Saturday, February 05, 2011

Too Many Tabs Open On The Browser; Crash Imminent

I've been up for nearly 23 hours. That doesn't count a small fitful nap I may or may not have had over thirteen hours ago. Recalculating. I have been up for nearly 43 hours.

I can't tell if winter is on its last legs or if it's gearing up for some more sumbitching. It's very hard to say where I am now living. For example, it snowed in Austin recently, & only did that when I was living there once or twice, never sticking around long enough to do anything but panic every driver & give the newscasters a chance to talk about "school closings."

Well, "school closings" in the context of something other than "Republican plans."

I seem to remember snow in late February/early March last year. Seasons are confusing. This is what the now-"classic view" of the
Weather Underground is telling me about the upcoming week:

It's telling that I look forward to forty degree weather. Tomorrow we'll be able to walk the dogs!

We were very lucky that the blizzard that discommoded (or even over-stressed) the midwest & southwest recently missed up by a few miles. But it does look like snow will return, even if it doesn't stick.

Hey, did you know that most weather forecasters deny climate change, while most climate change scientists are in nearly unanimous agreement that it's happening? What do you think about that?

Wednesday, February 02, 2011

Remaining Seated For The Duration

Well, if you're comfortable, & have assumed your favorite sitting posture, I shall begin. This song, of course, was once sung to the tune of "Scurvy Sue," a popular sea shanty in & around the greater Barbados area.

We're coming home, sit down, sit down,
We're coming home, sit down!
For fuck's sake, Pete, just have a seat
We're coming home, sit down

Are yer sitting down, sit down, sit down,
Are yer sitting down, sit down!
For fuck's sake, Russ, what's all the fuss
Are yer sitting down, sit down!

Yer broke the chair, sit down, sit down,
Yer broke the chair, sit down?!?
Good heavens, lass, yer've got quite an ass
Yer broke the chair, sit down!

Yer broke the stool, sit down, sit down,
Yer broke the stool, sit down?!?
Ye gods Mr. Pratt yer've gotten quite fat
& yer broke the stool, sit down!

There's nowheres to sit, sit down, sit down,
There's nowheres to sit, sit down!
In spite of our quarrels, we'll rest on our laurels,
There's nowheres to sit, sit down!

Yes, I will sit first, sit down, sit down,
Oh I will sit first, sit down!
Yer can do yer worst, but I swear I'll sit first
I swear I'll sit first, sit down!

So sit with me now, sit down, sit down,
Come sit with me now, sit down!
It's gettin' so late so for heaven's fuck sake
Come sit with me now, sit down!

Needless to say, since I don't own the copyright-free rights to the song, I could not perform it with the Self Help Radio All-Volunteer Marching Band last night on Self Help Radio's show about sitting. However, there were many other songs of a less rummy nature, which you can hear if you so choose by go to the Self Help Radio website. The nice thing is, if you're sitting already, you won't even have to get up.

Also, the fiftieth (!) episode of Sugar Substitute aired last night, too!

Tuesday, February 01, 2011

Don't Get Up!

You can just sit there. In fact, you should sit up & take notice - Self Help Radio's show tonight is all about sitting. In fact, it feels like it's sitting pretty. If that doesn't sit well with you, you don't have to listen - no one's sitting in judgement of your radio show tastes. But if we were having a sit-down, I'd say you ought to sit tight till midnight, because Self Help Radio starts thenabouts on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & is live all over the internet world at wrfl dot fm.

But if you simply can't get out of your chair & listen, I'll put it on the Self Help Radio website tomorrow. I'd just hate for you to have to sit this one out. You know?

Monday, January 31, 2011

Whither Sitting?

Tomorrow, Self Help Radio will remain seated during its entire show. This may be completely unheard of. I can't think of a time when the entire show was done in a sitting position. But so it shall be.

& oh, by the way, WRFL is not known for the comfiness of their chairs. In reality, the deejay booth is equipped with a small love seat (with two moveable "trays" on its arms, both of which are warped so completely they're unhelpful with holding things like drinks or bags), several metal stools, & a strange stool-chair which, some time over the holidays, gained a menacing dark spot on its grey seat fabric which, to all appearances, still seems wet. Sit on that? No thanks!

Yet these are the privations that Self Help Radio will endure to make a show about sitting as authentic as possible. Did you know that Hollywood elites like Tom Hanks, Eddie Albert, & Mike Connors actually appeared on talk shows in which they acted as though they were sitting, but, in fact, were not? Scandalous! Oh sure, they may have said that that was what acting was all about, but the truly great actors, like Obese Marlon Brando & Obese Orson Welles knew the value of sitting. Some have pointed out that, in utter devotion to their craft, they spent their last few years doing little else but sitting.

Self Help Radio's show about sitting is a tribute to their tenacity.

Unless Self Help Radio needs to go to the bathroom, in which case the show will do it during a long song & no one will know but me.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Preface To Sitting: I Won't Stand For This!

Self Help Radio, you know, is weak in the knees. Oh, sure, it appears to have strong calves, but underneath there are weak ankles. It's also, to be fair, quite old. Almost nine. Nine! That's pretty old in radio show years.

Also, Self Help Radio never exercises. It's embarrassing to admit, but it's true. It never has the time! It's always doing something, so for it to even go out for a little fresh air is just, well, how could it even pencil such a thing in? Also, it sleeps a lot. At every opportunity. It's napping now! It was too tired to go to bed for the night, so it thought it should have a little nap first.

All right, it's a lazy fucking radio show.

So it's going to sit down this week. If you don't mind. Just have a seat, & sit. For ninety minutes.

Is there a comfy chair nearby? One that maybe reclines? A little bit? Yeah?