I woke up this morning at 5am.
Lots of people do that, I know, I'm not asking for applause. But you must understand, most every Tuesday for the past year, I've awakened at 4am, taken a shower, let the dogs out, gave the cats a little more food, grabbed the last few things I wanted to play, & headed out (around 5:30) to Dallas to do a show. A show called the Tuesday Morning Blend. Which happened this morning without me.
Please don't think I'm sad about it. I'm really not. But my body & mind, which know things I might not be entirely aware of, wanted me up this morning at 5am. I wandered around the house - this house that I won't live in in a month - & I drank some water & I think I might have hit my arm because I woke with a gash - with my little dog Yoko licking it suspiciously - in any event, it was a lovely night, the windows were open, I went back to sleep a little confused.
That'll pass. A few minutes ago I listened to the first few minutes of today's show hoping I might get a slight mention but nope. It's not my show anymore. This is going to sound a bit envious & pathetic but it's true. I handed over the Facebook page I created for the show to its new host, & he has many, many more Facebook friends than I do & doesn't mind blanket-requesting them to like the show*. So while I had for the year I did the show maybe fifty "likes," over the past week it has more than quintupled. I gave the new host admin privileges but can't seem to delete myself, so I keep getting these likes for a page that is no longer mine. I suppose I've become numb to it but when KNON deejays who knew me, who knew I had a show, but chose not to "like" the show's page, & yet are now doing it when another person has taken it over - you know, it makes me feel I was not very much cared for at the place.
But of course I'll never be there again, & at some point I'll figure out how to extricate myself from that situation. The truth is, despite the sting of one's peers being absolute dicks to you & not even knowing it, I don't miss the place or the show. I didn't feel an emptiness or anything like when I have left other stations. But then again, those stations/shows weren't disrespecting me right & left in ways I can monitor. Maybe I would've hated that too!
Seriously, I have no idea how I cut my arm. The wound is about an inch long, & there's blood on my sheets. I remember the first time I heard about hemophilia, I worried for a moment I was hemophiliac & feared bleeding to death when I didn't know I was bleeding. What I have might be far worse. I injured myself in a kind of confusion & don't even feel pain. I just notice it later.
UPDATE: I think I removed myself as any kind of person who can affect the page. Let's hope now the notifications will stop!
* I didn't do that. I asked maybe twenty people. Many people who are "friends" with me on Facebook I haven't seen or spoken to in five or more years. I don't really interact with them on Facebook, either. They have never shown an interest in listening to me on the radio & if they "liked" the show it would be out of politeness & doubtless they'd make me like something they're doing that I would do out of obligation. I don't think the new host of the show has the same qualms.
No comments:
Post a Comment