Thursday, February 15, 2018

Self Help Radio 021418: Valentine's Day 2018 - Roses

(Original image here.)

Well, now that Valentine's Day is over, what are we supposed to do with all these damn roses?  They're obviously not going to stick around for long.  Plus, dried flowers are a bit depressing.

Or are they?  According to this website, you can do many things with dried rose petals, from potpourri to bath tea.  Bath tea?  Read the website, I don't have time to explain it to you.

In any event, watching flowers given out of love die doesn't have to be a metaphor for your relationship.

One thing that won't dry up & crumble away is this year's Valentine's show for Self Help Radio, which was about roses.  If you want to think of lost love, or never-gained love, or just roses, this is the show for you.  In addition to bouquets of tunes, there's interviews with a spiritual dude, a rose vendor, & a Dr. Love.

The show is coming up roses over at the Self Help Radio website.  You'll need a username & password to listen, but it's there, on the page.  The show is in two parts, & the songs & other things in each part is listed below.

Happy Valentine's Day!

(part one)

"Roses" The Magnetic Fields _69 Love Songs, Vol. 2_
"He Who Picks A Rose" Edwin Starr _25 Miles_
"Cover Me With Roses" Jackson C. Frank _Blues Run The Game_
"New Rose" The Damned _Damned Damned Damned_
"Red Roses" Lefties _Pop American Style_

"Sally Go 'Round The Roses" The Jaynetts _Sally Go 'Round The Roses_
"Bouquet Of Roses" Dean Martin _Dean "Tex" Martin Rides Again_
"The Yellow Rose Of Texas" Stan Freberg _Capitol Collectors Series_
"A Good Year For The Roses" George Jones _The Essential George Jones: The Spirit Of Country_
"I Threw Away The Rose" Merle Haggard _Down Every Road 1962-1994_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"I Touch Roses" Book Of Love _Book Of Love_
"Roses In The Park" Liechtenstein _Survival Strategies In A Modern World_
"Everything's Coming Up Roses" Johnny Mathis _Rhythms Of Broadway_
"White Roses For Blue Girls" My Favorite _Joan Of Arc Awaiting Trial_
"Luminous Rose" Robyn Hitchcock & The Egyptians _Globe Of Frogs_

(part two)

"My Rose Of Old Kentucky" Bill Monroe _Blue Moon Of Kentucky_
"Poisoned Rose" Elvis Costello _King Of America_
"I Got A Rose Between My Toes" Lou Carter _Louie's Love Songs_
"The Palace Roses" Todd Andrews _I'm Just The Other Woman! MSR Madness Vol. 4_
"Honeysuckle Rose" Fats Waller & His Rhythm _1934-1935_

interview with rose vendor Bingham Killkid

"Love Is A Rose" Neil Young _Decade_
"A Rose For Emily" The Zombies _Odessey & Oracle_
"She Is Like A Rose" The Orange Peels _Square_
"You Supply The Roses" Memphis _You Supply The Roses_
"Rose In The Devil's Garden" Castaway Stones _Make Love To You_
"Rose" The Fall _Shift Work_

interview with Dr Love

"Stoned Roses" Drug Boyfriend _Stoned Roses_
"The Rose" Jonathan Richman _You Must Ask The Heart_
"One Red Rose" John Prine _Storm Windows_
"Room Full Of Roses" George Morgan _The History Of Country & Western Music, Vol. 17 (1949)_

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Whither Roses?

(Found here.)

Why a show about roses?!?  Because it's Valentine's Day, of course!

Valentine's Day is one of those shows that I celebrate every year, except instead of a general theme (like Christmas), I focus on one aspect of the holiday.  I have done a Valentine's Day show nearly every year since the show's inception, except in 2006, when the show was off the air because the station had caught fire.

In 2003, I did a general show, thinking I'd be doing it much like the Christmas show, but the next year found me following my instincts toward more specific themes.  Thus:

On February 11, 2004, the show was about love.
On February 9, 2005, the show was about hate.
On February 9, 2007, the show was about crushes.
On February 8, 2008, the show was about jealousy.
On February 14, 2009, the show was about boyfriends, so the next year, on February 8, 2010, the show was about girlfriends.
On February 8, 2011, I played self-described love songs.
On February 13, 2012, the show was downright lovesick.
On February 8, 2013, I had songs that finished the sentence love is...
Four years ago on this date, February 14, 2014, I figured I'd do a show about valentines (including Valentine's Day, of course).
The next year, on February 13, 2015, I had many songs about famous lovers.
On February 9, 2016, the show was about heartbreak, & last year, on February 8, 2017, the show was about sweethearts.

This year, of course, everything's coming up roses.  So if you're not too busy with your own valentine, I have prepared a bouquet of songs about roses tonight on Self Help Radio, which airs from 9-11pm eastern on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & everything online at Lexington Community Radio dot org.

If not, don't worry - the flowers will stick around for  while.

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Preface To Valentine's Day 2018 - Roses: Flower Allergy

For most of my life, I never had a Valentine.  That never seemed much of a problem, since I thought, as many people do, that Valentine's Day was a manufactured holiday which caused more misery than happiness.  Read this:

Ten reasons why Valentine's Day is overrated.

Yep, pretty sure I felt that way.  Furthermore, I don't think I've ever bought roses for a Valentine.

The closest I came was in desperate heartbreak, more than two decades ago, when I would write to the woman who broke my heart, letters trying to tell her I was doing well but obviously desperate & lonesome & sad, in which I would put flowers I surreptitiously stole from nearby gardens.  I lived at the time in a nice area of Austin called Hyde Park & as I stumbled to & from work at the University - I chose to walk because I couldn't sit still, my misery was continual, a bus ride was intolerable - & it was during a lovely spring - I would lean over wooden fences to pick flowers & hurry away, all to be put in envelopes, to wither & dry in the trucks of the postal service, to fall out of the envelope as this former lover wearily read another of my useless scribbles to her.

