Friday, June 05, 2009

Oops I'm running late!

Yeah, I'm a weasel. I've been too busy during my last weeks at work to steal time to write in this blog.

Wait. What? Last weeks at work?

Yes, it's true. I am leaving my job in two American weeks (compare them with other country's weeks - you'll see the difference) (spoiler alert: we work more) to leave the city of Austin behind & embark on a strange new journey - which will of course take Self Help Radio - to... where?

It's really quite underwhelming. I'm a little embarrassed about even trying to create some suspense about it. But I will. More information to come. Just rest assured that, for at least the month of June, Self Help Radio will continue to produce a radio show that virtually NO ONE will listen to, out of spite or out of ignorance, & then will take a break while the offices relocate.

This week? Knocking. How can you miss that? It's the one skill you have! The rest, well. You have to lie about them on your resume!

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Whither Knocking?

A terrible dilemma is upon me. Oh wait. I might have used that word (dilemma) wrongly. Let me check the Economist's Guide To Common Solecisms:

This is not just any old awkwardness, it is one with horns, being, properly, a form of argument (the horned syllogism) in which you find yourself committed to accept one of two propositions each of which contradicts your original contention. Thus a dilemma offers the choice between two alternatives, each with equally nasty consequences.

Oh. Then it's not really a dilemma. The original contention, one supposes, is that I am doing a show about "knocking." See, I've been listening to all these songs all week about "knocking" &, well, as one might imagine, there are a WHOLE F-ING LOT OF THEM which are simply about the process of banging one's fist on a door, or moving the device on the door that makes a similar (though kinder to your fist) sound, to indicate that one is visiting someone else's home or place of business or building. So I was thinking, hey, maybe I should restrict the content of the show to that particular aspect of knocking & not the various other meanings, like being "knocked up," or the phrase "don't knock it." Neither of those alternative have nasty consequences, because, frankly, how can a bunch of songs on Self Help Radio be nasty?

Until I do a show about nastiness, that is.

I still haven't decided. But I know now it's not a dilemma. Just a sort of self-serving problem that I can wrestle with while drinking a little too much whiskey while listening to songs I've gather. Um. So. Never mind.

Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Preface To Knocking: There Are No Jokes About Knockers In This Blog Entry

I don't think I'll play any songs about "knockers" (if there are any) this week on the KNOCK show. I confess I haven't heard the term since I was a kid. Funnily enough, watching The Fall & Rise Of Reginald Perrin, a British sit-com from the 70s, last night, I did hear breasts referred to as "knockers." Crazy how these things happen.

The term "knockers" referring to breasts (some people say "women's breasts," but for the purposes of this discussion that seems redundant) is supposed to be fairly old though it became popular with army folk in the 40s. It was a "safe" euphemism for breasts for a while, coming into its own probably around the time of Laugh-In & dying out (more or less) by the beginning of the 80's. But no one really knows where it comes from.

One person on the message board added this: "A little site called asserts that the term orignates in London. It doesn't give any other explanation but it is listed along with the term 'knocking shop' for brothel. I'm not sure whether knocking shop is used here in the US, but it seems like it might be a clue to the phrase's origin." But I'm not at all convinced about that, though English speakers have used the word "knock" to mean "have sex," leading to a pregnant woman being "knocked up."

A "knocker" is properly one of two things: one who knocks, &/or a device on a door used to knock on it. Therefore one might imagine that calling a pair of breasts "knockers" would be related to this. On the same discussion list mentioned above, one shrewd poster pointed out that most doors only have a single knocker, so why would a pair of breasts be like a knocker? Someone suggested the motion of the knocker, but then the knocker isn't so much about its motion as it is about its sound, & most breasts I've had the experience to know are rather quiet. On the plus side, one correspondent pointed out that door knockers tend to be breast level - though I seem to remember them being more chin level - & I'm a fairly tall fellow.

I just don't know, & since the term is considered slang at best & vulgar at worst, most respectable etymologists won't bother with it. & the great Urban Dictionary doesn't care about word origins.

See? Not a single joke about knockers. Just information. That's the Self Help Radio way!

Monday, June 01, 2009

There Was An Accident This Weekend

Actually, several. All on Self Help Radio. Sucked into a musical maelstrom so you could live your weekend accident-free. Do listen. It'll make you safer.

Also, if you book your face on that face-the-book place, you can become a fan of Self Help Radio. I'll try to snazz the place up.

& May's Self Help Radio Extra? Ack, I'll work on it. Maybe have it by tomorrow. Promise!