Self Help Radio 022114: Dig It

We dug into our music collection today (groan) to find lots of songs about digging, whether of the "to excavate" meaning or of the "like, understand" slangy meaning.  If you dig through the show, perhaps you'll find something you'll dig (please stop).

The show is available for listening hooray! at Self Help Radio website place.  Should you want to simply click a button to immediately get to a show, & who could blame you, I have direct links here: part the I | part the II.  Soon you'll be digging on the songs that I played, which are handily listed below.

Hey! I dig you!

(part one)

"Diga Diga Doo" Bob Thompson _The History Of Space Age Pop, Vol. 1: Melodies & Mischief_
"I Dig Everything" David Bowie _Early On 1964-1966_
"I Dig Your Kind" Barons _Society Don't Let Us Down_
"I'm Digging You Digging Me" Boyce & Hart _I Wonder What She's Doing Tonight?_
"I Dig Your Mind" The Nervous Breakdowns _I Dig Your Mind_

"I'm A Ginseng Digger" Wally Burke _I'm Just The Other Woman! MSR Madness Vol. # 4_
"I Dig Love" George Harrison _All Things Must Pass_
"Do You Dig It" Titus Turner _What It Is! Funky Soul & Rare Grooves (1967-1977)_
"Dig On" Pablo Moses _Pave The Way_
"I Dig You" The Cure _Seventeen Seconds_

"Dig That Groove Baby" Toy Dolls _Dig That Groove Baby_
"Dig Me" King Crimson _Three Of A Perfect Pair_

(part two)

"Dig A Hole" The Wolfgang Press _Standing Up Straight_
"Dig For Fire" Pixies _Bossanova_
"Can You Dig It?" Mock Turtles _Can You Dig It?: The Best Of The Mock Turtles_

"Digging My Feet In The Ground" Smack Dab _Majestic Root_
"I Dig You" Beat Happening _Beat Happening/Screaming Trees_
"I Dig You" Boss Hog _Boss Hog_
"Dig My Pig" Anton Barbeau _17th Century Fuzzbox Blues_
"Digging For Water" White Rose Transmission _Magic Boomerang_

"Archaeological Dig" State Broadcasters _The Ship & The Iceberg_
"Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!" Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds _Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!_
"Dig You Out" Male Bonding _Endless Now_
"Dig A Little Deeper" Peter Bjorn & John _Gimme Some_

Preface To Dig It: I Have Measured Out My Life In Shovels

Not true!  Why do I assault TS Eliot in this way?  I have barely held a shovel since I was but a boy.

I did shovel a bit of our driveway during the last month when we were covered in snow (it's gone - for now - & it's 70 degrees right now but it's windy & storms are coming).  I didn't do the entire driveway because it's very big.  Here's a Google Maps picture of our driveway:

Perhaps you can tell that we have one of those driveways that people call "circular drives" even though it's mainly an arc.  If you can't tell, it's because that big tree is hiding the topmost part (which would show you our front door & garage door too).

As you can imagine, that's a hell of a lot to shovel.  I couldn't keep up.

But it is a driveway - on private property - & knowing that fact, you'd be pretty surprised how many people use it as a means to turn around.  It seems a little rude.  Also, when I see a car driving up, I wonder, "Who can that be? Is it a friend coming to visit?"  Then I have to say, "Oh, no.  Just a douchebag doing something he'd get really pissed if someone did on his driveway."

So yes, I've held a shovel this year.  It doesn't make up for all the years I haven't held a shovel.  But I wasn't using it to dig anything up - just trying to dig out of lots & lots of snow.  & failing to do that.

What Is… Self Help Radio Week?

Is it something "declared" by the United States Congress?

Is it something horrified schoolchildren must study in third grade?

Is it a blatant attempt by a self-help industry to cash in on all the attention & money that realtors make during Real Estate Week?

Is it a chapter in my upcoming autobiography describing how long it normally takes me to make one damn Self Help Radio show?

No, no, no, & no.  It is none of the above.

Here are some hints as to what it really is:

1) It's completely made up.  By me.  I have decreed it.  No one else will observe it or will even care.

2) It won't really last a week.  It'll last five days.  So it should be called "Self Help Radio Work Week."

3) But I am calling it "Self Help Radio Week."

4) More details will be detailed next week!

But don't be too excited about it - if it's possible to get even a little bit excited - because it's no big deal.  I just never get to "tease" anything on this blog, & I wanted to see what it felt like.

It feels a little dumb.

You Are Not Currently Following Any Blogs

That's what blogger tells me every time I come here to write something about my dumb radio show.  It makes me feel bad.  Should I be following any blogs?  I mean, I should, right?  Being that I should be part of the blogger community.  That makes a certain amount of sense.

