Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Preface To The Mellow Show: I Am Not A Mellow Person At All

I'm not a mellow person, it's true.  I think I inherited my worrying nature - my pessimism - my inability to see the glass as even half-empty but rather about to fall to pieces - from my mother, a seriously old-fashioned & superstitious fatalist of the Western European variety.  I was able to forego a great deal of the superstition - it simply didn't make any sense to me, & I am not good at taking people at their word for ridiculous shit - but the negative outlook toward the world stayed with me.

Here's an example of the superstition: my mother believes that putting shoes on a table is bad luck.  She will seriously lose her shit if you put a shoe on a table (it doesn't have to be a pair).  Granted, it's not terribly hygienic - shoes are usually pretty dirty - but I don't think that's what freaks her out.  It's just really, really bad luck.  Her mother made it clear to her & she's passed it on to her children.  Superstition kinda works on that weird-ass Manchurian Candidate brainwashing-type level.  It finds its way into you because of repeated exposures while you're in a suggestive state, i.e., young.

& so I ask her: how does it work?  Is there a process that begins when the sole of a shoe touches the tabletop?  Are demons immediately dispatched?  Or does it somehow offend the Deity?  Is the process physical or mystical?  How can putting shoes on a table generate bad luck?  & what is bad luck anyway?

My mother waves away such skepticism with a simple, "I don't know, I just know it's bad luck."  That's why superstition - that's why anything supernatural, really - has never appealed to me.  I'm a huge fan of absurdity & nonsense precisely because I understand why it's so ridiculous.  But believing in it is neither funny nor attractive; it's the dangerous opposite of Groucho letting more people into the tiny stateroom, or trying to get a grant from the Ministry Of Silly Walks.

Something had to rub off, though.  & my word, how much time I had to have spent as a child with my mother as she navigated a horrible divorce & the privations & stresses it caused!  My mother is a talker, like me, & mostly she talks shit.  She talks shit about people, about events, about anything.  She is a massively disappointed person, but has a sweet tooth for the lurid.  She loves Fox News not because she is politically conservative, but because they peddle fear first & foremost (as the other cable news channels do, but they do it more to her liking).  Being German, she has a natural sense of schadenfreude, & I speak to her weekly, & it's a rare phone call that she's not tsk-tsk-ing someone I don't know anything about while simultaneously loving their unhappy state.

I hope I'm not that bad.  Mainly I expect the worst.  I know it can be exhausting.  It's caused me to give up more than persevere when it comes to roadblocks & hurdles.  I expect to - well, not fail, but certainly not to meet the goals I hoped to achieve.  Unlike my mother, I tend to blame myself when things go wrong - I am not the hero of my life story that she is of hers.

Plus, I don't smoke pot.  I understand that makes you hella mellow.  Have I talked about this before?  I find that I can't enjoy myself when I smoke pot, whereas I get somewhat mellow when I have had a couple of glasses of whiskey.  Alcohol, thankfully, doesn't increase my rage or my sadness.  It makes me more susceptible to emotion.  That doesn't mean I mellow out - weeping during a movie is hardly a mellow thing - but it means there's the possibility I could.

Is the opposite of mellow out mellow in?  What would that entail?

Does it feel like I am changing the subject?  Because I didn't really want to talk about my mother today.

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