Saturday, November 30, 2019

Preface To Pulse: Not Really Much About Lentils, Sorry

To be fair, there will be some lentil content, but far more about the "beat" meaning of pulse.

Oh wait, you didn't know about that definition of pulse?  According to the Wikipedia, a pulse can also be "any agriculturally significant annual leguminous food crop, such as peas, beans, lentils, & chickpeas."

How I wish I could do an entire show about those pulses!  One day.  One day soon.

By the way, the word "pulse" meaning "throb" or "beat" is in no way related to the chickpea pulse.  The former comes from the Latin pulsus, meaning "beating from the blood in the veins" (as we use it now), while the latter comes from the Latin puls, which means "thick gruel, porridge, mush."  I guess mushy peas made them think of gruel or porridge as they slipped the word into English?

We're big fans of lentils here at Self Help Radio so I don't want you to think we forgot about them.  Especially as it's getting colder - a big ol' pot of lentil stew is just the ticket on long winter nights!  But for now - no radio show about them.  Alas!

Friday, November 29, 2019

Helpful Fellow

Someone just offered me bread.  "I work at a bakery," he said, wielding a large loaf of what I saw on the label was called Grand Central Rustic Bread.  "Have some."

Moments before, an irate young lady was angry at me for not buzzing her in.  She had buzzed four times, she was certain I saw the light, & now wanted to know if there were some issue that kept me from buzzing her in.  I had just stepped outside where she was smoking a joint & noticed the door was unlocked.  "It's not unlocked," she said, which indicated she had somehow propped it open so she wouldn't have to buzz in again.

She was very angry about not being buzzed in.  "Is there something else because if there isn't I'm done," she told me.

"What else could there be?" I said, genuinely perplexed.

It's quite cold out but there were lots of folks here - someone else obviously let her in - & I actually didn't see the light to let her in.  But that didn't matter.  My suspicion is that she was stoned & paranoid & angry & needed to believe it was personal.

What am I doing here?  Being a helpful fellow.  I'm shepherding new deejays who've just finished training & are doing their first radio show.  But only two people showed up.  & they regularly help out with another show.  I could be home, not being yelled at, & maybe enjoying a little whiskey.

The new deejay calls himself the Wolfman & is doing a passable Wolfman Jack impersonation.  He must know who that is.  I wonder if he knows who that is.  They're playing mostly hardcore punk, & he's quite hot on the mic, but I've recused myself to another room, where I imagine every song they're playing has a bad word in it.  He tells me checked all the music.  Ah well.

The irate young lady & another fellow went out for dinner.  She was muttering about "stupidity" & she raised her voice as she passed me.  I have no idea what slight she's imagining but I don't think she will ever believe it wasn't intended.  Ah well.  Just fifty minutes to go.

This is what it's like being a helpful fellow.

Thursday, November 28, 2019

Thanksgiving Morning

This morning I was on the air on Freeform Portland from 2 to 6am.  When I arrived, there was no deejay - I guess he (it was a he, I think) either didn't show or left early.  Freeform has a rudimentary automation system - slightly more fancy than iTunes, which was KVRX's automation system when I did a show there a couple or three years ago - but not as fancy as XRAY's, which comes on after my show on Tuesdays & will cut me off the air like it's bigger & stronger than I am (which it is).

The wife doesn't understand it but I fucking love late night radio shows.  I discovered later that the streaming computer was offline, so my show simply went out into the ether, where it may, millennia later, convince an alien civilization to find the source of the transmission & destroy it.

Someone at Freeform actually wrote that he wasn't going to do his show because the stream was down - I suppose there's a sense that the internet is more important than terrestrial broadcasting - but I feel like I'd do a late-night show (or even Self Help Radio) even if it were just me in a little room where the only people who might hear the show were confused passers-by.  That's how I deejayed for the years before I actually got on the radio.

The deejay scheduled to come in after me didn't show either, so I stuck around for thirty minutes to make sure (I also texted him but got no response) & then I wrote the programming folks & headed home.  Maybe that deejay also knew that the streaming was down?  I didn't - I kept mentioning the website on the air - but I suspect he didn't come in because you know it's Thanksgiving.

It goes without saying I think that I don't believe in anything supernatural so I don't really have a deity or helpful elves or a space consciousness to thank on Thanksgiving but I am very grateful to have landed in Portland.  It's an embarrassment of riches with radio here.  I am literally turning down opportunities to be on the radio because I simply don't have the time.  (Also, the wife is getting jealous - she's always known that radio is her competition - & when I do three shows on three different station in three days, as I did last week, she can get a little grumpy.).

So yeah I guess I have an attitude of gratitude this Thanksgiving.  Even if people don't show up for shows that I would have died to do this time last year.

Monday, November 25, 2019

Self Help Radio 112519: Magda's Birthday Show 2019

(Original image from here.)

My wife's birthday week begins now!  Her birthday is on the first of December, but I felt it would be weird to do a birthday show after her birthday, so she got a birthday show one week in advance.  You'd think she'd appreciate a thoughtful husband like me but she instead thinks I'm cheap & should buy her a "real present."

