Self Help Radio 071217: Rubber

(Original image from this video, which, oh why not, just watch it.)

Yes, an entire show about rubbers.  Surprisingly, though rubber clothing & "rubbers" make their appearance, the show focused more on rubber bands (lots of rubber bands), rubber balls, rubber dolls, & other rubbery things.  Who knew rubber had sparked the imagination of so many?

In addition to the music, I talked to my spiritual advisor, the CEO of a rubber corporation, an entrepreneur who hawks miracle rubber trees, & a critic of the show looking to set records straight.  I note when the interviews happen in-between the sets.  All in all, it's more interesting than trying to take off a rubber wet suit, but only just.

You can bounce yourself along to the Self Help Radio website to listen.  You will need a username ("SHR") & a password ("selfhelp") if you want to listen.  The show is in two parts, & all the rubber songs I played are listed below.

The German word for rubber may be Gummi.  That seems inappropriate, but how would I know?

(part one)

"Rubber Bouncy Ball" The Telephone Company _Panda Brain!_
"Rubberbands" Bruce Haack _Hush Little Robot_
"Burn Rubber (Why You Wanna Hurt Me)" The Gap Band _Gap Band III_

"Rubber Ball" The Avons _The Best Of The Sixties_
"Red Rubber Ball" The Diodes _The Diodes_
"Rubberhead" Steve Martin _Comedy Is Not Pretty!_
"Rubber Band" David Bowie _The Deram Anthology 1966-1968_
"Rubberband Girl" Kate Bush _The Red Shoes_

interview with the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently

"Rubber Dolly" Mississippi John Hurt _D.C. Blues: The Library Of Congress Recordings, Vol. 1_
"Rubber Biscuit" The Chips _Great Googa Mooga!_
"Rubber People (Decca Demo)" Adam & The Ants _Antmusic For Sexpeople_
"Rubber Room" Porter Wagoner _What Ain't To Be, Just Might Happen_

interview with CEO of Fruchter Rubber, David Fruchter

"Stretchin' Out (In A Rubber Band)" Bootsy Collins _Stretchin' Out In Bootsy's Rubber Band_

(part two)

"Rubberneckin' (Paul Oakenfold Remix)" Elvis Presley _Elvis 2nd To None_
"Stretch Your Rubber Band" The Meters _Anthology_
"High Hopes (with Eddie Hodges)" Frank Sinatra _Sinatra In Hollywood: 1940-1964_

interview with rubber tree entrepreneur CJ Buchanan

"Rubber Duckie" Ernie _Sesame Street: Platinum All-Time Favorites_
"Put My Rubber Doll Away" Bill Monroe _Bluegrass (1959-1969)_
"Rubber Ducky Massage Parlor" Conception Corportation _Complete Conception_
"Red Rubber Army" Robert Pollard _Jack Sells The Cow_
"The Rubberband Man" The Spinners _The Best Of The Spinners_

interview with critic of the show Allen Shariaty

"Fancy Rubber Things" The Gargoyles _Steamflapper_
"Wood, Lead, Rubber" Agent Ribbons _We Are All Awesome_
"Tight Black Rubber" Frank Black _Bluefinger_
"Rubber Quince" Tania Rivas _Rubber Quince_
"Rubber Ball" Talulah Gosh _Backwash_

"The Rubber Band" Eddie Bo & The Soulfinders _New Orleans Funk, Vol. 2_
"Funky Rubber Band" Popcorn Wylie _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 11B: 1971_

Whither Rubber?

(Tapping a rubber tree.  Image from here.)

For the past few weeks it seems like I've been hearing songs - not voices - I don't hear voices - unless I'm hearing lines of dialogue from television or film or comedy or spoken words records - or in songs of course - I mean to say I'm not hearing specific voices that seem to be speaking only to me which are also telling me to do things - which might mean that I am saying that I don't hear voices that tell me which themes to explore on the show - although that would be much easier than my current process - anyway as I was saying I was hearing songs - & yes of course the songs had voices in them, human voices, so by listening to songs I've been listening to voices but my initial digression was a clarification because the phrase "hearing voices" has a specific meaning in our culture - maybe I should start again.

For the past few weeks it seems like a lot of the songs I've been listening to were about rubber bands. I was listening of course to a bit of funk.  & I thought to myself, I should do a show about rubber bands!  But then it occurred to me that that was perhaps too narrow a theme.  That maybe I should include other rubber things.  So I did.  I expanded the scope of the theme.

There are still probably many more rubber band songs than others, but the show has been entirely rubberized.  I'm sure it'll be elastic fun.

& it's on tonight on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at the LCR web site (make sure you choose WLXU) from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10 central.  It'll keep moisture out & be very easy to clean.  Promise!

Preface To Rubber: My Early Experience With That Word

Rubber is this word that somehow walked the line between clean & dirty, which made it frequently funny, when I was a kid.  I have a memory of not knowing if I should say it out loud unless it was as an adjective, i.e. rubber eraser, rubber ball.

"Rubbers" is of course what people have called condoms since - when?  The Online Etymology Dictionary says it dates from the 1930s, but the Wikipedia entry on condoms disagrees, saying:

The rubber vulcanization process was invented by Charles Goodyear in 1839, & patented in 1844. The first rubber condom was produced in 1855, & by the late 1850s several major rubber companies were mass-producing, among other items, rubber condoms. A main advantage of rubber condoms was their reusability*, making them a more economical choice in the long term. Compared to the 19th century rubber condoms, however, skin condoms were initially cheaper & offered better sensitivity. For these reasons, skin condoms remained more popular than the rubber variety. However, by the end of the 19th century, "rubber" had become a euphemism for condoms in countries around the world.

Whom should I believe?

Of course, my classmates didn't really talk about condoms until the pubescent shit storm that is middle school, & all I knew is that there was something called rubbers & it had to do with sex.  So one time in seventh grade, when a female classmate came in late to first period because it was raining, & she came in in rain gear, & the teacher said, "Honey, go ahead & take off your rubbers," referring to her galoshes, the guys in the class lost it.

"Honestly," the teacher said, "you boys should grow up."

At this point I should mention that the only sex education available to students of the Garland Independent School District was a filmstrip produced some time in the early 1960s shown in fifth grade.  No follow ups, nothing.

Not that we wouldn't have laughed anyway.

* Their reusability?!?

Speaking Of Traffic

This happened yesterday in Fort Worth.

Someone who knows better than I do must tell me why certain places are more prone to severe weather.  I was dropping someone off at the airport & drove toward the city which looked as though some Tolkien-level evil was about to descend.  On the highway, the rain came at the car horizontally,
accompanied by hail, & people stopped, or drove slowly, or sought refuge under overpasses.

Foolishly I drove through some water but our plucky Prius was up to the task.  I waited the storm out under a business' carport - not much help, because as I pointed out, the rain & hail were being blown sideways into the car - I tried to get out to take a look - & pictures - but was soaked just cracking the door.

My journey home was through side streets, since, as the article above points out, some main roads were impassable.  When I got home, my animals were safe, the car didn't appear to have hail damage, & the only casualties were two tree limbs from two of our pecan trees which, fortunately, did not fall near the house.

Boy did I feel guilty about not being with my pups.  Winston, who just turned ten, is quite frightened by storms.  I hope the others comforted him.

But speaking of traffic - except for the giant truck behind me that kept honking at me to move along on the highway, everyone behaved quite well, slowing down with visibility was nonexistent, & mostly not being dicks.  I'm not sure if I had been stuck in-between cars & rising water that I'd not freak out, but certainly being in terrible weather keeps one on one's toes.

I'm telling you, it was harrowing.

Things I Really Hate # 1: Being Stuck In Traffic

(This nightmare photo from here.)

You know, I'm the sort of guy who doesn't hate things.  If someone I know says they hate a band or a musician, I am more likely to say I just don't like them.  Opinions are opinions, there's no accounting for taste, etc.  I once told someone at a radio station who was shitting on an artist that they just didn't like them, that many other people liked them, that they couldn't dismiss them out of hand as "bad" just because they had a negative opinion.

