Self Help Radio 051017: A Show Called Johnny

(Most images made creepy taken from here.)

Look!  It's Saturday!  Normally I post on a Thursday!  What the hell is wrong with me?

Boy do I wish I could blame this on a Johnny.  But I can't.  Got too busy, actually put this on the web page yesterday, forgot to say anything.

Something is said now.  This week's show, which is full of songs about Johnnys both famous & not, is available to be listened to whether your name is Johnny or not at the Self Help Radio website.  There's a username & password, but both are on the main page, so if you can't find them, maybe ask someone named Johnny,  he (or she) might be able to help.  Then you can tell him (or her) about the show, that it's in two parts, & he (or she) can see all the songs about people named Johnny that were played this week, which are listed below.

Enjoy your weekend!  I'm going to find a new friend who I hope has the name Johnny.

(part one)

"Johnny Angel" Bunnygrunt _Johnny Angel_
"Poor Old Johnny" Twinkle _Golden Lights_
"Ask Johnny Dee" The Chesterfields _CD86: 48 Tracks From The Birth Of Indie Pop_

"Johnny B Goode" Chuck Berry _The Chess Box_
"English Civil War" The Clash _Give 'Em Enough Rope_
"Johnny Carson" Space Ghost _Yeah, Whatever..._
"The Johnny Carcinogenic Show" Billy Bragg _Mr. Love & Justice_
"Johnny Mathis' Feet" American Music Club _Mercury_

"The Rebel Johnny Yuma" Johnny Cash _The Essential Johnny Cash_
"A Front Row Seat To Hear Ole Johnny Sing" Shel Silverstein _Freakin' At The Freakers Ball_
"Whiskey Johnny" Michael Gira _Son Of Rogue's Gallery: Pirate Ballads, Sea Songs, & Chanteys_
"The Boy Looked At Johnny" The Libertines _Up The Bracket_
"Johnny, Are You Queer?" Josie Cotton _Just Can't Get Enough: New Wave Hits Of The 80s, Vol. 6_

"Johnny" Suicide _Suicide_
"Johnny Anorak" The Secret History _The World That Never Was_

(part two)

"Little Johnny Jewel" Television _Singles: The Great New York Singles Scene_
"Johnny Miner" The Mekons _So Good It Hurts_
"Johnny Too Bad" The Slicker _The Harder They Come OST_

"Johnny The Moondog Is Dead" Cleaners From Venus _Under Wartime Conditions_
"Johnny Marr" Permafrost _In Harm's Way_
"Johnny Thunders" Vic Godard _The End Of The Surrey People_
"Johnny Thunders Fantasy Space Camp" Shilpa Ray _Last Year's Savage_

"I'll Be Your Jonny On The Spot" Ween _The Mollusk_
"Johnny Delusional" FFS _FFS_
"Keep Away From Johnny" Hunx & His Punx _Too Young To Be In Love_
"Johnny" Stereo Total _Oh Ah_
"A Girl Called Johnny" The Waterboys _The Waterboys_

"Johnny I Hardly Knew You" Easterhouse _Contenders_
"Johnny Was A Good Boy" The Mystery Trend _Love Is The Song We Sing (San Francisco Nuggets 1965-1970)_
"Johnny" Saturday Looks Good To Me _One Kiss Ends It All_

Whither A Show Called Johnny?

(It just seemed appropriate.  Image from here.)

Yesterday I explained why I am calling this "A Show Called Johnny," & today I'll explain why I am doing "A Show Called Johnny."  It's because of Chuck Berry dying.  I wanted to play a Chuck Berry song & say something about his influence.  I picked "Johnny B. Goode" as the song & I built a show around that theme.

You might ask, "Why not just do a show like you do where you play a bunch of people covering Chuck Berry?"  I might answer, "I thought of that."  But I never got farther than the thought.

Tell all your friends named Johnny that there's a show full of songs about Johnnys tonight on Self Help Radio on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at Lexington community radio dot org.  Johnny time is 9-11pm eastern, 8-10 pm central.

You can listen if your name isn't Johnny.  Johnnys won't mind.

