Self Help Radio 112318: Paper

(Original image here.)

Before you ask: yes, this show about paper is paperless.  Not one tree was harmed in the making of this show unless you count the trees used for the tray cards & record covers of the songs contained herein.  There's probably other incidental uses of paper for the show, but the intention of the show was paperless.  It's a paper show of paperless intentions.

& there's so much paper!  A celebration of paper!  A radio show that's like champagne confetti when it comes to paper!  & again, no paper was wasted - the show features things like paper airplanes & paper dolls & paper hats but there was no real paper in any of it.  Can songs be made out of paper?  Or can you just find them paper-thin?

You don't have to write any of this down.  Just click around the screen where I tell you.  The show is over at the Self Help Radio website.  <--- a="" amp="" any="" as="" below.="" but="" can="" computer="" down="" ell="" find="" hat="" i="" if="" incidental="" inus="" is.="" is="" it="" link="" must="" n="" nbsp="" on="" one="" ot="" other="" ou="" p="" paper="" password="" place="" punctuation.="" s="" selfhelp.="" show="" shr="" site="" that="" the="" to="" username="" ve="" well="" where="" write="" written="" you="">
Self Help Radio Paper Show

"Paper" Talking Heads _Fear Of Music_
"Paper" The Nits _Malpensa_
"Papers" Ty Segall _Ty Segall_

introductions & history

"Papier, Papier" Joe Raphael _Mir Scheint, Du Hast Geweint_
"Paper Boy" The Marvelettes _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 6: 1966_
"Put It On Paper" Mike Birbiglia _My Secret Public Journal Live_
"Like Paper" Big Red Bus _Big Red Bus_
"Paper Song" Lou Christie _Glory River: The Buddah Years 1968-1972_

interview with Dudley Warrington, paper specialist

"Paper Wraps Rock" Momus _Circus Maximus_
"Fish & Chip Paper" Elvis Costello _Trust_
"Toilet Paper" John Pinette _Making Lite Of Myself_
"Paper Tigers" The Chameleons _Script Of The Bridge_
"King Of Piss & Paper" Wolf Parade _Cry Cry Cry_

interview with Madge Tollhurst, pop culture blogger

"Paper Thin Hotel" Close Lobsters _Nature Thing_
"Paper Thin" Betty & The Werewolves _Tea Time Favourites_
"Newspaper Death Notices" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Pen To Paper" Giant Sand _Heartbreak Pass_
"Plenty Of Paper" Eisley _Room Noises_

Ned Dry shows you how to make the perfect paper airplane

"Paper Plane" The Mad Scene _A Trip Thru Monsterland_
"Paper Planes" The Lucksmiths _Happy Secret_
"Paper Airplanes" The Glasses _Birdsongs, Beesongs: Eardrums Spring Compilation 2009_
"Paper Aeroplanes" Pocketbooks _Flight Paths_
"Paper Aeroplane" Angus & Julia Stone _Memories Of An Old Friend_

all kindsa paper idioms

"Paper Bag" The Cannanes _A Love Affair With Nature_
"Paper Hat" Ed's Redeeming Qualities _Big Grapefruit Cleanup Job_
"Paper Doll" Lisa Germano _Lullaby For Liquid Pig_
"Paper Cuts" The Boy Least Likely To _The Best Party Ever_
"Across The Paper" Math & Physics Club _In This Together_

conclusion & goodbye

"Paperhouse" Can _Tago Mago_

Whither Paper?

(Image from here.)

According to Dictionary dot com, "paper" can mean anything from writing paper to newspaper to money to an article or essay to documents establishing your citizenship to money to rolling papers to wallpaper to - well, anything that is made from paper or looks like paper.

& how long have humans been using paper?  If you count papyrus (& why wouldn't you - it's where we get the word, after all!), then it goes all the way back to the Bronze Age - an estimate might mean since 3100 BCE.  That's like five frickin' thousand years ago!

Isn't it about time it got its own radio show?  I thought so too.  It'll happen finally tomorrow at noon at the Self Help Radio website.  See you there.

Meanwhile, hey!  Happy Thanksgiving!

Preface To Paper: Paperless

This is being written on a computer.  My fingers are tapping a keyboard.  I'm doing it in my head, I wrote nothing down before, I am thinking thoughts & typing them out.  (I expect I'll make mistakes but I can just delete them & start again.)  This is just to say that at no point in this process was paper used - not for rough drafts, not for doodling, not for anything.