But traffic is different.  Look.  Human drive cars.  Humans who are stupid have accidents that cause traffic.  Humans who are stupid decide in a situation where their attention should be on the road to do other shit.  They decide to drive poorly.  They decide to talk to their moronic friends on their phones. They decide to do anything but as quickly as possible get from one place to another.

This happened yesterday: while taking my wife to the airport, I found myself on a highway reduced to a standstill.  At one point, someone decided to just sit in her car & use the time to rummage through her back seat.  Yards of empty space opened before her idling minivan.  People honked.  To no avail.

The reason for the slowdown was an accident at an important exit so also fuck those guys.  But traffic slowdowns are not excuses to fuck around.  Everyone in their cars is just as important as everyone else.  When you as a driver decide to be nonchalant, you're fucking everyone else over.  Also, if you decide you're more important than anyone else, &, say, decide to drive on the shoulder - you're also fucking everyone else over.  God damn it!

But that moment when everyone isn't moving, & it seems like nothing is happening, & there's no way out - agh! I hate that.  I feel like someone who's about to go crazy.

Today I drove in a terrible storm.  Rain & hail were blowing sideways, the streets filled with water, it was terrifying.  But I would prefer that to being stuck in traffic.

Seriously.

Self Help Radio 070517: Warnings

(Original image here.)

Here is an episode of Self Help Radio that should've aired last night, but didn't, most probably for reasons involving human error, i.e. me.  I'm pretty sure it's my fault & I apologize.

Since I live in Texas & the show airs in Kentucky, the show is pre-recorded for your protection.  Therefore I can share with you the show (sprinkled with LXU spots so it feels like a real broadcast) & you can listen at your leisure.  I was pretty proud of this show, which I think has a good mix of music as well as some very funny bits by my very funny collaborators.  If you just listen & fast-forward through to the interviews, I will not be offended.  They're the best part of my shows!

Wait! I hear you say.  Why not just air the episode next week?  My wife said the same thing.  Alas, I feel like the show is done, I am already at work on the next one, I want to keep things moving.  If I had all the time in the world, maybe.  But for now it seems weird & wasteful for me to sit on my hands all next week & do nothing.

Please enjoy this week's show - no warning necessary - available now at Self Help Radio dot net.  It's in two parts - you know the drill - plus I note below when the interviews happen so you can find them easier.

Next time, maybe I'll be able to give you a little warning when I fuck something up.

(part one)

"The Warning" Paul Hunter _Earth_
"Warning" Junior Delgado _Effort_
"A Warning" Conception Corportation _Complete Conception_
"Warning" The Humans _Project Blue_

"Early Warning System" Red Deer People _Between Two Waves: The Second Wave_
"Positive Warning" Lake _Circular Doorway_
"Without A Warning" The Amazers _Curtom Funk_
"I Warned You Baby" Frankie Lee Sims _The Ace Blues Masters, Vol. 2: 4th & Beale & Further South_

Interview with my spiritual mentor the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently

"You Better Heed My Warning" Larry Dale _New York City Blues: The Big Apple Blues Scene 1951-1954_
"Everybody Warned Me" Bill Morrissey _Inside_
"Warning Sign" Talking Heads _More Songs About Buildings & Food_
"Warning Shots (feat. Sleepy Wonder & Gunjan)" Thievery Corporation _It Takes A Thief: The Very Best Of Thievery Corporation_

Interview with our friend Allen Shariaty in Maryland

"World Without Warning" Anne Clark _Pressure Points_

(part two)

"You Have Been Warned" The X-Certs _Avon Calling: The Bristol Compilation_
"Storming Warning" 3-Action! _(Don't Lose That) Stealin' Feelin' 12"_
"Early Warnings" Love Is All _Two Thousand & Ten Injuries_

"Brother Take Warning" Roy Acuff & His Smoky Mountain Boys _King Of Country Music_
"Warning Parental Advisory" John Wesley Harding & Steve Wynn _Just Say Anything (Vol. V Of Just Say Yes)_
"Warning Labels On Alcoholic Beverages" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"Without A Word Of Warning" Gary Lewis & The Playboys _A Session With Gary Lewis & The Playboys_
"I Warned You Do Not Make An Enemy Of Me" Los Campesinos! _Romance Is Boring_

Interview with Warnings Specialist CJ Buchanan

"Heed My Warning" Louis Jordan _Louis Jordan & His Tympany Five, Vol. 5: 1949-1950_
"Warning Blues" Johnny Otis & His Orchestra with Linda Hopkins _Midnight At The Barrelhouse (Rockin' California R&B 1945-1951)_
"I'm Warning You Baby" Lightnin' Slim _Authentic Excello R&B_
"Double Warning" I-Roy _Don't Check Me With No Lightweight Stuff (1972-1975)_

"Frozen Warnings" Nico _The Marble Index_
"Sky Warning" James Pants _Seven Seals_

Whither Warnings?

(A warning sign warning you to pay attention to warning signs*, found here.)

Oh man, I have to apologize for how many times on the show tonight I'm going to warn you about things.  I'm going to say over & over, I just know it, that I warned you, that you should heed the warning, that you've been warned.  I'm so sorry.  I won't be able to help myself.

& damn it, I just realized that that's kind of a warning, too!  Warning: I will be warning you about me warning you on a show with songs about warning.  Jiminy Crocker, I'm a fucking cliché.

Anyway, here's another warning: Self Help Radio is on tonight (!) with a show about warnings.  From 8-10pm central time, 9-11pm eastern.  On WLXU 93.9 fm in Lexington, on the computer at Lexington Community Radio online purt near everywhere.

After all these warnings, well, you're on your own.

* Are these signs unique to Texas?

Preface To Warnings: Happy Fourth Of July!

Hope you didn't blow yourself up today.  Apparently a lot of people do.

Maybe instead on this day you take a moment to read the Declaration Of Independence?  Maybe if more people did, this might be a more thoughtful country?  Or what?

More dumb radio stuff tomorrow!

Things I'm Really Afraid Of # 1

These fuckers:

Seriously, they scare the shit out of me.  One flew into our house last night - yes, they fly - & I just freaked out.  My wife was all like, "It's just a bug," but as I tried to explain to her, one, fears are by their nature irrational, & two, since I was a kid, I was aware they they're basically just icky survival machines but the fact that occasionally they seem to be coming after me makes it hard to forget they don't have agency.

Truly I am really afraid of these awful insects.  Agh!  I can't stand looking at that image anymore!  Gotta go!

(Ugh, that image from this web page.)

Might I Share?

Some of you may have noticed that I have subbed three different KNON shows in the past two weeks.  It was a punishment of riches - KNON deejays either usually have collaborators on their shows or simply do not miss shows.  But I was the lucky beneficiary of three morning shows in less than two weeks.  My gratitude cannot be understated.

But ah!  Someone, who shall not be named but who is a real person I promise, wrote a nice email to the station's Traffic Director, & he shared it with me.  So I would like you to see it too.  It went like this (all caps in the original, although I have italicized it to set it apart from this text):

Loyal listener here with two quick thoughts*:

CAN WE PLEASE HAVE A GARY SHOW?!?

His fill-in shows have been a DELIGHT. Tuesday for Nil, and yesterday and today** were SO. MUCH. FANTASTIC. Eclectic, educational, unpredictable, funny. (Even when the @!#?-%  CD player was uncooperative this morning.)

End of email.  How nice is that?

Honestly I can't say if even a dozen of these would mean getting a show on KNON, but, as it stands, it remains (after nine months) the best chance for Self Help Radio to be heard in the D/FW Metroplex.

Which is not to say I am ungrateful for the love that Lexington & WLXU continue to give to this ridiculous radio show I do.  I am utterly amazed that Self Help Radio continues to air in Lexington & I truly love WLXU & WLXL for their diversity.  I just really, really want to do the show live again.  I think you can understand that.

But until that time, getting sweet & supportive emails like this will sustain me.  My damaged self-esteem may grumble, but I recognize it's really cool & nice.

* I don't include the second thought as it is not pertinent to the praise of me I am sharing.

** Written after the Thursday & Friday Morning Blend sub shows.

Self Help Radio 062817: Mercy

(Found the logo at this logo-generating site.)

