This Week In Self Help (November 17 19 + 21)

Sad balloon above says "yay" to lots of Gary on the radio this week. Whee.

A reminder: all the links to shows on the Self Help Radio website may ask for a username & password. Those are SHR & selfhelp. Just in case you need them.

Here was the week that I was on the radio most recently:

November 17. The Dickenbock Report. A show about hiking on National Hiking Day. Here are the places you can listen: the XRAY website | the Self Help Radio website.

November 19. Self Help Radio. A show with the theme parasites. Here are the places you can listen: the KBOO website | the Self Help Radio website.

Also November 19. Corporate Standardized Programming. A show featuring artists who died this year. Available on the KBOO link above but also on the Self Help Radio website as a separate show.

November 21. A sub show on KBOO. I played lots of reggae music from 1984. It was in the Shocks Of Sheba timeslot so you can listen to it on the KBOO website. But also you can listen on the Self Help Radio website too.

That's enough for this week, yes?

Parasitic Movies

(image from the IMDb)

Our resident cinephile Chuck came to the show this week to talk all about films tagged with "parasites" on the IMDb. You can listen to that show at selfhelpradio dot net or at kboo.fm if you haven't already & once you've heard Chuck's segment, check out these handy links which will enhance the experience:

YouTube playlists of films and trailers.

Here is Chuck's Letterboxd list. Here are his Letterboxd reviews. Here's the IMDb list of films available to stream elsewhere.

Here is the IMDb keyword search list.

Chuck has a Bluesky account where he has posted about some of the films. If you like what you see, follow him! He usually follows you back.

& enjoy!

Self Help Radio 111924: Parasites

(Original image here.*)

That was a show not for the squeamish. By which I mean me! I am the squeamish.

There was lice, tapeworms, bedbugs, even some mosquitos bringing along malaria. Parasites are so loathed that calling someone a parasite is quite an insult. & there are so many of them. They probably don't deserve their own radio show. But I'd rather give parasites a radio show than a place to thrive!

Listen to the show if you dare. It's not only at the KBOO website. It's also at the Self Help Radio website. Make sure you remember the username SHR & password selfhelp if you listen there. It was a lot of songs & other stuff. The details are below.

Wow I think I need a good scrubbing after that show.

Self Help Radio Parasites Show

"Mean Old Bedbug Blues" Lonnie Johnson _Steppin' On The Blues_

"Me & My Tapeworm" Sylvester Weaver _Songs Of Humor & Hilarity_

"Be Nice To People With Lice" Alan Sparhawk _See You On The Moon - Songs For Kids Of All Ages_

introduction & definitions

"Parasite" Teenage Head _Trouble In The Jungle_

"Parasite" Fields _Everything Last Winter_

"Parasite" Momus _Vivid_

"Parasite" Robyn Hitchcock _Way To Blue (The Songs Of Nick Drake)_

interview with Craig Edwards, who had a tapeworm

"Tapeworm Of Love" I, Brute Force _Confections Of Love_

"Moonglow Tapeworm" Birds Of Chicago _Birds Of Chicago_

"Tapeworm" Honeybunch _Project: Echo_

"Love Parasite" Fad Gadget _Under The Flag_

interview with Debby Carter, who has lice

"Here Come The Fleas" White Noise _An Electric Storm_

"Parasite" The Mr. T Experience _Making Things With Light_

"Like A Parasite" The Queers _Punk Rock Confidential_

"Parasites" Itchy & The Nits _The Worst Of Itchy & The Nits_

interview with Edgar Dean, who has scabies

"The Flea" Gus Englehorn _Dungeon Master_

"The Naughty Little Flea" Miriam Makeba _Miriam Makeba_

"Kuna Kunguni (The Bedbugs Bite)" Zawose & Brook _Assembly_

"Parasite" Obongjayar _Some Nights I Dream Of Doors_

our resident cinephile Chuck stops by

"Bedbug Town" Quasi _Mole City_

"Parasite" Baby In Vain _Afterlife_

"Bedbugs & Ballyhoo" Echo & The Bunnymen _Echo & The Bunnymen_

"Parasite Inside" Aquarian Blood _Last Nite In Paradise_

conclusion & goodbye

"Parasite" The A's _The A's_

"For Jacob With Malaria" Boca Chica _For Jacob With Malaria_

* Licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International license.

Whither Parasites?

(image from here)

You might think, as a parasitical invasion seems to be descending upon the capital of our nation, that the theme for this show is surprisingly timely. But it's not! This is Self Help Radio, after all. The very few times we're timely are either because we like the holidays - Valentine's Day, Halloween - or entirely by accident.

The reason this show is about parasites has to do with a discussion I overheard not too long ago between my wife & a friend of hers about our cat Bluto. Our cat Bluto was adopted in early 2023 & he was a beautiful kitten but he brought with him ringworm. It mainly affected our other cat, Boone, but I did have a little ring on my arm once & my wife told me that was ringworm. Everyone is better now & no-one had that terrifying thing where giant swollen red rings appear on your face - it never got that nightmarish. But it was a concern & we had to deal with it. Like you do.

Anyway, my wife was talking about this with a friend not too long ago & the friend asked, "Is ringworm a parasite?" & my wife said, "No, it's a fungus." But to me, it sure seemed like a parasite. & why call it a worm if it's not a worm? I went down a rabbit hole about ringworm & then parasites. & I learned a lot. & I thought hey this might be a good theme for a show.

Not ringworm! Parasites!

So it shall be. Tonight on KBOO - which is on 90.7fm in town & online at kboo dot fm. But when? From midnight to 2am like always.

Is there are chance of infection?!? Always.

Preface To Parasites: Human Parasite In Feces

Oh shit! "Human Parasite In Feces!" That's what that image is called! It's from the Wikipedia & it says "Microscopic examination of feces, also known as a fecal microscopy or stool microscopy, can reveal the presence of various human parasites, which are often responsible for gastrointestinal infections & diseases."

Recently I was reading a book - a sci-fi book - in which it was discussed how hard it was in English (in the book English is an ancient language) to figure out when nouns modify nouns. For example, you can call something a "house cat" but a "cat house" is a different thing entirely. & so it is with "human parasite." Like, I've met those people. They're unpleasant. But they look a lot like you & me - often much better - & nothing at all like that frankly nondescript worm up there.

Maybe "parasite in human feces" would be better. But of course the important thing is that it is parasitic to humans. On humans? In humans? I'm not sure which is the proper use. Sadly it doesn't tell us the name of this parasite (tho if I were to guess it's probably Todd).

But what could it be? Lots! According to this website. It helpfully asks & answers this question:

What is the most common intestinal parasite?