Which is both sad & a little weird, because I always had paper around when I was a kid.  I loved to draw & of course in school I took notes on paper.  I didn't have a word processor or a typewriter in college so most of my papers I wrote were by hand.  (I kind of lost my ability to write cursive for that reason: my cursive became about as comprehensible as shorthand, so when I wrote essays & stuff I simply wrote the opposite of cursive, which I just now read is called "printing."  I need to qualify that because "printing" means something different when it comes to word processing.)

One of my favorite times of year when I was in school was the very last day, when people would throw their spiral notebooks into the air in glee & the hallways would be littered with half-empty notebooks & folders & scrap paper of all kinds.  I collected them & I filled them up - with diary entries, lists, drawings, etc.  I still have many of those notebooks, actually - I threw away a lot of them when we moved from Texas, but I saved lots.

& now I remember I used to write lots of letters.  By hand.  On paper.

But for the most part, since around 1995, everything I've written - like on this blog - has been electrons on a computer screen.  I have tried to save my old email - but they're in computer files, not printed out.  It's crazy & strange.

Because by all rights I should have boxes & boxes of decades of writing.  But nope.  About half my life ago, there was a fundamental shift in how humans kept records, wrote mail, even illustrated.  The only paper I have around me now is in a printer.

What do I write anymore?  I think just grocery lists.  But check this: I make a grocery list on scrap paper, then I type it into the computer & print it out.  It's neater.  It's better organized.  & I can actually read it.

Yeah, I guess I miss paper being such a central part of my life.  I do sometimes go to the stationary section of stores & daydream about buying a binder or one of those black & white composition books.  But it would never be filled up.  It would be better bought by someone who would use it.

That's not me, not anymore.

Pledge Drives

Since Self Help Radio, the live version, left the Lexington airwaves in 2016, far fewer people have listened to the show.  Since Self Help Radio, the prerecorded version on the air, left the Lexington airwaves earlier this year, the number of people who listen regularly to the show has dwindled to single digits.  I am not saying this because I care too much - or to whine - as Self Help Radio has been ignored & forgotten before (I did the show in West Virginia for fuck's sake!) - but I note it because it means that not many people find their way to this blog.  Here, for example, despite linking some of these pages on the show's Facebook page & its Twitter page, is the number of folks, according to Blogger, who saw the past five entries:

That means less than thirty people have visited the blog in the past week, & some of the visits might be from folks who come more than once.

Again, this is not an invitation to today's pity party.  I do all those alone, I don't want to share my whiskey.  No, I wanted to throw a question out to people who are involved at college, public, or community radio stations & have to do pledge drives like I have to do a pledge drive at KNON, where I do a show called the Tuesday Morning Blend.  Unlike WRFL, which was funded by student fees, KNON gets most of its operating budget from four pledge drives a year.  & if you've ever listened, you'll know: I am terrible at these.

& a thing I'd love to do is talk to people from different stations - preferably people I've never met - about their experience with pledge drives.  I had to do them at KOOP in the early 2000s, & early on discovered I had no skill with them.  Yes, I sat with other folks at the station & listened to people from successful non-commercial stations & took notes about best practices for raising money on-air - & still I got no better at it.

Before the last pledge drive in August, I read many web pages about raising funds on public & community radio stations.  I tried to tailor my pitches to strategic subjects - & I raised less money during that pledge drive than the two before.

The dilemma is this: since no one reads this blog, because no one listens to Self Help Radio, I doubt I'd get any response from anyone about their experiences with pledge drives.  But I'll go ahead & ask because I had a fucking brutal experience this morning.  I talked what felt like an hour (it wasn't) & I got one call.  One. Fucking. Call.  & maybe no one's listening.  & maybe they don't feel like supporting the show I do because they don't like it.  & maybe only a small fraction of people who listen to noncommercial radio stations actually donate to them.  & feel free to add all the other excuses that I've read & that I try to tell myself to keep my already fragile self-esteem from breaking into pieces.

