Friday, March 21, 2008

6 Shows To Go!

Six is a magic number. It is the number of beers, sodas & wine coolers in an appropriately-named six-pack. When two sixes are together, they can be a retired age or a famous route. Also, if three sixes are near each other, they signify a beast. This doesn't apparently happen with four sixes, which is a time in the distant future when the United States finally gets out of Iraq.

Six is the number of the shows I have left on KOOP. Do I have to keep saying that I plan to continue Self Help Radio as an obscure podcast? (From an obscure radio show to an obscure podcast! Ha!) Okay, I won't.

I should continue to remind you that KOOP is having its Spring Membership Drive, so you most certainly should be giving money to this fine radio station. If you do it during Self Help Radio (which is today, you know, from 4:30 to 6pm), it'll be a small salve to my damaged self-esteem, but if you do it during any other time, I don't mind - the money is for non-commercial radio, not my booze fund.

Listen! It'll be a tea party!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Talk To The Bears (In The Bear Suits)

I had the great pleasure to talk to Iain & Jan of Norwich England's proudest children, Bearsuit, when they were stranded here last weekend for SXSSSSS. Much thanks to that precocious little peanut, Lace, for letting me interrupt Ear Candy for the interview. If you want to hear the chat we had, along with a few Bearsuit tunes, you can listen in the usual place:

I remind you: soon I won't be on the radio & will only exist as a disembodied podcast. If you want to be reminded when my new podcasts come around, send me an email & I'll put you on a list. I'll be glad you care.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Whither Tea?

Why thank you! I will have a cup of tea. Two sugars please. Thanks so much.

This isn't herbal tea, is it? Ah, good! That's not really tea, now, is it? No, it's just some twigs & leaves disguised as tea. You & I know the difference, don't we! We don't just enjoy tea - we're not just tea enthusiasts, are we, no! We're lovers of tea & scholars of tea!

Quick! Name the four kinds of tea! You got it! Black tea, oolong tea, green tea & white tea. Say! Are those cookies over there? Don't mind if I do.

Do you know, some people don't even know where tea came from. Imagine! You can try to tell them that tea was enjoyed in China for thousands of years before any white fellow with a British accent sipped it in some manicured garden & they'll act as if you've called Jesus Christ a filthy cocksucker! It's true. But why deny this delicious beverage its true lineage? How does that denigrate it for the likes of us? Not at all, you're right! & yes, I'll have another cup!

No, tell even a relatively smart person that tea came to England through a marriage to a Portuguese princess & they'll get huffy & perhaps daydream about hitting us. Or try this: mention that the rise of tea in England parallels the rise of sugar consumption from the slave fields of the Caribbean - & note that the sweetest tea in the world is still drunk today in the American south - & they'll screw their faces up like they either having a stroke or a painful bowel movement. All this over tea! What an important libation!

Oh you know I would love to stay to have another cup, but I must be off. I don't mind this lackadaisical consumption of tea in a button-down setting, but I will let you know I prefer a more - shall we say - structured approach to my tea. So I am inviting you to my next tea party! I will be combining some Japanese & Chinese methods of preparation & service to some rituals I have been dreaming about lately, given to me in my sleep by FBI Agent Dale Cooper of television's Twin Peaks & by Stephen Strange, also known as Marvel Comics' sorcerer supreme, Dr. Strange. Please bring an appetite & protective headgear!

& thanks so much for the tea!

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Preface To Tea: Is There Any More Sugar, Sugar?

All this talk about hot beverages has made me thirsty.

Here is a sentence that just popped into my head: "Emile Zola drinks the blood of a goose." It's important for you to understand that sentences like that just pop into my head with frightening regularity.

I have nothing personally against Emile Zola. Everything I know about doing laundry in the late 19th century I learned from him. But my head seems to want to spread malicious rumors about him in the present tense although he's very very dead.

What's worse, just now, I've been wanting my head to cause other ridiculous sentences to come into existence (with a pop!) but my head, as if it has performance anxiety, refuses to comply. What's up with that? Instead of sentences that are weird, here's the most recent sentence it has produced: "I'm sleepy." It followed that with "When I get home perhaps I should nap."

My head apparently will not perform on demand, so I must try to think of something else to get it to unwittingly do something that I need it to do if I every want you to believe that my brain creates odd sentences at random. So now I need to go back to my thirst, which will not & cannot be slaked by hot liquids.

What? You're as crazy as my head! They can put ice in tea? & they call it Iced Tea? & it's very common in the American south?

Well, fuck me.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Didn't you notice already?

Last week's stimulating show (har, har) about coffee is sitting on the burner waiting for you to have a cup over at Please to download.

Hey, & while you're listening, do notice that we're talking about something called a "membership drive." That's the name we give to our twice-yearly event when we ask for the support we need to survive. So while you're listening, scootch over to & help us out. Pretty please.