A Week Of Halloween: Mummies!

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Self Help Radio's Week Of Halloween continues!  Here is a repeat of a Self Help Radio Halloween show from 2014, which was about MUMMIES!  Ooo!  Those not-quite-zombie-like undead who come from disturbed burial tombs, especially pyramids!  With lots of evil powers that only a hero like Brendan Fraser can defeat.

That's a good movie.  The first one.  I remember enjoying it very much.

You can listen to the show directly by clicking these links: part one & part two.  When it prompts you for a username, enter SHR.  When it prompts you for a password, enter selfhelp.  & you're ready to go!

There are guests on this show: a panel of experts talking about mummies & also plus my spiritual mentor the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently talking about mummies.  & lots of the songs listed below!

Happy Halloween weekend!

(part one)

"The Mummy" Bob McFadden & Dor _Songs Our Mummy Taught Us_
"The Mummy" Marshmallow Overcoat _The Very Best Of Marshmallow Overcoat_
"The Mummy's Bracelet" Lee Ross _Bomp In The Night_
"The Mummy" Uncle Vin _Boo_

"The Mummy" The Naturals _The Mummy_
"Homemade Mummy" Aesop Rock _Skelethon_
"The Mummy's Ball" The Verdicts _These Ghoulish Things: Horror Hits For Halloween_
"When I See Mommy I Feel Like A Mummy" Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band _Shiny Beast (Bat Chain Puller)_

"Me & My Mummy" Bobby 'Boris' Pickett & The Crypt Kickers _The Original Monster Mash_
"Mummy Beach" Hot Lava _Lavalogy_
"My Mummy" Mel Calvin & The Kokonuts _My Mummy_
"My Daddy Is A Mummy" Richard Thompson _RT: The Life & Music Of Richard Thompson_
"The Mummy" Benji Hughes _A Love Extreme_

"The Mummy Piece" William S. Burroughs _Best Of William S. Burroughs: From Giorno Poetry Systems_
"Sarcophagus" Telephone Company _The King's Surprise?_

(part two)

"Mummies" Toyah _The Blue Meaning_
"The Mummy" Jad & David Fair _26 Monster Songs For Children (A-Z)_
"Mummy Walk" Bo Diddley _Hey! Bo Diddley_
"The Mummy's Monkey" The Eastsiders _Halloween Oldies But Goodies Of The '50s & '60s_

"The Mummy" The Slackers _The Question_
"The Way Out Mummy" Bob Ridgely _Lost Treasures! Rarities From The Vaults Of Del-Fi_
"The Mummy" Black Time _Midnight World_
"Mummy's Curse" Luna Vegas _Second Shot_

"The Mummy" 4Corners Crew _Show Me The Lighta EP_
"Bad News" Spooklight _Spooklight_
"Mummified" Future Clouds & Radar _Peoria_

"King Tut" Steve Martin _A Wild & Crazy Guy_
"Tutankhamun" Dynasty _The Electric Asylum, Vol. 3_
"The Mummy's Revenge" Wade Denning & Frank Daniels _Monster Mash (Sounds Of Terror!)_

A Week Of Halloween: Clowns!

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Welcome to Self Help Radio's Week Of Halloween!  This week was the annual Halloween show, which was about DEATH, & I thought, since there are several SHR Halloween shows still on the website, I'd share a different old show until the day of Halloween.  Today it's CLOWNS!

Last year's show was strangely prescient.  Who knew 2016 would be the year of the scary clown?  Self Help Radio did, damn it!  We warned you!

You can listen to the show in two parts: part one | part two.  It will ask you for a username & password.  The username is SHR, the password is selfhelp.

In addition to the scary clown songs, I talk to my psychologist, Dr. David Fruchter, about my fear of clowns, & I talk to my spiritual advisor, the Rev. Dr. Howard Gently, about how clowns affect your spiritual life (spoiler alert: they hurt it!).  Also I interview a former clown who is now against clowning. It's an informative scarefest & it's perfect for keeping children from coming to your house so you get all the candy.

Happy Halloween!  The songs I played are below.

(part one)

"Be A Clown" Judy Garland & Gene Kelly _De-Lovely Cole Porter_
"Bravo Pour Le Clown" Edith Piaf _The Essential Collection_
"The Clown" Roy Orbison _Orbison 1955-1965_

"No One Really Loves A Clown" Johnny Crawford _The Complete Del-Fi_
"Everybody Loves The Clown" Nirvana _All Of Us_
"Everybody's Clown" Johnny Dynamite _Southern Soul Showcase_
"Space Clown" Jobraith _Jobraith_
"Space Klown" Sissybar _Songs For Peeps_

"Killer Klowns" The Dickies _Killer Klowns From Outer Space_
"Clowny Clown Clown" Crispin Hellion Glover _The Big Problem ≠ The Solution. The Solution = Let It Be._
"Clown" Ric Menck _The Ballad Of Ric Menck_
"The Clown" Chuck Wilder _Eccentric Soul: The Tragar & Note Labels_

