Friday, October 17, 2008

Appy Hanniversary

Six year doing this. & still with only one pair of pants.

That doesn't mean I have only spent six years in radio - I been doing this since 1994, when I was either 6 years old, or 60 years old, depending on what will get me more respect. (There is no in-between. Sorry.) (I learned that from William Shatner. Sorry.) It just means six long years of Self Help Radio.

Wait. Is it six? What if it's actually seven? What if it's actually five?

I'm terrible at anniversaries, of course, so the Broken Show is an update - a remake, if you will - of the Broken Show which aired originally October 23, 2002. On a Wednesday. In the afternoon. With a haze in the air that made me think of Pasadena slightly melting.

Pasadena melting? That happens all the time! The sixth anniversary of this Self Help Radio show will only happen once, if I can help it. Visit the SHR website tomorrow in the afternoon to hear this show. You can bring all the booze you want. You'll need it!

Six years old! Now I have to find a good school for my young show. Why did I home-school pre-school? I don't want this show in public schools!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

The Blooz

Hey! I was listening to the radio yesterday morning & my former high school Hall Monitor chum & current Secretary of State of the Imaginary Anarchistic Republic Of The Moon, Dick Dickenbock, was subbing for KVRX's show Blues At Sunrise! So I've asked him if I can archive it on the Self Help Radio site, & after trying to convince him that I did in fact know him & was not working for a "Mr. Bookie" looking for cash, he said, "Whatever."

Thusly! I recorded it & saved it anyway, so if you'd like to listen to Mr. Dickenbock explore the "roots of Texas blues," you can listen to the show over at If it doesn't give you the blues, I don't know what will.

Thanks, Dick! Can I have my lunch money back now?

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Whither A Broken Anniversary?

Lo, there comes contradiction & coincidence, confluence & consternation, as Self Help Radio proudly beams from its mountaintop aerie, & says unto all true believers, & also to those who are untrue, for truly shall they be in earshot, the one, the only Self Help Radio doth proclaim, "Yea & it is given unto us all a sixth anniversary show!"

"Tell us, o radio show," cries the listeners, "what shall we do to celebrate a radio show which, if it were a human, would still not be able to read & might also wetteth thy thou radio show bed?"

Self Help Radio begins to answer.

"Also," says the listeners, "as radio shows go, it is truly spake that Self Help Radio was either breast-fed too long or perhaps was weaned too early. As radio shows go, it is verily mentally & intellectually retarded."

"Enough!" cried the haughty anniversary-having Self Help Radio. "Be it decreed with great speed like a weed gone to seed in the greed of the deed: we shall celebrate our anniversary by revisiting an old theme, especially one that we can do better the second time around. So mote it be, so shall it be done!"

A clap of thunder! A claptrap of thunder! People wearing necklaces to hide their disfigured necks! Camera phones taking weird photos of animals doing things they ought not! A puff of smoke, a weeping willow running out of kleenex!

& lo in October 2008, the sixth anniversary wast thereby performed, & the revisited theme was revisited & reviews were as always mixed & yea, the children of the children of the children who first turned away from Self Help Radio said unto the gathered townsfolk, "What shall we burn tonight?"

& Self Help Radio saw it, & saw that it was good.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Preface To The Broken Anniversary Show: Happy 500th Self Help Radio Blog Post!

You got it! 500 posts & I'm still not out of words! Take that, my third grade elementary school teacher who thought I was stupid for stapling my pants to the bicker rug!

I want to celebrate this ridiculously arbitrary moment by offering you something. You can claim it by doing the following: send an email to this email address (dickenbock at gmail dot com) with an address to which you'd like me to send you stuff. What will I send you?

I will send you the Self Help Radio Self Help Love Yourself Self Pack! It will include (probably) a Self Help Radio tee-shirt, a Self Help CD, some miracle sand I got in the Holy Land (or is that for my religious show?) & other stuff. Just send me an email that says "Happy Anniversary!" & that's it. It's my way of saying, "Just like my birthday, I have to buy other people stuff to celebrate my anniversary."

Yay 500th post! Yay anniversaries! Yay anything else you can think of!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Haunted By Fritos

Eep! As I sit in my office writing this, one of the students who works for me is eating Fritos, by which I mean the corn chips, & not the general line of snack products by Frito-Lay, which, I might add, is a Texas-based business, for which Texans show great gratitude to the corporation by being proudly morbidly obese.

The scent of Fritos takes my mind back to days of elementary school when other kids - not I, alas, as I was too poor to afford the twenty-five cent lunch at the time - got excited over "Frito Pie," which is basically chili poured over Fritos with melted cheese-like plastic on top. I've always wanted to make a vegetarian version, now that I think about it, but the memories of poor-kid envy of lower-middle-class luxury, coupled with the fact that I am currently identifying the smell as "greasy" - if that's possible - is kind of turning my stomach - like those weird christian dancers on the Soup the other day.

This is really apropos nothing at all, except to let you know I'm thinking of you & two important things:

1) Last week's episode of Self Help Radio is available for your listening pleasure. Click the link. What a show you'll hear!

2) Tomorrow is the legendary 500th entry of this blog. Visit & win! What will you win? I don't know! Because it won't be a contest! It'll be something else!