The first time I read TS Eliot's "The Hollow Men," I had no familiarity with Guy Fawkes & only a vague understanding of the post-World-War-I world about which he was writing. I just knew that at times I felt a little (or a lot) hollow. I was a teenager, & looking for words that would either echo how I felt or attempt to fill that hollowness. Eliot did both.
I am somewhat more solid in my middle age, but still occasionally fill that I'm not entirely filled by life. I watch movies, listen to music, read books, sometimes even talk to people. But of course there's always a hollowness. Old friends that I used to know on Usenet would tell me in one word what it is: angst.
I'm trying to remember if eighteen-year-old me thought that some day that hollow feeling would be gone. The more-than-twice-that me thinks it might be a little boring if that were the case. I would have to find another reason to listen to music, for example - which I suppose could be interesting, to only listen to music for something technical, like composition or artistry - but it wouldn't be me, & it might make me turn my back on music I have always loved. Very little that I loved at one time seems strange or immature or "other" to me. I am very rarely embarrassed, as some people are, at what I "used to listen to."
Some of my friends, in fact, are more embarrassed for me for what I listen to now.
It's my way of saying, I suppose, that there's always a part of me that's going to be hollow.
I just asked my wife, who's an anatomist, what parts of the human body are hollow. There are a lot of them: the stomach, the intestines, the bladder, the nasal cavity, the maxillary sinuses, the lateral cervical triangle, among others. She even said, "The cranium is hollow, until you stick a brain in it," as if she were a mad scientist.
Those are the physical parts of me that'll always be hollow. But it turns out there's more. & probably always will be.
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