"The Clowns Are In Town" The Go-Betweens _G Stands For Go-Betweens: The Go-Betweens Anthology Volume 1_
"Clown Strike" Elvis Costello _Brutal Youth_

(part two)

"Clown Town" Steve Clayton _Clown Town_
"Jumper Clown" The Wedding Present _It's A Gas_
"Chromium Clown" Gary Wilson _Alone With Gary Wilson_

"Don't Send In The Clowns" Zorak _Space Ghost's Musical Bar-B-Que_
"Tears Of A Clown" The Beat _What Is Beat?_
"Don't Kill The Clowns" Soda Fountain Rag _Sometimes I Wonder If You Have A Heart_
"Death Of A Clown" The Kinks _Something Else By The Kinks_

"Eiderdown Clown" The Scots Of St. James _Circus Days: UK Pop-Sike Obscurities, 1966-1970_
"Pantomime Clown" Damien Youth _Strangest Hits, Vol. 1_
"Cabaret Clown" Marc Almond _Varieté_
"Clown Town" Laughing Clowns _Throne Of Blood, Reign Of Terror_

"The Clown Prince" The Triffids _The Black Swan_
"The Way Of A Clown" Teddy Randazzo _The Way Of A Clown_

Self Help Radio 161026: Halloween 2016 - Death!

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Halloween came early this year to Self Help Radio!  (It could've been worse - my show could still be on Tuesdays!)  This year we explored the Great Beyond, where the Grim Reaper rules, "the undiscovered country, from whose bourn no traveller returns."  We cross the river Styx, we follow the valkyries to Valhalla, we shuffle off our mortal coil & join the choir invisible.  (I know, I know, you want to scream This is an ex-parrot!  I should have played that!)

But it was all in good, scary, Halloween fun.  Wasn't it?  Did I talk to someone who studies death about what happens after death?  Did I talk to a crazy person who brings people to the edge of death so they can get a glimpse of the afterlife?  Did I talk to my own spiritual advisor about what death really means?  Did a Lexington songbird breathe life into a Jacques Brel song about death?  Yes, yes, yes, & yes.  Among many other things!

The show is available now at the Self Help Radio website crypt.  Find the secret password on the page!  Look at the songs below to see what death was like on the radio!  & have a happy Halloween!

(part one)

"The First Five Minutes After Death" Coil _Horse Rotorvator_
"Don't Fear The Reaper" The Beautiful South _Golddiggas, Headnodders, & Pholk Songs_

"Oh, Death" Ralph Stanley & The Clinch Mountain Boys _Clinch Mountain Gospel_
"Rest In Peace" Beasts Of Bourbon _Dead & Gone # 2: Totenlieder - Songs Of Death_
"Euphemisms For Death" George Carlin _When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops?_
"The Dead Only Quickly" The Gothic Archies _Looming In The Gloom_
"After You Die" Tom Waits _Bad As Me_

"Ah Pook Is The Mayan God Of Death" William S. Burroughs _Best Of William S. Burroughs: From Giorno Poetry Systems_
"Song Of The Death Machine" Bruce Haack _The Electric Lucifer_
"Angel Of Death" Tom Greenhalgh _The Executioner's Last Songs, Vol. 3_
"When People Are Dead" The Go-Betweens _Tallulah_

"My Death" Jenny Adkins _My Death_

(part two)

"Whistle Past The Graveyard" Jeffrey Lewis & The Junkyard _Em Are I_
"Death Calls" The Lemon Drops _Second Album!_
"Death Rehearsal" Toy Love _Cuts_

"We Got To Meet Death One Day" Blind Willie McTell _Complete Recorded Works, Vol. 3 (1933-35)_
"Knockin' On Heaven's Door" Bob Dylan _Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid_
"Dying & Wendy's" Mike Birbiglia _Dog Years_
"Somebody Got Murdered" The Clash _Sandanista_
"Death Don't Have No Mercy" Young People _Young People_

"Death Opened A Boutique" Future Bible Heroes _Memories Of Love_
"Death À La Carte" Would-Be-Goods _The Camera Loves Me_
"Death Trip" Lida Husik _Fly Stereophonic_
"Death Is Hanging Over Me" Nikki Sudden & The Jacobites _Doing It For The Kids_

"What Will Death Be Like?" Momus _Monsters Of Love: Singles 1985-90_

Whither Death?

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Halloween comes early for you (unless you're already dressed up, you weirdo) because this is the last Self Help Radio before the holiday, so tonight is the annual Halloween show, the theme this year of which is DEATH!

If you look at the show's previous Halloween themes, you'll see it's pretty much covered your basic Halloween topics: ghosts, witches, vampires, etc.  Because I don't like to repeat themes, I've struggled over the past few years in finding show topics that fit Halloween thematically but aren't terribly obvious.  Which is why the show recently has covered haunted houses, graveyards, nightmares, & even (kinda prophetically) clowns.  (Note: many of the previous shows can still be listened to on the website, if you're throwing a Halloween party & want people to leave early.)

