Preface To Bags: Are You Using Your Own Bags?

Here in the - er - I guess it would be "north-east" of Kentucky - Wikipedia just says it's "located in the heart of Kentucky's Bluegrass region" - it looks kind of like it's center-north - I dunno - anyway in this region, the one main supermarket chain is Kroger, though everyone calls the place "Kroger's" as if it's somehow still owned by a friendly dude named Bernard in Cincinnati - which it was - but is now owned by the heir of a company that Kroger acquired in the 80s - anyway, Kroger has that self-check-out section that I kind of like where I don't have to interact with either check-out clerks or, worse, baggage boys. Patton Oswalt explains:



Again, I don't mind. But I do use my own bags. So when I put my bags where the godawful wasteful plastic bags are - seriously, it should be illegal to shop without your own bags - people just can't wait for this planet to die choking on the garbage we're filling it up with - anyway, when I put my bags down, the robot asks me, in a pleasant woman's voice, "Are you using your own bags?" I'll poke "√ yes" on the touchscreen, & then, because I usually have more than one bag, & there's space for four beside the computer, I'll add the rest, but every bag gets the same question: "Are you using your own bags?" After two "√ yes" pokes, a picture of a terrifyingly cheerful blonde Kroger worker appears & the soothing voice tells me, "Attendant has been notified to assist you." (It's also written on the screen in case I am a sociopath who can't hear "soothing" in voices.)

I'll note, it's never a terrifyingly cheerful blonde who helps me. At the Kroger near my house, it's usually an older Indian dude who seems pretty unhappy with his lot in life. It could be that he's an Indian dude in the sort-of center-north part of Kentucky (though it could be worse - it could be West Virginia) or it could be that he's just unfriendly. Either way, he usually walks over to me, gives me a dirty look, & punches a button on what looks like a tricoder. Then I can add other bags, or start checking out.

There's so much plastic out there. I am fascinated by what people call "the garbage island" in the Pacific Ocean, apparently now twice the size of Texas. They say in some places it's ninety feet deep. Here's a picture where it isn't:



Seeing stuff like that should make you take your own bags to grocery stores. Damn it!