Self Help Radio 101918: Radiation

(Original image on Wikipedia.)

On the television show Star Trek, they treat radiation exposure with a drug called hyronalin, which was my go-to drug while I handled lots of radioactive isotopes in preparation for this show.  Imagine my surprise to find out it's fictitious, & also I have lost some hair, some white blood cells, & I can't keep food down.  These are the things I do for Self Help Radio - & for you.

Now the doctors are telling me I don't have much time, so if you'll come closer, I'll need to ask you if the ship is safe, & tell you that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, & that you have been & always will be my friend.  No, wait, don't do that.  Man, getting too much radiation makes you all goofy & shit.

Go now & listen to this week's show at the Self Help Radio website.  There's a password & a username you'll need, that information is on the page, it's also right here: username SHR, password selfhelp.  The songs I played & the people I interviewed are available below.

Say, I remember an episode of Voyager where radiation damage was cured with nanobots - what?  Fictional as well?  Fuck.

Self Help Radio Radiation Show

"Radiation (US Mix 1989)" Lesson Seven _Collection 1988-1992_
"Radiation" Evan Johns & His H-Bombs _Rollin' Through The Night_

introduction & discussion

"Radiation" Suicide _N.Y. No Wave_
"Radiation" Loli & The Chones _PS We Hate You_
"Radiation" King Tuff _Black Moon Spell_
"Radiation" Epoxies _Stop The Future_
"Radiation" Fingerprintz _Distinguishing Marks_
"The Radiation" My Favorite _The Kids Are All Wrong_

interview with staff chemist Allen Shariaty

"Transparent Radiation" Spacemen 3 _The Singles_
"This Radiation" Claire Birchall _Library Records 1998 - 2003: The 7" Single Years, 1998 - 2000_
"Cosmic Radiation" Clinic _Free Reign_
"Radiation" The Apples In Stereo _New Magnetic Wonder_
"Pink Radiation" Death Valley Girls _Glow In The Dark_

interview with physicist Dr. David Fruchter

"My Radiation Baby (My Teenage Fallout Queen)" George McKelvey _Atomic Platters_
"Radiation Squirm" The Judy's _The Wonderful World Of Appliances_
"Maximum Radiation Level" Man Or Astro-Man? _Deluxe Men In Space_
"An Alternative To Radiation" Myq Kaplan _Small, Dork, & Handsome_
"Radiation Song" The Aquabats _Myths, Legends, & Other Amazing Adventures Vol. 2_
"Radiation Man" Sara Hickman _Misfits_

Dramatic Readings Of Classic Rock Songs: "Radioactive" by the Firm

"Radiation" Stiphnoyds _The History Of Portland Punk, Vol. 1_
"Radiation Nation" Metal Mike, Alison & Julia _Surf City Or Bust_
"Radiation" The Turbo A.C.'s _Radiation_
"Radiation" Permahorn _My Blood Carries My Dreams Away_
"Chinese Radiation" Pere Ubu _The Modern Dance_

conclusion & goodbye

"Cosmic Love Radiation" Miss Kittin _Calling From The Stars_
"Radiation Dance" Asmodaeus _Lies & Logic_
"Sunshine Radiation" Anthony Mudrick _Sunshine Radiation_

Whither Radiation?

(Yikes!  This scary image found here.)

So sorry to be writing this so late.  I've been busy working on the radiation show all day & I feel a little weak.  Actually, I decided in the interest of keeping things real, I would get an x-ray every hour on the hour today.  On the plus side, I have cool images of many things inside me.  On the minus side, I'm not doing so well.

But Gary! I hear you say. How can I hear you say my name? Am I getting powers from radiation like a 1960s Marvel superhero?  Anyway, I hear you say: There are non-lethal forms of radiation you could have exposed yourself to today like radio waves or the microwaves that apparently we use with our phones! & to that I say: now you tell me!