Which blogs ought I follow?  Before you answer that - might you want to know something about my likes & dislikes?  I like indie music, obviously.  & comic books (I think also that's obvious).  & Star Trek.  Um.  Is that a good place to start?

Blogger doesn't suggest any blogs for me to follow.  It has a button called "Blogger Buzz" which appears to want to show me how to make more money with my blog - only I don't really want to make any money with my blog.  I know that sounds downright un-American of me, but I do all this as a labor of love - I have never made a cent doing Self Help Radio.  Though I've lost a lot of money & time doing it!

There is this list (from 2008) of the most popular blogs on Blogger (Self Help Radio's blog didn't make it, alas). Here's a list of 2013's "best bloggers," according to Time Magazine (also I am not on this list).  I have a feeling this whole "finding blogs to follow" is going to take a little time.

Which brings me to: hey! No one's following me!  At least I don't think so.  How would I know if someone was "following" the Self Help Radio blog?

It's all rather confusing.  If you have a blog you think I should follow, let me know.  I will attempt to do some recon & be back at base before reveille.  Gary out.

The Diggers

According to Wikipedia, the Diggers were "a group of Protestant English agrarian socialists, begun by Gerrard Winstanley as True Levellers in 1649, who became known as Diggers, because of their attempts to farm on common land."  I first heard about them on a Billy Bragg record (he was covering a tune by Leon Rosselson, called "The World Turned Upside Down"):



Chumbawamba have a song about them as well:



As someone who's never been terribly political in practice, but pretty political in talk, & who grew up in conservative suburban Texas, the Billy Bragg song seemed damned inspiring.  Utopian communities in the United States have usually been religiously based - I couldn't place myself in a Shaker community, or with the Beechers.  But stories of the Paris Commune & the Diggers have always made me wish I could belong to something that idealistic & good even though it would be doomed to failure.

(I had similar feelings about the recent Occupy Wall Street movement & the Arab Spring - hopeful they would succeed, but knowing in my cynical, defeated heart they would fail.)

(I might also mention here some of my work in community radio - but I won't.)

These two songs were in my mind as I thought about a show with the theme "Dig It" (which is the theme for this week's show, of course).  In addition to songs about actually digging things (like with one's hands, or shovels, or cranes), & songs about "digging" things like hipsters & hippies might say, there are these two songs about a seventeenth century socialist movement.  How does one fit them into the context of a radio show with the theme "dig it"?

Maybe one just mentions them on one's blog?

Self Help Radio 021414: Valentine's Day 2014

Happy Valentine's Day!  Here's a buncha songs about Valentine's Day, valentines, days of Valentine, & well - you get the drift.  Plus a Valentine's Day expert tells us what the day is really about.  Oh boy!

You can listen to the show all day long (starting now) at Self Help Radio Love Central.  Or you can listen to it direct-like by clicking either part I or part II.  All the love-filled songs are listed below.

Again: Happy Valentine's Day!

(part one)

"My Funny Valentine" Elvis Costello _Taking Liberties_
"Blue Valentine" Tom Waits _Blue Valentine_
"Valentines" The Real Tuesday Weld _At The End Of The World_

"Fool For A Valentine" The Gist _Fool For A Valentine_
"On A Valentine" The Morrisons _Songs From The South Of England (1986 - 1988)_
"St. Valentine's Day" The Dream Academy _A Different Kind Of Weather_
"Valentine" The Sisters Of Mercy _The Reptile House EP_

"Valentine" Psychedelic Furs _World Outside_
"St. Valentine's Day" Mekons _I Love Mekons_
"Valentine's Day" David Bowie _The Next Day_

(part two)

"Valentine's Day" Soul Merchants _1985-1987_
"Valentine's Day" The Kids Of Widney High _Act Your Age_

"Valentine" The Darling Buds _Shame On You_
"Valentine" Tsunami _Deep End_
"Everyday Is Valentine's Day" Kissing Book _Lines & Color_
"Valentine's Day" The Poconos _Days Are Getting Shorter_
"Be My Valentine Tonight" Remington Super 60 _Pling2001_
"Dear St. Valentine" Would-Be-Goods _The Morning After_
"Valentine" The School _Loveless Unbeliever_

"Black Valentine" Hey! Hello! _Hey! Hello!_
"Your Valentine (Takes Me Back In Time)" Bubblegum Lemonade _Some Like It Pop_
"My Bloody Valentine" Ratcat _Tingles_
"Valentine's Day Is Over" Billy Bragg _The Peel Sessions_

Preface To Valentine's Day 2014: Any Good Valentine's Day Stories?