Death (as a theme) came to me early this year, both as a fertile subject for radio, & also as a particularly scary Halloween motif.  People dress up as the Grim Reaper, you know.  So that's what Self Help Radio is dressing up as this year.  & besides deathly music, there'll be interviews & a wonderful Lexington artist contributed a song.  It'll probably be more fun than spooky, & isn't that how Halloween should be?

Listen, then, from 9-11pm (8-10pm Central time) on 93.9 fm WLXU in Lexington & online everywhere at Lexington Community Radio dot org.  I tried to be more treat than trick, but some listeners are pretty sensitive, so who knows?

Preface To Halloween 2016: Just One Day Without Death, Please

Too many songs about death.  Seriously I have listened to so many songs for this damn show that I have, at times, felt like I was just going to die.

There's a possibility, he says, hedging his bets, that your favorite song about death (you weirdo) will not be on the show.  Part of it is because the show is only two hours long.  Apologies in advance?

On today's dogwalk, I was complaining to my wife about broad themes.  Like, once someone requested I do an episode of Self Help Radio about cars.  Cars!  I'd be listening to songs for years!

Is that the reason why some Self Help Radio shows seem weirdly specific?  Or do they?  Look, there are only so many hours in the day, & there are lots of songs.  I have lots of songs.  I like to listen to music.

& boy I wish that I could have spent the day not listening to music about death.  I couldn't.  The show is tomorrow!  Down to the wire!  Procrastination!

One thing, though, is that I've decided next year's Halloween show will be about black cats.  I've started collecting songs.  It'll take that long to find two hours worth of good songs about that subject.

A Lifetime Of Death?

Once upon a time, I wanted to be a writer, & I wrote a story called "Death" at the ripe age of what, 20?  22?  I don't remember it exactly, but the first line went something like, I don't know a lot of people who died.  Which at the time was true.  & strangely enough, it's still somewhat true.  Since the show this week is about death, I thought I'd take an inventory of people close to me who've died.

The short story mentioned a fictionalize version of my mother's boyfriend when I was growing up, a man named Ed.  I don't think I've talked about him around here much, but he was around from the time I was in third grade until I went off to college.  He died some time in my second year of school, although at that time, my mother & he were not seeing each other.  I wasn't what you'd call close to me, but I did spend a great deal of time with him when I was a teenager.  It's a long story.

In 1991, my father died, but we weren't close.  In the previous decade, I had lost my grandparents on my mother's side (my father's mother died when he was young; his father died the year I was born), but they lived in Germany & I saw them maybe twice in my life.  In this century, my mother lost her two siblings, my uncle & aunt, & although I saw them more than my grandparents, age & language separated us.  My aunt, though, was super cool, & I think the brief time I spent with her I liked her more than my mother.

As I wrote here, the big deaths in my life have been animals.  I lost my first cat Blue Boy to feline leukemia in 1999.  I lost Buster - who was raised by Blue Boy - in 2008, & wrote about him here.  George, the world's best beagle, died in 2012, & because I continue to surround myself with animals - there are eight in all now, not counting my wife & myself - I know there's more death & heartbreak in the future.

The hardest death recently, of course, was my oldest sister, who died last year from cancer.  I wrote about that here.  Coming back to Texas was hard because she is no longer here.  I would be spending lots of time with her if she were.

& that's it.  It may be that I'm not close to many people.  It might be that I'm not sure if someone I was once close to is alive or dead at this moment.  Or it may be that I have been exceedingly fortunate that death has so far spared me most of its future misery.

Busy Buzzy Busy

Oy this weekend has been exhausting.  I have had to sneak & steal moments just to work on my damn show!

Yesterday, the lovely wife & I went to Dallas to spent way too much time & money at the 2016 Texas Veggie Fair.  Both of us are vegan, hopefully not insufferably so, & we enjoyed the food & the presentations & the booths of like-minded folks.  Seriously, we ate so much good food.  This is something that perhaps veggie-friendly carnivores & omnivores don't understand: if there's a barbecue or some other meat-based event, people who choose (for whatever reason) not to eat animal products are ultimately left out.  I was watching a presentation at yesterday's fair at which the presenter asked, "How many of you are veggie-curious?"  About a third of the attendees raised their hands.

There's a difficulty in explaining my veganism to people that's encapsulated in that anecdote: vegan events are open to everyone; meat-based events are only open to people who eat meat.

I remember an old interview from the 1950s with Carl Sandburg in which he was asked what was the word in the English language he disliked most, & he said, "Exclusive."  He repeated it, "Exclusive."  He elaborated, "Because when you say, 'exclusive,' you leave out a whole swath of humanity."

(The quotes of course are from my memory, & probably not entirely verbatim.)