Because ultimately I don't think it's fair to the station that I get to play on the radio every week & I give so little back.  The listeners don't want to support the show, obviously.  I told the Station Manager last week that if he knew he could get someone to do the Tuesday Morning Blend who could raise more money, I would gladly give the show up to her or him.  That was no lie.  I feel so shitty that I can't raise the two grand that is my required goal every pledge drive.  Most of the time I can't even raise half of that.

Anyway, enough of my out loud self-loathing, I'll just ask: if you're involved in noncommercial radio & somehow you have stumbled onto this obscure blog post for a podcast almost no one listens to, & you have experience with pledge drives you'd like to share, send me an email at gary@selfhelpradio.net & let me know what your thoughts are, how you've done, what you've learned, best practices, worst practices, stuff like that, & whether you'd be willing to chat about it.

Because before I give up or am forced out, I'd love to learn more.  I think it might be something one could get better at.  I just simply don't know how to go about it.  & the process, over time, is so damaging to me that I don't know if I want to do it for very much longer.

Spam Bait

It seems like I've always been fascinated by spam - by the weird emails telling me I've won lotteries in other countries, or someone needs my help to transfer money, or even some woman wants to communicate with me desperately - but I have to say with disappointment that it seems those days are gone.  The only spam I get these days - & yeah, I check my spam folder regularly like a weirdo - are those emails that say, "Please respond to unsubscribe!" in as many different ways as possible.

Yes, you have to confirm your unsubscription requests, that's true, but I have never received such forceful emails in regards to unsubscribing.  Furthermore, do these spammers think that everyone has signed up for so many email lists that they don't remember which ones they're in the process of leaving?  It's like the (now much-missed) spam I used to get that tells me I have a package waiting.  I would have to order things non-stop & willy-nilly to be excited about getting a package that I might have forgotten about ordering.

But these sad emails - I just got one! - they pale in comparison to the - what do you call them? - spam telephone calls I get.

Now, lots of people nowadays don't answer their phones if they don't recognize the number, but I'm not as assiduous as some people about noting people's numbers in my phone.  & I've gotten calls from people at the radio station which I'm glad I've answered.

But the spammers call me from Austin or areas around Austin, because I have the same phone number I had when I was in Austin.  & no one from Austin really calls me.  When I have answered, I got some cruise ship scam, but a couple of times they've thrown a curve ball & called from a city near to Austin but I'm not sure where it exactly it is, & I've answered, the call just drops, as if to say, Ha ha just checking to see if you're answering.

Is it wrong to long for better spam?  To want a call from a human who's trying to rip me off instead of a bland recording?  I remember I used to get emails from China asked me to buy industrial equipment.  That was good spam.  These days, I don't want to encourage them by actually clicking to unsubscribe.

If Jordan Klepper's show was still on, I'd want him to have one of his protestors in the credits to hold a sign that read "Better Spam Now!"  Or I'll make such a sign.  & wield it proudly.

Self Help Radio 111618: Sheep

(So many sheep!  Original image here.)

Sheep smell sheepy.  There were a lot of sheep in the studio this week.  I think it's not sheepist to comment on their sheeply smell.  Some people might get sheepful about it, but I've been with many more sheeping sorts & they're hardly ever offended.

In fact, they were positively ecstatic to have a show dedicated to them.  They had very few demands - keep the mutton references to a minimum, have a pasture nearby to enjoy the show in, going fifty-fifty for all the wool shorn & sold - it was, all in all, a very nice arrangement.

Though it's really hard to get rid of that "visiting sheep" smell.

The show is in the verdant pasture called Self Help Radio dot net.  Username is SHR, password in selfhelp.  It's one big ol' file, two hours long, & what's on the show is below.

Please enjoy.  Enjoy like a baby lamb in the springtime learning how to gambol!

Self Help Radio Sheep Show

"Sheep" The Living End _Sheep_
"Sheep" The Housemartins _London 0 Hull 4_
"Sheep" Zoe Lewis _Folk Playground_

introduction & explanation

"Mary Had A Little Lamb" The Three Peppers _1937-1940_
"Mary's Little Lamb" Otis Redding _The Otis Redding Story_
"Tuned Sheep" Stan Freberg _The Best Of The Stan Freberg Shows_
"Black Sheep" Sam The Sham & The Pharaohs _Pharaohization_
"Black Sheep R.I.P." The Playboys _Black Diamonds: Singles From The Festival Vault 1965-1969_