According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately 25% of the world’s population has an infection related to an intestinal parasite. In tropical & subtropical areas with limited access to clean water & sanitation, that number is as high as 50%. The most common intestinal parasite infection globally is ascariasis. It affects about one billion people worldwide.

In the U.S., the most common infections are from protozoa, especially the giardia parasite. Pinworms are the most common intestinal worm in the U.S.

But it isn't giardia, because the web describes them as "pear-shaped & measure 10-20 micrometers in length." More likely that's ascariasis, which the web tells me are "typically pink or white with tapered ends." So now you know.

Oh damn this week's show is going to be awful & informative!

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Hiking Day

Usually when someone tells you to "take a hike," it's insulting. But it's a fine suggestion on November 17, which is National Hiking Day. It's the only day that people say that to Dick Dickenbock & it doesn't hurt his feelings! Tune in to listen to musical reports about hiking as well as an interview with an "extreme hiker."

That's tomorrow, Sunday, November 17, on 91.1+107.1fm in town & online everywhere at xray dot fm. There are just so many places to hike to on the air!

This Week In Self Help (November 10 12 + 13)

That picture above is from 2022. I don't print out lots of stuff to read on the air anymore, I read from an iPad. I think our printer went kablooey during the pandemic. I suspect I wasted lots of paper. This is the radio I radioed this radio week.

Still in the dumps about you-know-what, I celebrated Ennio Morricone's birthday on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM Sunday. Here's the link for the show on the XRAY website. Here's the link for the show on the Self Help Radio website. Hint: username SHR password selfhelp.

Self Help Radio on KBOO was a show with the theme "shotgun." I know, I know. Here's the link for the show on the KBOO website. Here's the link for the show on the Self Help Radio website. Hint: username SHR password selfhelp.

Included with the KBOO link is this week's episode of Corporate Standardized Programming, which featured a lot of new releases. Here's the link to listen to that show alone on the Self Help Radio website. Hint: username SHR password selfhelp.

Finally - & the playlist for this show isn't current available because it was a sub show on KBOO Wednesday morning & I haven't added it to the Self Help Radio page yet but I completed the third installment of the 1969 Project & it aired in the wee hours. Here's the link for the show on the Self Help Radio website. Hint: username SHR password selfhelp.

That's all. Until it starts all over again.

Self Help Radio 111224: Shotgun

(Original image here*)

Bang goes the shotgun show. A mostly silly affair with only occasional references to violence. I say this utterly unaware if a shotgun can shoot blanks but - the show shot mostly blanks.

So rarely do guns enter into my life that I have no images of shotguns on my computer. Luckily there are cool ones online like the one above - weird to see how a shotgun actually works! That image is more informative than my entire show.

Which you can listen to now & whenever should you choose. Where? I can think of two places:
the KBOO web page + the Self Help Radio web page. Should you choose the latter, please use the username SHR & the password selfhelp to access. But you can download the show! Everything that happens on the show is listed below.

Be safe with this show!

Self Help Radio Shotgun Show

"(You'll Be Just) Another Notch On Father's Shotgun (Effen You Don't Marry Me)" Dorothy Shay _Another Notch On Father's Shotgun_

"Shotgun Blues" Lightnin' Hopkins _The Very Best Of Lightnin' Hopkins_

"Shotgun Boogie" Tennessee Ernie Ford _The Tennessee Ernie Ford Collection_

introduction & definitions

"Go Get The Shotgun Grandpa" Ann Castle _Rock-A-Billy Dynamite_

"Shotgun Wedding" Dub Dickerson _Boppin' In The Dark_

"Shotgun Talking Blues" The Highwaymen _Homecoming_

"Shotgun" Jr. Walker & The All Stars _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 5: 1965_

"The Shotgun & The Duck" Jackie Lee _The Duck_

interview with Ferris Humboldt, who renovates & repairs shotgun houses

"Act Like A Shotgun" G.C. Cameron _Love Songs & Other Tragedies_

"Shotguns" Tee-Set _The Golden Years Of Dutch Pop Music (A&B Sides)_

"Shotgun" Big Black _Racer-X_

"Shotgun Dream" Attrition _Recollection 84-89_

interview with Frank Harold, gun safety expert for Portland schools

"Shotgun" Colourbox _Colourbox_

"Hemingway Shotgun" Geek _The Machines 1990-1993_

"Shotgun Wedding" Gore Gore Girls _Up All Night_

"Shotgun Dedication" Beulah _Handsome Western States_

interview with my friend Floyd

"Shotgun Blues" Isobel Campbell & Mark Lanegan _Sunday At Devil Dirt_

"Shotgun" Ida _Will You Find Me_

"Shotgun Betty" Sarah Shook & The Devil _Seven_

"Shotgun" Atmosphere _To All My Friends, Blood Makes The Blade Holy: The Atmosphere EPs_

interview with gun club member Felicity Hope

"Shotgun Funeral" Party Of One _Shotgun Funeral_

"Shotgun" The Jane Shermans _The Jane Shermans_

"Shotgun Vision" Islands _Ski Mask_

"Shotgun" Soccer Mommy _Sometimes, Forever_

conclusion & goodbye

"Shotgun" Kristin Hersh _Wyatt At The Coyote Palace_

*the image is by Andrew Davidhazy & is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 3.0 Unported license.

Whither Shotgun?

(image from the comic Regarding The Matter Of Oswald's Body
by Christopher Cantwell & Luca Casalanguida)

This is something maybe important to know - I plan my show's in advance. I find a theme (or a theme is presented to me), I start gathering material for the theme, & when I feel like I can make a radio show, I assign a date to it. The date like the theme is arbitrary. It's usually only around holidays that I am scheduling a theme for a time of year, for a date on a calendar.

It's the same in my "real life." I scheduled a dental appointment for 8am the day after the election. Granted, I made the appointment six months earlier, but most people might have thought, hm, maybe not the first Wednesday after the first Tuesday in November when the world might be falling apart. Not me!

So please don't read into this week's theme, which is kinda dumb: shotgun. It's the result of a kind of negotiation with someone who really, really wanted me to do a show about guns. As I explained yesterday, I am loathe to make radio shows about very general themes. Finally I asked this person what their favorite kind of gun was, & the response was, "I don't like any kind of gun at all!!" So I asked what kind of gun did this person like least. & the answer was shotguns. & I said, is it okay if I do a show about shotguns, to which the person said, "If you can find enough songs about shotguns!"

There were plenty of songs about shotguns. But mainly I hope you don't think the theme has anything to do with recent events, because it doesn't. It was set into motion before I was even thinking about what a terrible time the first week of November would be.