The wife & I had a wonderful time.  We love to be reminded that there are like-minded folks in the world, & not all people worship at the greasy altar of McDonald's Chik Filet of Taco Bell.

Tonight we're going to see the wonderful comedian & cultural critic Hari Kondabolu.  His most recent CD Mainstream American Comic is very funny & insightful.  I thrilled to the fact that he was coming to town, so I nabbed tickets right away.

Not to belabor a point, but we hope to get vegan food in Dallas when we see him.

& oh god I hope I have time to work on my show later tonight!  After the show!  Or tomorrow!  Oh god oh god oh god oh god oh god!*

*Any god will do.  Greek, Norse, Egyptian, Hindu, Maya.  Please aid me in my hour of need.  I can burn incense or something.  You like incense, yes?  Cool.  Cool.

Self Help Radio 161019: The Past

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Now that this week's show has happened in the past, the fact that it is - or was - about the past makes it seem, to me, more authentic, & yet more poignant.  More nostalgic, & yet more wistful.  More appropriate, & yet more regrettable.  More timely, & yet more ill-conceived.  You get the idea.

There is something I have to tell you.  While I was live-tweeting the show, I was watching the last presidential debate.  It didn't cause any major mistakes, though I missed some zingers doing airbreaks, but please don't think I'm a bad hombre for multitasking.  At least I didn't come across as some kind of nasty woman!

Anyway, that's all in the past.  The show about the past which aired in the past happens to exist now & into the future some at the Self Help Radio website.  As was true in the past, to access the show you'll need a username & a password.  These are on the website.  They're not hard to find.  The songs I played are listed on the website & below.  The people I interviewed are not, however.  You'll have to listen to hear them.

Now, to the future!

(part one)

"Forward Into The Past" Firesign Theatre _Forward Into The Past_
"The Past" Screamin' Jay Hawkins _The Best Of Red Top Records, Vol. 2_

"I Am The Past" Eleanor Friedberger _Personal Record_
"Ivory Past" Felt _The Pictorial Jackson Review_
"Past Is Getting Near" Joe Berluck _The Erotic Voice Of Joe Berluck_
"I Don't Care About Your Past" Ella Washington _Southern Grooves_

"The Past Sure Is Tense" Captain Beefheart & The Magic Band _Ice Cream For Crow_
"My Sordid Past" Half Japanese _Greatest Hits_
"Drunk In My Past" X _More Fun In The New World_
"The Past Comes Back To Haunt Me" Calvin Johnson _What Was Me_

"A Past Gone Mad" The Fall _The Infotainment Scan_
"Leave My Past Behind" Mike Franco _Humma-Humma-Hummin' Bird_

(part two)

"Journey Thru The Past" Neil Young _Neil Young Archives, Vol. 1: 1963-1972_
"If This Were The Past" Alsace Lorraine _Through Small Windows_
"Past Lovers" Ballboy _The Sash My Father Wore & Other Stories_

"The Past" Edges Of Wisdom _On The Fringes Of Freaked Out Lunacy_
"Past, Present, & Future" The Shangri-Las _Golden Hits Of The Shangri-Las_
"Past Lives" Langhorne Slim & The Law _The Way We Move_
"Talk About The Past" The Wake _Testament: Best Of The Wake_

"The Past & The Future" The Purple Persians _The Past & The Future_
"Past Lives" Mighty Clouds _Mighty Clouds_
"Heyday Past Heyday Due" Nodzz _Innings_
"Danger In The Past" Robert Forster _Danger In The Past_

"Here Comes The Past" St. Christopher _Man, I Could Scream_
"Part Past Part Fiction" The Chills _Submarine Bells_

Whither The Past?

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Self Help Radio is stuck in the past.  Think about it.  A full one hundred percent of the music played on the show was made in the past.  This is undeniable!  Perhaps at some point - in the past - live music was made during the show, in the show's present, but that never happens now.  & music from the future?  Besides it being impossible, it's not something the show has ever even tried!

& you already know this: the show is pre-recorded!  Even when it airs live in Lexington, it was made over a day before.  This is true!  As this blog post is being written, the show that will air tonight has already been recorded.  The show exists only in the past, as far as you're concerned.  There's nothing you can do right now to change it.  Me neither!

Let us then celebrate the past, where much of what we love is, & where we eventually, like everything, will end up.  The past is where most of everyone who ever was is, & while hopefully you & I will still be in the future for a very long time, we'll most likely spend most of the time we exist in time in the past, until time itself ends.

Damn, this got heavy!  Dude, it's just a radio show!  & you know what?  It's on from 9-11 pm in Lexington (that's 8-10pm Central) on 93.9 fm WLXU + everywhere at Lexington Community Radio dot org (select WLXU pleez).

& yes, it's on during the final debate.  One thing I can promise you is no one of the show will threaten to jail any presidential candidate once elected.  Guaranteed!