Now that I am married, one might think that Valentine's Day is a chance to have a special night with my beloved, but I chose a woman who is not in the least romantic, who would hate for me to spend money on things like flowers for which she has no use, & who has no problem with me doing a radio show on the night of that holiday.

& you know what?  While I don't tend to look down upon or condemn anyone who celebrates the day with the traditional offerings of chocolate, dinner, & roses, I don't think I was ever made for that life. Though of course in my own dumb way I celebrate it, right?  I do a radio show about the day every year!

Monday, February 12, 2018

Schizophrenia

These last couple of weeks have been hard, & I hope Self Help Radio isn't suffering because of it.

How have they been hard, Gary?

Well, you must know I'm doing two shows, the one this blog is about, & the Tuesday Morning Blend on KNON.

Yes, you say, but you've done two shows at the same time before, right?

Will you let me finish?

Sorry, buddy.

Where was I?

Whining about having two radio shows.

Oh yeah.  It's actually not the having of two shows, it's that one of those shows requires me to beg for money to keep the show & the station on the air.  I haven't done that in over a decade, when I had to do it at KOOP, & I wasn't very good at it then.

This happens tomorrow?  Didn't you have to do it last week?

Yeah, I did, & I guess I did all right.  But...

But what?  Can't you just be glad you did all right?

I could, except...  Look, damaged self-esteem is nothing to be trifled with.

I understand.

It's not my show yet.  It's still someone else's show.

So you're working extra hard?

Oh yeah.  Making them themed & everything.  Trying to make them special.  You know?

You're losing it, buddy.

Damn it, I'm losing it!

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Pledge Drive, Amirite?


There's another Tuesday Morning Blend on Tuesday & it's still Pledge Drive.  Here's a perfect pitch from Jake Likes Onions.  I hope that guy makes a donation.

Thursday, February 08, 2018

Self Help Radio 020718: It's Time To

(Original image here.)

In conversation with my therapist, I expressed unhappiness when my mind makes up themes that aren't very exciting or just don't make a lot of sense.  Our conversation went something like this:

ME: Why can't I do shows with simple themes like cars or cats or countries?
MY THERAPIST: Penis envy.
ME: What?
MY THERAPIST: It's a classic case of penis envy.
ME: But I have a penis!
MY THERAPIST: (looking over his notes) I knew that.
ME: Can we talk about the show, please?
MY THERAPIST: Are you sure you have a penis?
ME: Please don't make me show it to you again.
MY THERAPIST: Hold on, I need to make a note for myself about what I should talk to my therapist about.
ME: For fuck's sake.
MY THERAPIST: Language!

In any event, the show with the theme "it's time to" came & went & unfortunately was captured for posterity.  You be the judge of its value, I am already working on the next one, which luckily has the straightforward theme "roses."  But of course that's another problem: the more straightforward themes have far more songs.  I have over three hundred to listen to!

Please enjoy this week's Self Help Radio over at Self Help Radio dot net.  Password/username required, they're on the site.  Two hours of program divided in two, what's on both parts is listed below.

It's time to forget this ever happened.

(part one)

"The Muppet Show" The Muppets _Television's Greatest Hits, Vol. 3: 70s & 80s_
"It's Time" The Times _Pop Goes Art!_
"It's Time" Cessna _This Is Stereophonic Sunshine_
"It's Time" BMX Bandits _BMX Bandits Forever_

"Time To Change" Michael Carpenter _Right To Chews: Bubblegum Classics Revisited_
"Now's The Time To Fall In Love" Dick Robertson with Gene Gardos & His Orchestra _Brother Can You Spare A Dime? Great American Songs Of The Depression_
"Time To Get Ready" The Bats _The Law Of Things_
"Time To Scream & Shout" Múm _Smilewound_

interview with television host David Fruchter

"Time To Lose" The Thermals _More Parts Per Million_
"Time To Go" Holly Golightly & The Brokeoffs _You Can't Buy A Gun When You're Crying_
"Time To Ring Some Changes" Richard Thompson & Linda Thompson _RT: The Life & Music Of Richard Thompson_
"Time To Chill" DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince _He's The DJ, I'm The Rapper_
"It's Time To Get Funky" D-Mob featuring LRS & DC Sarome _Turn Up The Bass 4_

(part two)

interview with the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently

"Time To Get Up" Los Microwaves _Life After Breakfast_
"Time To Name The Dog" Great Plains _Length Of Growth 1981-89_
"Time To Listen" Film School _Fission_
"Time To Evolve" Bill Hicks _Rant In E-Minor_
"Time To Wait" Tall Dwarfs _The Sky Above, The Mud Below_

interview with writer Owen Schur

"Time To Go" La Sera _Music For Listening To Music To_
"Time To Get Away" LCD Soundsystem _Sound Of Silver_
"It's Time To Go Now" Gladys Knight & The Pips _The Complete Motown Singles, Vol. 7: 1967_
"It's Time To Go" The Organ _Sinking Hearts_
"Time To Move Along" The Northern Lights _No Time_
"It's Time To Come Home" The Rentals _Lost In Alphaville_

"Goodnight, Sweetheart, It's Time To Go" The Platters _The Magic Touch: An Anthology_
"Buddy It's Time To Go" Earl King _Earl's Pearls: The Very Best Of Earl King (1955-1960)_
"Now It's Time To Say Goodbye" Kitchens Of Distinction _Capsule (The Best Of KOD 1988-94)_

Wednesday, February 07, 2018

Whither It's Time To?

(Original image here.)