What happened this week on Self Help Radio?  Did someone find oneself at the mercy of something or someone else?  Did another person or several persons ask or even beg for mercy?  Were their calls for mercy?  Who needs all this mercy?  You?  Me?  Yes.

One might have thought it was a particularly ridiculous little show, but that's only if one had not heard Self Help Radio before.  So many songs about mercy!  (The list is below.)  But that's not all!  An interview with up & coming country act The Mercy Siblings!  An interview with the author of The Power Of Mercy!  Yes, even an interview with the CEO of Mercy General hospitals!  Plus, a song written exclusively for the show!  Do you see all these exclamation points?  Do you think they are used frivolously?  Well, they are!  But don't let that bother you!

The show can be listened to with or without mercy (there's already plenty of mercy there) at the Self Help Radio website.  It's in two parts; which song is in which part is below.  Pay attention to username/password information!

& you'll find yourself saying "oh mercy!" all the day long.

(part one)

"I'm At The Mercy Of Love" Fats Waller _1936_
"Please Have Mercy" John Lee Hooker _The Classic Early Years 1948-1951_
"Mercy" Lorrie & Larry Collins _The Rockin'est_

"Somebody Have Mercy" Sam Cooke _The Man & His Music_
"Have Mercy Mr. Percy" Laurel Aitken _You Got Me Rockin' (The Blue Beat Years 1960-1964)_
"Have Mercy On Me" George Jones _Ragged But Right: The Starday Years Plus_
"Have Mercy Baby" James Brown _The Singles, Vol. 3: 1964-1965_
"Mercy Mercy Mercy" The Cannonball Adderley Quintet _Mercy, Mercy, Mercy! Live At "The Club"_

"Sisters Of Mercy" Leonard Cohen _Songs Of Leonard Cohen_
"Have A Little Mercy" Jean Wells _Dave Godin's Deep Soul Treasures_
"Everybody Cryin' Mercy" Mose Allison _Allison Wonderland_
"Mercy Mercy Baby" Ray Barretto _Acid_

"Death Don't Have No Mercy" Rev. Gary Davis _Live At Newport_
"Have Mercy Judge" Chuck Berry _Have Mercy: His Complete Chess Recordings 1969 To 1974_

(part two)

"Mercy Baby" Tim Jacob _Eccentric Soul: Smart's Palace_
"Please Have Mercy Baby" Honey & The Bees _Come Get It: The Complete Josie Recordings 1970-1971_
"Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology) (Stereo Promo Version)" Marvin Gaye _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 11A: 1971_

"Mercy Mercy" The Count Bishops _Speedball Plus 11_
"Have A Little Mercy" Mighty Diamonds _Tell Me What's Wrong_
"Mercy Dash" Shriekback _Jam Science_
"Merciless" The Railway Children _Recurrence_

"The Mercy Seat" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _Lovely Creatures: The Best Of Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (1984-2014)_
"Mercy Seat" Ultra Vivid Scene _Ultra Vivid Scene_
"What Mercy Is" The Luyas _Too Beautiful To Work_
"May Today Be Merciful" Jail Weddings _Meltdown: A Declaration Of Unpopular Emotion_

"Mercy Was A Bee" Tania + Holy Worm _Mercy Was A Bee_
"Mercy" The Jazz Butcher _Last Of The Gentlemen Adventures_

Whither Mercy?

(Probably not a real street*.  Image from here.)

Why mercy?  Why not mercy?  Couldn't we all use a little mercy?  Just a little?

You are right to be disappointed with this answer.  I have none better.  At some point in the past few months I thought it would be nice to do a radio show about mercy.  I myself have no religious or supernatural beliefs, so I don't see mercy as being part of any religious tradition.  But most certainly there is a strain of that thought in many of the songs you'll hear on the show tonight.

The show tonight!  That's true!  It's on from 8-10pm central, 9-11pm eastern on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at the Lexington Community Radio website (just make sure you choose WLXU).  There are guests & lots of songs.  It should be quite merciless in its discussions of mercy.  Wait.

* But it is apparently a real television show.

Preface To Mercy: The Most Famous Mercy Song Is...

What do you think?  In my brain, when I heard the word "mercy," I immediately thought of this one:



Which, I know, isn't technically about mercy, but the word mercy was used as an interjection almost as soon as it came into the English language.

Anyway, the more I thought, the more I came to think it might be this one:



There's this one, which was covered as much as the previous one:



& one that's dear to my heart:



& one that mesmerized me when I first heard at the age of twenty:



The video is mesmerizing me now!

What "mercy" song do you think is the most famous?

This Happened Today

Someone from my past - someone I knew when I was a teen - friended me on Facebook tonight.  She said she joined Facebook just to find me.  She wanted to thank me for all the music I shared with her when we were younger.

That's how Facebook is supposed to work, isn't it?  That's nice.

Gosh, I guess we sort of lost contact maybe in 1994 or so.  I seem to remember visiting her in Dallas some time before I started deejaying, which was in August 1994.  It may have coincided with the use of email - she & I would write letters to one another.  Once I had email, though, I stopped doing that.

Anyway.  That happened & now I have to stay up late to work on this week's show.  I don't mind.  It's nice when nice stuff happens.  It doesn't seem like nice stuff happens all that often.  So it's nice to note when it does.

Everybody's Got One

When I was a kid, my brother Ralph* would sing songs that made prominently use of the word "love" replacing that word with the word "drugs."  For example, he would sing the song "All You Need Is Love" as "All You Need Is Drugs."  I suppose he thought that was clever.

He was at the time a big proponent of drugs, most specifically marijuana.  When I was in high school, I was adamantly against all drugs, for many reasons, among them how dopey it made my big brothers when they were high**.  I'm not sure what he thought he was doing trying to convince a fifteen-year-old boy to find marijuana & smoke it, but I'm certain my own inexperience - I was probably quoting him dubious facts & figures I had learned in a health textbook - was just as weird & annoying.

At the time we talked - & I remember this for some reason as clear as day, I remember him being in my bedroom, & the two of us looking out the window, & him bringing up drugs for no reason at all.  & specifically I remember him mention, because he knew I was a big fan of the Beatles, that John Lennon says at the end of the song "I Am The Walrus," "Everybody smoke pot."

"That's not what he's saying," I said.  "He's saying, 'Everybody's got one.'"

My brother said, "What the hell does that mean?"

I told him I had recently read*** John Lennon's last interview in Playboy where he talked about the songs & he said it meant a penis, a vagina, whatever - everybody's got one.

My brother scoffed.  "Of course he would say that," he said.  "He has to."

There was a moment there when I wondered if my brother knew anything about John Lennon.  I said, "He's very forthcoming in that interview about drug use, like his heroin addiction, & the fact that he & Yoko smoke pot.  Why would he choose to lie about it at this point, especially when he's devastatingly honest about all the rest of the songs they ask him about?"

My brother didn't have a response to that, but he stubbornly insisted, as is the way of my family, that he was right & the person who wrote the song was wrong.

This was part of a revelation that continued the process of my alienation from my family - both in my desire not to interact with them because of their defensiveness & in their reaction not to interact with me because of my tendency to shoot down, with facts & evidence, their generally wrong assertions.  The revelation was this: my family in general often doesn't know what they're talking about.  My brother had been a Beatles fan before I was born & still thought he knew better than John Lennon.  Could understand the motivations better than the man himself.  Would rather believe what he thought was true than accept what the person himself said was true.  This would happen again & again in my teen years, whether it was about music or politics or history.

It occurs to me that this story is completely without a good ending, & there isn't one - not that I remember - but if I am allowed to make up an ending, which I think I should be able to, it would go like this:

My brother just sort of shook his head at me, giving me a look of disgust & almost muttering "fucking know-it-all" under his breath.  Then he paused & said, "So do you wanna buy some pot?"

Really, I wish it ended that way.  & maybe one day I'll believe it did.

* Yes, I have a brother named Ralph.
** I have three big brothers, but I am referring here to the younger two.  My oldest big brother is quite the square, & has probably never tried pot.
*** I had at that time consumed as much information about the Beatles as I could, including several biographies.

Self Help Radio 062117: Venus

(Original image here.)

We went to Venus & back this week!  We took a goddess with us!  It was intense!