Preface To A Show Called Johnny: Famous Johnnys

Do you have a favorite Johnny?  Music lovers will doubtless think of Johnny Cash, but if you're more indie you'll think of Johnny Marr, & if more punk you'll think of Johnny Ramone - or maybe Johnny Thunders.  Old-time jazz fans may mention Johnny Dodd, while the more lounge-y crowd might mention Johnny Mathis.  & those are just a few of the musicians!

There are lots of Johnnys, wow!

The reason this show is called "A Show Called Johnny" & not just "Johnny" as I did with other name shows, like Bill & Emily is because I'm making a reference to a Waterboys song, specifically "A Girl Called Johnny."  There's a video for it!



Man, Karl Wallinger is super scrawny in that video.  My life might have been different is the videos that I am now discovering for songs I loved thirty years ago were as easily available as they are now.  But also, to be fair, when I was a teenager, the internet would have fucked me up.

That's all.

Johnny Realization

The show this week has the theme "A Show Called Johnny."  It will feature songs about people named Johnny, both famous & otherwise.

It made me wonder - do I know anyone named Johnny?

It turns out that I have seven Facebook friends named John, but none that I would ever really call Johnny.  There are also no Johnnys in my family.

But come to think of it - no, I can't think of any of my German relatives - from my mother's side of the family - being named Johan or Johannes.

The Johnnys I remember from my school days were kind of troublemakers.  Maybe Johns stop calling themselves Johnny when they grow up because Johnnys are known to be hoodlums.

Still, hopefully there'll be some Johnnys who appreciate a radio show about them this week!

New Intro Time Again Again Again Again Again!

It's that time again.  Actually, last week was that time again, but I was out of town eight days out of fourteen & couldn't carve out a few hours to work on this.  But!  This week's show will feature a new intro to the show.

Some history: With the exception of 2004 - & I don't know why I didn't do it except maybe I had other things on my mind - there has been a new Self Help Radio intro each year.  In the beginning, it was usually at the start of a show schedule - I'm sure the first few showed up whenever I did them - but by the time the show ended up at WRFL, I would do a new intro at the beginning of the summer semester, or at least at the end of the spring semester - around May 1st was the general time.   Or maybe it happened when KOOP started a bi-yearly schedule change.  I don't know.  It ain't important.

The show of course is now at a community radio station, which doesn't have semester schedules, but I guess I'll stick with changing the intro out every year around May.  Hey!  It's May.  It's time for a new intro!

So if you tune in to the show Wednesday, at 8 pm eastern, you'll hear this:

The Self Help Radio 2017-2018 Intro!

I hope that some time soon it'll be heard in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex.

Perhaps you'd like to hear the intros from shows of self help past?  Okay.

You can listen to the 2002 intro (my first!) here.

You can listen to the 2003 intro here.

You can listen to the 2005 intro here.

You can listen to the 2006 intro here.

You can listen to the 2007 intro here.

You can listen to the 2008 intro here.

You can listen to the 2009 intro here.

You can listen to the 2010 intro here.

You can listen to the 2011 intro here.

You can listen to the 2012 intro here.

You can listen to the 2013 intro here.

You can listen to the 2014 intro here.

You can listen to the 2015 intro here.

You can listen to the 2016 intro here.

& of course you'll get pretty sick of it soon.  I do.  My apologies.

Self Help Radio 050317: Turn It

(I used a couple of images for this, the originals of which are here & here.)

First of all, sorry this is a day late.  I had a lot of things to catch up to after being away for a few days, & needed most of yesterday to catch up.  The show was actually on the website yesterday, but since no one ever really visits the website, no one knew.

Second of all, sorry the show this week was kinda lame.  As I said on the show, the music is fine, & the theme, while a bit dumb, may have lent itself to interesting discussions - I just didn't have the time to do much work on it.

So many apologies!  If there are other things I need to apologize for, don't let me know - just understand that I am sorry.  & when you're sorry in italics, you're really quite sorry.

You can listen to the show (if you still want to after that preamble) at the Self Help Radio website.  You will need a username & a password, but luckily both of those things are on the front page.  The show is in two parts, & what's in each part is below.