I actually don't have a lot of Valentine's Day stories because for the longest time (my first twenty years or so, & many of the years since), I didn't have the slightest chance of getting a girl to be my valentine, & when I was finally (against all odds) dating someone, I was generally with women who didn't need or want flowers, candies, jewelry, etc. - the hallmarks of the day.  I might have given one or two valentines to the woman who is now my wife - but I doubt she'd even notice if I never mentioned that tomorrow was Valentine's Day to her.

But.  I do have one dumb story.  It took place in high school.  I bought some cheap not-even-Russell-Stover boxes of chocolate at a drugstore & gave them to some girls I was fond of in my AP History class.  This was in twelfth grade, Valentine's Day 1986.  I know I gave one to a girl named Laura, who was probably the first girl I really fell in love with, & also to a girl named Carrie, who sat next to me, but I can't remember if there was anyone else in class.  I might have given one or two to a teacher I liked - but my favorite teacher was the male history teacher, & he might not have reacted well to me buying him candy.

In my senior year of high school, I would get to school early - before 7:30 - when it was easy to park & when I could go sit in the halls (hall monitors came on duty to watch the doors at 7:30) & read or study rather than hang out with a growing crowd of students waiting for the eight o'clock bell to ring & stumble miserably into first period.  At the time, one other person would wait in the halls with me: a girl named Terri, who, at some point, decided she didn't want to be my friend anymore (that's another story).  We used to chat & stuff before school started, but for a month or two we just sat silently in the halls, next to the drinking fountains (& therefore not in the view of the hall monitors), waiting for school to begin.

That day, I meant to give one of the heart-shaped boxes of candy to Terri.  I didn't know if I thought being thoughtful would repair our friendship (we reconciled over the course of a couple of weeks in the spring, although we didn't stay friends after high school) - I couldn't possibly have been that clever - I think I just thought, I like Terri, we're friends, I'm giving candy to girls (& possibly male teachers) today, I'll give her one.

I gave it to her.  She took it & said, "Thank you."  & continued ignoring me.  I went back to reading or doing homework or whatever.  After a couple of minutes, she gave the candy back to me & said, "I can't take it!  It's a farce!"  She was crying.  She went to the restroom & didn't return that morning.

(I had to look up "farce" in the dictionary later that day.)

We never spoke about it - I never brought it up - & I think I was baffled I could affect anyone in any way when I was that young & dumb.  The story has a funny postscript, though.

I was left with an extra box of candy & even I knew how lonely it would be to eat a box of valentine chocolate I had bought for myself, so when I got home, I gave it to my mother.  She was extremely happy & she almost cried herself.  That, too, was baffling to me - it was a lesson no one had taught me, least of all her - & maybe that's what moved her so: her son was being thoughtful!  Maybe she also noticed that she & I weren't as close as we had been.  In any event, wow.  She was so happy.  That was crazy.

To this day, though, I'm probably not all that thoughtful.  Some lessons can be learned only barely.

Revenge Of The Love Song!

What happens when you no longer need the love song?  You might be married - or have given up on being with another - or have given your life over to sex & death - or many other fates.  But still - as if the world is populated entirely by teenagers - the love song continues.

The love song's reach has never exceeded its grasp.  The love song goes on forever.  But lovers do not. Lovers grow old & die.  Lovers lose interest or have their love worn away.  The love song abandons old lovers because there are always new lovers growing up, feeling the urge, entering into the world of longing & desire.

Like most love, the love song is trite & banal.  Like most love, the love song is exquisite & expansive.  Like most love, the love song wants everyone to sing along.

John Lydon made sure you understand that he was not singing a love song.  Bo Burnham says the secret to the modern love song is to repeat lyrics so the song is easy to memorize.  But it helps not to overthink it.  Love songs mostly suck because most of the ideas you have about love suck.  Why else would you even listen to most of the songs on this list?  Or this list?  Or this list?  Or especially this list?

Go ahead.  Give up the love song.  Dismiss it as juvenile.  Think you've outgrown it.  Pretend to be above it.  The love song doesn't care.  It never needed you.

You needed it.

Dead External Drive Blues

Tuesdays are usually the days I set aside for lots of listening to music for Friday's show.  I have many songs (like most people) which I have on both DVD & on an external hard drive.  But this morning my external hard drive died.  Or something.

I have a program that I use to recover files from such things but it's slow slow slow.  I may (sigh) end up just copying from the DVDs again.  That takes a LONG TIME.  It's EXHAUSTING.

Online forums are usually of mild help but I sure wish I had a Star Trek computer that I could say "run internal diagnostic" to.  Instead, the program looking for files on the dead &/or dying external hard drive says, "Overall Progress: 0%".

In other news, despite it still being cold as fuck & snow is still everywhere, the wife & I are going to brave the unpleasant weather to see Eugene Mirman in Louisville tonight.

