Sunday, February 06, 2022

Preface To Valentine's Day 2022: Online Dating

(image from here.)

Dating is hard & I was terrible at it.  I didn't date at all in high school, when I had a car, & I didn't have a car most of the time I lived in Austin, when I would have had most opportunities for dating.  The truth is, I'm not sure that I ever had a proper date, opting instead to "hang out" with someone in the hopes that there might be romance.  Almost certainly anything that might have been construed as a date in my past was advertised & presumed to be just two friends spending time together.  If it ended with something romantical, it was always a surprise to me.

One thing is true: I never went on a blind date.  I met potential partners through work, or the radio, or in class.  I met two of the women I've had long-term relationships with - including the one I married, with whom I've been in a relationship for two decades - at a bus stop.

In the mid-90s though a few of my friends, unlucky in love, began meeting prospective matches in chat rooms online.  These seemed less expensive & slightly less weird than arranging a date through what were called "personal ads" in the back of alternative weekly periodicals.  I did myself do some online chatting, & wrote emails to strangers I met online, but although I was somewhat awkwardly flirty, I never encouraged anything romantic because of the same reason I never had a blind date - I did not want to have any expectations shattered, as they almost certainly would be.

Listen: a few times girls called me on my radio shows & asked me out.  I would tell them to come by the show.  More often than not, meeting me in person was a huge disappointment for them.  They could easily leave because I had a show to do; sitting across from me at a restaurant would have been torture for them.

But I was paired up & on my way to marriage when dating apps started being a thing.  I probably would have avoided them, too.  Not because I have some weird judgment about them - I don't!  If I thought I had the slightest physical attractiveness, I would've done everything the way the people I knew did them: invited people to visit me from chat rooms across the country; went on blind dates; even made a dating profile for the personals.  I just knew that I make terrible first impressions.  What might be interesting about my musical choices is not reflected in my ugly mug.

Whether online dating is a good or bad thing depends on the user - I have no opinion.  It's such a big part of so many people's lives now, though!  I am impressed.  & also glad I don't have to use it.  Because like I said, I wouldn't.  & people would think I felt too good for it or something.

Maybe if there were an app for meeting people at bus stops...

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