Look, I'm going to rest up & hope to get the show to you by noon tomorrow.  If so, it'll be at Self Help Radio online right on time.  If it's glowing a bit, don't worry.  It's not like it's enriched on anything.

Hm, I appear to be glowing myself.  Good news!  I can stop spending money on prohibitively expensive night lights!

Preface To Radiation: At Last The Radiation Show!

There was a program on the BBC in the 1960s called At Last The 1948 Show.  I am aware of that fact because I am a nerd & consequently a Monty Python fan, & that show predates Python & includes Graham Chapman & John Cleese, as well as Eric Idle as an occasional guest.

The show aired in 1967, so the title is a joke, & a very Pythonesque one, if you can call something Pythonesque before Monty Python existed.  When I titled this "At Last The Radiation Show," I of course thought of the British program, which I've never actually seen entire episodes of.  (The Wikipedia page says that it's available on Amazon Prime so I will check on that.)

In fact, the BBC erased the tapes on which the program was saved soon after airing, so it's been something of a quest to find copies of original episodes, & luckily there have been, I believe, eleven of the original thirteen discovered, of varying quality of course but better that than nothing.

Which makes me drawing attention to that show by calling this post something that reminded me of the show kind of pathetic, seeing how no one's really been waiting for the radiation show, nor will it be remembered after it's done.  But since I promised a radiation show - has it been three weeks now?  Or just two? - I'll deliver one this week.

Ooo, I can tell you're psyched about it.  Or maybe you're just glad that you now know there's more Cleese & Chapman out there to see!

Happy Global Cat Day!

Enjoy your global cat day!

On the local front, these are the feline bosses that rule my life:

They are not kind oppressors.

(PS I played a set for them this morning on the Tuesday Morning Blend.  I hope it will allow for some leniency when they take over the planet.)

This Cold & Rainy Day

There's a sense one gets living in Texas which is the same sense I imagine that folks in Southern California have, which is, the feeling that, you know, we don't really have weather.  In California, I'm sure it's mostly pleasant, but in Texas, it's not - it's just hot.  It's hot when you get in your car, it's hot when you wake up early to walk the dogs, it's hot when the sun goes down & the day's heat just radiates off the ground.  Some people are cool with it - my wife is a reptile so she loves it - but most aren't.

Yeah, okay, it does get cold.  Today it was around 41 degrees.  Yesterday it was twice that - 82 degrees.  In a couple of days it'll shoot back up into the 60s.  I used to tell folks that when the temperature started dropping in Kentucky, it was going to keep going down until Spring.  In Texas, it may be cold one week & then, in the middle of what might be called autumn or winter, weirdly it'll climb into the 90s.

& that's why we're so unprepared for it.  We think it's always hot here because it's usually hot here.  I don't have the statistics but if we consider any temperature over 80 degree Fahrenheit as "hot," there for probably like eight or nine months of the year it's hot.

What do you do on a day like today?  I'm wearing my KNON hoodie, long pants for the first time in months, & those fingerless hobo gloves I have to wear because my hands get cold despite the furious typing on the keyboard.  I walk outside & can see my breath, I tremble when a freezing wind hits me, my legs are cold.  How long has been since my legs have been cold?

Oh, & it rained all day today.  Our backyard looks as though it might be good for rice cultivation.  My poor dogs have been discussing learning how to use the facilities indoors.

What I wish I could do is enjoy it.  But after months of heat, it doesn't feel real - & in a sense, it isn't, as it'll be hot again soon enough.  This is a problem.  A problem with living in a place where the weather is the same, more of the same, it's the same, hot & hotter.

Fuck it, I'm going to go stand outside & pretend I live somewhere where the middle of October is discernibly different from the middle of September.  Or November.

Self Help Radio 101218: Mirrors Revisited - The Sixteenth Anniversary Show

Gosh, there are a lot of songs about mirrors.  You will probably not find your favorite song about mirrors on this playlist.  Heck, my favorite song about mirrors isn't on this playlist.  But a cover of it is!