Boo, computer programs.  Hooray, comedy!

Table Of Contents/Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

TOC/OCD

This may strike many as absurd, being that Self Help Radio is a show unlikely to be heard by many people ever in the universe ever, but I have gone & made a page on the website which lists all the themes I've explored in alphabetical order, with links to the original playlists.

But why do a thing like that?  Are there people out there who think to themselves, "I wonder if an obscure radio shows that has little or no listeners have ever done a radio show about [whatever]?"  I can understand them being interested when Bob Dylan did his theme radio show, because even though I've done many of the same themes he did, he's Bob Fucking Dylan & I'm as close to the textbook definition of insignificant as one can get.

In fact, it's safe to say, with a show that has almost no listeners, I could only do such a thing for me.

It's true.  I have been doing this ridiculous show for over eleven years now & occasionally I say to myself, "Hey! I should do a show about…!"  & often I go through the trouble of preparing it, only to realize I have in fact done it before.

For the record, I have only accidentally repeated a show once.  The theme was "trash" & I did the show in both 2004 & 2008.  I did a show about "fame" & another about "stars" (as in "movie stars") that ended up being rather similar.  But I've almost repeated a theme about two dozen times.

This handy index is available for me to double-check when I think I've come up with an idea that I have in fact had a few times before.  It's also available to folks - there's always been a few at the radio stations I've been at - who have thought they could do a better theme-oriented show than I do.  They can look at the linked playlists & sneer!

It's okay - I'm almost certain anyone could do this show better than I have.  I'm the one, however, stuck in the Self Help Radio rut, & not getting out any time soon.  Because I have to keep updating this "table of contents"!

Self Help Radio 020714: Hollow

The hollowness of human existence got you down?  Why not celebrate it instead?  Self Help Radio today celebrates hollow in all its forms.  Well, maybe not all its forms.  It's hollow, after all.  Just a lot of space.  Empty, you know.

The show is available for listening now! at the Self Help Radio website, or directly from here, by choosing either part one or part two.  The hollowest of songs are listed below.

As always, thanks for listening!

(part one)

"Hollow" House Of Love _Audience With The Mind_
"Hollow" Majestic _The Majestic 12 Years 1995-1996_

"Hollow Hills (live)" Bauhaus _Mask_
"Hollow Eyes (12" Version)" Red Lorry Yellow Lorry _Talk About The Weather_
"The Hollow Earth" Pere Ubu _The Tenement Year_
"Hollow Gut" Lowlife _From A Scream To A Whisper_

"All My Hollowness To You" Tall Dwarfs _Hello Cruel World_
"Pretty But Hollow" The Passmore Sisters _Violent Blue_
"Hollow Heart" Birdland _Hollow Heart 12"_
"Hollow Inside" The Hummingbirds _Love Buzz_

(part two)

"Jupiter Hollow" The Proctors _Pinstripes & Englishmen_
"Hollow Inside" The Cat's Miaow _Songs For Girls To Sing_

"Hollow Mind" The Fall _Are You Are Missing Winner_
"Another Hollow Line" Young Knives _Voices Of Animals & Men_
"Is Your Head Hollow" Tranzmitors _Tranzmitors_
"Hollow Hollow Eyes" Crocodiles _ Sleep Forever_
"Hollow Life" Frankie Rose & The Outs _Frankie Rose & The Outs_

"Hollow Inside" The Buzzcocks _A Different Kind Of Tension_
"In Hollow" Belltower _Popdropper_
"Hollow Time Of Night" The Barmitzvah Brothers _The Century Of Invention_
"Hollowed Out" Cut Off Your Hands _Hollow_

Whither Hollow?

The first time I read TS Eliot's "The Hollow Men," I had no familiarity with Guy Fawkes & only a vague understanding of the post-World-War-I world about which he was writing.  I just knew that at times I felt a little (or a lot) hollow.  I was a teenager, & looking for words that would either echo how I felt or attempt to fill that hollowness.  Eliot did both.

I am somewhat more solid in my middle age, but still occasionally fill that I'm not entirely filled by life. I watch movies, listen to music, read books, sometimes even talk to people.  But of course there's always a hollowness.  Old friends that I used to know on Usenet would tell me in one word what it is: angst.

I'm trying to remember if eighteen-year-old me thought that some day that hollow feeling would be gone.  The more-than-twice-that me thinks it might be a little boring if that were the case.  I would have to find another reason to listen to music, for example - which I suppose could be interesting, to only listen to music for something technical, like composition or artistry - but it wouldn't be me, & it might make me turn my back on music I have always loved.  Very little that I loved at one time seems strange or immature or "other" to me.  I am very rarely embarrassed, as some people are, at what I "used to listen to."

