Friday, November 23, 2007

23 Shows To Go!

Eep! The days of Self Help Radio at KOOP are dwindling! It's gotten cold outside - could it be the universe is missing me already? Or is it just "winter"? What do YOU believe?

Today at 4:30 pm (in less than an hour), Self Help Radio explores the family on our second annual Dysfunctional Family Holiday show. Don't listen to it with your family. Please.

Live in Austin on 91.7fm, live streamed everywhere at I'll archive it soon enough. Listen to the damn thing first!

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Turkey, Vine & Iron

"Egad," said Agent Trinidad, "they've closed the country!"
"Must be a national holiday," murmured Agent Spellcheck. "Let's go around back."

No one talked about the future anymore. Or if they did, they rarely did it when anyone was present.

"Try picking the lock," said Agent Trinidad.
"Can you fake a retinal scan?" shot back Agent Spellcheck.

That must be why it got so cold so fast. Or so old so fast. Like life was an aching muscle. Or a tour of duty. With overpriced convenience store coffee.

"We're fucked six ways to Sunday," said Agent Trinidad.
"Maybe not," said Agent Spellcheck. "I have a plan."

Do you remember when people wondered which would run out first, water or oil? No one said a thing about poultry. Or even bees. In case you thought they were being polite.

"A tunnel!" gasped Agent Trinidad. "How did you know that was there?"
"Easy," said Agent Spellcheck. "I built it once. For someone named Traitor."

It's not hard to hold gluey, gummy flesh, & it's not hard to learn to wait & see in the darkness. What would be nice at your earliest convenience would be something to breathe, & maybe a revival of art for art's sake.

"Don't they ever clean this fucking place up?" asked Agent Trinidad.
"Just don't get any on you," said Agent Spellcheck.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Whither Dysfunctional Family Holidays?

Let's set aside precious moments to speak directly to the concept of family as an idea if not an ideal to be thought about. Nearly all of us come from some kind of mother or father, even if they're not there at the time of our births. But whether we're an adopted or whether we're unwanted, it's most certainly true that at the end of the day, the family that we have is different than what some call "friends" or the family that we may as well choose. Didn't you have a sense from day one that you wanted to be a part of them too or rather they'd make you be a part of themselves? I mean, with some kind of function or holiday-like gathering? Surely.

But as we wrestle with the grapple of family, mostly your thoughts can sometimes turn to unhappiness or even ardor. Why wasn't I ever born! can be heard in the teenage households of these or any other times. Because often there are difficulties inherent within the generational gap between the older & the youngest. But over time some think those can be resolved with conversation & even violence. This is what makes us humanly possible.

So too the subject is apt for a radio show wherein subjects are often discussed. As I come from a family of people, I often have noticed that I have brothers & sisters. My mother, too, has been known to express herself as if she were maternally involved with me, that is to say, matronly. Perhaps you have noticed foul-ups or errors within the unity of the home, where tempers fray & the dawn never comes. In the naturalness of the scheme of things, this is to be expected even if you never saw it coming.

I therefore admonish you in strenuous overtones to understand that Self Help Radio, while making light of obvious familial circumstances, really means to be saracastical & whimsical with what could truly be painful & humiliating. It is the voice of experiential data you'll be hearing, if you must tune in, or else musical variations on the thematic nature, to wit, the mockery of family, which makes a mockery of us all.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Preface To Dysfunctional Family Holiday 2007: Not Going Home For The Holidays!

When I first decided to do a show about fucked-up families & play it during the Thanksgiving holidays, I didn't think I'd want to repeat it. But I've decided to make it a yearly thing. There are just so many songs that fit in that category.

In case you didn't know, I do several "yearly" shows:
- I do a show every year on my birthday focusing on my favorite records from a year after my birth. I started in 1968 (both literally & as a year to explore on my show) & next year's will focus on 1972.
- I do a Valentine's Day show every year. Next year's will be about jealousy.
- I do a show featuring bands I like coming into town for South By Southwest. Next year's will be my last, most probably, since I'll be leaving town. Wherever I end up, I hope they have some kind of music festival. Or at least one that doesn't suck as much as Austin's does.
- I do a Halloween show. Like I just did. I also do two "favorites" shows at the end of the year, one for electronica, the other for the rest of the stuff I like. I do a Christmas show, that has won awards(*).

I'm adding two this year for the hell of it. One is the aforementioned Dysfunctional Family show. The other is a show for my beloved girlie's birthday. I did one last year & was amazed - freaked out - astonished by the number of birthday songs. So why not do it every year? It's not like it's just for her. Everybody has a birthday every year. Even Jesus!

Something else I hope to do regularly is continue making the private mixes I am calling "Self Help Radio Extra." It's a CD-length mix of tunes I like which I am putting together as a single mp3 for you to listen to while your phoning your cat, or lassoing your lifestyle, or just your average disco homework. & guess what! Just in time for the month of November, November's mix is ready for you! You can find it on the Self Help Radio Extra web page. Oh boy for you!

I'm going to go have a little sleepy now.

(*) In my head.

Monday, November 19, 2007

You May Remember Him As The Star Of That Show

Do you have a creepy obsession with alphatizing? Boy I do. I am resisting making sure that all the titles of all the posts of all this blog have covered all the letters of the alphabet. I am resisting but it's so hard.

It's almost as weird as my obsession with phrases in English used commonly or oddly. See last week's show as an example. Or even better, listen to last week's show over at The ghost of ol' Joe Pulitzer himself stopped by to haunt me. & he might have gotten away with it, too, if hadn't been for those meddling kids - & Scooby Doo!

& some words visit my head regularly without rhyme or reason (well, sometimes they rhyme). The word that keeps popping into my head today is "dainty." I don't know why. I almost titled this post "dainty." But then I thought I'd have to make you some tea, & the good china is somewhere near the bad eggs & it would requiring using my step-brother's step-ladder, which I now recall he left in the steppes of Ukraine. I guess I stepped in it that time!

Anyway, I'm not dainty, & neither are you. Do you know what's dainty? A kitten sampling a cup of tea. That's fucking dainty!