Thursday, April 09, 2009

Synonyms for Nonsense

Babble. Blather. Blatherskite. Gabble. Gibberish. Jabber. Jabberwocky. Twaddle. Balderdash. Bunkum. Claptrap. Drivel. Piffle. Poppycock. Rigmarole. Tommyrot. Applesauce. Baloney. Horse feathers. Bilge. Hooey. Malarkey. Bull. Bunk. Folly. Foolishness. Hogwash. Hot air. Jive. Mumbo jumbo. Rubbish. Trash. Tripe. Blarney. Moonshine. Bosh. Guff. Codswallop. Flapdoodle. Hokum. Gobbledygook. Monkey business. Shenanigans. Hanky-panky. Eyewash. Phooey.


Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Whither Upstairs/Downstairs?

The surface area of Lake Michigan is 22,400 square miles. The surface area of Lake Victoria is 26,600 square miles. The surface area of Lake Ray Hubbard is 35.5 square miles, which is pretty big if you live in Rockwall County, Texas, & your idea of really big is a super-sized burger & fries. But you know what these lakes don't have that many houses do? An upstairs. A downstairs.

Downstairs can be the first floor, but it's more ominous if it's the cellar. Or worse, the dungeon. Same with upstairs. From a cellar, upstairs is the first floor. But the coolest upstairs is an attic. Some might say, "What about a penthouse?" No! An attic! Hopefully an attic in Paris. Where a young poet can starve to death! The only person who starves to death in a penthouse is an Oliver Douglas type, & it's really only his soul that's starving to death. Lisa makes sure he has a sandwich every once in a while.

So like most directions, upstairs/downstairs is relative. It's not a very good idea to keep a relative in your attic or basement. This includes animals, although I've met some cats who'd probably enjoy a dingy attic &/or basement, especially if there's cable. Animals love stairs, by the way. If even to just hang out upon them. They understand upstairs & downstairs.

My brain, now that I think about it, is divided into upstairs & downstairs, although that's a little personal, so I'll stop here.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Preface To Upstairs Downstairs: I've Actually Never Seen The British Miniseries "Upstairs Downstairs"

The British television series Upstairs Downstairs was shown in the early 70's & has become a beloved program for those who keep track of such things. According to the Internet Movie Database:

The series follows the lives of both the family & the servants in the London townhouse at 165 Eaton Place. Richard Bellamy, the head of the household, is a member of Parliament, & his wife a member of the titled aristocracy. Belowstairs, Hudson, the Scottish butler directs & guides the other servants about their tasks & (sometimes) their proper place. Real-life events from 1903-1930 are incorporated into the stories of the Bellamy household.

Sounds delightful. I've never seen it.

But wait! Isn't the theme this week "upstairs downstairs"? It is, but it's not "Upstairs Downstairs" the television series I've never seen. It's mainly a chance to play songs about stairs, different floors (like, you know, the second floor, etc.) & the distinction between. A few songs make use of a pun on the word "story" to mean a "tale" or a "level of a house." In any event, it has nothing to do with England (except I'll play some English bands I suppose) or the aristocracy (although I do drink nasty sherry whilst I do the show) or the help in the cellar (although I am descended from peasant stock). It's just about the different floors of a house. Upstairs. Downstairs.

Yeah, yeah, I'll watch it one day. It just doesn't really have anything to do with this week's Self Help Radio.

Monday, April 06, 2009

Inverness Straightaway

This is a perfunctory persimmon to let everyone know including you that Self Help Radio had a new episode in spite of your misgivings this past weekend, & it's available where your "Self Help Radio" products are normally sold. That's right. Your grocer's freezer.

It has come to my lack of attention that certain "online help wanted boards" (for want of a better board) have been advertising under my very name for "interns" for "Slef Help Radio." (Yes, they spell it that way.) (Should I have written "Slef Help Radio" [sic]? It does make me feel a little [sic]. I am of course a non-profit or rather a no-profit, & even if my show last week was about fortune telling, I am also a non-prophet, & can tell you we won't be hiring in the future, although the job of me may be available if I don't start exercising and eating right.

Also, please accept a humble apology olive branch loaf to all Emile Zola fans whose parentage I may have disrespected in a recent screed on a serious online French novel message board. I had been harboring some negative feelings about Nana for some time, & I didn't know how strongly I felt until I started writing.

That is all.