Some of my friends, in fact, are more embarrassed for me for what I listen to now.

It's my way of saying, I suppose, that there's always a part of me that's going to be hollow.

I just asked my wife, who's an anatomist, what parts of the human body are hollow.  There are a lot of them: the stomach, the intestines, the bladder, the nasal cavity, the maxillary sinuses, the lateral cervical triangle, among others.  She even said, "The cranium is hollow, until you stick a brain in it," as if she were a mad scientist.

Those are the physical parts of me that'll always be hollow.  But it turns out there's more.  & probably always will be.

Preface To Hollow: The Adventures Of Reverb & Echo!

"It doesn't make much sense, sir," said the young police cadet.

"No," grumbled the aged detective.  "It most assuredly does not."  He lit his cigar & motioned to the coroner's men to come get the body.  "How," he muttered to himself, "does a person get killed inside a hollowed-out tree?"

"NOT SO FAST!" a voice bounded out of the night sky.  Everyone recognized it - it belonged to the Redoubtable Resounder himself: Reverb!

"Oh fuck," sighed the grumpy detective.  "I bet he brought that underage kid with him, too…"

"Not so fast!" a pubescent voice came, as if in response.  It was everyone's favorite Child Comeback, Echo!

"I HAVE THIS COMMISSIONER!" said the hero.  "I have this!" echoed Echo.

"Look, fellows," the detective said, "this is not the time & place…"

"DOUBTLESS THE WORK OF THE NEFARIOUS NECRO-THIEF!" said Reverb.  "Nefarious thief!" said Echo.

"I know we're outdoors, fellows," said the detective, "but can you use your indoor voice?"

"Excuse me, detective!"  A woman was pushing her way through the police cordon.  "Mary Malone, Child Protective Services.  I need a word with the man in the leather outfit."

"ECHO!" said the champion of justice, "USE YOUR REVERB-RAYS TO SEE IF THERE ARE MAGGOTS OR OTHER CORPSE-EATING VERMIN AROUND THE BODY!"

"Maggots!" said Echo, pulling a device like a small flashlight out of his belt.

"You! You!" said Mary Malone.

"YES, MA'AM? HOW CAN I HELP?"

"How old is that child there?" she asked, pointing at Echo.

"ER.  OLD?  HE'S MY SIDEKICK, THE REPETITIVE PALADIN HIMSELF!"

"Himself!" said Echo.

"Don't you yell at me, mister," said Mary Malone, poking the improbably clad hero in the chest.

"Er," he said.

"Is this young man Ernie Jackson, son of Clarence & Wilma Jackson, who live on Glendale Lane?"

"Mom & Dad?" said Echo.

"Son," said Mary Malone, "your parents are very worried about you!"

"They're not dead?" asked Echo, looking at Reverb.

"ANOTHER EVIL PLOT BY THE CONFOUNDER!" said Reverb, bursting into action.  He grabbed Echo around the waist & took off running into the forest.

"What the?" said Mary Malone, turning to the grizzled detective.  "Why don't you stop him?"

"This is homicide, ma'am," he said.  He turned to the young police cadet.  "Where's the coroner?"

"For fuck's sake!" said Mary Malone, turning & storming back to her car.

The old detective, who really thought he had seen it all, leaned on the tree that was the crime scene & puffed on his stogie.  The body seemed to be cut in three as they pulled it out.

"Who the fuck does something like that?" he thought to himself.  He looked into the forest where he thought he heard a young boy crying.

Punch A Bee

I found this on a Tumblr site:

I have no idea what it means, but it made me laugh.

Things are odd that way.

People Die During Allegations Of The Super Bowl All The Time

I sure enjoyed the hell out of watching Phillip Seymour Hoffman act.  He seemed like a shy, sensitive fellow, & his co-worker's tweets seemed to bear that out.  Jim Carrey tweeted, "For the most sensitive among us the noise can be too much."

So many people I admire, who were artists & musicians, have been dashed on the rocks thanks to the siren song of heroin.  I am squeamish when it comes to people poking needles into me; I always make sure I am lying down & looking away when someone takes my blood at the doctor's.  As such, heroin addiction was not much of a threat.

Also, I've never know any dealers.  Or if I have, I didn't know they were dealers.  I am astonished that people get drugs at all.  I wouldn't know the first place to find them.

A few friends on the Face-type-Book are wringing their hands about Woody Allen, whose adopted daughter has written an open letter accusing him, as she has for twenty years now, of sexually molesting her when she was seven.  This comes after her mother Mia Farrow & half-brother Ronan Farrow tweeted the allegations when Woody Allen won an award at the Golden Globes, & also after documentarian Robert Weide wrote a defense of Allen.  After the Dylan Farrow article, Roger Friedman wrote this article which suggests that this is some kind of campaign by Farrow to keep these accusations out there.