& also quite silly.  I won't lie.  There was silly astronomy & silly mythology.  & this was just in the interviews!  The songs were probably also somewhat silly as well.  Frankly I don't know how you put up with it.  Oh, you just don't listen?  Fair enough.

The show is now available for interplanetary listening at the Self Help Radio website.  Pay attention - you'll need a username & password to listen, & those are on the site's first page.  It's divided into two more or less equal parts - each around sixty minutes each - & the songs played in those parts are below.

Wear something loose & comfortable - it's hot on Venus!

(part one)

"Life On Venus" The Tornados _Ridin' The Wind: The Anthology_
"Transmissions From Venus '94" Man Or Astroman? _Astro Launch_
"Destination Venus" The Rezillos _Can't Stand The Rezillos: The (Almost) Complete Rezillos_

"Venus" Sam Cooke _Hits Of The 50s_
"Venus In Blue Jeans" Jimmy Clanton _Venus In Blue Jeans_
"Love Hymn To Aphrodite" The Mountain Goats _Hot Garden Stomp_
"Venus In Furs" The Velvet Underground _The Velvet Underground & Nico_

"The Song From Venus" Stephin Merritt _Obscurities_
"Girl From Venus" Perrey & Kingsley _In Sound From Way Out_
"Killer Robots From Venus" The Arrogant Worms _Russell's Shorts_
"Big Eyed Beans From Venus" Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band _Clear Spot_

"Venus" Television _Marquee Moon_

(part two)

"Venus" Nervus Rex _Nervus Rex_
"Mars Loves Venus" The Brunettes _Mars Loves Venus_
"One Touch Of Venus" Greta Keller _American Songbook Series: Kurt Weill_

"Venus Loon" T.Rex _Zinc Alloy & The Hidden Riders Of Tomorrow_
"Jet Silver & The Dolls Of Venus" Be-Bop Deluxe _Singles A's & B's_
"Venusian Star" Licorice Roots _Strangers In Marshmallow Boots_
"Ultra-Powerful Short Wave Radio Picks Up Music From Venus" Yo La Tengo _Genius + Love = Yo La Tengo_

"Venus Eccentric" Neon Hearts _Short Sharp Shock_
"Venus" X-Teens _Big Boy's Dream_
"Shapes Of Venus" Clone Defects _Shapes Of Venus_
"Venus" The Wedding Present _Saturnalia_
"Sunray Venus" Throwing Muses _Purgatory/Paradise_

"53 Miles West Of Venus" The B-52s _Wild Planet_
"Nightflight To Venus" Boney M. _Nightflight To Venus_

Whither Venus?

(Nice map of Venus, in case you get lost on the planet, from here.)

Trying to remember when I first thought of doing a show about Venus...  I can't.  But I know I was thinking about the planet, not the goddess.  I'm an astronomy nerd.  I was very excited, for example, when the first images of Pluto were appearing a couple of years ago.  It makes me a little sad that our lives are consumed by the small section of the universe we occupy, that many of us don't look up at the sky & think about the immensity in which we live.

But at some point I realized I should be thinking about the goddess, a goddess of love, who shares her name - well, who gave her name, in a sense - to the planet.  Initially, I thought to myself, "Shouldn't I save it maybe for a Valentine's Day show?"  (I am still regretting wasting Cupid on a non-Valentine's Day show
.)  But as I gathered songs - & jeez there are a lot of songs about Venus - I realized that it would be best to share the show with planet & goddess songs as the planet & the goddess share the name.  Plus four people voted for that!

So, you know, I feel obligated.

The show about Venus is on tonight from 8-10pm central, 9-11pm eastern, on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington, & online everywhere at the Lexington Community Radio web site (choose WLXU).  Lots of songs, lots of guests, less & less of me - just like you like it!

Preface To Venus: THAT SONG

(image from here.)

People have told me the classic song about Venus is this one, Frankie Avalon's Venus</â>. Written by Ed Marshall & Peter DeAngelis, the song was Avalon's first number one hit, & probably is most familiar to people my age & younger from its use in the TV show Dexter, as one season's serial killer's theme song.  I'm sure that's something Avalon hoped for when he recorded the tune in the late 1950s.

But for me, & people like me, who grew up in the 1980s, it's the Bananarama song that is most familiar.  This song was on MTV every hour of every day for what seemed like years.  It didn't hurt that the women in the band were super cute.  I might have watched the video for that very reason.  But it was a little freaky when, because I was barely out of my teens, I discovered the song was a cover of a song from the 1960s.  In the 1980s there were loads of covers.  Each one seemed to surprise me anew.

For someone doing a radio show, situations like this find one at a crossroads.  Play the original?  Play the famous cover?  Ignore?  Redefine?  Abort!

Maybe you don't feel this.  Certainly for some this is an easy solution.  Not this radio show!  In the collection of the person responsible for this mess (me), there are five or more covers of this song.  What to do?  What to do?

Luckily there are so many songs about both the goddess & the planet Venus that this will end up being no big deal.  But still - there's always more to agonize about, you know?

Poll Results! Something Else!

Recently I put up a poll up on Twitter asking if this week's show, which has the theme "Venus," should be about the planet, the goddess, or both?

Actually, the poll is still active - you can vote if you want on Twitter - but as of now, with a whopping
four votes, "both" leads at 75%!  So I guess that's what I'll do, then.  Don't say I never listen to you!

Here's something else: I'll be subbing the Tuesday Morning Blend on KNON in Dallas tomorrow morning from 7-9am central time.  It's basically a freeform show so there won't be a theme or anything, but if you'd like to hear me on the radio, & you're in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex, it's on the air at 89.3 fm, & if you're anywhere else, or in the Dallas/Fort Worth metroplex in front of a computer, it's at KNON dot org.

Staring At NASA Photos All Father's Day Long

(Like this one, from here.)

Hey, if you haven't spent any time just wandering around the NASA image of the day page, you're missing out on some lovely pictures of places & things humans don't think too much about.

It's funny, I often wonder what it would be like to see the earth from space, but now that I think about it, it would be much, much more interesting to see space from space.

Anyway, in preparation for this week's show, which is about the second planet from our sun, it might be good to brush up with basic facts about Venus.  I know I have been!

By the way, happy father's day to the appropriate folk.  I never really knew my father, & he's no longer with us, so the holiday in general hasn't meant that much to me.  & frankly, my children - four dogs & four cats - are total assholes & didn't get me one gift this year.  Ingrates.  Even now, at least four of them are curling up on the sofa with their mother!

Self Help Radio 061417: Visions

(The original is here.  Apologies for defacing a classic.)

Here you go.  Two hours of music & talk about visions.  All kinds of visions, from the strictly supernatural to the selfishly personal.  I think I learned something.  Is that rare?

In addition to all the music - which, as you can see below, ran the gamut from 60s psych to 80s synthpop, with stuff in-between & outside around - I had the chance to chat with a true visionary, with our friend Allen who is a pesky know-it-all, & to my spiritual mentor who has had more visions, I'll bet, than I've had hot meals.  Sure, there was some silliness here & there, but when is there not?  I must ask you, sir or ma'am, when is there not?  That's what I thought.

Perhaps this is enough to entice.  You may find the show now at the Self Help Radio website.  As always, pay attention to username/password information that's on the page.  The show is in two parts, each roughly or tenderly an hour long.  The songs I play in the parts are listed below.  Should I also list when the interviews happen?  I may start doing that.  It might be helpful.

The show is not responsible for any visions it may induced while listening.  Standard disclaimer.