Preface To The Past: Me Vs. The Past

Hm, I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned this here before but I have a very particular recurring dream which has to do with the past.  In this dream, I am at some point in my life - it isn't really ever the same point - it'll be the summer before my eighth grade year, or the middle of my ninth-grade year, or the first few weeks of college, or right before my college girlfriend betrayed me & broke my heart - it's never a time or place that I have deliberately chosen or was thinking about recently - but in these dreams, I'm not reliving a memory.  No, I am back there physically as well as mentally, except I remember everything that comes after, to the point of time at which I am having the dream.

Not only am I completely aware of the situation - I understand immediately what's going on - I also know that I am being given a second chance.  A do-over.  I know everything that's going to go wrong, & now, I can sidestep it.  & though the dreams don't last all that long, it's what I immediately set out to do.  I begin the process of re-organizing my life to avoid things that I know will sooner or later fuck me up, & I do so immediately.

One reason I think I do this, in the dreams, is that I am not entirely sure that my brain will retain the memories of the life that's already happen, which I am changing.  In at least two of the dreams that I can remember, I find a notebook & start writing down an outline of my life which I hope will help me retain the memories, although, you know, if I didn't remember what something like "1998 - Susan" meant, it might not help me when it's 1998 & I meet Susan & I don't recall what I did to screw everything up.

The reason I mention this is because I do dwell on the past a lot, & often wish I could have a chance to go back & make some changes to get through difficult moments I barely survived (or really, really hated living through).  But there's a reason to think a second go at things wouldn't really help, & that reason is: I continue to do stupid things even though I should "know better."  This, certainly, is the human condition.  To be entirely aware one is making the same mistake or mistakes one made earlier, & to be completely helpless to stop oneself from doing so.

You may ask, do I continue to have the dreams?  I do, & sometimes they're frightening in their attention to detail.  I'm sure I have them & often don't remember them, but when I do remember them, I am struck by the weird moments it picks for me to "re-start."  Sometimes it's pretty recent - I had a dream in the last year that began the first time I stepped into WRFL, in the summer of 2010 - & sometimes they're very far away.  When I was in first grade, one day, when it was probably ten am, & we were sent out to recess, my exhausted, unhappy brain thought it was the end of the day, & I ran all the home, surprising my mother, who was watching daytime TV & ironing clothes.  She had to walk me back to school, embarrassed for me (I was embarrassed, too).  In the dream, I was standing on the edge of the school, about to cross Saturn Road, ready to run home, when I realized where & when my consciousness had placed me.  Instead of running home, in the dream, I crept back to the playground of Caldwell Elementary & blended in.

The mind holds so many memories that it can access at the strangest times!

This, then, is my way of describing to you my adversarial relationship with the past - my past, specifically.  The thing is, it's pretty obvious which side is winning.

The Fall Vs. The Past

(The Fall circa 2005.  Picture from here.)

My favorite band in the world is the Fall.  Ask me about it sometime.  If it were up to me, I'd play them on every radio show I do.  But on Self Help Radio, they have to have a song that fits the theme, & sometimes they don't.

However, this week's show - which is about the past - finds three obvious Fall songs that I could play.  They are:


"Futures & Pasts"


"A Past Gone Mad"


"The Past # 2"

I have to play one of them.  Which one should I play, though?

Do you have a favorite?

Here's Something I Like

The web comic Jake Likes Onions.  Here's the most recent one:

Enjoy it at the comic's website & follow it on Tumblr & shit!  It's awesome.

Self Help Radio Anniversary Extra!

The elephants are waiting in a line for this.  (Image from here.)

When I was gathering music for this show, I faced a bit of a conundrum: there were lots of elephant songs that were instrumentals.  I have nothing against instrumentals, but I generally only use them on Self Help Radio to talk over during airbreaks.  Perhaps if the show were longer...  But as it is, I like the songs on the show to be about whatever the theme is.  Sometimes an instrumental feels a little like a cheat.

But seeing as it's the show's anniversary week, & seeing as I usually give out a gift for the show's anniversary, I figured I needed to do something, even if it that something were a little cheap.  This year, I give you an extra mix of songs about elephants, all of which happen to be instrumentals.  There's an hour of them, which means I could totally have filled an entire sixty more minutes with elephant songs.  Oh well.  Maybe in a different radio world...

The mix has been placed on the Self Help Radio Extra page.  I used to make extra mixes like this many moons ago, but stopped when I was doing so many fills at RFL.  Does that mean I may start doing them again?  Maybe.  But maybe not.  Don't hassle me!

Here's the tracklisting.  Hope you dig!