Here's hoping your turn it on & turn it up!

(part one)

"Turn It On" Don Covay _The Boys Of Cameo Parkway, Vol. 1_
"Turn It Up" The Reegs _Return Of The Seamonkeys_
"Turn It Down" The Draytones _Up In My Head_

"Turn It On" The Enemy UK _Streets In The Sky_
"Turn It On" Franz Ferdinand _Tonight_
"Turn It Off" Deap Vally _Femejism_
"Turn It Up" Robots In Disguise _Get Rid!_

"Bring The Noise" Public Enemy _It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back_
"Turn It Up A Little" The Nextmen _Amongst The Madness_
"We Turn It On (feat. Doug E Fresh)" Slick Rick _The Art Of Storytelling_
"Give It Up Or Turnit A Loose" James Brown _The Singles, Volume 5: 1967-1969_

"Turn It Around" Hüsker Dü _Warehouse: Songs & Stories_
"Turn It On Me" Antietam _Opus Mixtum_
"Turn It Around" Len Price 3 _Rentacrowd_

(part two)

"Turn It On" The Creatures _Anima Animus_
"Turn It Off" Andrew Rannells & Cast _The Book Of Mormon_

"I Can't Turn It Off" D.P. Costello _Unfaithful Music & Soundtrack Album_
"Turn It My Way" The Halo Benders _The Rebels Not In_
"Turn It On" The Flaming Lips _Transmissions From The Satellite Heart_
"Turn It On" Sleater-Kinney _Dig Me Out_

"Turn It Up" Stars _No One Is Lost_
"Don't Turn It Off" Wolfie _Putting It Together (B-Sides 1997-2000)_
"Turn It Up" Lisa Prank _Adult Teen_
"Turning It On" The Vaselines _Sex With An X_
"Turn It On" The Skeptics _Highs In The Mid Sixties, Vol. 8: The South_

"I Can't Turn It Off" The Pheifer Ashman Kickbush _Games_
"Turn It Up" Wally Richie _Turn It Up_
"When The Music Is On, Turn It Off!" Luise Pop _The Car The Ship The Train_

Whither Turn It?

(There's a record label called "Turn It" & this is their logo.  Their Twitter feed is where I found it.)

As I might have mentioned on this blog, I went away for a few days.  I suppose I could have just taken the week off, reran an old show, or asked someone else to sub the show, because I knew I wouldn't have the time to work on the show that I usually take.  It may not be obvious to you, because the show usually turns out quite pitiful, but I do spend a long time listening to lots of music, editing interviews, making what I ironically call "funnies," stuff like that.  Things I would not be able to do if I were in another city in another state for four days, which I was.

But I'm back now, & the show's tonight, & I thought it should be at the very least listenable (sometimes a high bar for SHR) & I thought it would be fun to feature songs that feature the words "turn it" in some capacity: turn it on, turn it off, turn it up, turn it down, turn it around, turn it any & every way.  There were some very good songs & so the show is a little bit of me yammering & a lot of songs telling you how you can turn it.  I think it'll be fine.  I hope it'll be fine.  Okay now I'm not so sure.  Damn it.

The show is on tonight on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington, & online at LCR online - just make sure you choose "WLXU." It's on from 8-10pm central, 9-11pm eastern.  You can turn it off at anytime, just make sure that you turn it on at least once.

Preface To Turn It: Last Day Of Vacation

Tomorrow I'll try to explain how & why a radio show would have a theme like "turn it" - although I suppose the show has never shied away from dumb themes - so you shouldn't be surprised, nor will you by this week's show.

No, what I wanted to do is just say how incredible it was to see the Magnetic Fields perform their new record 50 Song Memoir live over two nights.  It's a wonderful record but - & how I wish the bands I love could do this regularly - it was lovely & insightful to have a stage with projected images (including fascinating animation) as well as the songwriter himself put the songs into context.  I found myself afterwards daydreaming about albums I wish I could see performed with the musician letting us know his or her thoughts behind the songs.

