Saturday, January 07, 2012

Preface To Grey/Gray: Does Gray Matter?

Does gray matter? Or is it grey matter?

The wikipedia spells it grey matter & points out, as people who have seen the movie Hannibal know, that "in living tissue, grey matter actually has a grey-brown color, which comes from capillary blood vessels & neuronal cell bodies." But "grey-brown matter" sounds a little like something that might be hurked up after a night of binge drinking, or something someone might find in one's trousers after they had sharted, usually during a night of binge drinking.

Of course, people have wondered what does grey matter taste like? As someone who doesn't eat any animal products, I can't even imagine, but many humans have eaten other animals' brains for millenia, & apparently you can even buy pork brains in milk gravy at the supermarket. Poor little pigs!

I don't know how old we've been using this term for the brain, but the Latin, substantia grisea, does indeed mean "grey substance," or, "grey matter" as a pretty good translation. No one online wants to tell me when the word came into English, & if it came as a translation of the Latin.

I thought grey matter mattered more than that!

Friday, January 06, 2012

A Complete History Of American Fight Songs

Rah rah rah! said the placard in front of the unassuming building two doors down from a home town hardware store. In this particular edifice, it is said, are contained vaults filled with recordings, sheet music, &, perhaps inevitably, pom poms of every conceivable fluff & color.

The docents have all gone home or retired. There are no cheers emanating from the Museum Of The American Fight Song. Not even the junkies who stand sadly by the giant dumpster know when last it was opened to the public. It is not easy, says one, to cop in such a place.

Across the street is a bar, The Fartknocker, not the most popular place in town. The clientele is virtually nonexistent. To discover it is actually named after someone - Elvis Thibauld Fartknocker the Third - Third! - turns more people away than you might expect. Mr. Fartknocker explains the museum's dilemma:

"They are another victim of the Islamo-Zionist-Feminazi plan to take over our popular sports," he says.

Three New York Times reporters were suspended without pay for not vetting Mr. Fartknocker who, it turns out, is a really awful person & a big smelly racist no matter what his lawyers say we can or cannot say. Racist! Racist! Racists suck!

But did racism do in the Museum Of The American Fight Song? Or was it, as a drunken plumber suggested at the bar, a series of frozen pipes unrepaired after last year's terrible winter?

We may never know. Calls to the museum were unreturned. No one answered the door. The posted hours were not honored. They wouldn't accept a friend request on Facebook. We stayed outside the building for two whole days but no one came in or out. The light over the "exit" sign burned out & no one replaced it.

To be continued?

Monday, January 02, 2012

The Long Way Around

No, you're not tripping. After a season where many take trips home for the holidays or trips away from bad weather, Self Help Radio has chosen to talk about trips. It is, however, cheaper than most trips & you don't have to wait in line at all.

The show is waiting on the top platform at self help radio dot net. The show has two legs - er - two parts - sorry, I'm still thinking in traveling terms. The first part of the show is in this unpacked bag & the second part of the show is in this packed bag. The items in the manifest are listed below.

Enjoy your trip!

(part one)

"The Trip" Dave Mitchell & The Screamers _All Night Soul Stomp! Dancefloor Boogaloo Romp!_
"Let's Take A Trip" Jonathan Richman _It's Time For Jonathan Richman_
"Hard Travelin'" Woody Guthrie _Hard Travelin': The Asch Recordings, Vol. 3_

"African Trip" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Thee Olde Trip To Jerusalem" The Mekons _OOOH!_
"My Trip To Asia" Oh Sweet Music! _Series Two Compilation Vol. 1_
"Siamese Couplets" Guild League _Private Transport_
"Honey Moon Trip To Mars" Jack Tucker _Rocket Ship_

"Travel Agent" Monty Python _Monty Python's Previous Record_
"Chartered Trips" Hüsker Dü _Zen Arcade_
"Travelling Man" The Woodentops _Giant_

(part two)

"Day Tripper" Swingle Singers _Ticket To Ride: A Beatles Tribute_
"Trip To Your Heart" Sly & The Family Stone _Whole New Thing_

"The Trip" Kim Fowley _Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From The First Psychedelic Era, Vol. 2_
"The Trip" Donovan _Troubador: The Definitie Collection 1964 - 1976_
"Trip On Me" The Forum _The River Is Wide_
"Bad Trip" Lee Fields _Problems_
"Mobius Trip" H.P. Lovecraft _H.P. Lovecraft/H.P. Lovecraft II_
"Pat-Trip Dispenser" The Fall _The Wonderful & Frightening World Of The Fall_

"Tracy Took A Trip" Executive _Rubbles Vol. 1_
"Take A Trip" Dirtbombs Vs. King Khan & His Shrines _Billiards At Nine Thirty_
"Bad Trip" Auntie Christ _Life Could Be A Dream_
"Essential Wear For Future Trips To Space" Ballboy _Club Anthems_

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Whither Trips?

I am not planning any trips in the near future, except for the show. Instead, I am planning to spend the first part of the year mimicking ants.

This will be difficult, since I have only four legs (counting my arms as legs). Also, I am several hundred times larger than the average ant, & will doubtless be considered a threat when I try to burrow into their hills. Clearly, I need to practice being an ant before I attempt to mimic one in the wild.

I know what you're thinking. When I was practicing camouflage in early 2011, in order to blend in with the natives of Lexington, I failed miserably. I didn't know that cheetos & cigarettes would be required in such abundance. My cholesterol shot up. I chose instead to be shunned.

But it made sense for me to want to mimic the human beings here in Lexington. I live here! Why ants? Well, there are doubtless many good reasons to mimic ants, & as soon as I get these antennae on, I will think of some. Also, it may be hard to find an anthill in the winter. No matter! I am on my way!

Shall I be a worker or a queen?

Listen tomorrow to Self Help Radio from 7:30 to 9am on 88.1 fm in Lexington for songs about trips, including (but probably not) songs about the trips ants make. Are you not in Lexington? You can listen at wrfl dot fm on the internet. Are you not happening in real time? Then you can listen later at self help radio dot net. Ants dig it!

(I hope.)