(part one)

"Visions" The Looking Glasses _30 Seconds Before The Calico Wall_
"Visions" Letting Up Despite Great Faults _Untogether_
"Visions" Soko _My Dreams Dictate My Reality_

"Visions Pt. 1" Skyway Man _Seen Comin' From A Mighty Eye_
"Vision Of '61" The Embarrassment _God Help Us_
"Vision Board" Maria Bamford _Unwanted Thoughts Syndrome_
"Visions Of China" Japan _Tin Drum_
"Visions Of Domino" T.Rex _Dandy In The Underworld_

"Blind Vision" Blancmange _Mange Tout_
"You Are In My Vision" Tubeway Army _Replicas_
"Distance Equals Rate Times Time" The Pixies _Trompe Le Monde_
"Visions/Revisions" Adult Books _Running From The Blows_

"Visions Of Blue" Ultravox _Quartet_

(part two)

"Vision In Rags" Young Knives _Ornaments From The Silver Arcade_
"Some Grand Vision Of Motives & Irony" The Loud Family _Plants & Birds & Rocks & Things_
"Double Visions" Mini Mansions _The Great Pretender_

"Visions Of Sugarplums" John Davidson _Goin' Places_
"(Vision) In A Plaster Sky" Basil _Magic Cube_
"Thoughts & Visions" The Liberty Bell _Revolution! Teen Time In Corpus Christi (1965-1970)_
"Visions Of Johanna" Bob Dylan _Blonde On Blonde_

"The Vision Of Peregrine Worsthorne" McCarthy _I Am A Wallet_
"A Vision" Seapony _A Vision_
"Visions Of Old Machinery" Hood _Singles Compiled_
"Nightvision" Ornaments _Nightvision_

"A Powerful Vision" Legowelt _Amiga Railroad Adventures_

Whither Visions?

(Image from here.)

Yesterday on this blog, I made the comment that I believed that visions & hallucinations are basically the same thing, & I had an anecdote to back up why I think that.  Today I was looking around, in preparation for tonight's show, & found this article about the difference between visions & hallucinations.  More looking around found this page, Basic Information About Voices & Visions, both of which have tempered my views somewhat.

Not that I now think that there's much of a difference, but that the way they're perceived makes all the difference.  In other words, they're of the same substance, but in general people who have visions tend to believe they're different than hallucinations.  The second website, with is called "hearing-voices dot org," has a comments section which is full of people who claim to hear things they know are not there.  The site asserts that between three to ten percent of the population hear things that others don't.  Visions are far less likely, but even if it's one in a hundred that seems like a hell of a lot.

Perhaps we'll get into this on the show.  It's a fascinating subject, & also it makes me a little sad - I kinda wish I heard voices at least some of the time, & would've loved a vision or two.  Instead, I have had audial & visual hallucinations only on drugs, or when unwell, like with a fever.  I comfort myself with the Shriekback line, "My dreams are visions."  I guess I can live with that.

Tonight's show airs from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at Lexington Community Radio online.  Lots of music, lots of guests, lots of visions!

Preface To Visions: The Ugly Truth

Despite what I might say on my show tomorrow - & who knows what I will say? - I don't really believe people have visions.

Wait.  I need to qualify.  I believe people have visions.  I believe that they believe that they see things that aren't there which tell them things that they believe.  This is one of the definitions of vision: "The mystical experience of seeing something that is not in fact present to the eye or is supernatural."*

As I've probably said before, I don't have any supernatural beliefs.  But I do believe that people can hallucinate - I've done so myself - & yet, I don't believe there is much difference between a hallucination & a vision.  Ultimately, a vision is a hallucination one believes is real.

This is anecdotal & so has no real scientific backup, but I'll tell this story about the first time I did acid:

Before one takes acid, if one consults with people who've done acid, one gets an abundance of information.  How one will feel, what one will see, the things one will experience, etc.  One of my friends, a colleague at work named Eric, told me that the first time he tripped, he felt connected to everything through "the divine."  Eric was raised as a Christian & abandoned his religiousness in his teen years for a kind of hippie-like sense of a god of love surrounding & comforting all.

But you see, I was raised with no religion at all.  At an early age, I came to the conclusion that religions in general weren't much different from one another, so it seemed quite odd to me that one might pick one over another - the stories of the Greek myths, in my mind, seemed much more satisfying than the heroics of the Old Testament, but it didn't mean one was more true than another.

Indeed, as a child of the 1970s, the mystical coolness of The Force in the Star Wars movies seemed much more preferable than anything being espoused by adults or kids around me.  (I am glad that Grand Master Lucas chose to ruin it with midichlorians when I was an adult & couldn't give a fuck.)

The point is, without any religious indoctrination, my brain was free to explore the things that made up my belief system, & so my first acid trip was (unsurprisingly) untainted by anything supernatural.  I knew that everything happening to me was biological, chemical, & that there wasn't an "unseen world" that acid would lead me to explore.  & by the way, this was supported by future trips.  In all my experiences with acid, I never saw god, angels, devils, demons, or any of those things.  I think this was because I didn't believe they existed.

Does this mean the show about "visions" will be some kind of skeptic killjoy?  Nah.  That wouldn't be any fun, now, would it?

* Definition from the Free Dictionary.

Martingale

Do you have a favorite equation?  I don't think I do.  But that sentence popped into my head today & I started thinking: I bet mathematicians & physicists & chemists have favorite equations.  Why wouldn't they?

This site has thirteen favorites.  Everyone is probably partial to E=MC squared because it's usually the only one anyone has heard of.  Plus, it's a pretty bitchin' Big Audio Dynamite tune.

But I think I like this one (image from the site linked above):

It's the equation for the Standard Model & I think it's kinda hot.

Heck, I might even try to memorize it.  But not tonight.

A Decision Has Been Made

(Though it isn't currently reflected on the website.  Okay.  Now it is.)

The past few weeks - because, I can be honest about this, I plan my shows weeks in advance - I have been wondering if the show should be about "vision" - which is to say "the act or power of sensing with the eyes; sight" - definition courtesy of dictionary.com - or about visions - the plural version of this definition: "an experience in which a personage, thing, or event appears vividly or credibly to the mind, although not actually present, often under the influence of a divine or other agency" - (also thanks to dictionary.com).

Well.  A decision has been made.

The show this week will be about the second definition.

Truth be told, I wanted it to be about the second definition.  But I wasn't sure I'd have enough songs to fill a two-hour show with.  But I think I will.

& if not?  I'll describe my own visions to you.  What?  You think I'm kidding?  You do not know what you are trifling with, friend.  You do not know.

Self Help Radio 060717: Rising

(Original image here.)

This is it, the Self Help Radio show with the theme "rising."  But why, Gary? I hear you ask, maybe even more than you actually ask.  Why a show about rising?  & what's next?  Stumbling?  Leaning?  Ambling?

Those are all excellent ideas & we'll get to work on them.  But for now, please enjoy this week's offering about rising, featuring not only an interesting mix of songs (how many shows have both Red Lorry Yellow Lorry & Johnny Cash on them?) but also interesting guests: my spiritual mentor the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently, SuperPAC CFO David Fruchter, & architect CJ Buchanan.  Add to that the fact that Houston duo Tania + Holy Worm wrote an excellent tune for the show & I can't imagine why you'd let something like a ridiculous theme stop you from listening.

The show is now at the Self Help Radio website.  If you've never listened before, please note that you'll be asked for a username & a password; these are available in the words at the top at the page, under the logo.  The show is in two parts, each about an hour in length.  What songs are played in each part is below.

It strikes me that if the show had had the theme "falling," no one would think it so weird.  That's all.

(part one)

"Rise" The Sisters Love _Give Me Your Love_
"Rise" The Perfect Disaster _Heaven Scent_
"Rise" 14 Iced Bears _Let The Breeze Open Our Hearts_

"My Bones Gonna Rise Again" Dave & Howard _Black & White Hillbilly Music: Early Harmonica Recordings 1920-30s_
"We Will Rise" The Shaky Hands _The Shaky Hands_
"Sandman's On The Rise Again" Felt _Rain Of Crystal Spires_
"Rise" Public Image Ltd _Compact Disc_

"Rising High Water Blues" Blind Lemon Jefferson _The Rough Guide To Blind Lemon Jefferson_
"Five Feet High & Rising" Johnny Cash _Five Feet High & Rising/A Cash Country Collection_
"Rising Sea" The Strange Death Of Liberal England _Drown Your Heart Again_
"Everything That Rises Must Converge" Shriekback _Oil & Gold_

"Rising" Tania + Holy Worm _Rising_

(part two)

"Scum, Rise!" Protomartyr _Under Color Of Official Right_
"Rise Up" The Commodores _Funk Drops: Breaks, Nuggets, & Rarities_
"Rise Up" Foxygen _Hang_

"Rise To The Groove" The Rose Of Avalanche _The Rose Of Avalanche_
"A Darkness Rises Up" Broken Records _Let Me Come Home_
"Early Riser" Plus-Tech Squeeze Box _Fakevox_
"Early To Rise" Nice & Smooth _Nice & Smooth_

"High Rise" Girlpool _Powerplant_
"Highrise" Tall Dwarfs _3 EPs_
"High Rise" The Cherry Orchard _Grimsby Fishmarket 4 Norrkoeping 0_
"Rise (I Hope One Day)" Neon Judgement _Mafu Cage_

"The Rise" Red Lorry Yellow Lorry _Nothing Wrong_
"Rise & Fall" Madness _The Rise & Fall_
"The Rise & Fall" The Thought _The Thought_

Whither Rising?

