Ah. cold medicine. How kind you are to those of us whose noses are rubbed red from incessant blowing! You have let me see, through the cotton & fuzz in my head, such winsome colors & marmalade skies. That is why I am proud that this week's Self Help Radio will be a tender & thorough explication, exploration & explanation of my friend the cold/sinus medication.
[Uh, Gary? No, no, it won't. - Ed.]
Who said that? Holy fuck me! Is the cold medicine talking to me again?
[No, Gary, it's me. Your editor. - Ed.]
Ed.? Ed.? Who's Ed.?
[Remember, fifteen years ago, when they pulled you out of a Bombay slum where your vacationing parents had left you with only a sign that read "Help Me - Victim Of Chernobyl"? I was part of the team who put your back together. We wanted to make you bigger, stronger, faster. We had the technology. Instead, we found you liked to do radio. I was asked to keep an eye on you & make sure you could string proper English words together in a sentence. - Ed.]
I don't remember any of that. Is it true?
[What's true is true if you think it's true, Gary. - Ed.]
I think I should up the dosage of my cold medicine!
[& I think you should make sure that this week's Self Help Radio is your pick of your favorite Electronica of 2008. - Ed.]
Favorite electric cold medication!
[We would have made so much more money off you if you had just let us replace your brain with a barrel of monkey. - Ed.]
Monkeys on cold medication!
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