She doesn't know how cheap I am!  This show is basically recycled - made up of songs that originally appeared on the first six or so birthday shows I made her (circa 2005-2010) plus funnies from a couple of shows I did in 2014 & 2105.  It was so easy I might do it again!  It's certainly more economical than listening to hours of birthday songs to find the three or four I like.

But it's all for love!

If you like birthdays, or want to listen to a birthday show when your birthday comes around, or just want to hear me talk about & play songs about birthdays, you can listen to the show now & on anyone's birthday at Self Help Radio's website.  There's no cake & ice cream left but you'll need a password (selfhelp) & a username (SHR) to listen.  What's on the show, including the in-between bits, is listed below.

Happy birthday!

Magda's Birthday Show 2019

"Birthday (Icelandic)" The Sugarcubes _Birthday 12"_
"Happy Birthday" Altered Images _I Could Be Happy: The Best Of Altered Images_
"Happy Birthday" Concrete Blonde _Free_

introduction & explanation

"Birthday" CJ Buchanan _Wives Of The Saints_
"The Happy Happy Birthday Song" Arrogant Worms _Gift Wrapped: The Best Of The Arrogant Worms_
"The Birthday Party" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Unhappy Birthday" The Smiths _Strangeways, Here We Come_
"Sad Birthday Song" Girlfrendo _Surprise, Surprise It's Girlfrendo_

surprise phone call to the birthday girl!

"Sparkle Plenty Birthday Party Part I" Ben Aronin _Sparkle Plenty Birthday Party_
"Birthday Party" The Pixies Three _Growin' Up Too Fast: The Girl Group Anthology_
"You Are Allowed 20 Birthday Parties" Patton Oswalt _Werewolves & Lollipops_
"It's My Nose's Birthday" Jimmy Durante _The Great Schnozzle_

interview with birthday planner CJ Buchanan

"Birthday" The Ruby Suns with Esau Mwamwaya _Mojo Presents The White Album: Recovered_
"Birthday Lady" Emitt Rhodes _The Emitt Rhodes Recordings (1969 - 1973)_"Happy Birthday" The Innocence Mission _We Walked In Song_
"There's Always Someone's Birthday" Erik Halldén _Memories, Oh, The Memories_
"Happy Birthday You" Jay Jay Pistolet _Happy Birthday You_

birthday gift advice from the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Happy Birthday To Me" Rose Melberg _Portola_
"Birthday" The Besties _Home Free_
"Birth & Death" Lewis Black _Stark Raving Black_
"Phil Spector's Birthday Song" The Sleazy Beats _Pure Spun Sugar_
"Yer Birthday" Casper & The Cookies _Oh!_

interview with party planner Allen from Surprise! It's Tom! For your party!

"Happy Birthday (Yet Another)" The Bambi Slam _Happy Birthday (Yet Another)_
"Birthday Wishes" Happydeadmen _Game, Set, Match_
"Birthday" Boris Smile _Young & It Feels So Good_
"Birthday" Shonen Knife _Fun! Fun! Fun!_

conclusion & goodbye

"Happy Birthday" Will Powers _Dancing For Mental Health

Sunday, November 24, 2019

Whither Magda's Birthday Show 2019?

(I can't remember where I found this, sorry.)

Every year Self Help Radio has been on - well, almost every year - fifteen of the eighteen years it has been on - sixteen if you count this year - for some reason I skipped 2003 & 2005 - but I won't skip this year! - or next year, if anyone's expecting that - where was I? - oh yeah every one of those years I would reserve the episode of the show around the time of my wife's birthday for a birthday show filled with songs about birthdays just for her - well, the first birthday show I let her pick all the music - then I realized she would pick the same songs every year - that was troubling to me - so I let "birthday" itself be the theme - & this year as I've said will be no different!

Except it will.  This year will be the first Self Help Radio birthday show in Portland & I decided to revisit a few of the older shows - I am focusing on 2005 - 2010, actually - & play songs from those shows this year.  Why?  Haven't I been talking about that on this blog?  But wait, there's more!

Since 2014 I have been interviewing people on the show - people who are pretending to be experts about the show's theme - but who are in reality funny people I know - & tomorrow I will feature a few old interviews from previous birthday shows - in effect, it'll be like an old "clip show" - which the Wikipedia defines as "an episode of a television series that consists primarily of excerpts from previous episodes" - except you know Self Help Radio is not a television series (not yet, anyway) - & the excerpts will mostly be songs I played over a decade ago - so I'm not entirely sure it counts as "primarily of excerpts" - though the show will have new content - me hosting the show live on the air!  That's new!

So if you are having a birthday tomorrow - or if you've had a birthday this year - or if you plan to have one later this week or this month or this year - you can think of this week's Self Help Radio as your birthday show!

Listen tomorrow from 6-8am on Freeform Portland!

Unfortunately, my wife gets all the presents & cake.