Which brings me to: tonight from midnight to 2am Self Help Radio has a show with the theme "Shotgun." You can listen in Portland at 90.7fm & online at kboo dot fm. If you're listening in someone else's car, make sure you call shotgun! It will annoy them.

Preface To Shotgun: A Ramble

(Did I ever think I was going to link on this blog to an article about shotguns? Nope.)

One of the things that I try to avoid with my dumb show is (you've probably heard me talking about this before) overly general themes. I would not want to do a show with the theme cars, or drinks, or weather. I have nothing against those kinds of themes or shows but they weigh me down. How many songs about cars must I listen to to decide what to play on a two hour show?

It's true I did that early in this show's life but also back then I tended to put the show together the night before I did it. That would be hard to do nowadays. What happens now is I gather songs over a longer period of time & I come up with themes weeks before I explore them. I have some themes I came up with years ago that I still don't feel I'm ready to make a show with. None of those shows have themes like stars. Or the moon.

One of those themes that people have suggested to me before is guns. Wow that would be like nine hundred songs to listen to. I'm not sure I'd know where to start. & can I say something else? One of the reasons I like to find challenging themes is because it takes me out of my comfort zone - makes me find & listen to songs that I otherwise wouldn't necessarily play if I only had a few hours to put a show together.

If "shotgun" feels like a compromise because recently someone asked me to do a show about guns - well, you've anticipated tomorrow's blog post.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: Ennio Morricone's Birthday

(image from here)

Most of the news is bleak. Bleak & ugly. & it ain't getting any better soon. So we thought we'd celebrate a great musician composer & artist on The Dickenbock Report this week.

The great Ennio Morricone was born on November 10, 1928. On what would've been his 96th birthday, we'll talk about him & play his music as interpreted by the artists he influenced & who admired him.

That's noon to 1pm tomorrow, November 10, on The Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM - 91.1+107.1fm in town, xray dot fm everywhere.

This Week In Self Help (Nov 3 + 5)

It was a terrible week for 99% of this country, even those who thought they won. They are not smart & they are horribly racist & sexist & when it goes bad for them - as it almost assuredly will - maybe they can find in their despair the ability to change & forgive themselves. Ha ha! No, they'll keep blaming people they fear! We are doomed.

It seems I was right to not work on a Self Help Radio episode this week. My anxiety was entirely justified. But there was radio from me anyway & it went like this:

On the Dickenbock Report, I had a fun show about sandwiches on National Sandwich Day. Listen at the XRAY web page. Or listen at the Self Help Radio web page. For the latter, remember the username SHR & the password selfhelp.

Where & when Self Help Radio should've been, I played a bunch of jazz, electronica, & experimental music. I called it a "Mental Health Day." I hope it prepared me for the shitshow that was election day. Maybe I'd be feeling worse if I hadn't done that. Listen at the KBOO web page. Or listen at the Self Help Radio web page. For the latter, remember the username SHR & the password selfhelp.

The last hour on the KBOO recording is an episode of Corporate Standardized Programming. It was an episode dedicated to artists we've lost recently, mainly July of this year. If you'd like to listen to that episode alone, you can listen at the Self Help Radio web page. Please remember the username SHR & the password selfhelp.

& also remember the famous adage: it's always darkest before it goes completely black.

Self Help Radio 110524: A Mental Health Day

(original image here*)

This isn't an episode of Self Help Radio but I'm in the habit of letting you know what I am doing on Tuesdays so what the hell. Here's one of those blog potsts.

As I've explained, I was too preoccupied with the impending death of my country to focus on making an episode of Self Help Radio this week. I just couldn't get my act together. My brain kept telling me to "take a mental health day" - something I've never done. Instead of an episode of Self Help Radio, I just played a lot of music that I might not ever really play on Self Help Radio - electronica, jazz, experimental. All taken from new releases I've listened to over the past few months. As I played them, I do think I was distracted a bit from the coming shitstorm.

Maybe it'll help you too. You can listen at the KBOO web page. Or you can listen at the Self Help Radio web page. (If the latter, username SHR + password selfhelp.) It's very little me, very much lots of I think interesting toons. See you on the other side.

Self Help Radio Mental Health Day Playlist

"A Problem With The Stars" Eldritch Priest _Dormitive Virtue_ (Halocline Trance, 2024)

"Melt All The Guns II" Devin Gray _Melt All The Guns II_ (Rataplan, 2024)

"What Nature Does" BK-One _A Blackbox Recovery_ (Self-Released, 2024)

"Vocoder (Club Mix)" Floating Points _Cascade_ (Ninja Tune, 2024)

"Reverie" Airflow _Head In The Clouds_ (Self-Released, 2024)

"Morsure Profonde" Soft Violet _Sterner Stuff_ (Alien Transistor, 2024)

"Sorrowful Bouquet" Alex Henry Foster _A Measure Of Shape & Sounds_ (Hopeful Tragedy, 2024)

"Destitute For Dreaming (Single Version)" Lisa Cuthbert _Destitute For Dreaming EP_ (Self-Released, 2024)

"It Should Have Happened A Long Time Ago" Woody Jackson _Cowboy Yoga_ (ElectroVox, 2024)

"The Droopy" Max Jaffe _Reduction Of Man_ (Whited Sepuchre, 2024)

"Broken (Alternate Version)" Hidden Orchestra _Broken EP_ (Lone Figures, 2024)

"Clemency" Uniform _Nightmare City_ (Sacred Bones, 2024)

"Slow, Simple" Tim Brady / Instruments Of Happiness _Imagine Many Guitars_ (Redshift, 2024)

"Dylar" Ingebrigt Håker Flaten (Exit) Knarr _Breezy_ (Sonic Transmissions, 2024)

"Erase" Umberto _Black Bile: Variations_ (Thrill Jockey, 2024)

"Soft/Focus" Mark Templeton _Two Verses_ (Faitiche, 2024)

"Une Nuit Devant Soi" Orson Claeys _Odyssey To Self_ (Sdban Ultra, 2024)

"Calm Shores" Carl Lord _Sacred_

* A note about the image manipulated: the license is Attribution-NonCommercial 2.0 Generic. It has been manipulated by adding the Self Help Radio logo.

Whither A Mental Health Day?

(Image from the Wikipedia)

Like lots of folks, this election has caused me a great deal of anxiety. Not the candidates I support - but the fact that so many in our country seem to support the candidate that will do the most destruction. It hasn't been a healthy time for me & I found myself this week unable to put my all into Self Help Radio. So. I decided it was best to take a mental health day.

But I couldn't leave you with a repeat or some other programming, so tonight at midnight, in place of Self Help Radio, I'll just play some music. I listen to a lot of music. Some of it would never find its way onto an episode of Self Help Radio because it wouldn't fit one of my dumb themes. So I'll shall some of that tonight.