I don't think this is as big an issue for many of my friends for a couple of reasons.  One, a lot of them don't watch or don't enjoy Woody Allen movies.  Two, there's a contingent of them who, whether they like Woody Allen's movies or not, always side with the victim & decided, twenty years ago, he was a pervert on the level of Roman Polanski (who pled guilty to child molestation) or Michael Jackson (who was acquitted of one count but earlier settled out of court to the tune of 25 million dollars for another).

A smaller contingent might be my own: I don't know what to believe.  I certainly don't want to find out that someone whose body of work I admire is actually a pedophile, but I don't think there's enough evidence to prove it conclusively.  However, I am deeply affected by Dylan Farrow's letter & my heart goes out to her.  I just find myself so full of doubt I don't think I can even begin to know what really happened.

I often find you can tell a lot about a person by their initial reactions to such allegations.  I do the same thing, have the same sorts of things that I will automatically jump in defense of without thinking it through first.  I check myself, however, & try not to jump on the Twitter or whatever & throw out accusations.  I wish most of us could install the same sort of filter.

But it's intriguing how experience & loyalty fuck with the filter.  I dated for a while a sweet woman who was a feminist, who would automatically take the side of any woman who claimed to be raped or sexually assaulted or sexually harassed.  She volunteered at a battered woman's shelter & she had seen first-hand the devastation that violence against women caused.

She also was part of a new-age-y self-help group whose leader was, during the time I was finding out what she was a part of, accused by many female members of the group of raping them during their quasi-religious therapy sessions.  The number at the time was growing.  When I mentioned this to my girlfriend, she automatically dismissed those women's claims outright.  She couldn't believe the founder of her therapy-ish religion could do such a thing.

Although if it had been a Christian, she would've sided with the women.

I didn't watch the Super Bowl last night, but I read tweets about it.  (I'm so meta.)  I understand it was a shut-out, & not enough of a contest to be entertaining.  Someone either there or Facebook said something funny, which I paraphrase: I didn't watch the Super Bowl, but as I was flipping channels, every time I came to the game, the Seahawks were scoring.

Self Help Radio 013114: The Only One

Are you the only one who really knows what the hell is going on?  Are you perhaps the only one qualified to give an opinion on the matter?  Might you be the only one we can turn to in times of crisis?  Or are you just someone's only one?

Huh.  It turns out there isn't only one "only one."  However, there is only one Self Help Radio show about "the only one" & you can listen to it now at the Self Help Radio website.  If you prefer a more direct approach, the show is available instantly by clicking either part I or part II.  The songs (mostly called "The Only One") that I played are below.

Thanks for being the only one who listens!

(part one)

"The Only One" The Computones _Acappella Showdown, Vol. 1_
"Only One" Arthur Lee Maye & The Crowns _The Best Of Arthur Lee Maye & The Crowns_
"The Only One" Lulu _Something To Shout About_
"The Only One" Roy Orbison _Mystery Girl_

"The Only One" Pink Industry _Who Told You, You Were Naked_
"Only One" He Said _Hail_
"The Only One" Billy Bragg _Workers Playtime_
"The Only One" My Dad Is Dead _The Taller You Are, The Shorter You Get_

"The Only One" American Analog Set _Know By Heart_
"Only One" The Ramonalisas _Wintersliding_
"Only One" The Barbaras _2006-2008_

(part two)

"The Only One" The Cure _4:13 Dream_
"Only One" Smith Westerns _Dye It Blonde_

"The Only One" Birdmonster _From The Mountain To The Sea_
"The Only One" Holly Golightly & The Brokeoffs _No Help Coming_
"The Only One" The Leftovers _Eager To Please_
"Only One" Colleen Green _Sock It To Me_
"The Only, Only One - Parts 1 & 2" Jack Drag _Little Molly Has A Treat For You_

"The Only Ones" Pipas _Sorry Love_
"The Only Ones" All Girl Summer Fun Band _Looking Into It_
"Only Ones" Burnt Ones _Black Teeth & Golden Tongues_

Whither The Only One?

Years later, it was 2083 & a lot had changed.  The only human being left on the planet walked up & down the street, in-between the smoldering volcanoes, which was her morning constitutional.  To the abandoned surveillance cameras she would wave.  There were so many fatty insect worms to eat, she could just reach out & grab them, but she had to keep her eyes closed - they had begun to evolve faces, specifically her face, as a coloring to keep themselves alive.  Stupid radiation!  It would have taken centuries for that to happen before!

