It's been a while since I've spoken to my brothers - I have four of them - at least two of them I haven't seen in over two years - one of those brothers is having a birthday soon, & his wife - with whom I also haven't spoken in years - has invited me to his surprise party.
To be clear, she didn't call me or text me to invite me. It was a Facebook invite & I was one of dozens invited. I doubt I was specifically chosen, but just happened to be in her address book.
Now, I don't like surprise parties, be they for birthdays or what-not. It's not just that I don't like to be surprised, but I also don't like the deception required to pull it off, & I don't think it's a good idea to conspire with people you barely know to deceive someone you love.
& I'm not the only one who thinks so. Read this article.
However. I confess. I have thrown a surprise party. For my girlfriend, the woman who would later become my wife. She enjoyed it. But I had a sense she might. She had told me as much. But I told her in no uncertain terms that I would not.
Then she threw a surprise party for me, for my fortieth I believe. I was miserable. She had made special treats but I was so upset that she had done it that I didn't get to enjoy any of them. I remember wanting everyone to leave so I could watch the episode of The Wire that I had saved to watch that night. It took a lot for me to pretend to be happy. It took forever for everyone to fucking go.
Now I'm thinking the world is divided into two kinds of people & two other kinds of people. People who enjoy & don't enjoy surprise parties thrown for them, & people who enjoy & don't enjoy throwing surprise parties. I'm sure there's some overlap, as there are sadists who are also into masochism. & yet, on the scale of morality, those who resist throwing surprise parties, & those who find surprise parties thrown for them repellent, these people are in the right.
It's not the reason I won't go to my brother's party, of course. I haven't technically been invited personally, & he won't care if I'm there or not. But if I had actually been invited, I wouldn't go. Because I don't believe in surprise parties.
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