Whither Underground?

There's a secret underground fortress near my home which no one, not even me, knows about. Could it belong to the government? Or given to the Tea Party through Medicare? I wish I knew! But I don't even know there's an underground fortress there! It's a secret, even from me.

They do say, though, that it's amazing, & goes all the way to the Daniel Boone National Forest, where it then gets cranky. That's dozens of miles away! So it's not only deep, but wide. & if there were in fact a secret underground fortress (who would know? no one!) it might also be decorated with posters of pretty people with the haircuts you want, like in barber shops. How they would smile! & there smiles would be like fluorescent lights, illuminating the long passageways into & out of Eastern Kentucky.

Journalists would like to know who owns the secret underground fortress, & also who maintains it, since it is rumored to be very clean. Except no one knows about the secret underground fortress, so there's no one they can ask. & although most journalists aren't afraid to just make things up, they are afraid that someone will know they're making things up. & who would believe there was a secret underground fortress near my house in Lexington, Kentucky? People would say, "You're journalists, not sci-fi writers! Come on!"

You might be asking me, how do I know about the secret underground fortress? Have I seen it, since it's near my house? No, of course not! I don't even know it exists! It's a secret, after all. The truth is, I have no idea what you're talking about. Do you know how much money it would cost to build & keep up a secret underground fortress? You would need a lot of gold - like, a Fort Knox of gold. & Fort Knox is like 80 miles away! In the other direction!

The only thing I do know is that Self Help Radio this week is about all things underground. Also, that I will be subbing one of WRFL's electronica shows tonight at 6pm - 88.1 fm in Lexington, online at wrfl dot fm. The studio there is not underground. Not yet.