(Too much rising! From here.)

You wouldn't think that one could find two hours of music about bread rising, & in fact that's true.  There will not be two hours of songs about bread rising on Self Help Radio tonight.  Which I think is a shame.  Hey musicians!  More songs about bread, please.  It's an important part of the diet of humans who haven't convinced themselves they're gluten-intolerant!  In fact, I would argue that people enjoy bread much more often than things like love or sex.  But not that creepy unleavened stuff - we need bread that rises!

You'll have to make do with other things rising.  Which will happen tonight on WLXU 93.9 fm in Lexington from 9-11pm Lexingtime + online everywhere at Lexington Community Radio dot org.  You have to adjust for the difference in time zone if you're not in Lexington, though.  For example, in Fort Worth, Texas, it's on from 8-10pm.  You see.  I bet you can figure out.

Meanwhile.  Let's get more songs about bread, bread rising, baking bread, that sort of thing.  Start thinking of that.  I'll be here when you're done.

Preface To Rising: Turning Points

Whatever reason the show has the theme this week, I approached it with a kind of dread.  Rising?  What the fuck sort of theme is rising?

Add to that the fact that I had already done a show, three years ago, about sunrise.  Wouldn't that hamstring a show about rising?  What else rises, but the sun, & maybe bread?

But over the course of the few days I took gathering material for the show, something happened.  Something always happens.  Maybe it's just that there's a giant library of music that I have access to (my record & CD & digital music collection).  Maybe it's that I have a goofy process for looking for songs online.  Maybe it's that, despite doing this for years, I generally imagine I'm always going to fall short of the necessary two hours of music required for doing a proper show.  Despite/because of all that I steel myself for disappointment & instead find myself with too much!  There were too many songs about rising!  It's making the show hard to put together!

This probably sounds like a minor problem, but like with a fever - how long has it been since you've had a fever?  Do you remember, the last time you had a fever, that moment when the fever broke?  It's almost like an epiphany when a fever breaks.  If I am asleep, & the fever breaks, I will wake, & I will feel a calm that I assume is like when an acolyte finds herself in meditation for the first, & she is able to clear her mind completely.  It's that good.

In fact, it's a wonder I don't try to give myself horrible colds so I can experience more fevers.

A similar sort of thing happens when I realize that the show has come together.  I will stop what I am doing & take a breath.  Sometimes I don't even know I've done such a thing until after the fact.  I'll say, Oh yeah, when I listened to that song, I knew it would be all right.

Which is my way of saying that happened just today.  I realized that - whether it's actually going to be a good show or not - this week's Self Help Radio would pass my own test for a decent mix of music.

This is not a thing I expect, even after all this time.  It still surprises me.  It surprised me today.

That's a good thing, right?

It's The Every Things I Regret

Someone wrote me an email late last night - I know who, I'm just not telling you - with this line:

My new boyfriend is a poet.

It might seem interesting that my friend is dating a poet.  For some.  For me, there's nothing inherently interesting about anyone dating a poet - I guess I don't see a poet as an 'other,' an unusual character in our society.  I know at least three people who make some part of their living as "poets," & many more with whom I've shared my own poems with as they've shared theirs with me.  I don't think of myself as a poet, but I think most everyone has a touch of the poet in them.  As Robert Heinlein once said, "A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits."

The thing that interests me is the first part of the sentence - the subject & its modifiers.  My new boyfriend.  I am charmed by that half of the sentence.  As someone who's married, & has been with the same person - happily, I add, with only a few quibbles - since 2001, & who - perhaps mistakenly, but honestly so - doesn't imagine being with someone else for at least the rest of this life, I think wistfully about the phrase my new boyfriend.

When did I ever use that phrase (with its gender corrected for my own predilections)?  Was it in 2001, when I was introducing my Magda to people.  Would I say, "This is my new girlfriend, Magda"?  That would be strange, wouldn't it?  But surely I must've thought about it.  Or I must've thought, in lonely times, "When will I ever have a new girlfriend?"

Because I often felt like I had to ask a woman whether, after dating for a time, we were actually boyfriend/girlfriend & not, in the 1990s parlance, just "hanging out."  In one particularly disastrous case, I remember taking aside a very lovely girl, with whom I was in fact "hanging out," & asking her if she wanted to be my girlfriend.  She didn't answer, exactly - she didn't talk much at all - but I understood that she was telling me "no."'

That may be why I haven't really had all that many girlfriends.  Proper girlfriends, who agreed to the terms.  I "hung out" with a bunch of women.  Then we stopped "hanging out."  We never "broke up."

Actually, it's unusual perhaps for someone to say "my new boyfriend."  It's more likely for someone to say "your new boyfriend."  You know it's new, but you don't usually put it that way.  So what is my friend up to?  Have I not been paying attention?  Do boyfriends get replaced with such rapidity that every new one needs to be stamped as such?  Would it be rude to ask?

Reading that sentence - just its first half, actually - last night I felt a little sad I would never have a "new girlfriend" ever again.  But it's just as well, because, it turns out, I've only been able to say such a thing a very few times in my life.  & even then, I didn't.

State Park Report

The closest State Park to where I currently live* is Cedar Hill State Park.  It's in Cedar Hill, Texas, & according to Google maps, it's 31 miles away.  According the camp's website, linked above, "Argentine ants, an invasive species, are in some campsites at this park."

Holy shit!  Argentine ants!  What the fuck?  The ones that look like this (image from their Wikipedia page:

I hope that's not actual size!

The website continues: "The ants do not sting."

Oh.  Oh.  Okay.  Well.  Why should I care, then?  (Cue Wikipedia.)

"The ants are ranked among the world's 100 worst animal invaders. In its introduced range, the Argentine ant often displaces most or all native ants. This can, in turn, imperil other species in the ecosystem, such as native plants that depend on native ants for seed dispersal, or lizards that depend on native ants for food. For example, the recent severe decline in coastal horned lizards in southern California is closely tied to Argentine ants displacing native ant species on which the lizards feed."

So not only are they assholes, but also there are lizards who are like, "Have you tasted Argentine ants?  No thank you!  I'd rather let my species severely decline, thank you too damn much."

Still, they let dogs on their trails - some Texas parks don't do that - so it might be a nice place to go to take the dogs for a walk.  Something to think about, anyway.

"Please be prepared to treat around your vehicle & camping equipment."  Fucking Argentine ants!

* You remember I don't live in Kentucky anymore, right?

Self Help Radio 053117: Bars

(Original image here.)

Whew!  That was a hell of a night!  When did we finally get home?  Did I throw up in the taxi?

Has a radio show ever come as close to turning itself into a dive bar as this week's Self Help Radio?  Yes, probably in the 1970s so I should just get over myself.  Good lord!  It's just a radio show with a bunch of songs about bars.  It's not like I played pool all night long while playing over & over the only good song on the crappy jukebox, which of course is "Born To Run" by Bruce Springsteen.  In any event, the show was completely dry - & what kind of bar has no beer?

What did happen was that two tavern owners chatted with me about their establishments, & I spoke with a professional Drinking Companion, & my spiritual mentor called & didn't talk much about bars.    Plus all that music.  Which I think was expertly chosen & placed for superior listening enjoyment but you know what I should just get over myself.

The show is available now at the Self Help Radio web page.  Please note the username/password information on the page.  The show is in two parts, & what songs are in each part is listed below.