Sixteen years is a long time to do a show, & I probably have too many people to thank.  In the early days of my getting involved with KOOP, as well as helping me define the show, I should thank Sara.  She was an early booster & I remember how happy she was when I subbed my first radio show on KOOP, about a year & a half after my last KVRX show.  Of course I have to thank Magda, who's been with me longer than Self Help Radio has, & who's suffered all my anxieties & insecurities about the show, & enjoyed the very occasional triumph.

& oh yeah all the stations that have aired SHR: KOOP, WMUL, WRFL, WLXU - you made me feel like pretty much any great noncommercial station would gladly take the show, which has not proven to be the case here in Dallas/Fort Worth.  & all the people who listened, who called, who told me to shut the hell up, who told me I made them laugh, who corrected me, who insulted me because I made mistakes, who gave money when I begged for it, who sent me emails or mentioned the show online, anyone who's ever given the show the slightest thought - I feel weirdly validated even by dismissal, which the show has felt far more than acceptance.  (One early comment I treasure: "What's so special about a show with songs about the same thing?")

Too many people to thank.  You know who you are.  Thank you.  & if I do this for sixteen more years, you're to blame.

Of course I hope one day to do Self Help Radio live on air again instead of live in the room where my records & CDs live, & where my cats & dogs hang out, but for now, like today, you can find the show at Self Help Radio online.  Like always, there's a password (selfhelp) & a login (SHR), & like always, I list the songs & the interviews below.

Sixteen years!  I have barely done anything for sixteen years!  This is crazy!

Self Help Radio 101218: Mirrors Revisited

"I'll Be Your Mirror" The Primitives _Pure_
"Deep Dark Truthful Mirror (demo)" Elvis Costello _Spike_
"Mirror People" Poptone _Poptone_

introduction

"Any Other Mirror" Bill Wells & Aidan Moffat _The Most Important Place In The World_
"Mirror" The Drums _Abysmal Thoughts_
"The Mirror" Foster Brooks _The Lovable Lush_
"Mirror" Mekons _Me_
"Mirrors Of Your Mind" The Definitive Rock Chorale _Mirrors Of Your Mind_
"Mirror On You" Enon _Grass Geysers Carbon Clouds_

interview with Allen Shariaty

"Mirror Man" The Looking Glass _Dreamworld, 1985-1987_
"Mirror Man" Kristallin _The 3rd Marsh-Marigold Review: 20 Songs From Gold 21-30_
"We Are A Mirror (feat. Douglas J McCarthy)" Adult. _Detroit House Guests_
"Broken Mirror" Random Factor _The Hacker: The Next Step Of New Wave_
"Mirror Mirror" Robots In Disguise _Get Rid!_

interview with the Rev Dr Howard Gently

"Animal In The Mirror" Luxuria _Beast Box_
"Smoking Mirror" Momus _Turpsycore_
"My Mirror Works/Things I Can't Do" Brian Posehn _Fart & Wiener Jokes_
"She's A Mirror" Eleanor Friedberger _Personal Record_
"Mirror, Mirror" Unicycle Loves You _Mirror, Mirror_
"Bring Her The Mirror" Shannon Shaw _Shannon In Nashville_

interview with the Polish Ambassador to Radio

"She's Too Much For My Mirror" Captain Beefheart & His Magic Band _Trout Mask Replica_
"Get Out Of My Mirror" Felt _Me & A Monkey On The Moon_
"Looking For Love In The Hall Of Mirrors" The Sixths _Wasps' Nests_
"Mirror Image" Ortolan _Time On A String_
"I Wanna Be Your Mirror" Temples _Volcano_

conclusion & goodbye

"Hall Of Mirrors" Siouxsie & The Banshees _Through The Looking Glass_
"House of Mirrors" Freezepop _Imaginary Friends_

Whither Mirrors?/Whither Sixteen Years Of Self Help Radio?