& hopefully next week, when the dust clears, if we're all okay, if the country isn't on fire, we can return to whatever dumb theme I was going to explore - oh yeah, shotgun. That's the theme! Maybe because we'll need one next week to fight in the second Civil War.

A radio show. Just not Self Help Radio. On KBOO tonight midnight to 2am. 90.7fm kboo dot fm.

Preface To This Week's Show: What's A Mental Health Day?

(Original image here)

Here's what very well mind dot com says a "mental health day" is: "A mental health day is a day you take off from work or school, & minimize any commitments or responsibilities. You can use this time to focus on relieving stress, relaxing, having fun, & preventing burnout."

In my case, the relieving stress part seems paramount. I am incredibly stressed out by the upcoming election. I think I had a panic attack on Election Night 2020. It has made the past few days difficult for me. I am finding it hard to concentrate. I get genuinely anxious when I see anything on the news.

Usually Sundays & Mondays are days I work on Self Help Radio. I hope you don't think the interviews on the show are real - they are really improvised, but I usually do that with the funny people who act as the interviewees during the previous week. I managed to scrape together an episode of The Dickenbock Report today but have not done any work for SHR today. & I can't imagine tomorrow will be any better.

Last night I was up late looking over the mayoral & city council candidates for Portland. It was pretty taxing & stressful. Voting for President was not but it's not my vote I'm worried about - it's the rest of this country.

So I believe I'll take a mental health day tomorrow & forego an episode of Self Help Radio. I'll have some music programmed & there'll be a new episode of Corporate Standardized Programming but no theme, no interviews, no lame attempts at me being funny. I just don't have it in me.

& yeah, I stole the above image for World Mental Health Day & removed the World. Sue me.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Sandwich Day

Never before has it felt more fortuitous for a program to be on during the noontime hour!

November 3 is National Sandwich Day & that's what we'll do doing - not just eating lots of sandwiches - which we always do during our show - it's lunchtime! - we'll also be reporting on & playing musical reports about sandwiches.

That's tomorrow - Sunday - from 12-1pm on 91.1+107.1fm in Portland, & online everywhere at xray dot fm. Bring the chips, will ya?

This Week In Self Help (Oct 25 27 29 + 31)

On Friday last week I caught a cold. It happens. It wasn't covid thankfully! But I was laid out for most of Saturday having sudafed lunches with nyquil chasers.

However I got the cold, I was not sick when I subbed KBOO's The Songcircle last Friday. It was a lot of new releases. For some reason the show did not end up on the KBOO website. Luckily I recorded it & put it on the Self Help Radio website. Remember: you might need a username (SHR) & password (selfhelp) to access.

Sunday morning I was convinced the worst was behind me. It wasn't true but I foolishly made my way up to XRAY for this week's The Dickenbock Report. That show was sort of a Halloween show because it was National Black Cat Day. You can listen to that show on the XRAY website. Or you can listen on the Self Help Radio website. Remember: you might need a username (SHR) & password (selfhelp) to access.

My wife made me promise to rest & get better & not go up to KBOO on Monday night & infect everyone there. So I made the Halloween show - about scarecrows - from home. You can listen to that show on the KBOO website. Or you can listen on the Self Help Radio website. Remember: you might need a username (SHR) & password (selfhelp) to access.

The KBOO show contains an episode of Corporate Standardized Programming but it's a repeat of last week's episode. I just wasn't well enough to make another show. My apologies.

& Halloween is over, but I did manage to make a one-hour Halloween special - it's about zombies - for KBOO on Halloween night. You can listen to all five hours - 7pm to midnight - on the KBOO website. My hour aired from 9-10pm, & tho I haven't added the playlist to my website yet, you can can still download the show from there if you'd like. Remember: you might need a username (SHR) & password (selfhelp) to access.

That was fun to make. & I'm feeling a lot better now!

Scarecrow Movies

(image from Letterboxd)

Our resident cinephile Chuck came to the show this week to talk all about films tagged with "scarecrow" on the IMDb. You can listen to that show at selfhelpradio dot net if you haven't already & once you've heard Chuck's segment, check out these handy links which will enhance the experience:

YouTube playlists of films and trailers.

Here is Chuck's Letterboxd list. Here are his Letterboxd reviews.

(Chuck puts the links to available videos in the notes for the films plus where they are available to stream for free.)

Here is the IMDb keyword search list.

Chuck has a Twitter account & a Bluesky account where he has posted about some of the films. If you like what you see, follow him! He usually follows you back.

Keep an eye on those scarecrows in the field or decorating people's lawns on Halloween night - I wouldn't trust them.

Self Help Radio 102924: Halloween 2024 - Scarecrows!

As far as I know, no scarecrows sneaked out of the fields last night to murder unsuspecting families on their isolated farms. Could it be they were enchanted by an entire radio show about them? You're welcome!

Some believe the average scarecrow is mostly good & helpful, & that's what we explored in music & in interviews on this show early this morning. Perhaps it might be good to listen to the show on Halloween night when the kids have finished trick or treating & it's time for some shut-eye - after all, don't you have a little scarecrow decoration in your front yard? Maybe in the house? & it sometimes makes you feel uncomfortable? Hm?

You can listen to this show now or any time at either the KBOO web page or the Self Help Radio web page. If you choose the latter, you may need the username SHR & the password selfhelp to access. In any event - be careful!

Everything that happened on the show is below. Happy Halloween!

Self Help Radio 241029 Halloween 2024 - Scarecrows!

"Scarecrow" Paul Robeson _The Complete EMI Sessions (1928-1939)_

"Scarecrow" Lazy Smoke _Corridor Of Faces_

"Scarecrow" Pink Floyd _The Piper At The Gates Of Dawn_

introduction & definitions

"Scarecrow's Love Affair" Blues Magoos _Basic Blues Magoos_

"Scarecrow" Blakewood Castle _The Best Of Franklin Records_

"The Scarecrow" June Tabor _Abyssinians_

"Scarecrow" James _Stutter_

interview with Scarecrow Killer survivor Leona Quinn

"Scarecrow" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Peepshow_

"Scarecrow" Eddi Reader _Eddi Reader_

"Rather Be A Scarecrow" Marbles _Pyramid Landing & Other Favorites_

"Scarecrow" Jumprope _From The Bullpen (...A Hey Buddy Compilation)_

"Scarecrow People" XTC _Oranges & Lemons_

interview with human scarecrow Liam Quarterman

"Scarecrow Man" Misfits _Famous Monsters_

"The Scarecrow" Circulus _The Lick On The Tip Of An Envelope Yet To Be Sent_

"Scarecrow" Hello, Blue Roses _The Portrait Is Finished & I Have Failed To Capture Your Beauty_

