Saturday, August 21, 2010

Um, Zeke?

Well, don't that beat all. I ain't heard nothin' from Zeke Moonshine all week long. I'm a-guessin' he ain't gone deliver his show what he promised to deliver this week. Dad burn the sidewinder! It almost makes me wanna throw away my whiskey!

Actually, it's not Zeke's fault, it's mine. Zeke is, after all, fictional. I am also but perhaps less so. I've been subbing shows at WRFL all week & just didn't have the time to commit to doing Zeke's show. I'll do it next Saturday, I promise.

I will be subbing another WRFL show (which you can listen to online) tomorrow night (Sunday) from 8 to 10, just playing tune & having fun. & Self Help Radio's season starts Tuesday!

Doing lots of radio makes me happy but sleepy.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I Have To Get To Bed...

It's been a long week. & it's not over yet.

But you can hear last night's episode of Self Help Radio (all about beds) at Best if listened to in... Well, you know.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

It's That Time Tonight Again!

Yes, Self Help Radio - with this week's theme being "beds" - airs at midnight tonight (Lexington time) on the wonderful WRFL 88.1 fm. It may be the last time I'm on at that time - or at all for the semester, as the new schedule starts on Monday & I am not sure if Self Help Radio has a place on it.

Do listen! Do call!

(Or if you can't, you know, the show'll be on No worries.)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Whither Beds?

Truly what is central to every home you have is a bed. It's time, you say, to lie down. What is more natural than a bed? Nor comfy?

Each & every scientists know that beds are absolutely central to the room in which they reside, which you would call a bed-room. Could you keep couch or love seat therein? Perhaps a futon. "Futon" is another language for "bed."

Never never order a bed out of a box nor catalog! Always always to the store to perhaps lie upon nor be supine on proper bed showcase room. Bring ones or ones which you would always share bed, if handy. Testable!

Would you as a human being (no offense) imagine there are lots of songs about bed? You would be corrected! What is more natural & central to your private music collection than a song about beds? Everyone knows the words!

Perhaps you relax on a bed right now. Who shall stop you if you? Just please do not tear the mattress. There are penalties as far as Interpol or whatever the United Nations is now called.

Let's not let the future legislate the beds of tomorrow! Your own blankets are your own, you must not share. You know what is central to your pillows is your head firmly nor gently placed there upon it. It is all right to sleep.

Truly there are beds & their songs are ones you may even hear in the night as you want to sleep!

Monday, August 16, 2010

Preface To Beds: Queen Sized Or King Sized?

The bed I brought to Austin with me was basically a kind of army cot, with a thin foam mattress, on a green metal frame. I don't remember if I made the bed every morning before I went to class. Probably. I was pretending to be grown up.

The bed I had in my post-college days was a decent-sized mattress I kept on the floor. I pretty much only gave that up once I started shacking up with the woman I would marry. Although I do believe I did have a box spring under the mattress. I used to keep that bed in my living room, & used the bedroom for storage.

Here's a list of all the types of bed sizes possible (I suppose): Twin, Single, Double, Full, Queen, King, California King, Western King, Eastern King. California King? Why not just call it the Schwartzenegger?

The woman I married takes beds very, very seriously. I don't think I would mind, even in my advanced years, sleeping on a mattress on the floor. For one thing, it removes a potential hiding place for cats. Cats love to hide. They love to hide under beds. I know, it's cruel, to not give cats their hiding places, but I have spent precious hours looking for cats who spitefully did not want to be found. Sometimes, you know, to give them medicine.

I didn't ask how much the current bed I sleep in costs. I didn't pay for it. I also don't know what size it is. It's big enough to comfortably sleep two humans, three dogs, & three cats. If they don't hog the bed. Which they do. & who gets to sleep on a small sliver of bed, nearly falling off, at the edge? You guessed it.

That wouldn't happen with a mattress on the floor!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Estimated Salesperson

Once upon a shopping mall, somewhere between superstore & broken-down pool hall, the estimated salesperson tallies what you have in your basket to make sure commerce takes place. The classic rock plays not quietly enough until cliched guitar riffs poke your unfeeling brain like acupuncture needles. What would the estimated salesperson do if your eyes started bleeding? Would she then accept your expired coupons?

You were daydreaming in the cereal aisle about bands that you liked getting back together to re-record their best records. It made you think of a date with an ex who had quit drinking in the seven years since you'd last dated. Or maybe the ex had started drinking. In any event, it wasn't the same. You wonder if the estimated salesperson has someone to love. Or if she's as empty as this supermarket is, in an evacuated shopping mall, at three o'clock in the afternoon.

The estimated salesperson is unimpressed that you brought your own bags, & seems to believe that means you have to fill them yourself. At higher-end stores they give your discounts, or donate something to charity. All for the possible petroleum you have saved. You think of a small patch of sky, somewhere over one of the great polluted oceans, air no human being will ever breathe, to which you gave a small reprieve today. You feel a little like the last bright cloud in the sky before sundown. Until the estimated salesperson wants you to pay.

The estimated salesperson looks unfriendly even when she's trying to look friendly. This, you understand, is a definition of unhappiness.