Look.  We talked it over.  We had a long conversation which felt like a meeting & yes, other people were brought in.  I won't say it didn't get a little heated from time to time.  At some point someone made a 12 Angry Men joke & that amused half of us.  Suddenly it was dark outside & no one wanted to be there & there was a baby crying & no one knew where the cat was & I swear I had a panic attack but at the end of the night we all agreed that we might as well do the damn show even though let's face it, it's a dumb theme.

It's time to?  Seriously?

Seriously.  Tonight on WLXU 93.9 fm in Lexington & online at Lexington Community Radio Dot Org, Self Help Radio will dutifully fill in the blank at the the end of the statement "It's Time To ______."

When is it time to listen?  Oh yeah, from 9-11pm eastern.

Tuesday, February 06, 2018

Preface To It's Time To: First Pledge Drive Show Postmortem

As I was saying yesterday, I am terrible at raising money.  I actually told a story last year about an experience selling candy for a middle school organization, which I will repeat here:

Finally - & this may have happened in 1982, because it feels like something that would have happened at the end of the year - I was in Beta Club - it's where I met Russell, I was very amused by his heckling at the dire meetings we had - & occasionally we were told we had to sell stuff for whatever club budget shit.  In this case it was M&Ms.  I lived in an apartment complex with lots of poor people, who knew a fifty cent box of M&Ms was no deal at all when you could walk to the Minyard's & get them for twenty cents, so I didn't sell many.  I actually barely tried.  I hated selling things.  I had tried before, tried to solicit newspaper subscriptions & just hated it.  Hated knocking on doors & hated pushing products.  I helped my mother at a convenience store, I would wait while people picked out what they wanted to buy & then came to me.

When the time came to collect, I returned a nearly-full box to the Beta Club sponsors.  One of them - the same woman, I believe, who was my Yearbook Club sponsor - was furious with me.  She accused me of not trying, of being lazy, of being indolent.  I told her, because I couldn't really see the point, that I didn't enjoy & wasn't very good at selling things, & if it was a condition of my membership that I sell a certain amount of M&Ms to be in the Beta Club, I guess I wouldn't be in the club.  She just stared at me, then gave a cry of exasperation, & left.

You see, I didn't really understand about things like service groups & college applications back then - how could I?  None of my siblings had gone or would go to college, & my mother was a working-class woman raised in Germany, where none of her family would have even dreamed nor had the opportunity for higher education.  I didn't really know what Beta Club was for.  I didn't like the meetings, I didn't like the parties - although my friend Russell tells me that it was one of the parties where we sat in someone bedroom & talked about the Beatles.  I vaguely recall that.  That's how a friendship was born.

Russell was watching, too, when I gave back the M&Ms & explained myself.  I looked at him & saw him wide-eyed.  It may be why I remember the story.

Nope, I never got better at the selling thing, & eventually just flat-out refused, offering my services in other capacities for organizations that needed them.

My experience with Pledge Drives has been equally dire.  Later I would learn more about the process, but we had occasional drives on KVRX, at which I did dismally.  I was not in a happy emotional place for Pledge Drive failure in those days.  Pledges Drives at KOOP - which we called Membership Drives - were pretty bad, too.  On one occasion, my then-girlfriend Magda made a big donation because you could hear me despair on the air.  I felt so grateful to be at WRFL where students fund the operation - & I was dreading being on KNON because they rely on listener support way more than any station I've ever been at.

So how'd I do?  I was saved from a dismal start by a kind person who became an KNON Elite Music Sponsor.  I also discovered some friends made donations online, which I appreciated.  So it wasn't as bad as it could have been.  But there's always next week!

But I'm not going to worry or fret about that just now - I have Self Help Radio tomorrow!

Monday, February 05, 2018

Tomorrow Is Eek!

Yes, tomorrow is my first Tuesday Morning Blend as its regular host, but - this is where it gets hairy - it's all a Pledge Drive Show.

What? Yes! It's the KNON Winter Pledge Drive!  Click that link & support community radio in Dallas - & maybe mention the Tuesday Morning Blend?

Back to me, though: do you see the predicament I am in?  I am going to be doing my first show.  But I am going to be on the radio begging people for money.  Which is fine, but the sort of people who are most likely to give money to a radio show are people who are familiar with the host - & the previous host of the Tuesday Morning Blend, as I mentioned yesterday, is immensely beloved.

But of course I can't not ask for money, KNON is listener supported, & it needs every dollar it can get.  It will be perfectly understandable if no one donates tomorrow.  I accept that.  Except.

Holy shit my self-esteem will take a beating if no one gives anything to the show!  My history with pledge drives is that I am not good at them.  So, frankly, the show tomorrow might be brutal.

Wanna listen?  It's on from 7-9am central on 89.3 fm in Dallas & online at knon dot org.

Seriously.  It's going to be brutal tomorrow.

Sunday, February 04, 2018

Shift Change

This was in the KNON newsletter on Friday:
What's going on?  Did Gary & Jason have a falling out?  Did someone get fired?  What the hell?

No, Jason & I didn't have a spat, nor did anyone get fired.  Nil, who has hosted the Tuesday Morning Blend on KNON for quite a while, has left the station for personal reasons.  She has been absent a while but had to make it official last week.  Meanwhile, Jason, who has been helping me with the Wednesday Morning Blend, wanted his own show - & should have it! - but couldn't do Tuesday mornings.  My schedule is a lot more free - plus I was feeling weird about having two shows on the same day.  I know, it was in two different cities, in two very different stations, on two wonderful community stations - but still, that much Gary in a day is not a good thing for anyone.

