Okay. Breathe.

Wow.  Just wow.

Here's something I should mention: I almost had a panic attack Tuesday night.  I was in a pretty bad way.  It seems dumb but when Biden spoke it calmed me down.  I watched an episode of Voyager & sipped a glass of whiskey.

The counting caused a similar amount of anxiety, but I managed to somewhat contain it.  It was more or less manageable, although it did feel a little like a stomach ache & it was accompanied by the recognition, every once in a while, that my heart was beating a little too fast.  When the networks called the election today, I still had all that stress & anxiety in me, & it has kept me from getting anything done.

Well, not that - I'm getting stuff done - just too late.  I am supposed to turn in the Dickenbock Report by 8am Friday.  I finished it tonight.  If it doesn't air, it's my fault - my inability to deal with this election.

It's not over because you know the other guy won't concede.  & who knows what his stooges are doing behind the scenes to wreck as much of the country on their way out.  So - still stress, still anxiety.

Let's see if I can get Self Help Radio done this week.  I might need extra sleep.  Anyone want to talk to my animals & get them to lay off a bit?

Photographs Of Places I've Lived # 9: Tanglewood North Apartments

(Image, as usual, from Google Maps.)

My memory is going to be somewhat unreliable here.  I lived in the Dolphin Apartments from 1989 to sometime in 1990.  I was seeing a girl, with whom I was madly in love, & she strangely, suddenly, moved into an apartment complex right next to the Dolphin Apartments.  I don't think I had anything to do with that situation.  But maybe I did.  Since she was living close to me, & since we were arguably a couple, I was spending a great deal of time with her, I was there more often than in my tiny studio/efficiency.  Her apartment was one bedroom.  Also, she was mostly in control.

Here's the thing: her parents did not want her to date me.  This situation had something to do with her cultural background which, though interesting, I don't want to go into here.  So I technically couldn't move in with her.  Her parents didn't know she was dating me.  When they visited, I could not be "at home."  My things were not welcome in this house.  It is for this reason I don't believe we lived at Tanglewood North together for very long.  I suspect we might have lived there through 1990.  But we found another place - & another complication - soon enough.

What I remember most about the place is that our bed was in the living room because my "girlfriend" - honestly, she never really committed to me - used the "bedroom" as an art studio.  She was an art student.  The place had the heat & air conditioning controlled by the management so, in the nebulous Austin "fall" & "winter," when temperatures outside dropped or rose according to insane algorithms, we had to complain when the heat was on when it was warm outside, & the cold air blowing when outside it was nearly freezing.

One fond memory I have of the time is when one of my girlfriend's teachers, the performance artist Carolee Schneemann - look her up - came over for dinner.  She was perhaps one of the first "celebrities" I would meet, & she was lovely & gracious & a bit frightening.  I had recently purchased a CD player - this was early 1989 - & one of the first CDs I bought was either Leonard Cohen's first or second record ("Songs Of Leonard Cohen" or "Songs From A Room").  Carolee looked at the CD & she said, "I've made love to nearly every song on this record!"

Yes, I wish I could claim to have had some deep interaction with her but mostly she terrified me.  She was so forthright about everything in her life & I suspect I had never been too terribly honest with anyone.  My ex-girlfriend got to see her later in life but I never did.  That's a sadness for me - although of course she would never have remembered me!

Years later I nearly dated a girl who lived at Tanglewood North & would feel a chill when I walked through the complex.  It seemed to me a happy time, but I was being delusional.  The woman I was with did not really want to be with me & almost certainly felt trapped.  I spent the time living there going to school & working at both UT & at 7-11 at nights to pay off debts, so I wasn't there for most of 1990.  I think I took the 1990 spring semester off from college.  Which prevented me from graduating with my class.  But I didn't give much of a shit about that.

& maybe I'm a little surprised they're still called Tanglewood North.  Is there a Tanglewood South?  I don't have the energy to look.  Then or now.

Self Help Radio 110320: Rings

(Image of Saturn's rings from here.)

Self Help Radio has never felt more irrelevant than yesterday's show appearing during a fucked-up election.  But what else can a deejay do?  I generally put the show up after it airs.  It aired in the morning before polling places opened.  At the very least I'm glad that I didn't do an election-themed show.

Anyway, I have very little to say.  I hope I made a fun show.  It continues to be challenging to fill three hours.  My preference would be to do two, but what can I do with the third hour?  Perhaps you have an idea.  Let me know.  Meanwhile.

The show is at the Self Help Radio website now.  Remember username SHR & password selfhelp.  Lots of people helped, lots of songs were played, all that info is below.  I'm going to return now to my anxiety attack.