"Pink Elephants" Joe Venuti & Eddie Lang _Wild Cats_
"Jive Elephant" Rahsaan Roland Kirk _The Complete Mercury Recordings Of Roland Kirk_
"Elephant Trail" Les Baxter _African Jazz_
"Elephant Soul" Baja Marimba Band _For Animals Only_
"Elephant Stomp" The Dragons _Troll_
"Wild Elephants" James Clarke _Ready, Steady Boogaloo!_
"Elephant" The Philly Four _The Sound Of Philadelphia: Philadelphia Roots Vol. 2_
"Mama Elephant" E. Cap _The Sound Gallery, Vol. 2_
"Pink Elephants" Mick Harvey _Pink Elephants_
"A Great Visitation Of Elephants" The Jazz Butcher _Illuminate_
"March Of The Triumphant Elephants" Eggs _Exploder_
"Disruptive Elephant" Isan _Salle D'Isan_
"Elephant Ride" State Of Bengal _South.Asian.Summer_
"Elephant Man" Eat Static _Decadance_
"Elephant Generators" Solvent _New Ways_
"Elephant Takeover" Me & You _Floating Heavy_

Self Help Radio 101216: Elephants - The 14th Anniversary Show!

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Fourteen years later, here's what Self Help Radio has come to.  A show about elephants.  Elephants!  Still trying to prove its coolness by hanging around impossibly cool people & things.  What's next?  A fifteenth anniversary show about the Fonz?  Pathetic.

Actually, no.  Self Help Radio is happy to be fourteen years old & who cares if no one likes the themes.  It likes its theme fine.  It was fun to do a show about elephants twelve years ago but if was way more fun to do one this past week.  Because even though the show is going through puberty, & its face is way too spotty, & its voice cracks in awkward moments, it is in fact older, & feels a little smarter, & hopes it can one day muster up the courage to talk to radio shows of the opposite sex.

Meanwhile, elephantophiles can enjoy the show now & whenever at the Self Help Radio website.  You know about the username & password, right?  They're on the front page.  The elephant songs I played are below.  The interviews are not, so you have to listen to know who's being interviews.

Here's to fourteen more years!

(part one)

"Oliphant The Elephant" Tiny Tim _For All My Little Friends_
"Ellie The Elegant Elephant" Dick "Two Ton" Baker _I Like Stinky Cheese_
"Elephant Talk" King Crimson _Discipline_

"The Elephant & The Ass" Morry Goodson & Sonny Vale _Songs For Political Action: Folk Music, Topical Songs & The American Left 1935-1954 - Charter Records 1946-1949_
"The Mighty Mighty Elephant" Robbert Bobbert & The Bubble Machine _Robbert Bobbert & The Bubble Machine_
"Elephantoplasty" Monty Python _Matching Tie & Handkerchief_
"The Elephant's Graveyard" The Boomtown Rats _Mondo Bongo_
"Elephantine" Kitchens Of Distinction _Elephantine E.P._

"Elephant Stone" The Stone Roses _The Stone Roses_
"Elephant King" Yellow Ostrich _Strange Land_
"Pink Elephants On Parade" Circus Contraption _The Half-Wit's Descent_
"Pink Elephants" Phil Harris & His Orchestra _The Uncollected Phil Harris & His Orchestra - 1933_

"The Elephant Song" Marty Feldman _The Crazy World Of Marty Feldman_
"The Elephant" The Virgin-Whore Complex _Stay Away From My Mother_

(part two)

"White Elephant" Volcano Suns _All Night Lotus Party_
"Elephant Germs" Digital Dinosaurs _Messthetics Greatest Hiss_
"Nellie The Elephant" Toy Dolls _Cheerio & Toodlepip! (The Complete Singles)_

"The Monkey & The Elephant" Bobby Bare & The Family _Singing In The Kitchen_
"When I See An Elephant Fly" Robbie Fulks _O Mickey, Where Art Thou?_
"An Elephant Never Forgets" Henry Hall & The BBC Dance Orchestra _It's Five Fifteen & Time For Henry Hall & The BBC Dance Orchestra_
"Elephant Memory" Smack Dab _Majestic Root_

"Zousan (Little Elephant)" Elizabeth Mitchell _You Are My Little Bird_
"Effervescing Elephant" Syd Barrett _Wouldn't You Miss Me: The Best Of Syd Barrett_
"Elegant Elephant" Broadcast _Mother Is The Milky Way_
"Elephant Candy" The Fun & Games _Elephant Candy_
"Elephant Game (Part I)" Renfro & Jackson _Elephant Game_

"No Elephants" Lisa Germano _No Elephants_
"Zólty Ston" Novi Singers _Bossa Nova_

Whither Elephants?

(Image from here.)

Why a radio show about elephants?  Why not a radio show about elephants?  Why has it taken me so long to do a radio show about elephants?  (Since, you know, the first time I did a radio show about elephants, it wasn't really on the radio.)

This begs the question: if Self Help Radio hasn't done a show about elephants, what animals has Self Help Radio spent time with?  Let me look: Lions & tigers.  Cats & dogs.  Spiders & snakes.  Dolphins & whales.  Rabbits, mice & rats.  Frogs, turtles, alligators & crocodiles.  Ants, bees, & worms.  & a whole menagerie of birds:  Crows, chickens, ducks, owls, & swans.  & yet, no elephants.