As you probably already know, this week marks sixteen long years of Self Help Radio.  The show began in Austin in 2002 & has found itself here & now.  To mark the show'a anniversary, I like to revisit an old theme - this year, it's "mirrors," first explored in 2004.  There are many, many songs about mirrors, & the number of songs about mirrors written since that show is a large one.  I might focus on songs that I couldn't have played during the first show since they hadn't been written yet.  Or I might not.

It has been an interesting experience.  This show is, I imagine, not the easiest program to listen to regularly.  If you don't like the host, it's going to suck - I talk a lot.  If you don't share my sense of humor, ditto.  But if you're just someone who likes music, it can probably be frustrating, too.  I am a contrarian by nature & I am mostly unlikely to play popular songs or the first song you'd think of when you heard a theme.  For example:

In January of 2008, there was a fire at the radio station at which I originated Self Help Radio.  That was KOOP in Austin.  Soon after we discovered the fire was arson, which led to an actual criminal investigation.  When we returned to the air, several programmers played the songs "Burning Down The House" & "I'm On Fire" (& so on) to great acclaim.  These shows were much, much more popular than mine, & people would stop me & say to me, "Did you hear when so & so played 'Burning Down The House'? That was great!  You should do that!"

My response was to do a show about anger instead.  It was generally not well-received.  Some even considered it counterproductive.  But something in me just couldn't play "Burning Down The House."  Even if I would've shared in the collective appreciation of that obvious response to the situation.

Yet the show somehow persists, traveling from station to station, stranded now on a website in a "podcast" mode.  I guess I can't help doing it.  I'm grateful if anyone listens, & I'm grateful for the talented people whom I've shanghaied to help me with making it more fun.  But I'd do it anyway.  & I should probably seek professional help sooner than later.

Hear me celebrate sixteen years of this eminently forgettable nonsense tomorrow at noon at the Self Help Radio website.  It'll be much more like now than the previous show, when I hadn't found my bearings yet.  But I'll do my best to make it a good experience.  You might learn something!  You might even laugh!

Preface To The Sixteenth Anniversary Show: Fruitless Search

Here's how I spent the part of the afternoon: looking for cassette tapes of radio shows.

When we moved away from Lexington, I tossed some cassette tapes with recordings of my radio shows, specifically the ones from shows I already had digitized.  I used to record my shows on cassette - it's surprising that I did that well into this century - & at some point I got into the habit of digitizing them & putting them on the show's website, which existed for a while at my work website until I got selfhelpradio.net.  But there are several shows I have no digitized.

One of those is the original mirrors show, which aired October 13, 2004.  I was convinced I could find it, & I found a box of cassettes of old radio shows, but, alas, no mirrors show.  Perhaps I never recorded it - that seems unlikely, as I was pretty assiduous about capturing my shows then (as now) because I rarely recorded my KVRX shows & I regretted that.

Maybe I can find related information about the show to share during its re-make.  Or something else.  But.  Nothing from the original show.  Which makes me a little sad.

Timeline

In response to me posting the old anniversary shows last week, someone asked me about the times Self Help Radio was not on any radio station, but was a podcast.  Here is where Self Help Radio aired, & when, & when it didn't.

October 9, 2002 - May 2, 2008: KOOP Austin

The original run of Self Help Radio on the station on which is originated was under six years.  That seems crazy now, but it's true.  At the end of spring in 2008, I left KOOP because my girlfriend - soon to be my wife - Magda was taking a post-doc in North Carolina.  At the time, KOOP had two "seasons," one of which ended at the beginning of May.  Because I would be leaving at the end of the summer, I felt like it would be unfair to do the show for two more months, so I left the station.  I intended to continue Self Help Radio as a podcast (which I did) until it found a home in the Tarheel State.  Alas, Magda did not take the position, so we stayed in Austin for one more year.