So, this Tuesday, I am moving to the Tuesday Morning Blend while Jason begins his solo performance on the Wednesday Morning Blend.  Like with taking over Pippin's show (he who previously hosted the Wednesday Morning Blend), I have very big shoes to fill - Nil did radio in a way that I don't, & maybe can't, engaging with local musicians & connecting with the community.  (You can see how wonderful things were on her Tuesday Morning Blend Facebook page.  I will create another one for my version of Tuesday Morning Blend.  She doesn't need me mucking up her wonderful radio world.)

You see, I'm more from the old, lonesome fellow in a deejay booth playing music school of radio.  But I have learned much from Nil's show.  I hope I don't disappoint the people who loved listening to her!

Maybe you'll listen this Tuesday?  I'll mention it on the Self Help Radio Facebook page & on the show's Twitter feed.  But I'll talk more about the Tuesday show here tomorrow.

PS Would you like to be subscribed to the KNON Newsletter?  You can do that here!

Thursday, February 01, 2018

Self Help Radio 013118: Idiots

(Original image here.)

What a mean idea for a show!  What's next?  Morons?  Imbeciles?  Dumbfucks?

Personally I don't endorse this kind of negativity on the radio.  Oh, I know, I said, "This is neither a celebration nor condemnation of idiots & idiocy" or something like that last night, but simply entitling a show "idiots" puts hostility out into the universe.  For example, what if someone were feeling like an idiot when he or she listened?  Wouldn't that make things worse?  Aren't we all just hanging on a thin thread over here?  Damn it all.

What's done is done.  Let's just hope that there are more uplifting Self Help Radio episodes in the future.  Though, frankly, that particular forecast looks grim.

Listen to the show on the Self Help Radio website.  You're not an idiot, you know about the username & password.  The show is two hours long, in two, idiotic parts.  The songs & the interviews in the show are noted below.

Non-musical portions of the show written & performed by the usual gang of idiots.

(part one)

"The Idiot" Fol Chen _Part I: John Shade, Your Fortune's Made_
"Idiot" Oy Vey _Botanical Curiosity_
"Idiot" Dollys _Tense_

"Idiot Button" Evans The Death _Expect Delays_
"Crawling With Idiot" Elbow _A Cast Of Thousands_
"A Stiff Idiot Is The Worst Kind!" The Firesign Theatre _Just Folks... A Firesign Chat_
"Idiot Dancers" Industrials _Industrials_
"Idiot's Delight" John Wesley Harding _Dynablob_

interview with writer David Fruchter

"Idiot Joy Showland" The Fall _Shift-Work_
"Reasons Not To Be An Idiot" Frank Turner _Love Ire & Song_
"An idiot's End" Daniel Johnston _Songs Of Pain: Dan Johnston 1980-81_
"Idiot Savant" Fosca _Diary Of An Antibody_
"Museum Of Idiots" They Might Be Giants _The Spine_

(part two)

Self Help Radio panel discussion

"I Was A Teenage Idiot Dancer" Cleaners From Venus _Town & Country_
"Dance, Idiot, Dance" Chumbawamba _ABCDEFG_
"Classics Of The Contemporary Drama: 'The Idiot'" Christopher Guest & Bill Murray _Buy This Box Or We'll Shoot This Dog: The Best Of The National Lampoon Radio Hour_
"Idiot Heart" The Mendoza Line _We're All In This Alone_
"Idiot Strength" The Nightingales _What A Scream (1980-86)_

interview with broadcaster Allen Shariaty

"Why Sting Is Such An Idiot" Allan Clapp & His Orchestra _One Hundred Percent Chance Of Rain_
"Idiot Child" Madness _The Liberty Of Norton Folgate_
"Village Idiot" Van Morrison _Hymns To The Silence_
"Village Idiot" Volcano Suns _All Night Lotus Party_
"Global Village Idiot" Wondermints _Big Deal Corporate Annual, Vol. 1_
"Idiot Wizards" Knight School _Revenger_

"Idiot Wind" Bob Dylan _The Bootleg Series, Vol. 2: Rare & Unreleased, 1961-1991_
"Idiot Son" Damien Youth _Happy_

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Whither Idiots?

(Image from here.)

Between you & me, I don't care much for the word idiot.  In addition to the fact that it's usually pretty insulting, it has a difficult psychological history: people who had a "mental age" of three years or less & an IQ less than 30, were considered "idiots."  That classification has fallen into disfavor, but the aspersion still stings.

Why, then, do a show about the word?  To challenge any lingering conceptions?  To redefine the word  for better usage?  To confront those who use the insult with the requisite disgust & scorn?  Um.  No.

Actually, I just found a lot of good songs about idiots.  I don't think I have the energy to challenge, redefine, or confront.  I can barely remember to floss!

Listen to a show full of idiots, including yours truly, tonight from 9-11pm eastern on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at the Lexington Community Radio website.  I'd say you'd be an idiot to miss it, but I'm not that kind of guy.

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Preface To Idiots: Two Of My Favorite Idiots

This one:


Which probably is referencing this one:


One of my favorite albums, one of my favorite books.

The Iggy Pop image is from Discogs.  The book cover I found here.

Monday, January 29, 2018

Mark'll Sink Us

Mark Edward Smith died last Wednesday.  I have nothing important to add about him, his life, his music, his legacy.  Smarter people, better writers, journalists, critics, they're doing their thing.  More important than all of them, the music he made in his life will live long, long after him.  As someone who's long considered the Fall his favorite band, I wanted to say some things about him.  He was an unlikely hero, & most probably he & I wouldn't have even liked each other.  Who knows?

Like everyone else on the planet who first heard the Fall, I was charmed by "Totally Wired."  It encouraged me to buy a singles collection, probably this one.  I dug "Totally Wired" but I wasn't ready for the rest of the songs.  I listened to it maybe once or twice, then (as was my custom in those days) I sold it back to the record store for half price & bought more records.