Of course, not all albums are openly autobiographical - or labelled as such - nor are most records opaque or downright inscrutable.  But still.  It was a superb experience, surely one of the best shows I'll see in my life, & I have my wife to thank for it.  She saw the show in Brooklyn last year as a birthday present from her oldest sister, & loved it so much she bought tickets to see it here, where her mother lives, & brought me along to experience it.  That's true romance.

What's not true romance is that, when we got back to our rental car after the show, we saw this:

No, not the empty bag of brand new Jalapeño Fritos!  The busted-in driver's side window!

We weren't the only people on the block who were victims - we talked to a young couple whose car had also been broken into, although the young lady bemoaned that they had only stolen "a gym bag with some dirty workout clothes & my only other pair of jeans," then remembered, "also my tampons."  All in a night's work!  The young man said it was the eighth time that this has happened to him in two years.

Which makes you wonder, how is that possible?  Well, it may be because of this: we called the police to report the incident & were told they were way too busy to come by but we could call back in four or five hours or file an incident report online.  My wife did this - the car was in her name - on his phone while we stood for about an hour on a street corner where someone felt they could break into people's cars with impunity.  We had to do that because we needed the incident report to give to the rental car company so we wouldn't have to pay for the window.

There wasn't anything of value in the car.  (Leftovers for dinner were in the trunk, which was not opened nor searched.)  But really, that's not the point.  If you know for a fact that the police don't give a shit about investigating or prosecuting car break-ins, & you're inclined to such a career, you're probably going to do so whether there's anything worth stealing - & stealing things, like tampons, which are bound to be worthless anyway.

As well, car break-ins, like other property crimes, are just not prosecuted.  (Well, maybe 

in some places, but that's a rare exception.) In the Reddit thread linked above, one person mentions they don't even report it - which doubtless makes breaking into vehicles - especially when you can find guns - & targeting tourists (like me) enough they want to make a law to warn tourists of the likelihood - well, it makes the crime a win-win.  You might find something, you might not - but you're most probably not ever going to get in trouble for it.  It's a big problem.

I've visited the Bay Area over a dozen times in this century & never had this happen before.  The good thing is, though it was an unhappiness, we weren't hurt, & it didn't change how I felt about the show.  If the Magnetic Fields come anywhere near you with this two-night show, do try to see them.  Although maybe look into whether the city is having a smash & grab epidemic beforehand?

Still On Vacation!

Didn't think that people who live in one city in one state who do radio shows in a different city in a different state get to take vacations, do you?  Very often that is not the case.  But!  A thoughtful wife thought I'd think that the Magnetic Fields would be a show I'd think marvelous, & if last night is any indication, I think I'll have thought both nights unthinkably great.  It would thoughtless for me to think otherwise!

But yes, there'll be another unthinking Self Help Radio this week.

On Vacation!

I'm seeing the Magnetic Fields tonight.  But I'll be back in time to do the show this week.  (Like you care.)

Self Help Radio 042617: Indiepop A To Z # 53

(Most, if not all, of these images came from Discogs.)

This week's show continued a series that threatens to turn into an obsession - indeed, it could be its own radio show!  If it were, this episode, the fifty-third, would be the first episode after an entire year of shows.  Imagine that.  No, don't.  I shouldn't be encouraged with this behavior.

In any event: we have made our way through the letter L & have begun the letter M.  M may take a few episodes - I don't really look too far ahead, so I can't be too sure - but I just got through to the band Males.  I am prepared to stay with the letter M for a while.

The show is at the Self Help Radio website now, should you want to listen.  In case you've never done this before, you need a username & password; the username is SHR & the password is selfhelp.  The show is in two parts, & the songs I played, in glorious alphabetical order, are listed below in their respective parts.  & hey!  There are lots more Indiepop A To Z episodes to listen to on the website's Archive Page.  I should probably put them all on the website.  But who has the time?