"Life Of The Fields" Momus _Otto Spooky_

interview with phobias specialist Dr. Louis Quayles

"Scarecrow" Emi Sunshine & The Rain _Family Wars_

"Scarecrow" The Scarecrows _The Scarecrows_

"I'm Building A Scarecrow" Hollow Horse _Leave Without Saying Goodbye_

"Scared Scare Crow" Caspar Babypants _Hot Dog!_

interview with activist Larry Queen, who seeks to ban scarecrows

"Scarecrow" Firehorse _Pills From Strangers_

"The Scarecrow" The Residents _Intruders_

"Scarecrow Hair & Saucer-Eyed" Martin Newell _Martin Newell's Jumble Sale_

our resident cinephile Chuck stops by +
conclusion & goodbye

"Scarecrow Man" David Olney _When The Deal Goes Down_

Whither Scarecrows (Halloween 2024)?

That image above - is it a scarecrow? - from a display in the window of a neighborhood salon, Dye Dye My Darling. My wife insisted I take a picture to share with you for this show. I guess it's a scarecrow. It seems a mixture of alien & scarecrow. Which is a movie I'd like to see!

Yes, tonight is Self Help Radio's annual Halloween show & this year it's about scarecrows. I've tried to pick the spookier songs about scarecrows I can find but the subject matter lends itself often more toward the sad - a scarecrow is a pathetic figure, wearing cast-off clothes, standing forever alone in a field. Its one job to keep living things away from itself. Until it climbs down & murder everyone! & who can blame it?

That's tonight, midnight to 2am, on 90.7fm in Portland, online everywhere at kboo dot fm. That's right, it starts at the witching hour! I hope you're safe in your homes....

Preface To Scarecrows: Halloween Theme Dilemma

Self Help Radio has been on the air for over 22 years now. Every Halloween (except one) there's been a Halloween show. It's not that I love Halloween - I'm not really the "dressing up" kind - but I know you love Halloween. & there are lots of songs that fit into the Halloween framework. But because this is Self Help Radio & I'm me, I can't just do a general Halloween show every year. It has to be about something specific. & after two decades, I am probably running out of ideas. Yes, I've complained about this before.

To recap:
The first Self Help Radio in 2002 was a general Halloween show. I wasn't sure how long I'd be doing the show at that point & it hadn't quite come together anyway.

The next six shows (2003-2009, excluding 2004) were pretty straightforward Halloween subjects: ghosts, vampires, monsters, zombies, witches, & werewolves.
What happened in 2004? I think there was a band in town & I wanted to play them instead of doing a Halloween show.

I had to get a little creative from then on out.

2010-2013 was haunted houses, graveyards, nightmares, & hell.

2014 was mummies. I kinda saved that theme until I had run out of ideas. But had I?

No!

2015-2018 was clowns, death, black cats, & voodoo.

2019 was an entire show about Frankenstein's monster there was some related content in the monsters show from 2006.

2020 was called "attack of the self help radio" & featured lots of creatures as from science fiction movies using the phrase "attack of the..."
2021 I had a show about pumpkins. Not very scary, but Halloween-ish.

2022 I revisited a theme that should've been a Halloween show but now was: spiders.

& last year I came up with ghost towns but also not very scary.

This year it's scarecrows. I think it's a good idea. But I thought that about ghost towns. So. We'll see.

The lesson is, it always feels like I'm running out of ideas, until such time as I actually will.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: National Black Cat Day

How maligned are our dear friends, the black cats? How they fear Halloween & the constant insults, affronts, & calumnies thrown their way! It turns out that these wonderful creatures have their own national day, & while that is a small stepping stone toward the ultimate goal of returning them to the god-like status they enjoyed in ancient Egypt, it's ain't nothing!

Tune in tomorrow to the Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM for a celebration of the black cat. It'll also double as a Halloween show! 12-1pm on 91.1+107.1fm & online at xray dot fm.

If you feel at all like supporting the station that airs the Dickenbock Report while also showing your appreciation for hard-hitting news team, you can do so on this XRAY Pledge Drive Page!

This Week In Self Help (Oct 18 20 + 22)

It was a busy week. Let's see what happened.

Oh yeah. I subbed a show last Friday night. It's called Youth Randomonium & they let me even tho I am not a youth. Luckily I am random. You can listen to that show on the KBOO website. It's also available on the Self Help Radio website. You'll need a username (SHR) & password (selfhelp) to access.

The Dickenbock Report reported on International Chef Day. You can listen to that show on the XRAY website. It's also available on the Self Help Radio website. You'll need a username (SHR) & password (selfhelp) to access.

Self Help Radio this week was about kaleidoscopes. You can listen to that show on the KBOO website. It's also available on the Self Help Radio website. You'll need a username (SHR) & password (selfhelp) to access.

The last hour of the show was an episode of Corporate Standardized Programming. I played lots of new releases. It's included in the KBOO link above, but if you'd like to listen to the show on it's on, you can do so on the Self Help Radio website. One last time I tell you that you'll need a username (SHR) & password (selfhelp) to access.

& that was it? & it was too much? Oh dear.

Self Help Radio 10224: Kaleidoscopes

It's true, yesterday I bought a kaleidoscope. I bought if from here. It's a D-I-Y device, it has a little plastic end that's removable so you can put things there - glitter, pebbles, beads, etc. - to make your own kaleidoscopic images. Instead I just pointed it at things - like the Self Help Radio logo. Which is where the image above comes from.

The show was kaleidoscoptic though, man! Lots of tunes with a psychedelic edge. I also got to talk to some oddballs. But I did spend most of the show playing with my new kaleidoscope.

You can play too but listen along at the KBOO web page or at the Self Help Radio web page. If you use the latter, remember the username SHR + password selfhelp. Lots of songs played & lots of stuff happening during the show. Most of it is listed below.

Most of it? Yeah! Like a kaleidoscope this show has some surprises!