Self Help Radio Rings Show

"Ring" Michelle Blades _Visitor_

"Rings On Her Fingers" The Servants _Reserved_

"Plain Gold Ring" Nina Simone _Little Girl Blue_

introduction & definitions

"This Diamond Ring" Gary Lewis & The Playboys _The Best Of Gary Lewis & The Playboys_

"(Gary, Please Don't Sell) My Diamond Ring" Wendy Hill _The Answer To Everything: Girl Answer Songs Of The 60s_

"Contraceptives & Diamond Rings" The Wilderness Children _If You Love Him, Let Him Go 7"_

"Diamond Ring" Boothby _Homemade Hits, Vol. 1_

"Get Along (Diamond Ring)" Dressy Bessy _Kingsized_

Alyssa & Jason talk about rings

"Golden Ring (with Tammy Wynette)" George Jones _The Essential George Jones: The Spirit Of Country_

"Wishing Ring" Fats Domino _Out Of New Orleans_

"Earrings" George Carlin _Playing With Your Head_

"Wedding Ring Bells Blues" Daniel Johnston _Rejected Unknown_

"The Ring" Chris & Cosey _Trust_

Interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently (part one)

"Kiss My Ring" Frank Black _Fast Man Raider Man_

"Come Get This Ring" Tyrone Davis _The Ultimate_

"Jesus Christ's Ring" Alexandria Hughes Little _Bizarro Compilation # 1_

"The Ring" Fad Gadget _Gag_

"She's Got A Ring On Her Finger (& Another One Through Her Nose)" Julian Cope _Dark Orgasm_

Interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently (part two)

"From A School Ring To A Wedding Ring" The Rover Boys _Young Love 7"_

"The Ring Fell Under The Sofa" Terry-Thomas _Terry-Thomas Discovers America_

"D-Rings" The Embarrassment _Heyday 1979-83_

"Diamond Ring" Kitten Forever _Pressure_

"Mood Ring Baby" Field Medic _Fade Into The Dawn_

Interview with the Great Ringdini, Garth Thompson

"Smoke Rings" The Mills Brothers _The Best Of The Mills Brothers_

"(You Can't Blow) Smoke Rings" The Cynics _I'm In Pittsburgh & It's Raining 7"_ 

"Smoke Ring Cool" Girlfrendo So You Are Here Again, Shadow?_

"Smoke Rings" Kristin Kontrol _X-Communicate_

"Rubber Ring" Girl In A Coma _Please, Please, Please: A Tribute To The Smiths_

a Self Help Radio list: most expensive rings

"Ring Of Fire" Johnny Cash _The Essential Johnny Cash_

"Three Ring Circus" Blue Magic _Sweet Soul Of The '70s_

"Ode To A Keyring" Monade _Socialisme Ou Barbarie (The Bedroom Recordings)_

"Drawing Rings Around The World" Super Furry Animals _Rings Around The World_

"Rings In Your Mind" The Rileys _The World & His Wife_

conclusion & goodbye

"Velvet Ring" Big Thief _Masterpiece_

"Rings (On A Tree)" Frankie Cosmos _Close It Quietly_

"I Held The Ring" Magic Trick _Other Man's Blues_

"A Sea Ringed With Visions" Fujiya & Miyagi _Artificial Sweeteners_

"Saturn Ring" No Swoon _No Swoon_

Whither Rings?

(Image from here.)

Do you wear a ring?  I do, but only because my wife tells me I could arrested for breaking the law if I don't.  Who wants to be arrested?  I mean, except bad people, am I right?

Certainly I'm no Ringo Starr, who wore a lot of rings because wearing a lot of rings helps you play the drums.  (I assume.)  I think he also felt the need to wear a lot of rings because his parents named him Ringo.  Imagine if his parents named him Stinko!

Anyway, the word "ring" doesn't have to mean "loop you wear on your finger or in your ear or in other, stranger places."  It can mean other things.  Often the bell rings in the boxing ring so people can pummel the heck out of one another.  Also, satellites can run rings around the rings of a planet.  You can ring someone on the phone while blowing smoke rings.  But one suspects a radio show about rings ought to focus on the sorts of rings one wears on one's finger, etc.  Oughtn't it?

Find out tonight - or tomorrow morning - however you count calendar-wise - on 90.7 fm KBOO, online at kboo.fm from midnight to three a.m.  It'll ring in Election Day, which may be the last day ever.  So perhaps don't waste it listening to a dumb radio show?

Preface To Rings: I Should Have Seen A Doctor

You know I have a very small opinion of my show.  Occasionally, I have fun, I think that's the best I can hope for it, but luckily very few people listen so there's not a constant barrage of negative criticism coming my way.  I have so little self-esteem that I doubt I could take it.  In such cases, being virtually non-existent is the best way for me & the show to exist.

What that does mean though is I feel the need to apologize for when I feel my shows are particularly bad.  You can ask, are these the shows where you didn't have any fun?  Pretty much, yeah.  & there are many reasons why a show wouldn't be any fun for me.  I don't want to list them.  But this week I know exactly why the show won't be any fun.

This fucking election.

A friend told me she went to the doctor & the doctor prescribed her something.  Oh fuck I wish I had thought of that.  Holy shit, I could use something.

It might make it impossible to do the show, which I spend a great deal of time on, & I know that's surprising, given how fucking shabby it is, but that's just me.  In fact, it seems to be taking me longer to put together a show & it's not just because it's now three hours long.  It's probably age.  Or maybe the fact that I spend an inordinate amount of time reading social media about Americans dying by the thousands & the fascists & their inexplicably large number of supporters that don't seem to give a shit.

See what I mean?  I had a glass of whiskey tonight, though I need to wake to live tweet the Dickenbock Report in the morning.  I don't know what I'm going to do Tuesday.  The chances of it going very badly are very good because the very bad people are cheating, cheating, cheating.  & even if it goes well (unlikely), then it'll still take days to figure out it's gone well.

Okay, now I feel like throwing up.  Consider this an apology for this week's show, which is about something stupid (rings) because I felt that might help.  Did it?  Nope!

Fuck.