The aliens came after she had managed to get an old VCR to work, & was trying to remember a time when people with "white" skin had existed in such numbers.  She tried to explain to the aliens that this had once been a vibrant planet, with billions of people more or less like her (with only two eyes, though), that this had been a giant city, the biggest & best city on the planet - at least to her.  She had really never made it out of Indianapolis.  The aliens had come to meet the people who had been broadcasting "Hogan's Heroes" at them for so many years.

An alien doctor - it could've been a doctor - it might also have been a little frisky - took some blood & let her know what they'd discovered.  One, she might live forever, which made her both happy & sad.  Happy because she had so many videotapes to watch.  Sad because she missed her computer.  It also told her that she could reproduce with any one of them, but that their children would be approximately 76% alien & the smaller percentage human.  This made her sad because she felt her children would therefore be at a disadvantage at the good alien schools.

She asked if she could think about it, & also if she could have a ride around on their flying rectangle spaceship.  They showed her the ruins of her planet.  Everywhere human constructs like nuclear plants & oil refineries had, without anyone to mind them, exploded & poisoned the world  Strange creatures were born & died quickly in the volatile oceans, while plate tectonics changed the landscape which she might have remembered from the time or two she actually looked at a globe.  When asked by the aliens if she were too affected by the trip, she said no, she just wanted to see if the mall in Plainfield was still there & maybe open.

The aliens were nice but she was glad to see them go.  They said they might return in three hundred years when they fly back this way, but she didn't think they were the sort of aliens she needed to be hanging out with.  Mate with them!  That's absurd!  You might be the only one here, she thought to herself, but you have to have some kind of standards!  Anyway, she found the complete series of Matlock on VHS & that would keep her busy till volcano season was over.

Preface To The Only One: Not Only One Only One Song

Oh god, there are times when I think I'm not going to find enough songs for a dumb theme - this week's being "the only one" - songs in which people talk about being someone's only one.  After digging through my collection - over the past week - I found almost three hours of songs with the words "the only one" featured prominently.

Three hours?  I need half that!  What happens next?  Oh, I'll tell you what happens next.  I decide, let's narrow this down.  I don't mean "narrow this down" to the best songs as I think they are - the three hours I had were all great songs - no, I decided to use one more filter in deciding what to play.

This is something I dream of doing from time to time: having an entire show feature all the songs with the theme as the title.  I've only done this once, for a show back in 2010 with the theme "tell me."  I was so proud of myself - 24 songs all called "Tell Me"!  Too bad I did the show in West Virginia & no one heard it.

I came close to doing again recently - back in November, I did a show with the theme "wonderful" but didn't have enough to fill the entire show (I would have if the show were ninety minutes long, though).

The dream lives.  I will try to only play songs with the theme's name as there title!

Will I be able to do it with songs called "The Only One"?  Probably not - but I'm still whittling that list down for the show on Friday!

----

My wife just asked me, "Whatcha doing?"
I said, "Writing in my dumb blog."
She said, "Are you writing about how much you love me?"

Well, now I guess I am.

Pete Seeger

I was going to tweet this today, but thought it might be too stupid: "It's too sad to keep writing about great musicians who have died. We should spend more time writing about the great musicians being born."

The exhaustion, though, is omnipresent.  Time marches on, everyone dies, even important people, people you love & admire, & you comment on it - you reflect on their lives, on how they changed or affected you - & before you know it, someone else has died & the cycle repeats itself.

My mother, who is pretty old, talks a great deal about people who have died or (more unnervingly) people who are dying.  It must seem a strange thing when all of your friends & immediate family are gone.  As I've gotten older & health issues have reared their ugly heads, I've become more acquainted with mortality - & of course it sucks.

If I die, a few people who cared about me would perhaps be sad.  But Pete Seeger was a giant.  I don't think I've known many people like him personally in my life.  He wasn't just a musician, or a singer, or a poet, or an activist, or propagandist, or entertainer.  He had all that inside him & more.  He certainly was full of love, love of the highest order, for all humankind, working tirelessly & facing obstacles that would defeat & wither most of us.  & he sang.  He sang & played guitar & performed to countless folks.  He never stopped believing, he never stopped fighting.

I often say things like, "If so & so hadn't existed, so much of what I love wouldn't exist."  Pete Seeger championed Bob Dylan, one of my musical idols, but there's no reason to think Dylan wouldn't have broken through without his help.  Probably more importantly, Pete Seeger influenced the hell out of Phil Ochs, an underrated musician whose politics often had to compete with his own musical ambitions.  Both Ochs & Seeger had voices critics described as "wooden" - & both put their lives where their mouths were when it came to the causes they believed in.  It's not too hard to draw a line from Seeger to people like Billy Bragg, who wrote something nice about him today.

