Saturday, November 24, 2012

Preface To... Wait A Minute! Did I Make A Scheduling Error?

Oh no!

Every year for a long time - since 2004, when the show was barely two years old - I've been celebrating my beloved's birthday with songs about birthdays.  Her birthday is on December 1st, but for some reason this year I scheduled her birthday show on December 3rd.

(My show will obviously not fall on her birthday, since it'll be a Saturday.)

Here's the problem: like with holidays, if you can't celebrate them on the day, it's much much better to celebrate them before than after.  Who the hell wants to open up Christmas presents on December 28th?

I made a ridiculous mistake by scheduling my sweetheart's birthday show two days after her birthday.  So I will do a birthday show for her this Monday.

The list of upcoming shows has been officially swapped out on the official website, which I suppose makes it official.

The worry show will happen next week, don't worry!

Friday, November 23, 2012

But This Is What I Have To Say About Airports

I am a little depressed that I've reached an age where I go to airports instead of bus stations.  From the age of 18 until 25, when (at the time) you could legally rent a car, I rode buses back & forth all across Texas.  Mostly these bus rides were uninteresting, but I did have some minor adventures.  I met a sad divorcee running from her husband on a bus ride from Laredo to Austin, who might have wanted to kiss me if I had shown any interest.  I watched a crazy person get kicked off a bus somewhere near Temple - after the bus driver took pity on the person, who was hitchhiking, & let him get on the bus for free.  (The bus driver didn't know he was also welcoming this oaf's bottle of cheap hooch.)   Outside the big bus terminal in Dallas, I was either mistaken for a narc - or almost set up for an arrest - by a fellow who dropped a bag of pot in front of me as I passed.  Needless to say, I did not pick up the bag on the ground.  I started to say something like, "Hey! You dropped something!" but quickly realized the situation was hinky & walked on.

Airports used to be fun.  It was fun to meet a loved one at the gate.  I knew some people who'd go to airports after hours to shoot dumb drunk movies.   Airports lost their shit over ten years ago but I remember going to the bar to sit & wait for someone.  Now it's all baggage claim.  Everyone gathered at baggage claim.  Often at the bottom of an escalator.  It's stupid & unromantic.

More than that, I just don't like airports.  I am more comfortable with vending machines than I am with franchise restaurants.  I like that you can survey an entire bus terminal (well, at least in the South) with a glance; an airport occupies huge acreage.  & let's face it - you feel safer in a bus terminal.  Except for that one movie - jeez, was Denzel Washington in it? what is the name of that film? - no one's really thinking about blowing up buses.  No one.

(I just did a google search.  It's a Don Cheadle film, actually, called "Traitor."  It's not bad.  Sorry for the mix-up.)

Planes are somewhat more convenient than buses, it's true.  A trip from Lexington to Dallas takes 19 hours (!) & costs nearly two hundred bucks.  The same trip costs twice as much - & has an annoying connection in some random city, often in the opposite direction where you're heading - but takes six or seven hours.  That wins!

Even if it means spending downtime in airports.  Which are some of the saddest, loneliest places on the planet.

Thursday, November 22, 2012


I don't believe in anything supernatural to whom I could "give thanks" but I can say a brief "thank you" to anyone who has taken the time to sit & listen to my ridiculous little radio show.  I very much appreciate it, & wish I could somehow make it better, since you probably deserve better.

So thank YOU today.  I'm a little worried that you do listen - but I am glad you do.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Table For You

Yeah, I did a show about tables.  Is there anything else to say about that?

I didn't think so.

You can listen to it now at the the Self Help Radio website.  It's in two parts - like one of those tables you can add a middle part to to make it longer.  Part one is over on this side & part two is over on that side.  There is an invisible table below which says what's in each part.

As always, thanks for listening!

(part one)

"The Table" The Beautiful South _Quench_
"Table" Fuck _Those Are Not My Bongos_
"The Table" Sonny James _Young Love: The Complete Recordings 1952-62_

"You Turned The Tables On Me" Billie Holiday _Solitude_
"Tables Are Turning" Brenda Lee _Little Miss Dynamite_
"Turn The Table" Kleenex/Liliput _Kleenex/LiLiPUT 1978-1983_
"Tables Turning" Modern English _After The Snow_

"Coffee Table Song" Edwyn Collins _Hope & Despair_
"Diplomatic Dining Tables" Gloria Cycles _Campsite Discotheque_
"Card Table" Holly Golightly _Singles Round-Up_
"The Periodic Table" Death By Chocolate _Bric-a-Brac_
"Under The Table With Her" Sparks _Indiscreet_

(part two)

"Crumbs From The Table" Young Disciples _Eccentric Soul: The Young Disciples_
"Crumbs Off The Table" The Glass House _Inside The Glass House_
"Fight At The Table" Chris Bell _I Am The Cosmos_
"Knives On The Table" California Oranges _Souvenirs_
"You Take The Table" Miki & Griff _A Little Bitty Tear: The Pye Anthology_

"One Table Away" Toussaint McCall _Nothing Takes The Place Of You_
"Table For One (Live)" Darren Hayman & The Wave Pictures _Madrid_
"On The Table" A.C. Newman _The Slow Wonder_
"That Girl Who Waits On Tables" Ronnie Milsap _The Essential Ronnie Milsap_
"Hands Across The Table" Fats Domino _The Original Rock & Roll Classics_

"Knights Of The Round Table" Monty Python _Monty Python Sings_
"Tables & Chairs" Nits _Work_
"Table Top Joe" Tom Waits _Alice_
"Get To The Table On Time" M. Ward _Transfiguration Of Vincent_

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Whither Tables?

My wife is a notorious cheapskate.  A skinflint.  A tightwad.  A penny pincher.  (She once called herself a spendthrift, thinking it was synonymous with "thrifty," but she's actually the opposite of that.)  Her cheapness is astonishing, & I have a lot of fun teasing her by pretending to want to buy expensive, ridiculous things, which - because she's miserly & that overpowers her sense of humor - tends to make her quite upset.  Just saying things like, "It's only five hundred dollars" causes her to break into spasms of fear & anger.

Unless - of course - it's something that she wants.  Like our house.  It was "worth the price."  I can sometimes agree with her on things like that.  Except.

Except our dining room table.

It cost a lot.  It cost a little too much.  We don't eat off it, except when we have guests.  We have guests maybe every other month.  I put things on it that I can't put on my desk.  I think it annoys my wife.  But what can she do?  We're not otherwise using the table.

I dedicate tomorrow's show, about tables, to my wife's expensive table.  The show is on from 7 to 9 am tomorrow morning, Monday, on 88.1 fm in Lexington, & online at WRFL dot fm.

When I come home, I put the recording of the show on that table.  Sometimes it gets buried under stuff. I'll put it on the Self Help Radio website as soon as possible - otherwise it may get buried!