Panic & Depression

People text me - some email me - it's really been just a couple of people - a couple of people have either texted or emailed me - they ask me how I'm doing.  I say I spend a lot of time feeling panicked & a lot of time feeling depressed.  My wife isn't a terribly empathetic person & she doesn't really know how to deal with me in times like this.  Of course, I've known her for almost twenty years, I don't expect her to.

There's Twitter, there's the news, there's online reading, there's Next Door dot com.  There's walking the dogs in glorious spring weather - it's supposed to rain in a few days, maybe that fix something with my mood - there's so many people at home, outside, they're walking their dogs, they're taking their kids to the park.  Some are truly foolish - my wife noticed people playing volleyball - at least ten people touching the same ball & batting it to one another - & she said, "The winner of that game is COVID-19."  We've stopped letting people pet our dogs - & the smarter people don't try.

Tonight I went to get some food at a vegan Chinese place & they basically made us pay over the phone & put the food out on a table in the foyer.  They texted us when it was ready.  That seems completely crazy.  But welcome to this world.

& everyone's saying it'll get worse before it gets better.  My god, look at Italy.

But as far as I know I'm healthy (probably not, but for now...) & I have stuff to do.  I finished my third Freeform prerecord, that was fun, maybe I'll share them on the website.  I will spend the weekend working on the Dickenbock Report.  Last week at this time - last week! - I had decided to stop doing Sugar Substitute because I was too exhausted.  Now I could have three episodes of that in the can.  But it's best to do it for Freeform - right now people are making cool mixes for rotation.  It's adventurous to listen now.

Okay, I'm going to try to forge ahead.  Try to get shit done.  Try not to be overwhelmed by this strange world we're going to have to live in for some time.  It's been a week!  Five days ago I waited in line at Costco for toilet paper.  I don't even want to repeat what I've read online today.  Although this article was a true fucking delight: Texas Antivaxxers Fear Mandatory COVID-19 Vaccines More Than The Virus Itself.  Really?  Holy shit.