(part one)

"Little Things" Lunchbox _The Magic Of Sound_
"Small Screen Queen" Lung Leg _Hello Sir_
"De-Luxe" Lush _Mad Love EP_

"She Loves To Feel The Sun" The Luxembourg Signal _The Luxembourg Signal_
"Sheila" Luxuriator _Green Tennis Visor 7"_
"Equal On The Weekends" The Mabels _The Closest People_
"Cubicles" The Mabuses _The Mabuses_
"Rich Together" The MacGuffins _Rich Together_

"Big Jim (There's No Pubs In Heaven)" The MacKenzies _C86_
"The Drunk" Mad About Sunday _The Drunk_
"California" Mad Planets _Music Makes Me Think Of You_
"Paper Plane" The Mad Scene _A Trip Thru Monsterland_
"Spanish Bombs" Madame Godard _Galapagos_

"Swim" Madder Rose _Bring It Down_

(part two)

"Heavy Petal" Madison Electric _Heavy Petal_
"Lying Around" Magic Bullets _Magic Bullets_
"Hey Boy" Magic Kids _Memphis_
"It's True" The Magic Shop _Heroes & Villains: 23 Pop Songs 1980-1990_

"Helicopter People" The Magic Whispers _Carousels & Music Boxes_
"Born On A Train" The Magnetic Fields _The Charm Of The Highway Strip_
"Passion" The Magnificent Lkage _Passion_
"Stone In The River" Maher Shalal Hash Baz _You Don't Need Darkness To Do What You Think Is Right_
"The Mystique Of The Locomotive" Mahogany _The Dream Of A Modern Day_

"Autumn Tree" Maikotobranco _Fall Into The Glowing Fade_
"Heartache Avenue" The Maisonettes _Maisonettes For Sale_
"Bub" Majestic _Live It Up!_
"Nothing On TV" Majestic 12 _The Majestic 12 Years 1994-1998_
"Breakthrough" Making Marks _Nobody's Business, Vol. 1: A DIY Pop Compilation_

"Nothing Remains" Male Bonding _Nothing Hurts_
"So High" Males _Run Run Run/MalesMalesMales_

Whither Indiepop A To Z # 53?

(Indiepop can be super cute. Here's a picture of the cutest dog in the world, Winston.)

You know by now what to expect from my thrice-yearly excursions into the world of indiepop, right? Lots of great songs by mostly obscure bands which are labors of love in a genre that barely gets any recognition except from diehard fans like myself.  We'll finish the letter L & begin our long stay in the letter M.  Bands you'll probably hear tonight are the Mabels, the Magnetic Fields, Magic Kids, Majestic, & Lush.  Not in that order, of course - it'll be in alphabetical order.  Because I have a problem.

The show will air tonight from 8-10pm central, 9-11pm eastern on WLXU in Lexington - that's at 93.9 fm - & online at Lexington Community Radio dot org (you have to pick WLXU).  It's all music tonight, friend.  I hope you like.

Preface To Indiepop A To Z # 53: Here's A Picture Of My Cat

Look, you know what to expect - two more hours of indiepop music in alphabetical order.  Here's something more interesting: a picture of my cat Beatrice.

She turns 17 in June but is still pretty agile & clear-headed.  She's had some health issues but is doing pretty well these day.

If I could figure out how to turn her into a radio show, I'd be famous!

I Had Such A Good Idea

For something to write about in the blog today, & I had it on tonight's dog walk - but I've forgotten it.

That's a shame, because I'm sure it was good.  I mean, I can't be certain - so much of what I think about is awful trite, if not downright banal, but this idea - I think it might've been a list, like, something in list form, which everyone digs - this idea was going to go quite well.  In fact, it might have been one of the best things I've written on this blog.

The list idea -

1) It would've gone something like this.
2) But it wouldn't have been too unwieldy; the lines would have been pithy, they wouldn't have gone on for so long that one of the items in the list was way longer than the rest.
3) It would've flowed.
4) & it would've been quite clever.

What happened to make me forget was probably a stupid discussion the wife & I have on dog walks.  Usually this involves mostly uninteresting observations which - if we didn't know each other better - might be mistaken for small talk.