Of course I love Pete Seeger's songs, I love the Weavers, I love the feeling of being included in a mass of humanity who want to be free of oppression, of greed, of hate.  I am so grateful to live in a time when it's as easy as a click of a mouse to find recordings in video & audio of Pete Seeger doing what he did best.  There are great photos my friend Aaron is posting on Facebook of Seeger live.  I have stolen one, & put it here:

Credit where it's due: Pete Seeger performing at Folk Festival at Town Hall, 8 March 1958. Photo by Ray Sullivan for Photo-Sound Associates.

In the pictures, Seeger is often tilting his head upward, possibly a result of singing at too many places where there wasn't amplification, but I have been charming myself with the notion that that's not entirely it.  Sure, he was singing to the audience assembled there, but maybe he thought that - just maybe - if he sang a little louder, projected a little more, & aimed his voice a little higher than the folks immediately in front of him, the rest of the world would hear, too.

Oh, Pete Seeger, didn't you know?  They did.

Why I Don't Watch The Grammys

I like to watch awards shows, & regularly tune in (though I DVR them so I can fast-forward through the commercials) to watch the Emmys, the Oscars, & the Golden Globes.  But I don't watch the Grammys.  & there are two big reasons.

The main one is I don't much care for modern commercial music.  I have been out of touch with what passes for mainstream music for over two decades now.  If you like that music, that's fine - I'm not here to tell you you're wrong or you have terrible taste.  I don't believe anyone's opinion is more "right" than another's.  I will pay more attention to someone who is more passionate about what they like, or who can explain to me why they like it, but I won't dismiss you because you just listen to whatever's on the radio.  It's how the industry functions, & commercial radio exists for the industry.

The bigger one is this: there are very few people who win a Grammy who haven't already made a lot of money for themselves & their record company (& their record company is probably going to be owned by a corporation).  This is markedly different from the Oscars & the Emmys - a small budget film can snag an Oscar, & a television show no one is watching can win an Emmy.  But just a small sampling of this year's "best new artist" nominees (not a terribly scientific sample, but I think it's typical) will give you a sense of what I mean.

Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, who won the award, sold, according to Wikipedia, "78,000 copies in [the album's] first week, & debuted at number 2 on the US Billboard 200 chart, but debuted at number 1 on the Billboard Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums & Top Rap Albums, while entering the Canadian Albums Chart at number 4. As of November 2013, the album has sold over 1,132,000 copies in the United States."

James Blake I could find no sales information about, except that after he won the Mercury Prize last year, his album sales went up "2500%."  But you can see how well his most recent record did on  charts around the world here.  (He's had more than one record, which means his nomination for "best new artist" is weird.)

Kendrick Lamar (who has released three albums) had his most recent album, according to Wikipedia, "debut at number two on the Billboard 200 chart, selling 242,000 copies in its first week – earning the highest first-week hip hop album sales of 2012 from a male artist, along with the best-selling debut from a male artist of the year. It became Lamar's first album to enter the UK Albums Chart, peaking at number 16, & entering the UK R&B Albums Chart at number two. The album was also met with rave reviews from music critics, being named to many end-of-the-year lists. It was certified platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) &, by December 2013, had sold over 1,109,000 copies, according to Nielsen SoundScan."

Kacey Musgraves (another person with multiple albums under her belt) released a record last year that Wikipedia says, "debuted at number two on the Billboard 200, selling 42,000 copies in its first week. It also entered at number one on the Top Country Albums chart. As of January 2014, the album has sold 302,000 copies in the US."

& Ed Sheeran - who released his debut three years ago - had his record "debuted atop of the UK Albums Chart with first-week sales exceeding 102,000 copies The album performed well on the US Billboard 200, peaking at number 5, selling 42,000 copies. The album is the highest debut for a British artist's first studio album in the US since Susan Boyle's I Dreamed a Dream."

The bottom line is this: unlike other awards shows, which seem to honor artistic excellence, the Grammys celebrate success.  The Grammys not only suggest that commercial success means artistic success - they insist it does.

I listen to a lot of new records, but many of them probably don't sell a whole lot.  To the Grammys, & to the critics who don't get free copies because their (independent) labels can't afford to send any to them, they're not even worth consideration.

Here's why I suspect that financial success doesn't always equal artistic success: the list of "best new artists" from 1994, twenty years ago.

Toni Braxton
Belly
Blind Melon
Digable Planets
SWV

Toni Braxton won, & now instead of making amazing records that music critics are swooning over, she's on Dancing With The Stars & has her own reality television show.

Again, I'm not insisting that what I like is better than what others like.  I just think the Grammys could be more honest about what exactly the awards are given for: they're mostly celebrating achievement in making money.

That's the reason why I don't watch their awards show.