Saturday, July 08, 2023

Self Help Radio 070623: Locks

Apologies for the delay. I have been having issues with my web hosting company & what appears to be some change in their FTP protocol. There have also been some exceedingly condescending tech folks, one of which actually asked me, "Have you tried turning it off & then turning it back on again?" If you download the show this week, it'll be from my Guggol Drivel. It's a band-aid but I hate not having the show out there somewhere, even if no one really listens to it.

It was a show about locks! There were songs! Interviews! Goldilocks! Lockers! A guest locked in a room! So much that is probably wrong that maybe I should be ashamed! But I am not! What do I care! It's my radio show! I have funny people who help me! I am not shackled to your ancient ideas about shame!

Ahem. Okay. Well. You can listen to the show at Self Help Radio Web Central. It's actually not called that. It sounded cooler in my head. Everything on the show is below. I'm gonna lock myself away for a while now, chatting with people half a world away about why file transfer protocol just suddenly stopped working for me. You know, when I can still upload things to Guggol Drivel!


Self Help Radio Locks Show
"Who Stole The Lock From The Hen House Door" Otto Gray & His Oklahoma Cowboys _Serenade In The Mountains_
"I'm Gonna Lock My Heart" Carmen McRae _Sings Lover Man & Other Billie Holiday Classics_
"Unlock The Lock" Jimmy Nelson _Unlock The Lock: The Kent Records Story, Vol. 1_

introduction & definitions

"Locking Up My Heart" The Marvelettes _The Complete Motown Singles | Vol. 3: 1963_
"Locked In A Room" The Poets _Beat It... (Killertracks From The Roarin' 60's)_
"Lock Me In Your Heart" The Apollas _The Best Of Loma Records: The Rise & Fall Of A 1960's Soul Label_
"Behind Locked Doors" The Missing Lynx _The Psychedelic Experience Vol 3 (Psychedelic Illusions)_
"Locked In Your Love" Dee Dee Warwick _I Want To Be With You The Mercury Blue Rock Sessions_

interview with locksmith to the stars Steve Lassiter

"Behind That Locked Door" George Harrison _All Things Must Pass_
"Wedlock Is A Padlock" Laura Lee _Women's Love Rights_
"Locked-In" Firehose _Ragin', Full-On_
"Locks & Bolts" The Carousel _I Forgot To Remember To Forget_
"Locked Out Of The Love-In" One Thousand Violins _Locked Out Of The Love-In_

our favorite librarian Carole stops by to talk about Goldilocks

"Goldilocks & The Three Bears" Rosemary Clooney _Memories Of You_
"Gold Locks (feat. Jean Grae)" MC Frontalot _Question Bedtime_
"Goldilocks & The Three Bears" Joan Gerber _The Story Lady_
"Goldilocks" Don French _Saints & Sinners Vol. 6_
"Goldilocks Zone" Grass Widow _Internal Logic_

interview with Steve Lockwood of Lockwood's Lockers

"Locked In A Room With Betty" P. Paul Fenech _Daddy's Hammer_
"Locked Groove" Kitty Craft _Beats & Breaks From The Flower Patch_
"Locked Away" Robert Forster _I Had A New York Girlfriend_
"Love Lock" The Bad Signs _Black Magic Moments_
"Lock The Locks" The Streets _Computers & Blues_

interview with Sandra Lewis, host of the In A Locked Room podcast
+ conclusion & goodbye

"Lockdown" Soft Regime _Hard Feelings_
"Lock On The Door" Audacity _Hyper Vessels_
"Lock, Stock, & Teardrops" Wednesday _Mowing The Leaves Instead Of Piling 'Em Up_
"Macbeth Witches Scene" Christopher Keown _Macbeth_
"It's Locked Away" Band Of Susans _Wired For Sound_

Thursday, July 06, 2023

Whither Locks?

Though it's true there was a Self Help Radio episode about keys once upon a time, & that some of the songs (naturally) mentioned locks, there was never been a full episode about the noble lock, without which the key would have a meaningless existence.

Shall we ponder the ambivalent lock, which may protect our belongings but also take away our freedom? Oh indeed we shall! With many songs, stories, & interviews! & it won't cost a thing - not even a lock of your hair - because it's on the radio!

But why, you may ask, is there a radio show about locks at all? Was I locked in a closet a goodly portion of my childhood? Is it impossible to unlock my heart, to discover my true feelings? Should I be locked away once & for all for the betterment of our world? Were these reasons for a radio show about locks? Or did I simply hear a bunch of songs about locks & then think, hey, that might be a good idea for a show? I don't suppose we will ever truly know.

What is true: Self Help Radio airs from noon to 2pm Portland time this afternoon on 90.3+98.3fm in town & online everywhere at Freeform Portland dot org. For a show about locks, it is key that you listen.

Too corny? Yeah, I'm feeling bad about it already.

Wednesday, July 05, 2023

Preface To Locks: Locks On The Gates Of Empty Houses

There's a street in my neighborhood that has at the very least three empty houses - I call them "ghost houses" although I don't believe in ghosts - & I'm not entirely sure they're all completely uninhabited. The owners of my favorite ghost house come by the spring & early summer to tend to a garden on the property, for example. & one of the ghost houses has a suspiciously well-kept lawn. But I think they're all mostly empty. & there could be many reasons why.

One empty house (not on this street but very near) suddenly had repair crews & all kinds of remodeling going on after many months of just sitting there, & a neighbor told me that the house had been owned by two siblings who fought about its fate - one wanted to rent it out, the other to sell it. They were in a stalemate until one of them died - the one who wanted to rent it out. The house was fixed up & sold. So you see. Why they're empty is all speculation.

Though I do suspect at least one of them has a very old occupant who is passing their last days in the home they've lived in for decades & it's dark & lonesome & quite terrifying in there. Mainly it's terrifying because I think it could be my fate. Especially if in my old age I can't afford the internet.

My favorite ghost house, though, is fenced all around, but the fences are locked with a padlock. That's the picture above. Taken this afternoon. Not that I'd sneak in. I felt I was trespassing leaning over the fence to take this picture!

Tuesday, July 04, 2023


As the day ends, jerks in our neighborhood, not caring about all the animals they might frighten nor the fires they may cause, explode fireworks into the night.

My dog Pauline comes to me, panting, just terrified. I do my best to comfort her.

Yay America.

Monday, July 03, 2023


(image from Wikipedia)

Free jazz legend Peter Brötzmann died on June 22. I became an admire only after I was completely baffled by his work. & I was lucky enough to see him perform live in Austin in the early parts of this century.

Tonight in the last hour or so of Corporate Standardized Programming on KBOO, I'll play some of his work. I haven't heard all of it. Some of it didn't resonate with me. Some of it I find fucking transcendent. In most cases I find it fascinating & challenging. What a life!

Midnight to 3am on KBOO - 90.7fm & If you can tune in.