Self Help Radio 110216: Tenderness

(Original image here.)

Man, this show was tender!  Like a bruise!  Like the first shoots of spring!  Like someone who tends to things!  I mean, really, really tender!  It has made me feel rather vulnerable.

But that's fine.  I have been told I am a scab-picker.  On this day, included along with the tenderest music this side of a baby's crib, I speak with that huggable sensation The Tenderizer, & I talk tenderness with my spiritual advisor, the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently.  Also, I take a call from a listener who is not tender-hearted at all, but has an issue with the theme!  It's all done as tenderly as possible. It just has to be.

If you would like to, you can listen at the Self Help Radio web page - surely the tenderest spot on the internet!  Pay attention to passwords!  The songs so tenderly played are below.

I'm so glad this show wasn't about getting the shit kicked out of you.

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(part one)

"Softly & Tenderly" The Prisonaires _Just Walkin' In The Rain_
"(Love Is) The Tender Trap" Frank Sinatra _The Capitol Years_
"Love Me Tender" Elvis Presley _Elvis' Golden Records_

"Try A Little Tenderness" Otis Redding _The Complete Stax-Volt Singles 1959-1968_
"In These Very Tender Moments" Dee Clark _Dave Godin's Deep Soul Treasures, Vol. 3_
"T.L.C. (Tender Loving Care)" P.J. _The Complete Motown Singles Vol. 11B: 1971_
"She Weaves A Tender Trap" The Chocolate Watchband _No Way Out_

"Love For Tender" Elvis Costello & The Attactions _Get Happy!!_
"Tender Object" Orange Juice _You Can't Hide Your Love Forever_
"Tenderness" General Public _...All The Rage_
"Tenderness Is A Weakness" Marc Almond _Vermine In Ermine_

"Sweetness & Tenderness" The Rentals _Return Of The Rentals_
"Tender Are The Ashes" Honeybus _She Flies Like A Bird: The Anthology_

(part two)

"Tender Is The Night (The Long Fidelity)" The Triffids _Born Sandy Devotional_
"Tender Love" Poison Girls _Statement: The Complete Recordings_
"Sweet & Tender Hooligan" The Smiths _Louder Than Bombs_

"Tender Comrade" Billy Bragg _Workers Playtime_
"Tender Young Believer" Reserve _Two Hearts Beat In A Hole 12"_
"Tender Circles" Let's Whisper _Make Me Smile_
"Heart Out To Tender" Robert Forster _Danger In The Past_

"Tender" Monaco _Music For Pleasure_
"My Tender-Hearted You" The Steamkings _Boom!_
"Tender People" Japanther _Skuffed Up My Huffy_
"Tender" Lisa Hannigan _At Swim_

"Tender" Blur _13_

Whither Tenderness?

(This photo, which is called "Tenderness," comes from here.)

The reason this week's Self Help Radio is a tender show, a radio show about tenderness, is quite simple: last week's show was about death!  It's hard to come back from a show about death, you know?  Nearly any other theme  you could think of would somehow seem tacky or downright offensive after a show about death!  I needed something to counteract that toxic theme - or, better yet, give a reason for us to exist together on this planet despite the fact that death will get us all in the end.  Therefore, I thought I'd try a little tenderness.

Self Help Radio's tenderest episode yet airs tonight from 9-11pm eastern (8-10pm central) on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at the Lexington Community Radio web page.  If you feel a lack of tenderness in your life, hey!  Self Help Radio is here for you, friend.  Listen in!

Preface To A Tender Show: Tender-Hearted Me

It's true!  I am tender-hearted.  Listen to this, which appeared in this month's Harper's, in the Findings section:

"Slugs are eating baby birds, but no defense mechanism has yet been exhibited by adult birds, one of whom was observed incubating a slug that was eating the bird’s chicks."

That makes me so sad.  It was really, really hard to copy that from the magazine.  But I can't stop thinking about it.

& I cry at movies, & at television shows, & all sorts of things.  I was very moved by the movie Ulee's Gold, for example, which I saw with my friend Molly.  I wept at the very end, & she was a bit astonished; she told me, "You're like a hard candy with a soft center!"

Maybe this is all evident to you - I was told by someone who had first heard me on the radio that he pictured me as a rather frail, fey boy, since I played so much twee music.  Alas, that is not the case.  At least on the outside.  But boy am I tender-hearted!

A Week Of Halloween: Nightmares!

(Original art by Steve Ditko!)

It's finally here!  It's Halloween!  Let me share with you one more spooky Self Help Radio episode, this one from 2012 - a show about NIGHTMARES!  I've been told that listening to me on the radio would give anyone nightmares - well, now it's seasonally appropriate!

Revisit these awful dreams by clicking here for part one & here for part two.  You'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen.  I hope you know what they are.

The songs from this show are below.  & you can listen to more halloween shows, too: graveyards, haunted houses, & even zombies!  If you dare!

Happy halloween!

