These Despairing Carp

No, he said at himself, that sounds too much like a Robyn Hitchcock song title.

Not an album? said the creature reading his thoughts.

Not an album, he said at himself, because the thoughts of the creature reading his thoughts sounded, in his head, like his own thoughts.

That's why, the creature now reading my thoughts said to me, I am so lonesome.

You're in luck! I told the creature reading my thoughts.  For I have made you up, & therefore I know you exist.  In fact, I continued, I even know what kind of creature you are!

What about me? said the person who was going to be the protagonist of this little tale until the creature who could read thoughts turned out to be far more interesting.

Ignore him, said the creature reading my thoughts.  Maybe write a tragedy for him?  Like an elevator falling on his shoes?

But, I said to the creature reading my thoughts, though I knew I was being overheard by the person who was previously going to be the protagonist of this story, I didn't originally think this would a tragedy.  I had hoped it would be a little funny.  Perhaps whimsical.  I mean, it's called "These Despairing Carp!"

That sounds sad, said the creature reading my thoughts.  Who wants carp to be sad?

Jeff, said the person who was, at this story's outset, its hero.

What? I said.

My name is Jeff, Jeff said.

That's fascinating, I said to Jeff.  Because I hadn't given you a name.

You had, Jeff replied.  You just hadn't written it down.

The subconscious can be fucking strange, I said admiringly.

& lonely! said the creature reading my thoughts.

Well, I said to both of them, I appear to have backed myself into a narrative corner.

How so? asked Jeff, because he thought I was only talking to him.

Not to hurt your feelings, I said, but I am no longer interested in you as the protagonist, & frankly I am finding the creature who can read our thoughts to be a little too self-pitying.

The what that can do what? said Jeff.

Great, said the creature who could read our thoughts, now I have to kill him.

What would I think such a thing? Jeff asked himself.  I am a monster! he cried, running far away.

The creature who could read my thoughts then turned to me & said, I guess I'll have to kill you now.

Honestly, I said, I am really surprised this took such a dark turn.  However, I have the perfect way to stop you from hurting me or anyone.

What is that? said the creature who could read my thoughts, skeptically.

Oh, I said, it's this:

THE END

Then I pushed "publish" on the blog & went to go eat an apple.