Saturday, January 29, 2011

Tunisia! Egypt!

On a blog which is unanimously ignored thanks to the complete & utter lack of notoriety of the radio show which it represents, it is often appropriate to suddenly talk about world-shaking international political events just to spice things up. So today, we'll say hooray for the people of Tunisia & good luck to the masses in Egypt.

You heard me! Self Help Radio is taking a stand for democracy! Down with lifetime strong-man dictators! Up with people!

But wait, are you suggesting this is hypocritical? "Hey!" you say, "if you're so all-fired-up for democracy, why isn't Self Help Radio a democracy? Why is a single tyrant in charge? Sure, you say you take requests, but you don't have to play them! For example, I am always requesting Rush songs. Why come you never play the Rush songs I request?"

(Oh, it's this guy. Crap.)

You are mistaken, straw man sir! Self Help Radio has a long & illustrious history of supporting democratically-run radio! Just ask all the people who probably don't remember the show at all at the stations on which it's aired!

You see, you're going about it the wrong way. Self Help Radio itself is like a single unit in the democracy of radio. What Self Help Radio supports is RADIO SHOWS FOR EVERYBODY! Take the airspace! Take the frequencies! A revolution in radio is available all over the dial!

Yes, you can have your own show in which you play Rush all the time. In the Self Help Radio democracy, at least. Probably not in Tunisia or Egypt. At least not yet.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

I'm So Over The Underground

Dateline January 26, 2011: late afternoon. Though the previous night had been marked with an interestingly simultaneous rainfall & snowfall, the deejay woke up this morning to a snow-covered city. A cold day, much like most of the winter, with a foul-breathed dog waking him with whines & then, after he had put on his clothes to let the damn canine out, went to his dog bed & fell back asleep.

The intrepid deejay also wished to sleep, but was instead beset by felines begging for morning food. After obliging them, though he was still bleary-eyed & dozy, the deejay was met by not one but three amazingly foul-breathed dogs who demanded their morning meals. They also demanded he clean up after them, outside, in the snow, after their morning bowel movements. Ironically, it was they, & not he, who got treats afterwards.

The deejay found a quiet moment & he attended not to his own concerns, but to the concerns of the hypothetical (as far as anyone can tell) listener of Self Help Radio. With confidence & an amusing lack of technical ability, the deejay edited from digital recordings his shows of the previous night, as well as the show he had subbed the day before. Sleepily he tried to remember his password so he could ftp the files to his server. One of the cats, impatient at his ineptitude, reminded him & then called him a name not printable in a family blog.

His task finished, his files uploading, the deejay looked forward to a small lunch & perhaps a nap in the gray afternoon light. But no! The dogs needed to void their bladders! & he needed to tell everyone that the shows were available online! What else was there to do, but to let the dogs out & describe his life in the uncomfortable third person voice?

Look! This week's Self Help Radio ("underground") as well as this week's Sugar Substitute (pop pop poppy pop) & as a bonus Monday's WRFL electronica sub (makes all robots happy) are available for listening at self help radio dot net. The deejay will see to the dogs & the cats. You may listen at your leisure.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Going Underground

You may need to wait a bit to adjust your eyes, because it's quite dark underground. Granted, I know a place where there are some phosphorescent lichen that you may even be able to read by, but otherwise, we're not taking any lamps or flashlights or torches. We're going to spend ninety minutes underground the way insects & snakes & gophers & moles do. Then we'll come up & eat people's in gardens. Except it's January. The ground is damp with melty snow. What a bad plan!

That's tonight at midnight on 88.1 fm in Lexington or online at wrfl dot fm. I've archive it tomorrow on the Self Help Radio website, but you should listen live, if only to get all that mud & dirt in your hair & to commune with the rabbits who'll be watching.

I may not have time today to put up the electronics show I did yesterday - I'm still working on tonight's show - but I'll make a mention of it tomorrow if I do, & may mention it sooner on my Facebook page. Maybe you'd want to "like" the show there to keep up? It's not like we have to kiss or anything.

Tonight! Underground! You! Me! No kissing! Promise!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Whither Underground?

There's a secret underground fortress near my home which no one, not even me, knows about. Could it belong to the government? Or given to the Tea Party through Medicare? I wish I knew! But I don't even know there's an underground fortress there! It's a secret, even from me.

They do say, though, that it's amazing, & goes all the way to the Daniel Boone National Forest, where it then gets cranky. That's dozens of miles away! So it's not only deep, but wide. & if there were in fact a secret underground fortress (who would know? no one!) it might also be decorated with posters of pretty people with the haircuts you want, like in barber shops. How they would smile! & there smiles would be like fluorescent lights, illuminating the long passageways into & out of Eastern Kentucky.

Journalists would like to know who owns the secret underground fortress, & also who maintains it, since it is rumored to be very clean. Except no one knows about the secret underground fortress, so there's no one they can ask. & although most journalists aren't afraid to just make things up, they are afraid that someone will know they're making things up. & who would believe there was a secret underground fortress near my house in Lexington, Kentucky? People would say, "You're journalists, not sci-fi writers! Come on!"

You might be asking me, how do I know about the secret underground fortress? Have I seen it, since it's near my house? No, of course not! I don't even know it exists! It's a secret, after all. The truth is, I have no idea what you're talking about. Do you know how much money it would cost to build & keep up a secret underground fortress? You would need a lot of gold - like, a Fort Knox of gold. & Fort Knox is like 80 miles away! In the other direction!

The only thing I do know is that Self Help Radio this week is about all things underground. Also, that I will be subbing one of WRFL's electronica shows tonight at 6pm - 88.1 fm in Lexington, online at wrfl dot fm. The studio there is not underground. Not yet.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Preface To Underground: How Low Can You Go?

What is the farthest underground humans have gone? Do you know? Me neither. Hooray for computers!

According to Wikipedia: "As of 2008, the deepest mine in the world is TauTona in Carletonville, South Africa at 3.9 kilometers (2.4 miles), replacing Savuka Mine in the North West Province of South Africa at 3,774 meters (2.3 miles). East Rand Mine in Boksburg, South Africa briefly held the record at 3,585 meters (2.2 miles), & the first mine declared the deepest in the world was also TauTona when it was at 3,581 meters (2.2 miles). The deepest mine in Europe is Pyhäsalmi Mine in Pyhäjärvi, Finland at 1,444 meters (roughly 9/10th of a mile)."

The deepest cave in the world is the Krubera Cave (also known as Voronya Cave) located in the Arabika Massif of the Gagrinsky Range of the Western Caucasus, in the Gagra district of Abkhazia, Georgia. It's 2,191 meters (1.4 miles) deep - & that's its deepest explored point. You can read more about it here.

The deepest I've gone - I dunno - maybe it was the Paris Catacombs. I read that they're a mere 22 to 65 feet beneath ground level, in a space of more than 600 acres, with an official tourist route of about three quarters of a mile, but it sure felt like I was in the bowels of the earth. Maybe it was because all those skulls were also there.