How could this be?  It doesn't matter; we rectify this situation today!  The Self Help Radio show about elephants airs from 9-11pm Eastern, 8-10pm Central, on 93.9 fm WLXU in the city of Lexington, & everywhere at Lexington Community Radio dot org.  So many songs about elephants plus interviews with elephant experts & the like.

Look, I know I'm not capable of making a show as majestic as these creatures, but I trust they'd forgive me, as they are not egotistical in any way.

Preface To Elephants: A Show That Wasn't

Look!  It's another damn playlist!

Above is the playlist reflecting the first time Self Help Radio did a show about elephants.  You see, eight years ago, when the show was six years old, I said to myself, "Since I'm in this for the long haul, & since I have made a promise to myself to never revisit themes, maybe I can make an excuse, & revisit themes that I've done on my anniversary shows."  & so it has been the case.

But!  If you look at the header for the playlist above, it says, "Imaginary Radio Show."  What's up with that?

You can one day sit with me in a bar & drink beer & I'll tell you the long version, but since we're on the computer together, & I'm all out of beer, I will tell you the short version here:

The radio station which aired Self Help Radio, KOOP Austin, was a very political place, with camps competing for control of its meager resources & especially its airwaves.  To get a sense, here is a web page describing a struggle that happened at the station at the end of the last century, before I came aboard.  The people whose fight is detailed in that web page, alas, lost.

At some point during my first few years at KOOP, I became involved in the more political aspects of the station, although I was at first skeptical that dirty tricks could be played on me, the goofy guy who did a silly show.  I was elected to the Community Council, the body that chose the Board of Directors.  The opposition won that election, but it was pretty obvious there were shenanigans.  I spoke about them, asked questions about them, & became a political enemy of the opposition.

My own penchant for being a big dork & saying stupid things backfired on me, & was used by them to take my show away from me.  I came back from a visit to New York to discover I was suspended "indefinitely."  I continued to volunteer - I felt obligated to do so as an elected representative of the station, but, missing my show, during that summer of 2004, I continued to make an episode of Self Help Radio a week, sharing mp3s with friends.  I made playlists of the songs I gathered & noted the show on the website as "imaginary."

The suspension didn't last for more than a couple of months, & the people who suspended me made even more egregious mistakes (not the least of which was not paying attention to the station's by-laws) & were out by the end of the year.  That's a pretty interesting tale in itself.  But - not enough beer!

Maybe the fact that they suspended me on petty grounds helped the station recognize the need for more transparency & democracy (later on, the by-laws were changed to allow direct election of Board members by the station membership, for example), & if so, it was worth it to sit out two months of radio, even if it was & has always been the thing I love to do the most.  But how would I know such things?  In the middle of it, it was pretty awful.

Now, though, the elephant show can be actual instead of imaginary.  & it's happening tomorrow night!

(By the way - on the show tomorrow, I will play only seven or eight of the songs I "played" on that first show - which is a reason to revisit themes - new stuff is always out there!)

Fourteen Years Ago

There it is, the first playlist from the first Self Help Radio, which aired at 2pm Central on October 9, 2002 (a Wednesday) on 91.7 fm KOOP in Austin.  There are some things to note about that show.

1) There appears to be a Self Help Radio show before the first Self Help Radio.  It's not.  At that time period there was a show called "The Pilot Show" which I, as a member of the Training Committee, oversaw.  That particular day, the trainee either flaked or there wasn't a trainee scheduled - so it was up to me to fill the hour.  Most probably I knew there was no one scheduled for that time, which is why I had a theme prepared.

2) Technically, I had done a couple of theme-based shows previous to this one, on a Friday morning slot that I had to give up.  (I sort of told the story here, but suffice it to say, I could do either slot, but the fellow who had the Wednesday show would have preferred Friday, & I said cool.)  I don't count those because I didn't have a name for the show nor an intro.  This show felt like the beginning to me.

3) There is a misspelling of a band on the very first playlist there that I have corrected (on the html; I haven't uploaded it to the server yet) that has been there as long as I've had playlists on my website.  My apologies to the band.  & how embarrassing for me!

4) So eager was I to show off how many songs I had for a particular theme that I couldn't fit into an hour-long show that, for the first few playlists, I noted a few of those leftover songs.  That's what that "more war not broadcast" line means.  I soon realized that was dumb, & stopped doing it.

5) You might be curious why my first show would be about war.  Well, at the time, we had a President who desperately wanted to go to war with a country called Iraq, & was frantically looking for (& not finding, so fabricating) evidence to go to war.  Everyone knows that the United States invaded Iraq in March of the next year, but war was in the air already in October.  My friends & I really, really hoped the warmongering would lead to Bush losing in Congress, but also in the air was the spirit of 9/11.  So, darn.

That may be all to note.  I have the show on cassette somewhere, & that cassette is still in Lexington, or maybe I'd digitize it & share it.  Maybe next year!