& man am I easily distracted.  Anyone who's ever had a conversation with me knows this.  I will be talking about something & then an aside will loom & I'll go for it, I'll digress, I'm famous for digressing.  This one time, when I was in the middle of an important speech, I digressed so hard that I never made it back to the speech.  I spend a lot of time these days, actually, trying to recover from digression.  What was I talking about?

Who knows.  Oh wait, I can read back what a I wrote.  Hold on a second.  Okay.  I'm all caught up.

Well, you might have had a very interesting read on the Self Help Radio blog today.  I'm sorry you didn't.  But you could have, if I could've remembered the awesome idea - I've upgraded it from good to awesome because you'll never know if it was - that I had for something to write in the blog today.

There's always tomorrow!

Self Help Radio 041917: Umbrellas

(Original image here.)

Here's this past week's Self Help Radio, a show about umbrellas, which originally aired April 19, 2017.

You may note that I usually post these shows the day after they've aired.  It is now April 23, about four days after the show aired.  What up with that?

When the show aired, I was not in the usual place.  I was not even in the unusual place.  I was in the unexpected place: a vegan restaurant in New Orleans.  Ha!  No one saw that  coming!  (The restaurant was great, it's called Seed & for those of us who don't eat animals - especially not bugs or whatever crawfish are {they're probably bugs} - it was a good place to start a vacation.)  I checked on my phone to hear if the show were on, it was, & maybe you got a chance to hear it.

If you didn't, here it is!  Not too late after the fact, I hope.  I would say, "Let Self Help Radio be your umbrellas," but you'd be soaking wet in seconds.  Instead, you should listen to it somewhere warm & dry.  It doesn't matter - you'd just lose it anyway.

The show: at Self Help Radio dot net!  In two parts!  Password protected!  But the passwords are on the site!  The playlist is below!  Thank you for listening!

(part one)

"The Umbrella Man" Flanagan & Allen _Underneath The Arches: 24 Favorite Songs_
"A Fella With An Umbrella" Frank Sinatra _The Columbia Years (1943-1952)_
"Let A Smile Be Your Umbrella (vocals, Claire Hogan)" Jimmy Dorsey & His Original Dorseyland Jazz Band _Dorseyland Dance Parade_

"If I Had A Golden Umbrella" Alma Cogan _He Just Couldn't Resist Her: The Very Best Of Alma Cogan_
"The Lady With The Big Umbrella" Dean Martin _Memories Are Made Of This_
"The Girl In The Shade Of The Striped Umbrella" The Four Preps _Capitol Collector's Series_
"Guy With The Red Umbrella" Jim Gaffigan _Doing My Time_
"Umbrellas" Free Design _Kites Are Fun_
"Bus Stop" The Hollies _The Hollies' Greatest Hits_

"Under My Umbrella" Harry's Group _Fading Yellow, Vol. 13 (Lazy Days - US '60s Popsike & Other Delights)_
"Umbrella Man" The Searchers _Collected_
"Under Your Own Umbrella" Fox _Blue Hotel_
"Blue Umbrella" John Prine _Sweet Revenge_

"The Umbrella Song" Philomena Begley _Red Is The Rose_
"Umbrella" Nits _Tent_

(part two)

"Umbrella" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Downside Up_
"1000 Umbrellas" XTC _Skylarking_

"Umbrella" The Lucksmiths _Boondoggle_
"The Umbrella Song" The Shermans _Happiness Is Toy Shaped_
"All The Umbrellas In London" The Magnetic Fields _Get Lost_
"Umbrella" Dntel _Life Is Full Of Possibilities_

"Parasol" Niza _Modapop_
"Umbrella Day" The Haircuts _It's Always Better When We're Together_
"Parasols" Plastic Operator _Different Places_
"Umbrellas" Islands _Taste_

"Jumbie Umbrella" Mad Professor _Science & The Witch Doctor (Dub Me Crazy Part 9)_
"Penguin's Umbrella" The Sensational Guitars Of Dan & Dale _Batman & Robin_
"Umbrella" The Smoke _The Smoke

Whither Umbrellas?

(Image from here.)