It's not that the Fall were difficult listening, just different listening.  I was more accustomed to bands like the Smiths, the Cure, Echo & The Bunnymen, New Order, Joy Division.  In fact, my next encounter with them was buying the single for "Hit The North," which I liked because it was weirdly catchy, something I didn't think the Fall could be.  If I had chosen to explore his years with his wife Brix influencing him in a more poppy direction, I might've become a Fall fan earlier.  But I didn't.  I kinda wrote them off.

Years later I worked in a place where we could play music we liked & the guys who worked there played the Fall.  A lot.  In many of such cases, familiarity breeds contempt - it's the opposite of the radio model, & it's how it works with me with music I don't like.  But not with the Fall.  Slowly my mind was being rewired to understand them.  Interestingly, the CD I asked to borrow from my coworker was the b-sides collection from the Brix years, 1984-1989.  I burned a copy & listened to it non-stop for a week.  & the obsession began.

Let me say something about fans of the Fall: they're a funny, loyal, grumpy lot, very critical about their favorite band's music, very outspoken with their opinions.  When I first discovered the internet, I subscribed to many mailing lists dedicated to bands & musicians I liked.  I think it was on the Elvis Costello list that I discovered that an unspoken rule was, the newest record was the best.  Always.  Anything contrary might lead to angry emails from more devoted fans telling me I didn't understand, I obviously never liked the musician, & I should probably fuck off.  Which I did, from pretty much every list.  I understood then as now that everyone's opinions differ, & none are better than another's, but if I couldn't say I enjoyed All This Useless Beauty far less than This Year's Model without being threatened, it wasn't healthy for me to be involved.

Not so with Fall fans.  In general, they may hate 25 to 50 percent of the band's output.  The UK fans had funny punny names of albums they liked - my favorite was "Shite-Work" for "Shift-Work."  The truth is, being obsessed with a band that changed so much (or, as John Peel put it, a band that was always different & always the same) & was so prolific, you had to be prepared for some stinkers.  I mean, most Dylan fans won't agree with this, but I think the guy has released way more terrible records than good ones.  It's just that the good ones are fucking incredible.  & I think that that could be said about the Fall (though in my opinion there are far more good records in their catalog as a percentage than in Dylan's - & I say this as a huge Dylan fan).

Honestly I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.  I don't even really know how to explain how the Fall infected me.  Half the time I don't really know or care what a particular Fall song is about.  I know they're about something but I also know that I love what I consider Mark Smith's ambivalence about language.  The fellow who titled records things like Perverted By Language & The Utterable certainly knew the power of words, but I think he mostly saw that they were fickle things, probably useless in real communication with others, but in general the poorest & best tool we had.  More than that, I think Mark Smith loved words, loved to speak/sing them, loved to make sounds that approximated words, loved to put them together in curious ways, almost in a Gysin-esque cut-up manner, but not quite like that.  In the Peel Sessions he recorded around the time of The Real New Fall LP, I think for the song "Contraflow" but possibly "Theme From Sparta FC," Smith just blurts out, "Chewbacca!" during the song.  It's not in the LP version, it probably wasn't anything he was thinking about even before recording started.  It's a fun, weird word to say.  So he said it.

That's the main thing I love about the Fall.  Listening to Mark Smith say words.  Listening to him flirt with rhyme, with things like verses & choruses, with chants, shouts, noises, squeaks, shrieks.  I have misunderstood Fall lyrics constantly, & when I discover the mistake I am certain Smith intended to confuse.  Recently I saw the video for "Eat Y'Self Fitter," & was reminded that I thought Smith was singing, "Don't want to be a victim," when instead he was singing, "Don't want to be a Mit-Dem," which is an English political reference I was never going to get.  In the video, they flashed my misinterpreted lyrics.  I laughed out loud.

When one of my heroes dies, I often devote an entire show to him or her, but I am completely at a loss when it comes to the Fall.  I've played them on the radio for years now, I don't think they're a band that encouraged covers, I don't even think bands that claim to be influenced by them sound all that much like them.  I feel lucky I got to see them three or four times, & I feel lucky one of those times I got to watch the band break up (the Fall was basically Mark E. Smith & anyone who joined him).  I was going to go see them in Louisville last fall but they cancelled because of Smith's health.  It was something I didn't regard much as ominous - I once saw him when he had a cast on because of a broken leg - but I do wish I could've seen them one last time.

Here's another thing: I didn't like their record from last year all that much.  I'll revisit it, but it was the
first record of theirs in years that I didn't listen to over & over all year long.  Jeez, this is such a terrible tribute to someone whose work has meant so much to me for a very long time.  But I don't think I can do any better.  I'd recommend you read Sean O'Neal's piece about Smith for the AV Club instead.  I got to know Sean on the Fall mailing list & got to see him jump onstage & sing at a Fall show in Austin.  He knows how to write these things, I don't.

One thing I do know is the world is a poorer place without Mark E. Smith in it.  The band Stars tweeted "there will never ever ever be another Mark E. Smith" & they're right.  Holy shit, we were unbelievably fortunate that we lived in the time when there was a Mark E. Smith.

As for you - if you've never heard the Fall, or heard them but didn't like them, or heard them & thought they were okay but never followed up - seek them out, try them on, see if they can't rewire your brain.  If they do, there are hours & hours of interesting words & sounds, of anger & rage & sarcasm & joy, of everything you expect from music & some things you didn't even know music could do, all of this & more waiting for you.  There'll never be anything like them again.

Goodbye & thank you, Mark E. Smith.  I can't even begin to express what your songs have done to me, for me.  & I hope you won't mind, I probably won't be making a tribute show for you, but I will be playing your songs on the radio as long as people let me be on the radio.