May 10, 2008 - June 27, 2009: The First Self Help Radio Podcast

With our future uncertain, I decided not to return to KOOP & simply do SHR as a podcast, although my enthusiasm for the show waned somewhat - I don't think anyone listened to most of the those shows.  I kept myself in the loop by doing a freeform show on my first radio station, KVRX.  Stuck in a kind of limbo in Austin, & suddenly full of free time (you wouldn't believe how much time I volunteered at KOOP), I decided to take classes at UT (I'm a lifelong learner), which qualified me to do a show on KVRX (where only students are allowed to deejay).  I did a show on Sunday morning called The War On Sailing which I enjoyed.  It was actually a lot like the show I do currently, the Tuesday Morning Blend.

Magda got a job teaching at Marshall University in Huntington, West Virginia, where they fortunately have a student radio station which allows community members to do shows.  So off we went, taking Self Help Radio with us.

July 21, 2009 - June 22, 2010: The WMUL Year

Magda was not very happy in Huntington & I found WMUL not the best station to air Self Help Radio.  For one, it was mostly focused on sports.  The rest of the programming was basically automation.  What few human deejays they had tended to drop off over the course of the semester.  I did Self Help Radio in the mornings, in the afternoons, in the evenings, & never really had any listeners - there simply weren't enough people in the town (maybe 40,000, counting students), & they didn't stream their music shows online.  Although we didn't know we'd be leaving, I decided to leave WMUL at the beginning of the summer because it began to feel futile.  I'm sure I've talked about this before.  During the rest of the summer, the show returned to a podcast, but in August, Magda & I decided to move to nearby Lexington, where the mighty WRFL existed.  & they were glad to have the show.

August 24, 2010 - August 2, 2016: WRFL

Self Help Radio aired almost continually on WRFL for about five & a half years.  I took a semester off in 2014 I believe (though I still did SHR as a podcast) & there was another weird moment where I left the station believing Magda & I were moving but returned when we didn't (she's quite a tease) a few weeks later.  On the whole, it was super fun to do the show there.  I believe the show as it exists now came into being because of the time on WRFL.  It does beg the question, though: does the show have a shelf life of around six years per station?

Magda got a job in Fort Worth, where we're living now, so I said goodbye to RFL in August of 2016, & hoped to find a place for Self Help Radio in the D/FW metroplex.  That was not going to be an easy task (it still hasn't happened) but Self Help Radio didn't quite leave the airwaves - or Lexington - at this point.

August 31, 2016 - April 28, 2018: WLXU

Graciously, the station manager of WLXU at the time, Chuck Clenney, offered to air Self Help Radio until I found a place to do it in this part of the world.  It was a swell arrangement & if I hadn't gotten the gig at KNON, I might still be doing it.  Except.  As I've explained here & elsewhere, I felt weird about doing a show on a station that was so community-focused while I lived not anywhere near the community.  So maybe I might not still be doing it.  But certainly the fact that I had to turn in my prerecorded program on Tuesdays & I was also do a Tuesday show live in Dallas made that day very difficult for me.

May 4, 2018 - present: podcast

Since then, the show exists only at selfhelpradio.net.  I wish I could do it in town, but that seems unlikely.  Perhaps my restless wife will want to find a different job at some point, & we will find ourselves somewhere that has a wonderful noncommercial station which has a place for Self Help Radio.  Or maybe I'll be doing the show like this for six years.

Whatever the situation, sixteen years on, it doesn't seem like Self Help Radio's going anywhere.  Which sounds like a threat.  I didn't mean it as a threat!  But it did sound a little like a threat.

That was a long-winded answer to a simple question.  I didn't really know the answer till I sat down & went through the playlists to see.  But I hope it was a satisfying answer.

That Was The Week Off It Was

Technically, I got a week off.  I did the Tuesday Morning Blend & I then had to reschedule Self Help Radio & I've been helping the wife deal with recovering from neck surgery.  Tomorrow is the Tuesday Morning Blend again but I have a sub, so I get a week off.  Which is good, I would be a terrible husband if I just took off to do radio less than a week after invasive surgery.  I'm kind of a douche but I'm not that awful.