Self Help Radio Kaleidoscopes show

"Kaleidoscope" Kaleidoscope _Tangerine Dream_

"Kaleidoscope" Procol Harum _Procol Harum_

"Kaleidoscope" Factree _A Lethal Dose Of Hard Psych (Authentic Way Cool Sixties Artefacts)_

"Kaleidoscope" The Litter _$100 Fine_

introduction & definitions

"Kaleidoscoptic" Shiva's Headband _Take Me To The Mountains_

"Kaleidoscope" Glenn Yarbrough _Bend Down & Touch Me_

"Carousels, Calliopes, Kaleidoscopes, & Clowns" Him He & Me _Him He & Me_

"Kaleidoscope" The Marmalade _Reflections Of The Marmalade_

"Kaleidoscope" Simple Minds _Celebration_

interview with toymaker & innovator Yvan Goode

"Kaleidoscope" Rain Parade _Emergency Third Rail Power Trip_

"Kaleidoscope World" The Chills _Kaleidoscope World_

"Sad Kaleidoscope" Razorcuts _R Is For... Razorcuts_

"Kaleidoscope" Yellow Sunshine Explosion _Yellow Sunshine Explosion_

"Kaleidoscope" Ride _Nowhere_

interview with Officer Yale Gentle

"Kaleidoskop" Fliehende Stürme _Ziellose Wege (Singles & Samplerbeiträge 1989-1998)

"Kaleidoscope" Teenage Filmstars _Star_

"Kaleidoscope" Pink Noise Test _Plasticized_

"I Was A Kaleidoscope" Death Cab For Cutie _The Photo Album_

"Kaleidoscope" Ringo Deathstarr _Colour Trip_

interview with Kaleidoscope director Yvette Grayson

"Kaleidoscope Eyes" Fireflies _Goodnight Stars, Goodnight Moon_

"Kaleidoscope" Jill Cunniff _City Beach_

"Kaleidoscopes" Teenage Joans _The Rot That Grows Inside My Chest_

"Kaleidoscope" Sam Morton _Daffodils & Dirt_

"Kaleidoscope Eyes" Burnt Ones _Black Teeth & Golden Tongues_

conclusion & goodbye

"Kaleidoscope" The Boo Radleys _Learning To Walk_

"Kaleidoscope" Jellybeat _Don't Let Us Be Misunderstood_

"Kaleidoscopic Lovers" The Avalanches _Wildflower_

Whither Kaleidoscopes?

It seems like I used to have a few kaleidoscopes. In the 1990s, there was a toy store near campus, & at least three times someone gifted me a kaleidoscope. I found a kaleidoscope once in the halls of my high school. I just took it, I never told anyone. I kept it next to my stereo in my room. I seem to remember bringing it to college in 1986. But did I?

Like everyone else, I have several drawers in several places where stuff goes - stuff you thought you were storing, but you probably will never use again. There's one right next to me in my room. I'll bet there's a kaleidoscope in there. Maybe two. But it was a kaleidoscope I saw but didn't take home (I'm a better person now) at one of my radio stations that made me remember the kaleidoscopes I used to have. & it made me think, "Have a done a show about kaleidoscopes?" & also, "If I haven't, should I do a show about kaleidoscopes?"

That show happens tonight! From midnight to 2pm on 90.7fm in Portland & online at kboo dot fm. So many songs & some interviews involving kaleidoscopes. Like we do.

Preface To Kaleidoscopes: That Familiar Feeling

(This is a kaleidoscope? From here.)

It may seem like I keep detailed records for this show - this show that has been on for twenty-two years - & in fact I do keep a web page - this one here - where I list all the themes I've explored - on Self Help Radio & on the Dickenbock Report. I don't, but I do have some resources. Despite that, I sometimes plan & plan & plan for a theme & it turns out I've already explored it.

That brings us to kaleidoscopes. If you had asked me a year if I had done a Self Help Radio episode about kaleidoscopes, I would have said maybe? Or probably? Or I think so? With the question marks in the answers! But I can't find any record that I actually spent an entire show on kaleidoscopes. I have played the sixties bands Kaleidoscope & Kaleidoscope. I have played music from the Siouxsie & The Banshees record Kaleidoscope. & I have played (& will play on this show) the Chills' song "Kaleidoscope World." But none of my records suggest I have done a show with the theme "kaleidoscopes."

& yet I can't help feeling that I have. It's a weird thing. & no, I'm not going to compare it to a kaleidoscope, that's not what this is leading up to. Did you think I set this whole thing up to say something about "multiple reflections" or "fragments of thought being mixed up"? Shame on you! I wouldn't waste your time with such trite writing. I mean, isn't it obvious I put very little thought into these things I write?

Having said all that - I guess I have never done a show about kaleidoscopes. But I will! This Tuesday!

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: International Chef Day

(comic from warandpeas.com)

October 20 is International Chef Day. Tomorrow on the Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM we'll talk about being a chef & play musical reports about chefs & cooking. We're also supposed to make Dick Dickenbock a seven-course meal but you don't need to know about that. It's pretty humiliating in fact.

Listen to the other stuff tho from noon to 1pm on 91.1+107.1fm in Portland & online at xray dot fm. Seriously, don't mention that stuff about trained journalists having to cook for their boss. We'd appreciate it.

This Week In Self Help (Oct 13 + 15)

Hm. That doesn't look a panda.

Another busy week in radio! Let's see what happened.

Sunday was Paul Simon's 83rd birthday. On The Dickenbock Report on XRAY FM I played lots of Paul Simon songs not by Paul Simon. Listen to it on the XRAY web page. Or listen to it on the Self Help Radio web page. Psst - SHR is the login, selfhelp the password.

This week's Self Help Radio was about pandas - the animals, not the weird black workbenches (I'm guessing that's what that is up there). Listen to it on the KBOO web page. Or listen to it on the Self Help Radio web page. Psst - SHR is the login, selfhelp the password.

The last hour of the show on the KBOO page is an episode of Corporate Standardized Programming. I played lots of music by artists we lost in July of this year. You can listen to it on the KBOO link above or you can listen to it all by itself on the Self Help Radio web page. Psst - SHR is the login, selfhelp the password.

Finally - I foolishly agreed to sub a show on Tuesday afternoon on XRAY - the program Beautiful Music. I was very tired. I have not uploaded it to the Self Help Radio website yet but you can listen to it now on the XRAY website. I will try to remember to update the links here once it's on the Self Help Radio website.

Is that all? What? I'm on the radio tonight too?!? Yeah I'll wait to report that next week.

Self Help Radio 101524: Pandas

Here it is! Your radio show about pandas. Probably would've been cuter if I were in any way cute.

Listen to the show at the KBOO web site. Or listen at the Self Help Radio web page. Each is okay by me but if you listen at the Self Help Radio website please know the username is SHR & the password is selfhelp. That information might come in handy.

Lots of stuff happened during the show & almost all of it is listed below.

Yay pandas!

