Friday, September 07, 2007

Dioxin For The Future Now!

Self Help Radio will be heard today on the radio. This is an incredibly good bit of luck, as I have spent a large amount of time listening to music in the hopes of playing it for unwitting strangers this very day. But the best bit of luck involves one of my favorite bands. They are a local band but they sound like they're from the future. Not that they sound like some space-rock, Devo-esque, or Star Wars Creature Cantina thing - or even Klingon opera, although this particular one is obviously an influence - this particular band sounds like they're from a magical future where every bit of music you hear is good & radio shows like mine are easy to make because all choices sound wonderful.

The band is called Luxuriator, & although they have told me they're imaginary, there's a realness in how much I really, really like them.

Why do I gush so? Because I have been thinking about a show about fakery - which I'm doing today - & out of the blue, the pink & blue Official Luxuriator Courier Moped left a song on my doorstep. Usually, it's a Flight Of The Conchords song - or maybe prank calls made to Robyn Hitchcock - but no, this time it was a new Luxuriator song! I had to dig out my eight-track - they like to give me songs on eight-track - but dig I did, discovering a song called "Fake=Fake."

Imagine my freaky joy when I realized that a theme I was working on had coincided with a song written by the best band in Austin! I was convinced they had broken into my house, so I changed the locks, drugged the cats & dusted the house for prints. (I found a really nice print of Van Gogh's Hairlips that I thought my girlfriend had thrown away.)

Now, of course, the show is coming, & I just wanted to say, "Hey! You might could hear it on their myspace page, but Self Help Radio is proud to play Luxuriator today!" I am pretty damn excited! You must be too!

That's today during Self Help Radio's idiotic examination of "fakery" from 4:30 to 6:00 pm CST on 91.7 fm KOOP, live on the web at & available archived over the weekend on If you miss it, you might be unable to digest beans for a week.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Why Not Spend Some Time In Your Own Thinking?

Good day. As propmaster for the "Self Help Radio," it behooves us all for gradually requesting the compensation required to adequately instill in the listener &/or reactor of quality audiophonic experience what we in the business call "understanding." There are, to avoid the constant activation of self-defeating jargon, what experts call "ten important steps" in a contrary assimiliation process for the betterment of a "Self Help Radio" as well as a "listener modification process." They would be, in order of numerical:

1) Condescension. Surely in what many would call a turbulent egotistic existence you must facilitate your own deference up to but not necessarily including hubris. We require this of any guest who may find him or herself within the confines of normal &/or common sensical entertainment adventures.

2) Carriage, or what the ancients called "mien." What's mien mean? It doesn't imply anything mean - in many ways, the average consumptive of the "Self Help Radio" merely gratifies the hitherto in what can only be described as a antithetical manner.

3) Craft. From a purely simplistic standpoint, aesthetic implies action, whereas passivity implies traction. For the engaged reporter of the "Self Help Radio" an appreciation of source & formatting is otherwise obligatory.

4) Cash. In case you want a snack or something.

5) Candor. We must not specifically be honest, but a measurable amount of embarrassingly confessional surely peppers the soup in whatsoever nakedness should be displayed to the public's chagrin.

Among these are of course other considerations which we shall not cardinally number for scriptural purposes. These would perhaps best be summarized:

6) Creature Comforts. For an empty house is a lonely house, which cannot specifically be called a home.

7) Celerity. For a show which is timed, one might sometimes feel a need to feed the seed of speed. Technically or counterclockwise.

8) Cursory brevity wit. As it means in the unoriginal Latin.

9) Castigation. Formerly the list specifically hinted at "confession," but a consultant confirmed the corruptness of the current clergical community (then & now), so a non-religious, if not entirely materialistic, form of self-reproach is to be preferred if not entirely designated.

10) Conference Call. Are you free Friday?

As the goalkeeper in the fundamental baseball grid of the "Self Help Radio," I welcome the extraneous & the commentary. I hope we've learned our lesson today & surely tomorrow whoever tunes in will have more of a sense of the gist than those whose reading skills, while languishing, have failed to meet the meagerest of expectations for online survey taking.

Please thank yourself for your participation.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Whither Fakery?

A newspaper headline in my gmailbox grabs my attention: "Once ravaged by war, now vacation spots". Do you need any more proof that life is an illusion?

Self Help Radio this week will celebrate & berate the deliberately not real.

I am not entirely sure why. But I am self conscious about it. Stop looking at me. These are my real feelings.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Preface To Fakery: I Am Not Faking Being Sick! I Promise!

But if you are in bed too because the beginning September made you ill, you can enjoy lots of sickening Gary on the radio over at the Self Help Radio archive page. I disturbingly did three extra radio shows this weekend, & it nearly killed me. So you can enjoy a Self Help Radio that's all about the indiepop, an Ear Candy that's also all about the indiepop (plus a song by Burt "Robin" Ward), an episode of This Great White North featuring Canadian postpunk, new wave & punk from thirty years ago, & finally an episode of the House Call all about the demon alcohol that exacerabated my illness. What fun!

Now I must take pills & get some sleep. Please enjoy the radio shows.