Every week right before my show, I take a moment to reflect upon why this week's show is about whatever theme.  Sometimes it's hard to say - ideas for shows come at the weirdest times from the weirdest places in the weirdest ways.  But not this week!  I know exactly why this week's show is about umbrellas.  Because Jenny Adkins requested it!  In fact, she had such confidence in the subject that she entitled the email she sent me, "Brilliant theme idea alert!"

You didn't hear that from me.  But you will hear a show about umbrellas tonight from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central, on WLXU 93.9 fm in Lexington & online at Lexington Community Radio online (make sure you pick WLXU)!  You be the judge of Jenny's theme-picking skills, & not, as usual, of my radio-making skills.

Oh, & by the way - I won't be able to put the show up on the website till Sunday.  So if you need a show about umbrellas to keep you warm - please listen tonight!

Preface To Umbrellas: A Short History Of Gary's Umbrellas

The ephemera in our lives - the clothes, the shoes, the things we have - there's something weird about how ultimately little they mean to us.  Because except for extraordinary items - expensive things, perhaps, or things we really, really wanted - we forget all about them.

Or maybe it's just me.

Because I was searching my memory to see if there were some umbrellas I've owned of which I was fond.  & frankly I can only remember the umbrella that my wife had which we used to keep in the car.  I don't know where it's gone now.

But there had to be other umbrellas in my life!  It does rain in Texas from time-to-time!  Bought or stolen, borrowed or found, umbrellas have definitely been in my possession or somewhat nearby when needed for most of my life.  For example, I've never bought an umbrellas in a store after I've been caught in the rain.  That's kind of a cliché, right?  The umbrellas are more expensive then?  But I can't remember doing that.

Ever heard of a memory palace?  I don't have the patience to do something like that but I have been, for the last few minutes, thinking about places I've lived, & wondered where the umbrella I must've owned was.  Mostly I think I've had those small, cheap, black umbrellas that are small & easy to carry (& lose).  Where are they in my bedroom when I was in the 11th grade, in 1985?  In the duplex I lived in in 1995?  In the house in Austin in 2005?  In the rental in Lexington in 2009?  In this house in which I now live in Fort Worth?  I have no idea.

Maybe you have a better umbrella story.  I hope so.  I'm doing a show about the damn things tomorrow!

This Was In Our Neighbor's Yard This Weekend

(Eek!)

That's a Great Plains Rat Snake.  This weekend we were in Dallas seeing Morrissey (this was the third time we'd bought tickets to see the Great Man; he had cancelled two previous shows) (here's a web site that lists all his cancelled shows up to 2014) & the neighbors called us to tell us they had seen a copperhead in their yard.  They took pictures & even video.  They were warning us to keep our pups indoors.

The neighbor came over tonight to tell me that he went to the zoo & talked to a herpetologist, who identified the picture right away as not a copperhead but a great plains rat snake.  I am confused as to whether I should capitalize breeds of snake.  According to this website, "[A]nimal names are not capitalized ('I spotted a red-tailed hawk,' not 'I spotted a Red-Tailed Hawk'), except when an element of the name is a proper noun, as in 'Steller's jay' & 'Siberian tiger.'"  So, Great Plains rat snake?  & copperhead?

We live very close to a lake, so I suppose I knew I'd be seeing snakes from time-to-time.  I'd totally freak out if I saw that baby up there, who's not venomous, but who will bite.  I also found myself admiring the snake specialist; I'd love to be able to know a snake type on sight!

The herpetologist believes the snake made its way back to the lake or in the ground.  In any event, it's not a threat to the pooches, & is only a threat to me inasmuch as I would ruin a perfectly good pair of pants if I saw it.

Now With Captions!

Hilarity may ensue.

You may perhaps know that Self Help Radio has a Tumblr page.  I am not entirely sure what Tumblr is or how it's any different from other things like Instagram & Blogger, but I jumped on the bandwagon at some point &, having nothing really to say about the show, I just started posting pictures I took on it.

You see, I like to take pictures.  I am completely aware that I have no natural skill at it, & also that the camera I use is not that great, but it amuses me, plus as I collect pictures, I am able to use them, if I happen to look back at them, to see what I might have been doing or where I happened to be at the time.  It's a help to a fading memory.  Initially I just randomly posted them, including pictures of my dogs & cats as well, since I take as many pictures of them as most parents take of their children.