Fourteen Years

Here are some things that may happen to you once you're fourteen years old:

According to this,

"By age 14, it's common for teens to:

show signs of puberty:
in boys, testicular enlargement is followed by penile lengthening & the growth of pubic hair; most boys start puberty between 9 & 15 years of age;
girls continue breast development, grow pubic hair, & possibly begin menstruation. The first menstrual period usually occurs by age 13, but can come as late as age 15;
both have oily skin &/or acne;
both yearn for peer acceptance, independence, & time to be alone;
both focus on personal appearance & behavior (because they think all eyes are on them)"

There's more here.

It's very hard to think of Self Help Radio going through puberty because I don't want to have to deal with that again.

Or do radio shows age differently than human beings?  & if so, how?

Self Help Radio 100516: Who's The Boss?

(Original image here.)

Who is the boss?  Well, it takes two hours, four interviews, & twenty-seven songs, but you will find out definitively on this hard-hitting episode of Self Help Radio.  Please note: no Tony Danzas were harmed in the making of this show.  We couldn't live with ourselves otherwise.

More importantly, who is your boss?  Unfortunately, we didn't want to pry, so that secret remains undiscovered.  You of course know who your boss is - unless you work for a Mason - but it's certainly not something you need to share, say, in the comments below this.  No one cares.  But if you want to share, also include a picture of your boss.  Tony Danza will want to know who he needs to punch.

Whatever you boss orientation (as if there's such a thing), there's an entire radio show about bosses available now for your not-safe-for-work pleasure at Self Help Radio the website dot net.  It's in two parts.  What songs were played is in each part.  To listen to the interviews, you have to listen to the whole show.  Sorry!  The boss told me that was the rule.

Get back to work!

(part one)

"Brand New Life (Who's The Boss Theme)" Larry Weiss _100 Greatest TV Themes, Vol. 3_
"Hey Boss Man" Ray Smith _The Sun Years Plus_
"Say Boss Man" Bo Diddley _The Chess Box_
"The Boss" James Brown & The JB's _The Singles, Volume 8: 1972-1973_

"Big Boss Man" Bobbie Gentry _The Delta Sweete_
"Working For The Man" Mental As Anything _Creatures Of Leisure_
"Capitalistic Boss (Part 1)" Saul Aarons _Songs For Political Action: Folk Music, Topical Songs & The American Left 1935-1954: Theatre & Cabaret Performers 1936-1941_
"Hallo Boss, Hallo" Bill Ramsey _Ohne Krimi Geht Die Mimi..._

"Maggie's Farm" Solomon Burke _How Many Roads (Black America Sings Bob Dylan)_
"I'm Gonna Be Boss From Now On" Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys _San Antonio Rose_
"Boss Of Me" They Might Be Giants _A User's Guide To They Might Be Giants_
"Boss Of Me" David Bowie _The Next Day_

"The Boss's Daughter" Gene Pitney _The Best Of Gene Pitney_
"You're The Boss" Cud _Elvis Belt_

(part two)

"The Boss/Dump The Bosses Off Your Back" Utah Phillips _We Have Fed You All A Thousand Years_
"Boss Inside" Adam Green _Minor Love_
"Summertime Blues" Eddie Cochran _Somethin' Else: The Fine Lookin' Hits Of Eddie Cochran_

"Boss Man" Dean Hawley _The Dore Doo-Wop Story, Vol. 3_
"Boss Lady" The Detroit Cobras _Life, Love, & Leaving_
"Boss" The Bolshoi _Books On The Bonfire_
"Executive Dive" Dicks _These People_

"Space Boss" T.Rex _Bolan's Zip Gun Boogie_
"Please Mr. Boss Man" Candy Man & Gumption Band _Please Mr. Boss Man_
"Boss" Aceyalone _Leanin' On Slick_
"Do The Brown Nose" The Dead Milkmen _Metaphysical Graffiti_

"Boss" Screaming Females _Castle Talk_
"Boss Man" Alan Moorhouse _Blow Up Presents Exclusive Blend, Vol. 2_

Whither Bosses?

(Image from here.)

Have you ever been a boss?  I have!  I've been a boss, but never the boss.  Maybe it's best to say that I've been in "middle management."  There's always been someone higher than I am.  In fact, that reminds me of a Mr. Show sketch:



It's almost like there's always another boss!

The thing is, I'm currently boss-less.  Unless you count my pets, who treat me more or less like an employee.  I'm their only employee!  But have I ever been named "Employee Of The Month"?  Hardly!

So, yes.  Yes.  I'm doing this show because my pets have asked me to do so.  A show about bosses.  They will enjoy it.

It's on tonight - tonight!  From 8-10 pm Texas time, 9 to 11 pm Kentucky time, on 93.9 fm WLXU in the fine city of Lexington & online at Lexington Community Radio dot Org.

Since we're mostly not bosses, we can't really join in the celebration of bosses.  But maybe afterwards we can just go on strike!