Sunday, January 28, 2018

Grammys Redux

As I write this, the Grammys are on.  I think.  I haven't checked, it might be tomorrow.  I wanted to take some time today to write about the death, last Wednesday, of one of my heroes, Mark E. Smith of the Fall.  But the day got away from me, & I'll need to sit a little bit before I write anything.

Mark E. Smith would never have even been considered for a Grammy - & as an example from the time when he did win an award, it seems pretty obvious he wouldn't have given much of a shit anyway.

Anyway, four years ago, I wrote a blog post about why I don't watch the Grammys.  Maybe it's worth revisiting tonight?

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Self Help Radio 012418: Ringo's Show


This week I chose to remember my sweet Ringo by playing a bunch of songs about some famous & infamous Ringos.  I know, it's not much of a tribute.  I wish I had recorded him more, had hours of his barking, snoring, whining, & huffing.  It would've made a more interesting show.  But I felt I needed to do something to memorialize him.  He was such a good dog, such a good friend.  He was supposed to be with us for much, much longer.

Anyway, the show is now at the Self Help Radio website.  You'll need a username & password to listen, those are available on the site.  The show is in two one-hour parts.  What's in each part is listed below.

& yeah I wish you could've met him.  To know Ringo was to absolutely adore him.

(part one)

"Ringo" Lorne Greene _Pop Memories Of The 60s, Vol. 1: Walk Right In_
"Ringo's Revenge" Robin Garrett _Ringo's Revenge_
"The Other Ringo" Larry Finnegan _The Other Ringo_

"Ringo Ringo" Darlene Terri _Ringo Ringo_
"Go Go Go With Ringo" The Whippets _I Want To Talk With You_
"John, Paul, George, & Ringo" The Bulldogs _John, Paul, George, & Ringo_
"What's Wrong With Ringo?" The Bon Bons _What's Wrong With Ringo?_
"Ringo Beat" Ella Fitzgerald _Jukebox Ella: The Complete Verve Singles, Vol. 1_
"Ringo For President" The Young World Sisters _Ringo For President_

"My Ringo" The Rainbows _My Ringo_
"Ringo Did It" Veronica Lee with The Moniques _Foreign Boy_
"Ringo Comes To Town" Chug & Doug _Ringo Comes To Town_
"Like Ringo" Dick Lord _Like Ringo_
"Johnny Ringo" Dickson Hall _Country Boy's Dream: Country, Western, Bluegrass, & Instrumental Classics_
"Ringo" The Big 3 _Live At The Recording Studio_
"The Return Of Ringo (Maurizio Graf, vocals)" Ennio Morricone _Il Ritorno Di Ringo (Colonna Sonora Originale Del Film)_

"Beagles" Monty Ray _The Great Outdoors Show, Vol. 2_
"Macho Beagle" Bunnygrunt _Standing Hampton 7"_
"Looking For The Beagles" The Beagles _Here Come The Beagles_

(part two)

"My Friend Ringo" The Young Fresh Fellows _The Men Who Loved Music_
"Ringo Buys a Rifle" Dead Milkmen _Beelzebubba_
"Ringo" Polyphemus _Scrapbook Of Madness_

"Like Ringo" Wildfang, The Band With 1,001 Names _The Promised Airwaves_
"Ringo" Month Of Sundays _Month Of Sundays_
"Three Geniuses & Ringo" Michael T. Scott _Pre-Chewed Appetizers_
"Head Of Ringo" Love Battery _Far Gone_
"Ringo (I Feel Like)" Custard _Loverama_

"It's Hard To Walk Tall When You're Small" Morrissey _Swords_
"Ringo, I Love You" Stereo Total _My Melody_
"Ringo Starr On A Bingo Card" Lefty Jones Band _Businessmanland_
"Ringo" The Young Liberals _It's... The Young Liberals!_
"The Real Ringo" Elvis Don Ringo _Songs In The Key Of Z, Vol. 1: The Curious Universe Of Outsider Music_
"Ringo The Gringo" Laurel Aitken _The Godfather Of Ska Anthology_

"Total Ringo" Happy Mondays _...Yes Please_
"Ringo" Atmosphere _Fishing Blues_

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

Whither Ringo's Show?


The picture above was sent to us by the folks at Houston Beagle & Hound Rescue.  In it, Ringo (then called Grady) had just had surgery on his left eye, which was stitched shut.  He was not yet two years old at the time.

My wife wrote to the organization to tell them about Ringo's passing, & even linked to my stories here.  In turn, they responded with a fuller account of what happened to him before they adopted him.  I don't want to quote personal correspondence, so here's a paraphrase:

A woman called the organization because of events that culminated after she heard dogs fighting - yelps, screeches, noises of animals being hurled against walls - next door.  She looked over the fence to see poor Grady being set upon by a pit bull, with his left eye ripped out of the socket.  The dog was still being aggressive, so she called 911, a Sheriff came, they took poor Grady & he was taken by the SPCA.  The woman did this despite being afraid for herself, as I guess she didn't know how her neighbors would respond - & if they would do so, you know, in a manner in some ways equivalent to how their pit bull attacked their beagle.

It's crazy that this is all we know, by the way, about Ringo's beginnings.  I always wonder with my animals what their parents & siblings were like.  I do wish Ringo could have told us something about his early life.  Anyway, to continue with the story:

This wonderful, caring neighbor called Houston Beagle & Hound Rescue to ask if they'd check up on poor Grady at the SPCA.  The representative, a superhero named Sandra who has saved the lives of countless hounds, checked on him & was relieved that they didn't put him down but had performed surgery on him.  That picture above is among the first photos Sandra took of Grady.  They released my poor boy into her custody, & she tells how he was in great pain after the surgery, even on pain meds, although he proved as resilient as his breed & in a week of so became the beagle whose picture would make my wife Magda fall in love with him.  I wish I could live life the way he did - we had no idea he'd been through such trauma & the truth is, he never acted in any way that would suggest he was scarred by it, except, you know, his eye.