interview with urban shepherd David Fruchter

"Black Sheep" Ferlin Husky _Chronogical Classics 1958-1960_
"Black Sheep Boy" Scott Walker _Scott 2_
"Black Sheep" SRC _SRC_
"The Black Sheep's Song" Julian Cope _Black Sheep_
"Black Sheep" Mutual Interest _Better Than I Expected_

interview with Dr. Magdalena Muchlinksi

"Swingin' Shepherd Blues" Ella Fitzgerald _Jukebox Ella_
"The Shepherd" Culture _International Herb_
"The Shepherd" MomusMcClymont _Two_
"Flying Sheep" Monty Python _Monty Python's Flying Circus_
"The Lost Sheep" Adrian Munsey, His Sheep, Wind, & Orchestra _The Lost Sheep_

interview with my nephew Allen

"I Wanna Count Sheep (Till The Cows Come Home)" Fletcher Henderson & His Orchestra _1931-1932_
"All The Sheep In The World" Elaine & Derek _All The Sheep In The World_
"A Tiny Sheep" Robbert Bobbert & The Bubble Machine _Robbert Bobbert & The Bubble Machine_
"Live Lambs" Longmont Potioncastle _The Best Of Longmont Potioncastle_
"I Prefer Sheep" Ross Beach _You Make It Look So Easy_
"Sheep May Safely Graze" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _B-Sides & Rarities_

idioms & stuff

"Sheep Go To Heaven" Cake _Prolonging The Magic_
"The Sheep Look Up" Fad Gadget _Under The Flag_
"Sheep" Toy Love _Cuts_
"Fergus! The Sheep!" Rote Kapelle _Big Smell Dinosaur EP_
"Schaf Um Schaf" Bazooka Cain _Here Come The Days Of Bazooka Cain_

conclusion & goodbye

"Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep" AC/DC _Hell's Best_

Whither Sheep?

(Sheep are cute sheep.  Image from here.)

Yesterday, on a dog walk, I was talking to the wife & saying something about sheep.

"Why are you talking about sheep?" she said.

"Oh," I said, "because that's what this week's show is about."

"Your show this week is about sheep?" she repeated to me but in the form of a question.  I nodded, & she added, "That's fun!"

"It is?" I said suspiciously.

"Yes!" she said.  She began to list the things she liked about sheep.  That was a bit unnerving.  I didn't know she was that fond of sheep.  Then she said, "Why did you want to do a show about sheep?"

I thought about it & said, "Hm, I don't know."

& the truth is, I don't know.  I don't know why I started gathering songs about sheep.  There are a lot of them, especially if you include songs about lambs & shepherds.  & ewes & flocks.

Maybe it makes you as excited as my wife is?  She wants to talk about sheep on this show this week. How can I stop her?  Serious replies only.

Tomorrow, noon, at the Self Help Radio website, Self Help Radio explores sheep.

There's no promise of it being any good, but an awful good chance of it being baaaaaaaaaaaaaaahd!

God I hate myself right now.  But I'm not going to bleat myself up about.  I lamb what I lamb.

This is so embarrassing.  I shear am feeling sheepish right now.

Preface To Sheep: I Once Dated A Shepherd

Anyway, that was her last name.

Last names are strange things.  There was a time when most people didn't have last names.  As this website says, "Tracing the origins of surnames can help us gleam more insights into the lives of our ancestors. Early last names were often linked to occupations, geographical features, nicknames, or even a combination of their mother’s & father’s name."

My last name - which is Dickerson - according to this site - is basically the same as "Richardson."  But check this:

"This interesting surname is a patronymic form of Dick, itself a pet form of the given name Richard. Richard originated from a rare Anglo-Saxon name 'Ricehard,' meaning rule-hard. An 8th Century English Kinglet of this name died at Lucca, in Italy, on his way to Rome, & is there still venerated as St. Ricardo, but it was the Old German Ricohard that was spread by two pre-Conquest Dukes among the Normans, & brought by them to England. A Ricard is recorded in the Domesday Book of 1086; but the softer French Richard prevailed, with several short forms, such as Rich, Rick, Dick, Hick, Dickie, Richie, etc.. The surname is first recorded in the mid 14th Century. One, John Dykonesson, is noted in the register of the Freemen of the City of York (1388). In the modern idiom the surname has many variant spellings including Dickenson, Dickinson, Dickeson, Dickison, Dickason, etc."