Self Help Radio Pandas Show

"Panda Riot" Our Hour _Little Darla Has A Treat For You (Volume Twelve Summer 1999)_

"Pictures Of Pandas Painting" They Might Be Giants _Here Come The ABCs_

"Panda Song" Audrey Ryan _Dishes & Pills_

introduction & definitions

"Pandas" Corky & The Juice Pigs _Corky & The Juice Pigs_

"Panda Eyes" Sing-Sing _The Joy Of Sing-Sing_

"Sex & Pandas" Mike Birbiglia _Two Drink Mike_

"Panda Panda Panda" Deerhoof _Apple O'_

"Oso Panda" Papá Topo _Oso Panda_

interview with "the Panda King" Johnny Bizarre

"Warm Panda Cola" The Boy Least Likely To _The Best Party Ever_

"Panda In The Rain" The Green Pajamas _If You Knew What I Dreamed... The Green Pajamas Play The Jeff Kelly Songbook_

"Pander! Panda! Panzer! (Excerpt)" Mark E. Smith _The Fall Box Set 1976-2007_

"Little Panda Bear" Kimya Dawson _Alphabutt_

"Panda Brain" The Telephone Company _Panda Brain!_

interview with voice actor Jackie Bodman ("Prudence Panda")

"More Pandas" Hey Young Believer _Invisible By Day_

"Pandas Are Cute" Matt Griffo _Wait, I Forgot That I Don't Love You_

"Wild Pandas" Walter Schreifels _An Open Letter To The Scene_

"Panda Butler" Matt Braunger _Shovel Fighter_

"Pandas Are Dangerous" Boogers _Extractum Victoris_

interview with "the panda guy" Jeff Dayer

"The Panda Bear Song" Foxes! _Foxes!_

"Panda Bear (feat. Alena Simone)" The Twigs _Jump Right In_ 

"Panda Eyes" Cocktails _Adult Life_

"Panda" The Hush Now _Sparkle Drive_

the truth about red pandas!

"Panda In The Chandelier" Tom Rosenthal _Bolu_

"Panda" Parekh & Singh _Ocean_

"Panda" Richard Cheese & Lounge Against The Machine _Licensed To Spill_

"The Baby Panda" AJJ _Disposable Everything_

"Law & Panda" Weaves _Wide Open_

conclusion & goodbye

"Hey Panda" High Llamas _Hey Panda_

"Amanda The Panda" Aaron Raitiere _Simple Chimpanzee_

"Return Of The Panda" Teriyakis _Haunted Hungarian Sauna_

Whither Pandas?

(Panda Chair by Fernando & Humberto Campana, photo by me
taken at the Dallas Museum Of Art 2015)

Why a radio show about pandas? One might well ask why not a radio show about pandas?

Alas, the inspiration for this show was not the Chinese zoo who painted dogs to look like pandas. I thought about doing a show about pandas a bit longer ago than that news item. Though I suspect it might find its way into tonight's show nonetheless.

No, whatever caused me to begin to collect panda songs for a show about pandas is lost in the stinky mists of time. I mean, I assume the mists of time are stinky. Most of the world is stinky. Time is almost certainly stinky too.

No matter! The show about pandas happen tonight on 90.7fm which is KBOO! That's midnight to 2am! Also online at kboo dot fm! Pandas sure are cute! The radio show will not have that crucial visual element!

Preference To Pandas: Panda On A Picnic Bench (A Poem)

Someone left a panda on a picnic bench
Was it a squire? was it a wench?
You see the ren fair was just in town
& you never know when they're here what kinds of shit will go down.

Someone left a panda on a picnic bench
If only they'd left something useful - like a wrench
I mean I can't repair anything with a toy panda

Around here people think it's just Chinese propaganda.

Someone left a panda on a picnic bench
What's worse the only language it speaks is French
& no one can make it what it's trying to say:
Quelqu'un peut-il aider ce pauvre panda s'il vous plaît ?

Someone left a panda on a picnic bench
I'd be a hero, but I can't stand the stench
Yes that's a line from an Elvis Costello song

So if you said "I think he's out of ideas now" well you wouldn't be wrong.

Coming Up Tomorrow On The Dickenbock Report: A Birthday Celebration

(I wish I could remember where I found this.)

Sadly, no, it's not Dick Dickenbock's birthday, but it is the birthday of a famous American songwriter. Who could it be? How will we celebrate? That would be telling! But you can guess if, you know, you look for famous American songwriters born on October 13.

That's tomorrow 12-1pm on 91.1+107.1fm in Portland & online everywhere at xray dot fm. Gosh I hope there'll be cake.

This Week In Self Help ( Oct 6 + 8 )

(It's a 1971 Cadillac Coupe Deville. Image from here.)

It was a quiet, normal, no-extra-shows-for-Gary week. & it went like this:

The Dickenbock Report reported on National Badger Day. They said it couldn't be done! "They" is my dogs. They don't like badgers. The show aired on XRAY & you can in fact listen to it on the XRAY website. You can also listen & download the show on the Self Help Radio website. You may be asked for a username & password - use SHR & selfhelp.

Self Help Radio celebrated its 22nd anniversary by revisiting a theme from 2007. That theme was my favorite music from 1971. I played none of the songs/artists I played back then & still feel like I could do another two hours. In any event, that show aired on KBOO, & you can listen to it on the KBOO website. You can also listen & download the show on the Self Help Radio website. You may be asked for a username & password - use SHR & selfhelp.

The show on the KBOO website is three hours long - that's because it contains an episode of Corporate Standardized Programming. On that show I finished playing music I loved from 1988 - something I did on two episodes of Self Help Radio this year! If you'd like to listen to that show on its own, you can do so on the Self Help Radio website. You may be asked for a username & password - use SHR & selfhelp.

Someone texted me pictures of things they owned from 1971 during Self Help Radio & I thought of using them for this blog post but didn't. After all, I didn't get permission.

Self Help Radio 100824: 1971 Revisited (The 22nd Anniversary Show)

(all images from Discogs)

& what an anniversary it was! I discovered that I missed a lot of music from 1971 I adore the first time around (altho to be fair to me I did only have 90 minutes back then) & I got lots of calls that kept me from talking about 1971. Not a bad way to turn 22.

Side note: if Self Help Radio makes it to 44, I will be 78 years old when that happens. I doubt either of us will make our respective age. I don't even know if radio will be around in two decades!

Celebrate 22 years of Self Help Radio by listening either at the KBOO website or at the Self Help Radio website. At the Self Help Radio website you'll need the username SHR & the password selfhelp to access. All the songs played & all the things that happened are below.

One quick note - there's a song from 1971 that I actually didn't really know about - but someone requested it & I found it & I played it. So it's not all my favorite music of 1971.

Please enjoy!

