I announced earlier this week that, because of personal reasons that will probably include my leaving Austin, I will only be on the air on KOOP radio for one more season. (KOOP's seasons run from May to October, November to April.) This does NOT mean the end of Self Help Radio. I plan to continue to make unlistenable podcasts for as long as I have breath in my computer, & hopefully wherever I end up, there'll be some place I can ply my trade. Probably not, but a girl can dream.
So that means that I have only twenty-five more Self Help Radios on KOOP. That's insane! How many Self Help Radios have I done previously? My rough count is 248 - which means I won't get to the big three oh oh - although if you count the other shows I've subbed - including shows that no longer exist like Pot Luck & The Doctor's Office - maybe there would be close to three hundred shows...
Speaking of, this weekend I'll be doing two other shows besides today's Self Help Radio (which, you know, is all about pie!): Big Band & Classic Jazz tomorrow & Mojo Time on Sunday. My version of Big Band & Classic Jazz is going to feature the great clarinetists of early jazz, & Mojo Time will be a Veteran's Day show featuring a prominent post-World War II genre of the blues: jump blues!
So don't be sad. Just make sure you experience me while you still can. For another, you know, six months.
This is going to be the longest break-up ever.
Friday, November 09, 2007
Thursday, November 08, 2007
How Long Has It Been Since I've Gotten The Wind Knocked Out Of Me?
I dunno. But what a scary feeling that is!
It's fascinating (to me) that getting the wind knocked out of you is related to hiccups. At the bottom of the page, there's a list of people who had the hiccups long-term. One dude, Charles Orborne, apparently hiccuped for 68 years. I have nightmares about that shit.
I wonder if people called him "Hiccuping Chuck."
Also, did they change the spelling to "hiccough" (even though it's always pronounced hick-up) because it somehow seems more classy? How come the Word Detective doesn't have this answer for me?
Ah, but having an emotional wind-knocked-out-of-me moment - that still happens. Ooooofff!
It's fascinating (to me) that getting the wind knocked out of you is related to hiccups. At the bottom of the page, there's a list of people who had the hiccups long-term. One dude, Charles Orborne, apparently hiccuped for 68 years. I have nightmares about that shit.
I wonder if people called him "Hiccuping Chuck."
Also, did they change the spelling to "hiccough" (even though it's always pronounced hick-up) because it somehow seems more classy? How come the Word Detective doesn't have this answer for me?
Ah, but having an emotional wind-knocked-out-of-me moment - that still happens. Ooooofff!
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
Whither Pie?
Who wants pie?
Pie, as many have gradually surmised, is usually only typical in the vernacular when common knowledge (or "understanding") has failed or will fail the explication. Therefore, instances of pie nominally indicate pertinent or latent failure, while the absence of pie, or the negation of the possibility of pie, should signify or herald certain success in the discussion.
Why then would most people prefer the placement of pie in the general area of the discussion?
As usual, the great philosophers of history, & their closest friends, have chosen to hedge their bets in this atomic dissection of human behavior. The great Flautis of Norma mentioned that, "Section a pie into eight, ten, twelve, a dozen slices, there is never enough pie!" (In Norma, a dozen was considerably more than twelve. He wasn't stupid or anything.)
In Germany during the Renaissance, the Ulmberg scholar Von Fredinhole declared, "The filling fills us!" (The German, "Das Fillingung Ist Uns Gefilledup!" is generally thought to be less interesting than any translation.)
Even American philosophers, usually tending bar after World War II, have evaded the question rather than answer it. "Shut your pie-hole, pie-eye! Have some pie with your pie in the sky!"
Linguists trying to find their way into the great disagreement have also sleepily missed the point: who cares where the word came from? Are those real peaches or canned?
Yet, as the pie industry overtakes the scone industry in most industrial countries, a wonderment of sorts is inevitable: if pies are outlawed, those who chose to ignore a monstrously dumb law shall enjoy the pies. But also all the cursed ignominy of pie karma. For that is the way the universe has thus far chosen to work.
As Pali Wallah Doodl, the great ascetic from several years before the birth of Chrysler, once put it: "Good heavens look at all these pies! Tell me please is there really shoo fly in the shoo fly pie? Or else may I have a slice?"
Pie, as many have gradually surmised, is usually only typical in the vernacular when common knowledge (or "understanding") has failed or will fail the explication. Therefore, instances of pie nominally indicate pertinent or latent failure, while the absence of pie, or the negation of the possibility of pie, should signify or herald certain success in the discussion.