Just taking a brief moment to emphasize this sentence, which I promise this is a coincidence I did not know this when I started yammering about last names:

"On November 9th 1629, Dorithy Dickerson married William Sheapheard at St. Giles Cripplegate, London."

Boom!  Connection!  It concludes:

"The first recorded spelling of the family name is shown to be that of William Dykounson, which was dated 1366, Subsidy Rolls of Lancashire, during the reign of King Edward 111, 'The Father of the Navy,' 1327 - 1377. Surnames became necessary when governments introduced personal taxation. In England this was known as Poll Tax. Throughout the centuries, surnames in every country have continued to 'develop' often leading to astonishing variants of the original spelling."

If you can tell any disappointment from me in any of this, well, there is.  The German word for "fat" is dick.  German has the -er ending (I suppose English took it from there) to indicate comparative adjectives, so "dicker" can mean "fatter" or "thicker."  The German word for "son" is Sohn, so I kind of assumed that - possibly because I have German relatives on my mother's side, even though my last name is my dad's name - the name had Germanic roots.  Therefore, my last name could be translated as "fat man's son."  Or even better, "fatter dude's kid."

But nope.  At some point some ancestor of mine was named Richard, possibly referred to as "Dick," & I'm descended from one of his kids.

Not coincidentally, my father, whose first name was Everett, was called Dick by everyone, including my mother.  So in a very real way, I am the son of Dick.

This has nothing to do with sheep.  Except that weird bit where a Dickerson married a Sheapheard.  It was just a rabbit hole I found myself in just now.

Holy Spit! I'm About To Reach 3000 Posts!

It's kind of a milestone, yeah? Or is it a millstone?

Today I had another pledge drive show for the Tuesday Morning Blend, which was only successful because a friend made a big pledge. That was amazing. Even my wife pledged, although not much, & she later apologized for being so cheap. She was raised by a man who was wealthy because he never spent any money if he didn't have to. My wife is one of those people who will buy something for $9.99 but not for $10.00 - one is a bargain, the other is overpriced.

Still, I tried to be positive about the show & I'm not letting my self-esteem get damaged by something over which I have not very much control. I still maintain people should naturally support the things they want to, they shouldn't need to be guilted into it, or lured by gifts. But that's not the way the world works, & I'm probably never going to be good at selling anything, even something I value as much as community radio. Hell, my wife knows that I believe in community radio more than most anything & have given more of my heart & soul & time to it in four different cities & at more than six different stations, & even she was like, eh, it's not worth that much.

Speaking of the wife, she visits with her surgeon tomorrow to find out how much longer she needs to wear her hard collar (she had spinal surgery in the neck region) & what her allowed range of motion will be.  That will hopefully be a good thing. It may also take some pressure off me - she might not have been the perfect patient, but I've not been the perfect caregiver.

Tonight I'm going to drink whiskey & catch up on my comic book shows. The wife is already asleep, hooray for muscle relaxants! & I'll try & think if there's something (anything) I should do to celebrate taking the time to write three thousand of these blog posts. Probably not. Mostly they were worthless. At best they conveyed a little information. At worst - which was most of the time - I had nothing to say. & still I said it. Over & over.

The Week After A Certain Theme

Is when I tend to find funny stuff about that theme.  Like this image:

It was apparently shared on Facebook four years ago.  Interestingly, I found it on the cover of a book on Amazon that came out in 2017. So I don't know where it originated. I probably just found it on a Tumblr blog many moons ago.

How nice would it have been if I had found it this time last week though?

Self Help Radio 111018: Moments

(Original image - entitled "Those Fleeting Moments" - from here.)

Finally! At long last! Much-anticipated! Much-missed! Much-what? You didn't notice the show hadn't happened yesterday? Oh. Well, it's happening today. In case you cared. You don't? That's obvious. I'm just going to go ahead &... Ah, you're gone.

Here is the show that should have dropped (as the kids say) yesterday at noon but I hadn't even picked it up by then (as the kids don't say). Isn't it ironic that a show about moments missed its moment & that there were moments when I didn't even know I'd get it done? You'd think it might be a momentous undertaking, & maybe it felt that way, but only momentarily. As it is, it's more of the same old thing. Just a bunch of moments collected in a radio show type frame.

