Thursday, August 12, 2010

If It Scratches, Itch It!

Hello last night's Self Help Radio all about itching & scratching is online if you missed it on air it's now on the web site it also contains a new episode of Sugar Substitute which also was on the air hey it was the first Self Help Radio on WRFL that's pretty cool don't you think all right then go listen already hooray!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Wait Is Over!

That's right, Self Help Radio returns after two weeks & a day (wouldn't it have been easier to say "fifteen days"?) (hey, at least I didn't say "a fortnight & a day"!) (yeah, we know you were thinking that) & makes its premiere on 88.1 fm WRFL Lexington tonight at midnight!

What? You don't live here & can't hear it live? Nonsense! Just listen online at! You can listen live & even call me (859.257.9735) (that's 859.257.WRFL) to freak me out.

What? You're not up even if it's earlier the farther west you go? Oh, well. I tried. The show will be put online at the Self Help Radio website as soon as I wake up tomorrow. Or as soon as they let me out of the drunk tank. Whatever comes first.

I'm excited. I need to go to the bathroom now.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Whither Itching & Scratching?

Oops, I just noticed that the Self Help Radio website lists the "itchy scratchy" show as today, August 10, instead of tomorrow, August 11, probably because I left the website in a box & forgot to unpack it. Wouldn't it be confused to learn that the show actually is August 12, since it's at midnight, but I'm not going to play that game with arbitrary definitions of time. It's bad enough that my show has to be in a "timeslot" when it's on the radio - but, enough. I've corrected it now so you can't be all like, "Where was Self Help Radio today?" Not anymore.

I also want to correct the misapprehension that folks at the Literal Club have somehow come upon that Self Help Radio's show this week is in support of or otherwise a proponent of itching &/or scratching. This canard has been & may still be being spread by folks at the Itches Institute who believe it is their sole solemn sworn duty to actively & aggressively promote itching & scratching in our already uncomfortable world. It seems ridiculous to say it over & over, but Self Help Radio critically examines its themes in as objective a way as possible, hardly ever taking sides except perhaps with good music & awkward, uncomfortable airbreaks. Please stop spreading this scuttlebutt or I'll show you how an émigré Texan scuttles butt, if you know what I mean & I think you do.

It means I'll be forced to resort to fisticuffs.

Also, this is a BLOG, this is not TWITTER, so whoever keeps telling me I'm going over 140 characters, please make note of the social network onto which you've logged. Much obliged.

I just counted, actually, & I only know 98 characters, & that includes my pets.

Was there something else I was supposed to talk about today? I am a little sleepy. I should perhaps eat some food. Mmm, food.

Monday, August 09, 2010

Preface To Itchy & Scratchy: A Dilemma Rears Its Irritated Head

At Self Help Radio, we have a mere ninety minutes - much less, really, when you think about how much that fool Gary talks - let's say seventy-five minutes if we're feeling charitable - to try to cover a subject as comprehensively as possible. If the GloboChem Theme-O-Matic 3000 would give more specific themes - you know, like "skin irritation" rather than "itchy & scratchy" - we might be able to be more thorough, possibly even exhausting, about our subjects. But let's be honest, the GloboChem Theme-O-Matic 3000 thinks we're all much stupider than it is, so it lobs soft balls.

With overarching themes - especially "double" themes like "itchy & scratchy" - there's bound to be something left out. & let me tell you, this week - on the show's premiere on Lexington radio! - we're going to find ourselves in a bit of a bind. Because if you mention "scratching" & music in the same sentence you are alluding to one of the cornerstones of hip hop culture. & there's no way Self Help Radio can cover the history of scratching - or even highlight the greats in the field - in just one set. & until an entire show can be called "scratching" - which seems like a good idea right about now, doesn't it GloboChem Theme-O-Matic 3000? - the entire show can't be entirely about scratching when there's also itching right there in the title.

Oh, management is convinced the issue will be handled tastefully & satisfactorily, but they never listen to the show; they just sit in their fat offices counting all the money. By the way, none of that money is made by Self Help Radio - the show is a tax write-off - but they don't need to be as nice as they are. They could be way more dismissive. We sometimes wish they were more dismissive. It might justify some of the show's embarrassment.

We know, you're asking, well, what the hell can I do about? Hmm. Maybe you can answer that better than the staff of Self Help Radio. We're going to go listen to a DJ Q-Bert record now.

Sunday, August 08, 2010

There Are Times I've Been So Lucky... not have had something like a blog. It's true! There have been times & situations where a permanent airing of my thoughts on personal events would have come back to bite me on the ass later on when they were inconsequential or otherwise irrelevant to current events - or they would've been embarrassing at the very least. I can think of two.

One was my first really intense break-up. Man, if I had committed to the blogosphere what I confided to friends I would be reviled & justly mistrusted, not just between the people involved in the break-up, but later women who dated me. Some things one thinks & writes in pain shouldn't be shared. Or at least the names should be changed to protect the guilty.

The other was a difficult situation at KOOP radio. I started my blog two or so years after a serious political crisis at that station, but if I had been writing it during that time - well, I would hope I would have been more prudent about what I said - but in some of those deliberations things were said about me that I might have thought to refute in a blog form. Certainly things like that could be quoted out of context & they would have been. One personal email written by me to one of my antagonists at the time ended with the line, "Thank you, this will be very helpful." An entire blog - even full of the usual nonsense I write - would've been me just spoon-feeding ammunition (that's a weird mixed metaphor) to my political rivals.

The reason I am thinking about this is because, having recently left another radio station, I feel a mighty urge to tell stories about my time there. As you might imagine, some of the stories I would tell would perhaps cast the station in a bad light. I am certain most of the people there wouldn't notice or care if I said something negative about their station, but there's a psychological situation with complaining that makes people think the complainer is the one with the qualities he or she is attributing to the one complained about. Any radio stations in my future would not only have my bitching to look on, & surely that would reflect badly on me.

So I won't. Not in this forum. I've toyed with the idea of writing a book about my experiences at KOOP & maybe one day I will. But there will be no tell-all on this blog. Too scary for me. Too dangerous.