& that eye, oh how I loved his poor unworking eye!  But the truth is, I loved everything about him.

So much so that today, on Self Help Radio, I'll be playing nothing but songs about someone named "Ringo" in his honor.  Sure, some of those songs will be about a famous outlaw, & many of those songs will be about a famous drummer, but there's something about hearing his name that makes me very happy.  It's a poor tribute to such a magnificent hound but I hope it's at least interesting & the music is good.

It's on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online at Lexington Community Radio online.  From 9-11pm eastern, 8-10pm central.

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Preface To Ringo's Show: One Photogenic Beagle

My dog Ringo was easygoing & got along well with his siblings, so I thought I'd share pictures of him with them (sleeping, one of his favorite things to do) from the past few years.

You saw yesterday a photo of him with his brother George.  Here he is with George & the upstart beagle Winston:


They did love sleeping together.  Here he is with his little sister Pauline:


She's a bit much more the smaller beds, but his littlest sister Yoko was just fine, as you can see here:


& here's a picture taken just a couple of months ago of him with little Winston:


This last picture means a lot to me - I took a bunch of photos of my animals but I hardly ever took photos with them.  This is a picture of me & Ringo from seven or eight years ago:


I miss him so much.

Monday, January 22, 2018

Ringo


Last week, I had to say goodbye to a dear old friend.  He was more than that, really - he was one of my children.  My dog Ringo died of renal failure at the age of fifteen.  He had a wonderful life, & was a wonderful creature, & my life is so poorer for his passing but so much richer for his presence in it for the time we had him.

He was technically the first dog I've ever owned.  My wife Magda, when she was my girlfriend, brought her dog George into our relationship.  My family had had a dog in my teen years but he wasn't really mine.  As my wife reminds me, I paid for Ringo to be ours.  The circumstances were this:

In the summer of 2004, my girlfriend Magda went to New York City to work to make money because she was a graduate student & then as now they don't make much money.  I was left alone with her dog George & my two cats, Buster & Beatrice.  While in New York, Magda browsed the web for what she called "beagle porn": adoption websites.  She found a fellow named Grady at Houston Beagle & Hound Rescue with whom she fell madly in love.  A picture & a story & Grady won her heart.

Grady had been mistreated by people who kept pit bulls they trained to fight.  Grady was apparently used as a "bait dog" for the pit bulls & in one unfortunate circumstance, Grady's left eye was ripped from its socket.  They were able to reattach it, but it probably didn't work for the rest of his life.  (Veterinarians often told us he might see "shapes" or "light.")  The eye was something of a conversation piece - we were often asked "what happened to his eye???"

You can see his eye in this picture from 2014:


When Magda returned from New York, she wanted us to adopt Grady, & so I procured him from the group & he arrived at our house in August of 2004.  We called him our "love child," since he was the expression of my love for Magda.  But I didn't like the name Grady - it reminded me too much of the gross fried southern food chain Grandy's - & since we already had a George, I figured we could use a Ringo.  I don't recall if he took to the name at first, but I do recall he appeared in the house & proceeded to run around for a full day, while George barked at him, for a full day.  Magda reminded me that he took a shit in the middle of our living room floor - the only time he ever did that until he got sick in old age - but he would make more of a mess when it came to food.

Beagles love food.  They will eat until they're delightfully morbidly obese.  We do our best to make sure our animals aren't too unhealthily fat, but they will eat anything & everything.  Ringo proved to be an expert at getting into things & eating too much.  (His brother George was, as well, but Ringo took it to a new level.)  He broke into our pantry & stole kibble, he knocked over a deep fryer & ate oil, he ate dried beans, flour, anything.  He once ate one & a half bags of Costco tortilla chips.

One time, when I was setting up to deejay at a Lion's Club that had been rented for a friend's birthday, Ringo & George spent some time licking up the animal fat that was on the concrete under a barbecue smoker.  Ringo got so sick - well, he got pancreatitis - that he was in the hospital for a couple of days, & it almost killed him.

Another time, he almost killed everyone in the house.  This was in our first year in Lexington, after Magda had gone to pick me up from a WRFL meeting.  She had made some sweet potatoes for burritos, & they were cooling, mashed, in a pot on the stove.  Ringo used the door of the stove as a kind of springboard to get on top of the stove, eat the sweet potatoes, & generally make a mess.  The trouble was, it was a gas stove, & he accidentally turned it on as he was getting up there.  Had we not returned as soon as we did, he might've gassed the entire household.

If you had met Ringo in his later years, you might scoff at such a determined & active dog - Ringo certainly knew how to conserve energy.  But Magda took him & George for long walks at the Greenbelt in Austin where she'd let them off leash & they'd go running, looking for food & fun (mainly food).  Magda tells me that late in the walk she'd often hear a plaintive bark - Ringo's - & Magda would call his name.  He would then come running.  The truth is, though I had gotten Ringo for Magda, he would turn out to be the best gift we could've gotten for George.  They became fast friends, partners in crime, & sleeping buddies.  I used to think they were closer than Magda & I were!


Ringo was just so easygoing.  Soon enough there was another cat, Bolan, who was attached to him from the get-go (in general all the cats have tried, & failed, to be Ringo's best friend).


Then there was little beagle Winston, who had many issues, & who wanted so badly to be George's number two.  (One of the saddest things about Ringo's absence is that Winston was very kind to him in his illness, & encouraged him to go outside when he did.  Winston lately looks around when I let him out as if to find Ringo to take bring him along.)