The show is now available for you to pay attention to you for a moment or two at Self Help Radio dot net.  Pay attention to password/username information.  The songs I play & the weirdoes I talk to are noted below.

Celebrate the moments of your life, or something.

Self Help Radio Moments Show

"The Moment" Indurain _What You Get For Being Naive_
"Another Moment Follows" Cloudberry Jam _Providing The Atmosphere_
"Moments Are Moments" The Saint Valentine State _Between Two Waves: The Second Wave_

introductions/definitions

"This Moment" Lewis Black _Anticipation_
"Love The Moment" The Bartlebees _From Path Of Pain To Jewels Of Glory_
"The Moment" Boyracer _Happenstance_
"The Unguarded Moment" The Church _Of Skins & Heart_
"A Thrill A Moment" Kim Weston _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 5: 1965_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Moments In Love" The Art Of Noise _Moments In Love_
"Assertive Moments" Ronderlin _The Great Investigation_
"Moment Of Silence" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"In A Moment Of Madness" The Flower Pot Men _Let's Go To San Francisco_
"Left Of The Moment" The Blood Group _Everything Forgotten Gathers At The Ceiling_

interview with Jeffrey & Beyond

"At Any Moment" Wax Idols _American Tragic_
"After The Moment" Craft Spells _Idle Labor_
"Most Metal Moment" Adam Newman _Not For Horses_
"Magic Moments" Table Table _Messthetics # 104 (D.I.Y. '77-81 South Wales I)_
"Momentz (feat. De La Soul)" Gorillaz _Humanz_

idioms!

"A Few Precious Moments" George Jackson _Leavin' Your Homework Undone: In The Studio With George Jackson 1968-1971_
"My Whole World Ended (The Moment You Left Me)" The Spinners _2nd Time Around_
"Stolen Moments" Mary Jane Hooper & Richie Matta _Eddie Bo's Funky Funky New Orleans_
"A Fearful Moment" Mekons & Robbie Fulks _Jura_
"It Only Takes A Moment" Jeffrey Lewis & Los Bolts _Manhattan_

conclusion & goodbye

"Hybrid Moments" PINS _Too Little Too Late_
"It Takes A Moment" Deep Sea Diver _Secrets_
"Live In The Moment" Teenage Fanclub _Here_
"Fleeting Moments" Pocketbooks _Rough Trade Shops: Indiepop 09_
"The Moment's Gone" The Arrogants _Nobody's Cool

Whither Moments?

(Image from here.)

Some thoughts about this week's (late) episode of Self Help Radio:

1) My apologies, I can't believe I needed an extra day to put it together.
2) Really, I hope I get it done tomorrow!
3) Maybe its moment has passed.
4) It's going to be one of those shows where there are just so many songs that fit the theme that I couldn't play all of them in such a short time & you're gonna be like why didn't he play that song it would've been perfect.
5) It's really why I tend to prefer more restrictive themes.
6) But someone asked me to do this theme.
7) At least it seemed like they were asking me.
8) & I didn't ask their permission to mention their name.
9) So now I'm talking about them like they're plural.
10) Which in a different context but not at this moment might be insulting.
11) So this obviously shabby show will be for them.
12) Tomorrow - Saturday - at noon.
13) At Self Help Radio dot net.
14) For many moments to come.

Give Me A Moment!

Argh, this week has utterly crushed me.

As I've explained/complained about before, the combination of working on the show for the KNON Pledge Drive + the obsession with the election + spending the day with my wife & her doctors has given me, well, today to work on this week's Self Help Radio.  A show, by the way, about moments.

There's no way, not even working twenty-four straight hours, that I could have the show done by noon tomorrow.  Maybe if I could do it live, but I don't do that that way these days, & even then, gosh would it be shabby as fuck.

Not that it won't be shabby as fuck anyway, but I can guarantee a slightly less shabby show if I take a moment to work on it rather than rushing to get it done.

Here's hoping you understand.  This week's Self Help Radio will happen Saturday at noon instead of Friday at noon.  You might say it was waiting to pick its moment.  But really, I was overwhelmed when I'm normally just plain whelmed.  I thank you for your understanding.

Preface To Moments: It Should've Been More Of A Moment

But I'm glad it's over.