Something hit me a few weeks back.  I thought, "Why don't I caption them?"  & then I thought, "That's boring."  Then I asked myself, "Why don't you caption them in an amusing way?"  I thought back to myself, "But I'm not very amusing."  Then I thought, "Oh well, what'll it hurt?"

So now I randomly post them, but I add captions.  Innovation!

For example, the caption to the picture above reads, this picture would have been much better if dallas would just stand fucking still.  Is that funny?  I thought so.  Maybe you'd find my pictures interesting & my captions funny.  If so:

Self Help Radio on Tumblr.  It has nothing to do with the show, which might recommend it to you after all.

Self Help Radio 041217: Blondes

(Original, not-as-disturbing image here.)

It's turns out that radio shows about blondes do have more fun!  Well, at least I had some fun.  Stereotypes were reaffirmed & simultaneously dismantled, attitudes were ultimately unaffected, peroxide bottles were left scattered in the hall.  & the other radio shows!  They started treating Self Help Radio differently, assuming the poor thing was a little dumb, but also kinda hitting the show, too.  Very disturbing.  & confusing!  Who knew radio show had libidos?

(Note to self: a radio show about libidos might be fun.)

In any event, Self Help Radio is glad its hair is going grey.  Going grey?!?  You're not even fifteen years old!  Silly thing.

The show, in all its golden glory, is now available at the Self Help Radio website.  The songs played on the show are below.  Now say it with me, "You don't have to be blonde to like this show, but it helps!"  Great!  Let's crochet that onto a knitted pillow.

(part one)

"The Blue Eyed Blonde Next Door" George Formby _The Ukelele Man_
"Peroxide Blond" Hank Penny _Crazy Rhythm: The Standard Transcriptions_
"Blonde Hair, Blue Eyes" Ray Smith _Rockin' Little Angel: The Sun Years, Plus_
"Long Blond Hair, Red Rose Lips" Johnny Powers _Rockin' Bones: 1950s Punk & Rockabilly_

"He's My Blonde-Headed, Stompie Wompie, Real Gone Surfer Guy" Little Pattie & The Statesmen _Hey, Beach Girls! Female Surf 'n' Drag 1961-1966_
"They Prefer Blondes" The Banshees _Back From The Grave, Volume One_
"The Girl With The Sandy Blonde Hair" Perpetuated Spirits Of Turpentine _Aliens Psychos & Wild Things Volume Fore_
"Dumb Blonde" Dolly Parton _Dolly_
"Platinum Blonde" Blondie _The Platinum Collection_

"Blonde Fever" The Diodes _Tired Of Waking Up Tired_
"I've Had It With Blondes" Cud _Elvis Belt_
"'Cause I'm A Blonde" Julie Brown _Earth Girls Are Easy OST_
"You're Not Blonde & Stupid, But Nobody's Perfect" The Bedflowers _Songs: Summer 1990_

"Blonde" The Wedding Present _Seamonsters_
"Dirty Blonde (Demo)" Summer Fiction _Himalaya_

(part two)

"Blonde Angel" Jacobites _God Save Us Poor Sinners_
"Episode Of Blonde" Elvis Costello _When I Was Cruel_

"Long Blonde" The Long Blondes _Singles_
"Leggy Blonde (feat. Rhys Darby)" Flight Of The Conchords _Flight Of The Conchords_
"Born Blonde" Hunx & His Punx _Street Punk_
"Blond Adonis" Future Bible Heroes _Memories Of Love_

"Just Because I'm Blonde" Dollyrots _Whiplash Splash_
"Big Blonde" Aidan Moffat & The Best-Ofs _How To Get To Heaven From Scotland_
"Down & Dusky Blonde" God Help The Girl _God Help The Girl (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)_
"Born Blonde" Wild Moccasins _Skin Collision Past_

"Sometimes A Blonde" Robyn Hitchcock _Spooked_
"My P'roxide Blond" Toby Stroud _MGM Hillbilly, Vol. 1_