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(part one)

"Nightmare" Boris Karloff _Tales Of The Frightened, Vol. 2_
"The Nightmare" Cab Calloway _1930-1931_
"Nightmare" The Sinners _Bomp In The Night_

"Nightmare" Scottie Stuart _Monster Bop_ there i was in a strange & distant land
"Psycho Nightmare" Daniel Johnston _Fun_
"Nightmare On My Street" DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince He's The DJ, I'm The Rapper_
"Lullaby To Nightmares" They Might Be Giants _Long Tall Weekend_
"Like A Nightmare" The Andantes _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 4: 1964_

"Lord Chancellor's Nightmare Song" Todd Rundgren _Todd_
"Nightmare Mash" Billy Lee Riley _These Ghoulish Things: Horror Hits For Halloween_
"Another Velvet Nightmare" Frank Black _Honeycomb_
"Nightmare" The Rebel Set _Garage Monsters - The Best Of The GaragePunk Hideout, Vol. 9_
"Nightmares In Red" The Brain _Rubble Vol. 2_

"Happy Nightmare Baby" Opal _Happy Nightmare Baby_

(part two)

"Nightmare" Chuck Armstrong _Shackin' Up_ i woke up this morning from a deep sleep
"Lulu's Nightmare" The Jazz Butcher _Illuminate_
"Let It Be A Nightmare" The Bran Flakes _I Remember When I Break Down_
"Nightmares" Jay Reatard _Blood Visions_

"Nightmare" Moving Parts _Wrong Conclusion_
"I Got Nightmares" Q65 _Revolution_
"Nightmare" The*Rock*A*Teens _Cry_
"Nightmares" Creation _Our Music Is Red With Purple Flashes_
"Nightmare" Jack Turner _Haunted Halloween, Vol. 1_
"Nightmare" Kimberley Rew _The Bible Of Bop_

"Wet Nightmare" The Cramps _Big Beat From Badsville_
"Nightmares" Violent Femmes _3_
"Johnny Nightmare" The Secret History _The World That Never Was_
"The Nightmare Goes On" Piano Magic _Ovations_

A Week Of Halloween: Hell!

Self Help Radio's Week Of Halloween continues!  Here is a show that aired on WRFL in October 2013 with the horrifying subject of HELL!  At that time, the devil himself, Lucifer Morningstar, wrote in the blog to present the show to you, so I am glad to repeat here his message to the listener:

Hello - no pun intended! - my name is Lucifer.  You may know me as Satan, or the Prince of Darkness, or the Dandy of the Underworld - but you do know me.  I have been asked by the not-terribly-saintly Gary to introduce this radio show he's done about my "hood" - Hell.  So, here's his radio show.

Can I say how incorrectly he described where I live?  It's not a vast fiery wasteland filled with tormented souls!  It's more like a planned community, with gates, & lots of McMansions, the mortgages of which you'll never pay off.  You know what John Milton (the realtor in Pasadena) said: "It's better to rent in heaven than to own in hell!"  Pools of eternal flame are one of the perks.

Anyway, you'll be here soon enough so I won't keep you.  Just be aware you can listen to this show at the hellishly dull Self Help Radio website, or, much like you can choose to end your life to come to me much faster than dying of old age (when you'll still come to me), you can listen to the show directly by choosing either part one or part two*.  He puts a list of songs below for you to look at.  I wouldn't!  I'd put it in a room full of vipers.  But I have a sense of style that Gary lacks.

Oh yes, I'll see you in hell!

kisses, Lucifer

*Remember, you'll need a username (which is SHR) & a password (which is selfhelp)!

It was so nice of him to write that!  He's as nice as he's terrifying!

Happy Halloween!

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(part one)

"This Is Hell" Elvis Costello _Brutal Youth_
"This Could Be Hell" Funhouse _Out Of Control 7"_
"Go To Hell" Nina Simone _Nina Simone_

"Ain't It Hell Up In Harlem" Edwin Starr _Hell Up In Harlem_
"Hell" James Brown _Hell_
"(Don't Worry) If There's A Hell Below, We're All Going To Go" Curtis Mayfield _Curtis_

"Special Dispensation - Heaven, Hell, Purgatory & Limbo" George Carlin _Class Clown_
"There's A Place In Hell For Me & My Friends" Morrissey _Kill Uncle_
"Hellbound" The Breeders _Pod_
"Highway To Hell" Ed Kuepper _The Wheelie Bin Affair_
"Aloha From Hell" The Cramps _A Date With Elvis_

(part two)

"Straight To Hell" Betse Ellis _High Moon Order_
"Everything Goes To Hell" Tom Waits _Blood Money_
"A Season In Hell" The Would-Be-Goods _Brief Lives_

"Heaven & Hell" The Who _Live At The BBC_
"Private Hell" The Jam _Setting Sons_
"Solid Gold Hell" The Scientists _Absolute_
"All Hell Breaks Loose" The Misfits _Walk Among Us_

"Hell" Streetlight Manifesto _99 Songs Of Revolution Volume One_
"New Maps Of Hell" Ron House _New Wave As The Next Guy: The Moses Carry Out & Twisted Shouts Years, 1978-1981_
"Gidget Goes To Hell" Suburban Lawns _Gidget Goes To Hell_
"A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Hell (I Got Saved, Saved, Saved)" Sammy Hall _A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To Hell (I Got Saved, Saved, Saved)_

"New Face In Hell" The Fall _The Complete Peel Sessions 1978-2004_
"Season In Hell" Dum Dum Girls _End Of Daze_