The wife took muscle relaxants (she's recovering from surgery) & passed out on the sofa.  I drank beer with whiskey chasers & paced nervously about the room.  I texted with a couple of people but mainly just freaked out a little before ultimately deciding I was happy with the House change & stumbling into bed.

It wasn't a great week - my first Fall Pledge Drive show was a bust - although I did have nice people in the studio with me, that was good.  But not much money was raised.  I made a coffee cake for my helpers, & stuck around while KNON staff wandered in, & they ate some too.  In this way I distract from my appalling on-air performance.

& now, oh shit!  I have a Self Help Radio to put together!  Let's see how that turns out.  These moments of my life, are they just weird, separate parts or do they make some kind of whole?  I wonder.

Another Stressful Night

Like you, I know a bunch of people who don't vote.  They'll often quote George Carlin.  Or Morrissey, who sings this in "World Peace Is None Of Your Business": "Each time you vote you support the process."  I understand that way of thinking.  & yet...

It baffles me, ultimately.  The system is corrupt, & the "winner-take-all" attitude is maddening.  If I were a politician - & this is why I'm not - I would attempt to find out what my constituents wanted, & vote that way.  You may think this naïve, or dishonest, but when I've worked at stations to craft policy, my proposals were often voted down, & I labored ahead anyway.  But that's not how politics works in this country, & even if it were more like that at some point, it's gotten worse.

When I was twenty, I was able to vote for President for the first time.  I guess that means I've voted in eight presidential elections.  (For the record, my candidate has won just three of those times.  I didn't vote for Clinton in 1996, but I didn't vote for anyone for President that year.)  (Well, I should say, my candidate won five of those times - but the popular vote, not the electoral college.)

This morning, on the Tuesday Morning Blend, I begged for money for the station, but I also begged for people to vote.  Here's the thing: if you find it difficult to vote, then vote for people who will make it easier.  As long as one party believes that, even if they win by one vote, they can enact whatever agenda they want, there's going to be troubles voting.  Because that one party doesn't want people who don't agree with them to vote.

It wasn't a good show & there was way too much ineffectual begging for money, but you can listen to it here if you're at all bored.  I will be drinking whiskey & hoping against hope that America surprises me tonight.  I have lived too long to think the good guys will finally win.

Or at least who I think the good guys are.  The people passionately defending candidates I find reprehensible find me passionately defending my candidates reprehensible.  One of my wife's students became more politically aware this year & discovered to his shock & horror that his mother was conservative.  So it goes.

Sigh.

Does Nothing Stop?

Yikes!  The KNON Pledge Drive is happening as we speak!  As well, tomorrow is Election Day!  So I'll have to beg for money on the air while I am begging for folks to vote!

In honor of the day, the Tuesday Morning Blend will be a bit Self Help Radio-like & the entire show will be about elections & voting.  I hope you can listen.  Where can you listen?  When can you listen?

At 89.3 fm in Dallas & Fort Worth.  Online everywhere at knon.org.

But I'd rather you voted.  Especially if the last two years have scared the shit out of you.

Self Help Radio 110218: Well I Never

(Original image over here.)

What is it, I wonder, that I never do?  Is it that I never lie?  Or I never loved you?  That I never worry, or that I never knew?  Could it be that I never want anything, or have I never wanted anything more? With a word like "never" in play, it's a wonder this show isn't filled with Cure songs!

It is what it is.  It's the nature of a show like this that the exploration of a theme may seem, at the outset, to lend itself to greater interest & insight.  & sometimes not.  Which was this show?  I know how I feel, tell me how you feel after you're listened, won't you?

The show is now at the Self Help Radio website.  You'll need a username & password to listen, as you probably know by now.  Well, I never told you this directly: the username is SHR & the password is selfhelp.  The songs I played & the silliness in-between are both listed below.

I never get tired of doing these ridiculous shows, you know.  I think I may have a problem.

