, television, blogs, facebook posts, myspace drivel, cheese shop flyers, messages sent by traffic lights into schizophrenics, all of it. I am documenting the Decline of Our Way Of Life.

Between that & work, I don't hardly have any time to write in this blog. I'm sorry.

I still have a little time to do Self Help Radio. There's a new one tomorrow. It's another indication of the sorry state of our culture, I know. I have to write it in the notebook.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Whither Hospitals?

I'm sure there are a billion good reasons why I wanted to do a show about hospitals, but of course no reason that would land me in a hospital, which I (thankfully) haven't visited in many years now, I believe it was an ER visit in erm perhaps 2003. I'm sure however that I have hospital visits in my future (don't we all) even if it's the last place I end up because of an accident. But none of that is important until Saturday when I put the show together. Because right now, I have something special for youse at!

That's right, it's Luxuriator on Local Live! But none of those links lead to the show (which also features an interview with the band done by ME), only this one. So go listen & enjoy the flourishing of smart & independent music in Austin!

Or I swear to god I'll put you in the hospital!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Preface To Hospitals: I Spent The Day In A Hospital In College Station

It's true. But it wasn't a human hospital. It was an animal hospital. Or an animal clinic. It had an emergency room. Does it make it a hospital if it has an emergency room? It had doctors. Oh, oh! & it had a dentist! That's why we were there!

Oh, & it's "we" because it was Magda & me. & three dogs. Our three dogs. Not just three dogs we picked up at the 290/21 intersection. We didn't have room for them. Plus, I thought they looked kind of shifty.

Anyway, our youngest (mine & Magda's), he's a dwarf beagle, & there's something I'm not smart enough to understand about dwarf beagle teeth (or, truth be told, normal beagle teeth) (though of course no beagle is normal, am I right?) so we needed to take him to the special dentists at Texas A&M.

That's why we were there. He got his teeth cleaned at a dog hospital.

I bought a book about spelling & read it in the dog hospital lobby. Then drove home in the misty rain.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Valentine's Autopsy

Lieutenant, the manufactured holiday went smoothly this year. Less romance, because of less presents, because of less money. Pornography was reported to have been watched in staggering numbers, mainly with rue but also perhaps with regret. Flowers bought reportedly died much sooner than in previous years, although alcohol consumption enabled many to dispute the fact. Singles bars, online dating sites, & church socials on the date all filed reports about a thin, slightly acrid-smelling layer of membrane-like goo which covered everything, from participants to party favors. We sent samples to the lab. We should be hearing from them shortly.

One strange thing, your honor, which I hesitate to bring before the court - well, this thing called Self Help Radio. While not a suspect, Mr. Help Radio apparently has an obsession with the manufactured holiday which has manifested itself in producing obscure "radio shows" about the subject on or about the day of the manufactured holiday every year for roughly six years now. Recommend cursory listening to "Valentine's Day" show of 02142009 (subject "boyfriends") in order to assess possible involvement in manufactured holiday. Please advise.

Also, Sarge, we got you this box of chocolates & a dozen tea roses. The department's consensus is that we love you.