Why then would most people prefer the placement of pie in the general area of the discussion?
As usual, the great philosophers of history, & their closest friends, have chosen to hedge their bets in this atomic dissection of human behavior. The great Flautis of Norma mentioned that, "Section a pie into eight, ten, twelve, a dozen slices, there is never enough pie!" (In Norma, a dozen was considerably more than twelve. He wasn't stupid or anything.)
In Germany during the Renaissance, the Ulmberg scholar Von Fredinhole declared, "The filling fills us!" (The German, "Das Fillingung Ist Uns Gefilledup!" is generally thought to be less interesting than any translation.)
Even American philosophers, usually tending bar after World War II, have evaded the question rather than answer it. "Shut your pie-hole, pie-eye! Have some pie with your pie in the sky!"
Linguists trying to find their way into the great disagreement have also sleepily missed the point: who cares where the word came from? Are those real peaches or canned?
Yet, as the pie industry overtakes the scone industry in most industrial countries, a wonderment of sorts is inevitable: if pies are outlawed, those who chose to ignore a monstrously dumb law shall enjoy the pies. But also all the cursed ignominy of pie karma. For that is the way the universe has thus far chosen to work.
As Pali Wallah Doodl, the great ascetic from several years before the birth of Chrysler, once put it: "Good heavens look at all these pies! Tell me please is there really shoo fly in the shoo fly pie? Or else may I have a slice?"
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Preface To Pie: Let's Get All The Naughty Euphemisms Out Of The Way First, Shall We?
Self Help Radio is by no means related to or otherwise in cahoots with the American Pie Council. However, should they send me pies, I will not be rude & refuse to eat them. Just so they know.
Since I am not allowed to be naughty at all on the radio, except to maybe snicker a little, I won't be able to note without blushing &/or getting in trouble with the FCC that "pie" is often used as a euphemism for female genitalia. Commonly, the phrase used is "hair pie." It sounds awful when put that way, but it surely says something about how men feel & have felt about the sex of a woman if they use the word "pie" to describe it. Because pies are awesome.
Other nasty uses of the word "pie"? I am ashamed to admit there are lots. I will simply refer you to the Urban Dictionary so as not to make you blush.
Interestingly, it's also apparently used to describe a kilo of cocaine. Also delicious, but not in a way I could probably now appreciate. Damn my age!
Since I am not allowed to be naughty at all on the radio, except to maybe snicker a little, I won't be able to note without blushing &/or getting in trouble with the FCC that "pie" is often used as a euphemism for female genitalia. Commonly, the phrase used is "hair pie." It sounds awful when put that way, but it surely says something about how men feel & have felt about the sex of a woman if they use the word "pie" to describe it. Because pies are awesome.
Other nasty uses of the word "pie"? I am ashamed to admit there are lots. I will simply refer you to the Urban Dictionary so as not to make you blush.
Interestingly, it's also apparently used to describe a kilo of cocaine. Also delicious, but not in a way I could probably now appreciate. Damn my age!
Monday, November 05, 2007
Crosswalks: Another View
There is happy news abrewing - it's KOOP's new season! You can check out new shows & show changes over at KOOP's home page. I'm pretty excited that the show that will precede mine with be Justin's The House Call. It's a fine show, even if Justin is a weirdo.
But there is sad news - this will be my last season on KOOP. Only 25 more on-air Self Help Radios to go! I'll continue the show as a podcast as I leave KOOP & Austin, but it won't be the same as the on-air experience, & you don't like me enough to continue listening if it's just downloading. But I'll make a big deal about it anyway. I am a crybaby. Stay tuned!
Meanwhile, if you missed Friday's show, you can listen to it in its entirety over at my webpage. It was fun. It had classical music & poetry. You will be sad you missed it.
As for crosswalks - who do they think they're kidding anyway?
But there is sad news - this will be my last season on KOOP. Only 25 more on-air Self Help Radios to go! I'll continue the show as a podcast as I leave KOOP & Austin, but it won't be the same as the on-air experience, & you don't like me enough to continue listening if it's just downloading. But I'll make a big deal about it anyway. I am a crybaby. Stay tuned!
Meanwhile, if you missed Friday's show, you can listen to it in its entirety over at my webpage. It was fun. It had classical music & poetry. You will be sad you missed it.
As for crosswalks - who do they think they're kidding anyway?