Self Help Radio Well I Never Show

"I Never Happened" Comet Gain _I Never Happened 7"_
"I Never Wanted Any Of This" Best Wishes _Bella Vista + Best Wishes 7"_
"I Never Loved Anyone" Voyagers _Teen Town U.S.A., Vol. 6_

introduction & complications

"I Never Would" Seapony _Go With Me_
"I Never Tell Me Twice" Kangaroo _Kangaroo_
"I Never Knew" Roy Orbison _The Sun Years_
"I Never See Maggie Alone" Hot Lips Page _1946-1950_
"I Never Want To See You Again" Quasi _Featuring "Birds"_

interview with FBI Special Agent Charles McGruff

"I Never Found Out" Adam Green & Binki Shapiro _Adam Green & Binki Shapiro_
"I Never Get Much Sleep On Weekdays" Mikrofisch _Masters Of The Universe_
"I Never Will Marry" The Smothers Brothers _Think Ethnic_
"I Never Worry" Bob Troy _I Never Worry_
"I Never Knew" Eddie Foster _The Wigan Casino Story_

interview with birds

"I Never Said I Was Deep" Jarvis Cocker _Further Complications_
"I Never Loved You" Strawberry Story _The Man With The Stereo Hands_
"I Never Liked The Look Of You" Airport Girl _Seven Summers (International Pop Vol. 2)_
"I Never Wanted Love" Shannon & The Clams _Onion_
"I Never Needed It Now So Much" The Go! Team _Proof Of Youth_

Ned Dry interrupts

"I Never Imagined" Mighty Mighty _One Way EP_
"I Never Said That" The Brilliant Corners _What's In A Word_
"I Never Loved Your Mind" Jumprope _Holiday In Brazil_
"I Never Lied To You" Syd Barrett _Barrett_
"I Never Wanted To Be A Star" Cat Stevens _Izitso_

the unexpected fifth airbreak of the show

"I Never Loved Her" The Starfires _Pebbles, Vol. 8: Southern California 1_
"I Never Thought I'd Find" Manikins _Inner City Sound_
"I Never Thought It Would Happen" The Rubinoos _The Rubinoos_
"I Never Want An Easy Life If Me & He Were Ever To Get There" The Charlatans _Up To Our Hips_
"I Never Knew" The Fastbacks _The Question Is No_

conclusions & goodbyes

"I Never Picked Cotton" Johnny Cash _American Recordings: Unchained_
"I'm Glad I Never" Lee Hazlewood _Requiem For An Almost Lady_
"I Never Raised My Voice To You" Harvest Ministers _Orbit_
"Song I Never Sung" Tom Selleck's Moustache _Heartbreak 101

Whither Well I Never?

(Image from here.)

At long last! Could it be? Finally? The Self Help Radio episode on indignation?!?

As the Google dictionary tells us:

Surely this must mean...!

No, sorry.  Sorry, no.  It's just another one of those phrase shows.  Every song will feature someone saying something in the form of "I Never."  I never lied.  I never wanted.  I never verb or I never verbed.  That's all.  I know it's not fun for anyone but me, but I simply can't help myself.  How many songs can I find like this?  How will they fit together?  That's what I enjoy doing.

It's cool though - you don't have to listen tomorrow at noon at Self Help Radio dot net.  I won't be outraged that you don't.  & in a couple of weeks I'm doing another animal show, maybe you like that better.

But I totally agree - a show about indignation would be awesome.

Preface To Well I Never: Happy Halloween!

Now, I'm not going to point you to all the Halloween shows I've done but I did want to take the time to find answers to questions about Halloween that I've had which I only think about on Halloween but am too busy eating candy to remember to look up after Halloween.  Here they are:

Why do fundamentalist Christians hate Halloween?  Maybe the answer is pretty obvious, but it's nice to have it laid out.  Here is a web page explaining their objections from their point of view.

Are you old enough to recall when there was a scare about people putting razor blades in Halloween candy?  Did those things really happen?  Apparently they did not.

How about all that Satan worship stuff everyone lost their shit about in the 80s & 90s.  That's all over now, right?  Um, no.  No it's really not.

This is a weird one I just discovered on Snopes: A blue bucket is said to indicate the child has autism?  This is a weird world.

We didn't buy much candy-type stuff today - actually, we bought organic fruit roll-ups types that the wife likes in case we don't give many away - but I did notice that there's something called a Treat Map on Next Door Dot Com which lets parents know who has candy.  I think that's neat.  But I
still don't think we'll get many trick or treaters.

Sick Of Halloween Shows? Here's Another One!

Sorry to keep bugging you with Halloween shows, but I did another one, this time for my show on KNON, & if you want to listen, you can here, on Radio Free America.

That's all.  No more Halloween.  Till next year.

Whatever shall I do a show about then?