Self Help Radio 161019: The Past

(Original image here.)

Now that this week's show has happened in the past, the fact that it is - or was - about the past makes it seem, to me, more authentic, & yet more poignant.  More nostalgic, & yet more wistful.  More appropriate, & yet more regrettable.  More timely, & yet more ill-conceived.  You get the idea.

There is something I have to tell you.  While I was live-tweeting the show, I was watching the last presidential debate.  It didn't cause any major mistakes, though I missed some zingers doing airbreaks, but please don't think I'm a bad hombre for multitasking.  At least I didn't come across as some kind of nasty woman!

Anyway, that's all in the past.  The show about the past which aired in the past happens to exist now & into the future some at the Self Help Radio website.  As was true in the past, to access the show you'll need a username & a password.  These are on the website.  They're not hard to find.  The songs I played are listed on the website & below.  The people I interviewed are not, however.  You'll have to listen to hear them.

Now, to the future!

(part one)

"Forward Into The Past" Firesign Theatre _Forward Into The Past_
"The Past" Screamin' Jay Hawkins _The Best Of Red Top Records, Vol. 2_

"I Am The Past" Eleanor Friedberger _Personal Record_
"Ivory Past" Felt _The Pictorial Jackson Review_
"Past Is Getting Near" Joe Berluck _The Erotic Voice Of Joe Berluck_
"I Don't Care About Your Past" Ella Washington _Southern Grooves_

"The Past Sure Is Tense" Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band _Ice Cream For Crow_
"My Sordid Past" Half Japanese _Greatest Hits_
"Drunk In My Past" X _More Fun In The New World_
"The Past Comes Back To Haunt Me" Calvin Johnson _What Was Me_

"A Past Gone Mad" The Fall _The Infotainment Scan_
"Leave My Past Behind" Mike Franco _Humma-Humma-Hummin' Bird_

(part two)

"Journey Thru The Past" Neil Young _Neil Young Archives, Vol. 1: 1963-1972_
"If This Were The Past" Alsace Lorraine _Through Small Windows_
"Past Lovers" Ballboy _The Sash My Father Wore & Other Stories_

"The Past" Edges Of Wisdom _On The Fringes Of Freaked Out Lunacy_
"Past, Present, & Future" The Shangri-Las _Golden Hits Of The Shangri-Las_
"Past Lives" Langhorne Slim & The Law _The Way We Move_
"Talk About The Past" The Wake _Testament: Best Of The Wake_

"The Past & The Future" The Purple Persians _The Past & The Future_
"Past Lives" Mighty Clouds _Mighty Clouds_
"Heyday Past Heyday Due" Nodzz _Innings_
"Danger In The Past" Robert Forster _Danger In The Past_

"Here Comes The Past" St. Christopher _Man, I Could Scream_
"Part Past Part Fiction" The Chills _Submarine Bells_

Whither The Past?

(Image from here.)

Self Help Radio is stuck in the past.  Think about it.  A full one hundred percent of the music played on the show was made in the past.  This is undeniable!  Perhaps at some point - in the past - live music was made during the show, in the show's present, but that never happens now.  & music from the future?  Besides it being impossible, it's not something the show has ever even tried!

& you already know this: the show is pre-recorded!  Even when it airs live in Lexington, it was made over a day before.  This is true!  As this blog post is being written, the show that will air tonight has already been recorded.  The show exists only in the past, as far as you're concerned.  There's nothing you can do right now to change it.  Me neither!

Let us then celebrate the past, where much of what we love is, & where we eventually, like everything, will end up.  The past is where most of everyone who ever was is, & while hopefully you & I will still be in the future for a very long time, we'll most likely spend most of the time we exist in time in the past, until time itself ends.

Damn, this got heavy!  Dude, it's just a radio show!  & you know what?  It's on from 9-11 pm in Lexington (that's 8-10pm Central) on 93.9 fm WLXU + everywhere at Lexington Community Radio dot org (select WLXU pleez).

& yes, it's on during the final debate.  One thing I can promise you is no one of the show will threaten to jail any presidential candidate once elected.  Guaranteed!

Preface To The Past: Me Vs. The Past

Hm, I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this here before but I have a very particular recurring dream which has to do with the past.  In this dream, I am at some point in my life - it isn't really ever the same point - it'll be the summer before my eighth grade year, or the middle of my ninth-grade year, or the first few weeks of college, or right before my college girlfriend betrayed me & broke my heart - it's never a time or place that I have deliberately chosen or was thinking about recently - but in these dreams, I'm not reliving a memory.  No, I am back there physically as well as mentally, except I remember everything that comes after, to the point of time at which I am having the dream.

Not only am I completely aware of the situation - I understand immediately what's going on - I also know that I am being given a second chance.  A do-over.  I know everything that's going to go wrong, & now, I can sidestep it.  & though the dreams don't last all that long, it's what I immediately set out to do.  I begin the process of re-organizing my life to avoid things that I know will sooner or later fuck me up, & I do so immediately.

One reason I think I do this, in the dreams, is that I am not entirely sure that my brain will retain the memories of the life that's already happen, which I am changing.  In at least two of the dreams that I can remember, I find a notebook & start writing down an outline of my life which I hope will help me retain the memories, although, you know, if I didn't remember what something like "1998 - Susan" meant, it might not help me when it's 1998 & I meet Susan & I don't recall what I did to screw everything up.

The reason I mention this is because I do dwell on the past a lot, & often wish I could have a chance to go back & make some changes to get through difficult moments I barely survived (or really, really hated living through).  But there's a reason to think a second go at things wouldn't really help, & that reason is: I continue to do stupid things even though I should "know better."  This, certainly, is the human condition.  To be entirely aware one is making the same mistake or mistakes one made earlier, & to be completely helpless to stop oneself from doing so.

You may ask, do I continue to have the dreams?  I do, & sometimes they're frightening in their attention to detail.  I'm sure I have them & often don't remember them, but when I do remember them, I am struck by the weird moments it picks for me to "re-start."  Sometimes it's pretty recent - I had a dream in the last year that began the first time I stepped into WRFL, in the summer of 2010 - & sometimes they're very far away.  When I was in first grade, one day, when it was probably ten am, & we were sent out to recess, my exhausted, unhappy brain thought it was the end of the day, & I ran all the home, surprising my mother, who was watching daytime TV & ironing clothes.  She had to walk me back to school, embarrassed for me (I was embarrassed, too).  In the dream, I was standing on the edge of the school, about to cross Saturn Road, ready to run home, when I realized where & when my consciousness had placed me.  Instead of running home, in the dream, I crept back to the playground of Caldwell Elementary & blended in.

The mind holds so many memories that it can access at the strangest times!

This, then, is my way of describing to you my adversarial relationship with the past - my past, specifically.  The thing is, it's pretty obvious which side is winning.

The Fall Vs. The Past

(The Fall circa 2005.  Picture from here.)

My favorite band in the world is the Fall.  Ask me about it sometime.  If it were up to me, I'd play them on every radio show I do.  But on Self Help Radio, they have to have a song that fits the theme, & sometimes they don't.

However, this week's show - which is about the past - finds three obvious Fall songs that I could play.  They are:


"Futures & Pasts"


"A Past Gone Mad"


"The Past # 2"

I have to play one of them.  Which one should I play, though?

Do you have a favorite?

Here's Something I Like

The web comic Jake Likes Onions.  Here's the most recent one:

Enjoy it at the comic's website & follow it on Tumblr & shit!  It's awesome.