Ugh, who's going to clean up all this?

(part one)

"Bar Room Polka" Frankie Yankovic & His Yanks _Greatest Polka Hits_
"Corner Street Bar" Dillard & Clark _Through The Morning Through The Night_
"Alabama Song" David Bowie _Scary Monsters (& Super Creeps)_

"'02: Be True To Your Bar" The Magnetic Fields _50 Song Memoir_
"Where Everybody Knows Your Name (Theme From 'Cheers')" The Wedding Present _Singles 1995-97_
"I Tell You With Bars I Am Never Lucky" Rodney Dangerfield _Rappin' Rodney_
"Bar Fly Blues" Jimmy Witherspoon with Jay McShann & His Sextette _The Mercury Blues & Rhythm Story 1945-1955_
"Swinging Doors" Merle Haggard _Down Every Road 1962-1994_

"Happy Hour" The Housemartins _Live At The BBC_
"2 Pints Of Lager & A Packet Of Crisps Please" Splodgenessabounds _Teenage Kicks_
"The Girl Behind The Bar" Johnny Ashcroft _They're A Weird Mob_
"Closing Time" Leonard Cohen _The Future_

"Between The Bars" Tanya Donelly _Say Yes! A Tribute To Elliott Smith_
"Beer Nut" The Lucksmiths _Happy Secret_

(part two)

"Bartender" Laurel Aitken _You Got Me Rockin' (The Blue Beat Years 1960-1964)_
"Too Many Taverns" King Sterling & His Blue Grass Melody Boys _Texas Bop, Vol. 2_
"I Was Dancing In The Lesbian Bar" Jonathan Richman _I, Jonathan_

"Sally Maclennane" The Pogues _Rum, Sodomy, & The Lash_
"A Pub With No Beer" Slim Dusty _The Best Of Slim Dusty_
"Any More Rocket Fuel/Hardhats" Firesign Theatre _Dear Friends_
"No Hope Bar" Holly Golightly _Singles Round-Up_
"Barmaid" Jerry Colonna _Songs For Screaming_

"There Is A Tavern In The Town" Wally Cox _Golden Goofers_
"Wunderbarmaid" Martin Newell _Let's Kiosk!_
"Outside This Bar" American Music Club _Engine_
"All Bar One Girls" The Long Blondes _Someone To Drive You Home_

"Bartender's Blues" Merrill Moore _Boogie My Blues Away_
"Hey Bartender Give That Man A Drink" Jumpin' Joe Williams with Red Saunders & His Orchestra _The OKeh Rhythm & Blues Story 1949-1957_
"This Tavern Boogie" JT Brown _Rockin' With J.T._

Whither Bars?

(A famous television bar.  Image from here.)

Honestly I do wish I spent more time in bars.  I wish I knew a bunch of people who were regulars & I was a regular & I had a tab & when I walked in people were glad to see me & the bartender knew what I wanted to drink.  That's not something that's ever happened to me.

In fact, I kind of hate the whole business model of bars - it's expensive to drink in bars when you compare with buying the booze yourself & enjoying it at home.  I'm not a cheapskate or anything but that's always bugged me - but only because I never had the other benefits of a bar, the friends, the camaraderie, the feeling of belonging.  I should understand I'm paying for more than a drink.

Having said all that, I think this will be a good episode.  I have a fondness for bars because I do like drinking & I do like seeing live music.  I think you will enjoy the show, & maybe you'll even hear it in a bar.  But.  Probably not.

The show's on tonight from 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central, on WLXU, 93.9 fm.  It's also online at the Lexington Community Radio page.

Dude!  There's no cover charge!  No one's gonna check your ID!  Just go right in!

Preface To Bars: Favorites

Do you have a favorite bar?  As someone who didn't really start drinking until my mid-20s, I didn't even know - except maybe for TV shows like Cheers - that one could have a favorite bar.  In fact, I've never had a bar like the one in Cheers.  Not even close.

& the more I think about it, all my favorite places to drink were in Austin.  & now they're gone.  Seriously.

The truth is, most of the bars I went to, I didn't go for things like drinking, or atmosphere, or coolness.  I went for one thing: cheese fries.  In my pre-vegan days I would travel far & wide for cheese fries.  With lots of jalapeños on them.  My god.

For fuck's sake I said no bacon!  Assholes.  Yes, I'll wait for you to make a new batch.  Don't just scrape it off!

There was a bar close to downtown Austin that I used to bus to - this was in my bachelor days, when I had no car - just to sit & read & have a couple of beers & eat cheese fries.  This was so long ago & they closed before the turn of the century that I can't remember their name.  I went there with a friend the last night they were open & they were out of beer - I guess they were a brew pub - but the sad thing was also that the kitchen was closed.  I wonder what's there now?  Not a bar, that's for sure.

At some point I became all right with the cheese fries at a place called The Dog & Duck, on Guadalupe.  It was near my work so sometimes we'd go there on Fridays to drink & hang out.  It closed some time back, but I just checked & they've opened a new location in East Austin.  I don't go back to Austin very much anymore but I doubt I'd go back there.  For one thing, I mainly went for the cheese fries.  & I don't eat cheese anymore.

A great bar with a great jukebox was Lovejoy's, which closed four years ago.  During South By Southwest they'd have cool day shows; I practiced (& mostly failed) picking up pretty girls there.  It was right off Sixth Street, near KOOP, & I'd occasionally stop in for a pint after a meeting.  It was usually crowded, but I'd find a lonesome spot to watch the proceedings.  Chain smoking miserably.  Funny how you can miss such things.

& it would be remiss not to say something about Club DeVille.  Not a favorite of mine - it was more a cocktail bar than anything else - but it was cool to take women there.  Also, I deejayed there a couple of times for KOOP, so when it closed it was like, There's no proof left anymore you did anything Gary.

For whatever reason, I never went to a lot of bars in Lexington, so I don't really have an opinion about any of them.  & I have only been to one place here in Fort Worth, where I saw a show, & didn't even drink.  There's a pub down the street (within walking distance, sort of) called the Royal Falcon Pub but I've read on Yelp that the place is choked with cigarette smoke which made me realize that Fort Worth isn't smoke-free.  That's kind of fucked-up.  It's 20damn17 folks!

Maybe I won't be exploring bars here for a while.

Blow-By-Blow Play-By-Play

What am I doing? Editing the interviews that will appear on the show this week.  What?  You thought they were live?  I haven't been hiding anything!

They're pretty funny this week but I had such a good time with them & so they are long, long, looooooonnng.  That makes them hard to edit, because I don't want to cut out too much hilarity.  Usually my solution to this is quite simply to cut out as much of me as possible, so that's been the plan.  Just know that when you hear something that sounds like it might have been expanded upon, it might have been - it just didn't fit into the allotted time.

Really though I very much enjoy this process - so much so that I wish I could do it for more things.  Like, there's been talk by the person who plays my spiritual mentor the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently of having the "good" "doctor" branch out into his own podcast.  I would love to be involved with that - especially editing it.  I would not be creating any content - perhaps playing the naïve soul around the doc as I do on the radio - but I'd be glad to do with that what I do with my show.

It's like a variation on that Smiths line - "& when you want to live, where do you start, where do you go, who do you need to know?"  Perhaps I should make more friends, then make them start podcasts, & then offer to edit the podcasts for them.  It seems like so much work to get so much work, though.

Between you & me, I've thought about making a kind of podcast of stuff that I find that's not music related, to be around thirty minutes each, featuring me talking & samples & other things, but I am always less motivated to do something for me than if it's something for someone else.  If Self Help Radio didn't air weekly, I'd probably never get around to it.

Okay, thanks for taking this break with me.  Back to the editing process!

This Long Weekend

Whatcha doin'?  I'm going to see these guys tonight:



The new album I am enjoying quite a bit, although I do kinda wish the band had decided to ape the goth style on all the tracks, not just this first one.

By the way, doesn't that song sound like a kind of riff on this song:



?

Self Help Radio 052417: Questions

(Original image here.)