In West Virginia, we adopted Bronte.  In Lexington, it was Boone, & after George's death, Pauline, & after my sister Pat's death, Yoko.  Ringo had no complaints.  He was always a good traveler, even after surviving a car accident with his mom & brother that left the car totaled on I-10 outside Van Horn, Texas.  He was always a good eater, even though this past year he slowed down, chewing rather than inhaling his food.  & he was a good cuddler, usually at his mother's side on the sofa in the evenings, & sometimes in bed with her, always closer to her than to me.

When I lived in Austin, I was quite busy, work in the day, a KOOP meeting at night or on weekends, & so I didn't really get to know Ringo too well until we moved away.  Pretty much every day since the summer of 2009 I have spent with him, & I'd like to think he came to like me, if not love me.  Certainly I walked him, although if Magda were around, he'd walk with her, & certainly I fed him (& the others).  Plus I give way more treats to the animals than she does.  Here's another thing: if I were back in my room or somewhere else in the house, & he needed to go out, he would bypass Magda (even if she were right there) to come find me.  He knew she was less likely to get up off the couch than I was to walk the length of the house to let him out.  He had me pretty well trained.

Ringo was a stingy kisser.  I think the last time he kissed me he did so by accident.  He wasn't a howler like some beagles are but he did have quite the voice.  He wasn't aggressive, & had very little interest in other dogs, & didn't care in general about issues of dominance, although occasionally the odd dog would push his buttons.  He didn't mind being George's second-in-command, & after George was gone, he didn't mind letting Winston pretend he was the most important.

He got less spazzy as he aged, like we all do.  He used to have a very distinctive walk, which we called, "slow-slow-slow-quick-quick-slow": he'd amble a bit, then speed up slightly, then return to the amble.  Like I said, always conserving energy.

Ringo traveled with us to California & back, he moved from Austin to Huntington to Lexington to Fort Worth.  He visited Georgia & North Carolina & Ohio & Tennessee, among other places.  He loved Texas, though.  On our first return to the state after leaving, at a stop in Texarkana, he got out & just rolled on the Texas grass.  He was doing that outside our house days before he died.

& yeah, death.  At some point last year, on a vet visit, we discovered he was in renal failure.  We adjusted his diet & watched him, but of course there's no cure.  Although we did toy with the ideas of an organ transplant (though Ringo may have been too old to survive such an operation, which has about a 40% acceptance rate) & even dialysis, we didn't want to complicate things for a creature of about fifteen years of age.  He seemed to hold steady for a while, but the end came quickly.  He traveled with us to Austin at the end of last year, & two days after that stopped eating his regular food.  The next fortnight we tried so many foods to get him to eat, but more & more his condition made it hard for him to find anything acceptable to eat.  & how tragic an end for a beagle who loved food more than anything.

Here's one of the last pictures I took of him:


In his old age, he had lost most of his hearing, but he could see all right.  He had suffered a bout of Old Dog Vestibular Disease last February or March & remained a bit wobbly, but he was walking with us up until two weeks before he died (though he walked a shorter route than the others for the last few months).  He loved his routine, he woke around 9am, went outside, took his place on the big circular pillow he loved to sleep on (or on the sofa), but when he went for a treat, he didn't want them, & his breakfast & dinner went uneaten.

Was he in pain?  Our vet says no, but Magda talked to people who had helped humans who went through renal failure & they do report pain.  Ringo didn't complain at all, he remained soft - he was quite frankly the softest-furred dog in the world - & endured my embraces & kisses to the end.  We just kept hearing people say things about his "quality of life," & we knew a beagle that is not eating has no quality of life to speak of.

Ringo Starr Muchlinski - often fondly called "Ringo Pants" - died in the early afternoon on January 14, 2018.  He hasn't really gone, of course.  I've dreamt about him almost every night in the past week, & I look for him, like Winston does, when I wander around this colder & emptier house.  I hope we were able to give him a good life, I hope he knew how much we loved him & how much we gave him beyond meals & treats.  & I am going to celebrate him with a radio show this week.

People who've never had the love of a dog - people who imagine they're just animals & treat them somewhat different or even meaner than their fellow humans - they won't understand what a loss this is.  Ringo was sweet, sometimes kind, often ridiculous, always adorable, always hungry, always sleepy, always ready to go for a walk, to go to bed, to wake up, to bark happily when you got home & to bark grumpily when you wouldn't let him back in.  He endured walks in rain, on ice, in snow.  He got to run free from time-to-time, where he'd roll in dead things & feces & return happily smelling like all manner of filth.  He got into trouble but I don't remember him being as guilty as the others.  He had a beautiful face - his eyes looked like they were lined with mascara, so we joked he was a goth who wrote sad poetry - & bunny-soft fur & an expressive tail that often betrayed his neutral beagle demeanor.

It's quite cruel that these animals who can mean so much more to us than humans have such short lifespans compared to ours.  I would've gladly traded places with him so he could be on earth much longer.  As it is, he lives in my heart, the ridiculous Ringo Pants, our love child, the beagliest beagle we have known.  I of course don't believe in anything supernatural but right now I think I believe there's a place where dogs go after they die & Ringo is there with George & the two of them are running around, fucking shit up, & having the best time.

I miss you, my sweet child, my sweet friend.  Thank you for sharing so much of your precious life with me.

Sunday, January 21, 2018

This Week's Show

(Image from here.)

This week's theme changed because of something sad that happened, something I thought I could write about today, but I was extra-procrastinatory (I'm sure that's a word) which signaled to me that I needed to give myself a little more time.  Let's try tomorrow.

& by the way, sorry about the weird graphic, it sort of implies there'll be some kind of change to Self Help Radio & that's not what's happening.  I was just trying to think of something that would serve as a placeholder while I made a lame but heartfelt excuse.  & frankly I'm just too exhausted & sorry to change it right now.  Or look for a better graphic.

But tomorrow.  Tomorrow, it will all be made clear.