Self Help Radio 1971 Revisited 22nd Anniversary Show

"Poor Boy" Nick Drake _Bryter Layter_

"Alcohol" The Kinks _Muswell Hillbillies_

introduction, explanation, airbreak from 2007

"Are You Leaving For The Country" Karen Dalton _In My Own Time_

"Jesus Was A Cross Maker" Judee Sill _Judee Sill_

"It's Gonna Take A Miracle" Laura Nyro & Labelle _Gonna Take A Miracle_

"Me & Bobby McGee" Janis Joplin _Pearl_

some thoughts about 1971 Otto calls in!

"The Silver Tongued Devil & I" Kris Kristofferson _The Silver Tongued Devil & I_

"Huntsville" Merle Haggard & The Strangers _Someday We'll Look Back_

"The Architect" Monty Python _Another Monty Python Record_

"L'Hôtel Particulier" Serge Gainsbourg _Histoire De Melody Nelson_

some thoughts about 1971 Frank calls in!

"Lady Day & John Coltrane" Gil Scott-Heron _Pieces Of A Man_

"Tired Of Being Alone" Al Green _Al Green Gets Next To You_

"Gonna Keep On Tryin' Till I Win Your Love" The Temptations _Sky's The Limit_

"Country Living" The Stylistics _The Stylistics_

some thoughts about 1971 Oliver calls in!

"Wild Night" Van Morrison _Tupelo Honey_

"Sister Anne" MC5 _High Time_

"Baba O'Riley" The Who _Who's Next_

some thoughts about 1971 Tina calls in!

"Underground" Curtis Mayfield _Roots_

"Get Up & Get Down" The Dramatics _Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get_

"Love The One You're With" The Isley Brothers _Givin' It Back_

"Timothy" The Buoys _The Buoys_

conclusion & goodbye

"Why Don't You Eat Carrots" Faust _Faust_

Whither 1971 Revisisted (Twenty-Second Anniversary Show)?

(The twenty-sixth amendment was added to the U.S. Constitution in 1971. Image from here.)

It's that time again! Another anniversary. Self Help Radio first aired on 91.7fm KOOP Austin on October 9, 2002. It was a Wednesday at 2pm. It's now (almost) twenty-two years later.

It has become the show's habit to revisit an old theme on its anniversary. This year I've chosen to return to a theme first explored in 2007 - my favorite music from the year 1971. My show at the time was 90 minutes long, but there are of course many more favorite songs from that year. I'll play more tonight. (If you want to see what I played way back then, the playlist for that show is here.)

Self Help Radio has aired on at least eight different stations in at least four different towns in I think four different states. Had you told me on that October afternoon in 2002 I'd still be doing this, I would've said, "Oh I don't think so." But I am not a person that looks forward. I probably didn't think I'd still be doing the show in 2003.

Nonetheless. We have an anniversary show. Tonight on KBOO, which is on 90.7fm here in Portland, & online at kboo dot fm. Midnight to 2am. Which is technically Tuesday. & as close to October 9 as I could get this year.

Preface To 1971 Revisited (The 22nd Anniversary Show!): Repeat

(This 1971 events montage courtesy of the Wikipedia.)

Self Help Radio began on October 9, 2002. I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd still be doing this show twenty-two years later.

In 2008, around the time of the show's sixth anniversary, I conceived of the idea of revisiting an old theme on the show's anniversary. Doing the math, this will be the seventeenth anniversary show. (You gotta count 2008 or it doesn't make sense.) The theme I am choosing to revisit is a show from 2007 - it's basically just more of my favorite music from 1971. I won't play anything from the first show - nothing from here - except perhaps recordings of me from that show. I dunno. I haven't listened yet.

But I will share with you something from this blog from 2007 - the "preface" I wrote before the day-of-show piece. It's called: Preface to 1971: What The Hell?! It's Snowing In Austin?! 

The past few days have been weird.

I caught a cold in Cambridge, which existed as sniffles as we trained our way (from Cambridge to King's Cross, King's Cross to Gatwick) to our flight. But once in the air, the seventeen-day plane ride (or was it fourteen years?) provided fertile ground for my sniffles to blossom into utter misery. I am guessing it had something to do with the fact that a good percentage of the passengers had some form of cold, & also that the rude bastard next to me seemed completely unable to cover his mouth when he hacked, which he did roughly ten times a minute. (I guess he doesn't have to worry about carpal tunnel.) I developed a sinus headache at thirty thousand feet, with the entire top row of my back teeth feeling like they were rotten to the very nerves. Helpful waitresses - er, stewardesses - er, flight attendants - informed me that they couldn't dispense medication, which made the reruns of "I Love Lucy" I was watching without sound even more unbearable than the fortieth time I watched them, when I was eight. With sound.

We arrived safe & warm in Dallas, last Thursday, & Magda gave me Nyquil pills & immediately I felt better. Why couldn't the waitresses on the plane give me medication? If my heart had stopped (Magda's sister pointed out) they are allowed to defibrillate me. Ah well. I will always self-medicate before any flight I take from now on.

A key word up there (keyword?) is the word "warm." It was nearly 70 degrees (Fahrenheit - in Europe, it'd be an unimpressive 18 or 19 degrees "Celsius"). Our hotel room in England wasn't that warm. We got the car & Magda drove me, all runny nosed & delirious, to my mom's, where we spent the night. I can't be sure, but the moms might have had the air conditioner on at her place. For fuck's sake.

After a medicated night's sleep, we drove home & I did my show with an adenoidal accent, & then the weekend came. It rained like a motherfucker on Friday night. (& by the way, as an idiom, the phrase "like a motherfucker" is easily translatable & even more easily exportable. I gave it to my friends in Belgium & I hope they are using it most agreeably.) It was insane. Temperatures dropped. & it got worse.

It's fucking snowing outside. Actually, it's more like it's raining/sleeting/snowing. Like a motherfucker. It's absolutely bugfuck crazy. They closed the University (so I didn't have to work - so my vacation is extended - it's like the damned Energizer Bunny, this vacation) & I've been sitting at home listening to music & occasionally wandering outside to let little pellets of frozen water bounce off my head. They may even close the school tomorrow, as well. Probably because Texans can't drive in the ice. But mainly because IT'S CRAZY THAT IT'S SNOWING IN AUSTIN.

My show this week has something to do with the year 1971, before they invented snow. Before, I believe, they invented Austin. I'll have to write about why I'm doing a show about 1971 tomorrow. I have an uncontrollable urge right now to go swat icicles off my eaves. Excuse me.

But if you asked me if I remembered any of this - well, I remember being sick on the plane, & trying to buy medicine once we landed, & my girlfriend (now wife) driving me home - but I don't remember doing this show or the one before or the snow situation in Austin. I'm not even sure I remember where KOOP was located at this time. But none of that matters. I have an anniversary to celebrate!