Despite the fact that you think you know me, that you think because this week's show was about questions, I will not pepper this post-show summary with a bunch of questions.  Because although I am often obvious, & sadly predictable, I am also moderately self-aware & realize when I am being corny, hacky, & tiresome.  Not always, but sometimes, & I realize that, after a show about questions in which I often added questions to the airbreaks to emphasize that the show was about questions, doing that now is just too much.

Instead, in simple declarative sentences, I will just inform you that this week's show is now available for listening to, no questions asked, at the Self Help Radio web page, where you will be asked for a username & a password, both of which are on the page, so don't be freaked out by that.  The show is in two parts, around an hour each, & feature lots of music about questions, as well as interviews with a spiritual dude, a know-it-all, & an educator.  The songs I played are listed below.

It was a fun show to make so I hope it's fun to listen to.  Please let me know if you have any questions.

Well.  That was easy!  Wasn't it.

(part one)

"Too Many Questions" The Wave Pictures _If You Leave It Alone_
"Sex & Question Marks" The Wombats _Glitterbug_
"A Question Of Temperature" The Balloon Farm _Nuggets (Original Artyfacts From The First Psychedelic Era 1965-1968) Vol. 3_

"Questions I Can't Answer" Dan Atello _Ya Gotta Have Moxie, Vol. 1_
"The Burning Question" Bill Nelson _The Two-Fold Aspect Of Everything_
"Hospital Questionnaire" Tig Notaro _Live_
"Hunderttausend Fragen" Vicky Leandros _Pop In Germany, Vol. 5_

"Question This" Milk Kan _The Junk Shop_
"There Are More Questions Than Answers" Johnny Nash _I Can See Clearly Now_
"(We'd Like To) Pose A Question" The L.A. Carnival _Would Like To Pose A Question_
"A Question Of Lust" Depeche Mode _Black Celebration_

"Don't Ask Me Questions" Graham Parker _Howlin' Wind_

(part two)

"Questioningly" The Just Joans _No More Of Your Fairy Stories: An Indiepop Loveletter To The Ramones_
"A Lover's Question" Clyde McPhatter _Greatest Hits_
"2 My Question" Dressy Bessy _Little Music_

"Questions I Can't Answer" Hydroplane _Darla 100_
"Question Girl All Right" Boston Spaceships _Zero To 99_
"Vet Questionnaire" Mike Birbiglia _Dog Years_
"Question Ball" The Bongos _Drums Along The Hudson_
"Ask Me No Questions" Johnny Thunders _So Alone_

"Don't Ask Me No Questions" Lord Charles & The Prophets _Quagmire, Vol. 3_
"It's Out Of The Question" The Isley Brothers _The Motown Anthology_
"I Keep Asking You Questions" Black Ivory _Shaolin Soul (Episode 2)_
"Question The Answer" Shiela Chandra _Nada Brahma_

"Who Cares What The Question Is?" A Band Of Bees _Octopus_
"Question Mark" This Poison! _Magazine 1986-1988

Whither Questions?

(Image from here.)

In the interest of full disclosure, I have to tell you that I kinda stole the idea for this week's show from another radio show.

But oh I can hear you say, or is it just me, "Gary, every radio show does some kind of theme every now & then.  You're the weirdo that's been doing a show where there's a different theme each week for like fifteen years!"

It's true, I guess, but I do listen to a show - & I've mentioned it before - on the college radio station in Fort Worth called Night Skool which also organizes itself around particular themes.  Last week's show, for example, was new music from the past few years, while the week before was a "non-sequitur" show.  But a couple weeks before that, the show was a question show, which may seem familiar to anyone who is reading this that has caught on that this week's Self Help Radio is also a show about questions.

But you know I can't do anything in a straightforward manner, even copying something, so where Night Skool featured songs that asked questions - like "What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted?" or "Why Don't We Do It In The Road?" - Self Help Radio is featuring songs about questions.  That means that my show isn't entirely a rip-off of the Night Skool show.  But I had to say that I was inspired by the other program to explore this week's theme.

So I guess I shouldn't have said "stole the idea."  Maybe I just wanted to be a little dramatic.  Perhaps also I thought you might be more interested in a dumb explanation of why a dumb radio show has another dumb theme if there were larceny involved.  Did it work?

Self Help Radio's playing songs about questions tonight on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online everywhere at Lexington Community Radio dot org.  From 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central.  I hope you'll listen.

Wait.  Maybe I should say: I hope you'll listen?

Preface To Questions: Garrulous Vs Querulous

One day I was driving in a car with my high school American History teacher, Mr. Bridwell.  He had taken me to a bookstore - & before you say anything, I know it's weird to hang out with teachers when you're in high school, but I admired him, & he seemed to like me & it was fun going to a bookstore with him because we both loved books.  One time, I remember, when I saw him later, when I was in college, & deeply in love with The Smiths, I quoted Morrissey to him:

There's more to life than books, you know
But not much more

He laughed approvingly.

Anyway, we were in a car, & he was in a good mood, & he made a little joke to himself about me, almost as if I weren't even there, because I was yammering away about something, he said, "Garrulous Gary."  Because I did talk & talk & talk in those days, & mostly about meaningless stuff.  I did, & I do.  But he had made a funny in his head with a word & my name, & he said it out loud, & he laughed.

The weird thing is, since he wasn't talking to me, & he said it somewhat quietly, I thought he said, "Querulous Gary."  & I stopped talking because, well, I knew what that word meant.  It means complaining & whining.  & I didn't think I was doing that.  (I knew the word's meaning, actually, because it was an SAT word I had learned the previous year.)

My feelings were a little hurt, but I did my best to hide them, & probably wasn't as chatty the rest of the drive.  Luckily we were on our way home when this happened.

Why didn't I ever ask him why he said that?  It would have been a simple question!  Because, as you might have realized, I heard him later called me "Garrulous Gary" & realized I had misheard.

But just asking at the time would have saved me a lot of hurt feelings.

These Despairing Carp

No, he said at himself, that sounds too much like a Robyn Hitchcock song title.

Not an album? said the creature reading his thoughts.

Not an album, he said at himself, because the thoughts of the creature reading his thoughts sounded, in his head, like his own thoughts.

That's why, the creature now reading my thoughts said to me, I am so lonesome.

You're in luck! I told the creature reading my thoughts.  For I have made you up, & therefore I know you exist.  In fact, I continued, I even know what kind of creature you are!

What about me? said the person who was going to be the protagonist of this little tale until the creature who could read thoughts turned out to be far more interesting.

Ignore him, said the creature reading my thoughts.  Maybe write a tragedy for him?  Like an elevator falling on his shoes?

But, I said to the creature reading my thoughts, though I knew I was being overheard by the person who was previously going to be the protagonist of this story, I didn't originally think this would a tragedy.  I had hoped it would be a little funny.  Perhaps whimsical.  I mean, it's called "These Despairing Carp!"

That sounds sad, said the creature reading my thoughts.  Who wants carp to be sad?

Jeff, said the person who was, at this story's outset, its hero.

What? I said.

My name is Jeff, Jeff said.

That's fascinating, I said to Jeff.  Because I hadn't given you a name.

You had, Jeff replied.  You just hadn't written it down.

The subconscious can be fucking strange, I said admiringly.

& lonely! said the creature reading my thoughts.

Well, I said to both of them, I appear to have backed myself into a narrative corner.

How so? asked Jeff, because he thought I was only talking to him.

Not to hurt your feelings, I said, but I am no longer interested in you as the protagonist, & frankly I am finding the creature who can read our thoughts to be a little too self-pitying.

The what that can do what? said Jeff.

Great, said the creature who could read our thoughts, now I have to kill him.

What would I think such a thing? Jeff asked himself.  I am a monster! he cried, running far away.

The creature who could read my thoughts then turned to me & said, I guess I'll have to kill you now.

Honestly, I said, I am really surprised this took such a dark turn.  However, I have the perfect way to stop you from hurting me or anyone.

What is that? said the creature who could read my thoughts, skeptically.

Oh, I said, it's this:

THE END

Then I pushed "publish" on the blog & went to go eat an apple.

What Kind Of Fantastic Trees Have You Got Growing Around Here?

You live long enough, the world finds its way back to both brilliance & tragedy.  I am so happy I get to return to Twin Peaks tonight.