You might be thinking, well, I hope you got something done.  Nope!  I watched two episode of the second season of Iron Fist while the wife was sleeping today.  The other day I reread a bunch of mid-60s Jack Kirby Captain America comics.  & I've been listening to music.  I do that mostly.

But!  It wasn't a vacation so I need to start getting into gear!  A sixteenth anniversary show!  A lot of songs to listen to!  Walking the dogs in the rain!  Wearing tee shirts inside out to be contrary!  Teaching my cats the few phrases in Spanish I know!  Daydreaming of amusingly changing the yard signs of the fascists running for office around here!  Fake ads!  Fake interviews!  Fake radio!

You know, the regular stuff I do.

Self Help Radio 100518: Anniversary Pre-Game

(I found this image here.)

Self Help Radio first went on the air on October 9, 2002, a Wednesday, at 2pm.  At the time, I was also overseeing a program called "The Pilot Show," where new trainees at the station would get an hour to show us what they would play & say if they got a show.  There was no "pilot" that day, so I did two hours: one, a "hello" show, telling whomever might be listening hello, & the second, a show about war, since, at that time, it was being made very clear that soon the United States would be going to war with Iraq because - well, I'm not sure there was any real reason except somebody in power wanted it.

Sadly, I don't have copies of those shows digitized.  Let me rephrase that: gratefully, I don't have copies of those shows digitized.

In those days, I had no idea how long I'd be doing Self Help Radio.  Certainly not more than ten years!  I didn't really have any plans, but celebrating anniversaries seemed somewhat stupid up until I was certain that I might be doing the show for some time.  This happened in 2008, when I decided to revisit an old theme around the date when I first did Self Help Radio, & this became a tradition.

Here for your listening pleasure (?) or just for archaeological reasons, are the first four anniversary shows I did.   There are links to the original & anniversary shows so you can compare & contrast playlists.  & there are notes about the show as well.

Remember!  You'll need a username (SHR) & a password (selfhelp) to listen!

Here they are:

Sixth Anniversary Show, 10/19/08
Original show playlist.  Anniversary show playlist.
This show may sound strange, & it is: it's a show I did when I was in-between stations.  I had left KOOP in anticipation of leaving Austin, & WMUL was in my future.  I sound a little down, actually, in the first airbreak - I didn't listen to it after that.  But I remember that the theme was one of the first that I got feedback from on the original show - someone called & told me they were going to leave the house but the show made them afraid something would break.
Listen to part I & part II

Seventh Anniversary Show, 10/14/09:
Original show playlist.  Anniversary show playlist.
I always liked this idea.  Each song contains a reference to a nationality.  This was recorded at WMUL in Huntington, West Virginia, before I became disillusioned with the station & the town.  The station was mostly focused on sports - more often than not, I was the only person in the studio before & after my show.
Listen to part I & part II

Eighth Anniversary Show, 10/12/10:
Original show playlist.  Anniversary show playlist.
Another theme I liked: a series of songs that have the counting numbers in them, so 1, 2, 3, 4, etc.  Like the other themes I revisit, I long felt I didn't do this theme justice, possibly because I was still putting the show together (in the early days) the night before.  Long-term planning didn't happen for years.  This is also notable as one of my first WRFL shows - I had just been in Lexington since August, & I believe I am doing this around 5 in the morning.
Listen to part I & part II

Ninth Anniversary Show, 10/10/11:
Original show playlist.  Anniversary show playlist.
Another theme I felt I wasted.  My first "space junk" show - inspired by an article about how many old & non-functioning human-made objects we have orbiting the earth - didn't even feature "Telstar"!  I needed to correct that!  I was doing the show on Monday mornings at this time on WRFL from 7:30 to 9am.  I was having lots of fun.
Listen to part I & part II

Should I put up more anniversary shows?  Would you like that?  Let me know!

Whither No Show About Radiation?

Some facts about this week's Self Help Radio:

1) It doesn't exist.  Not in the sense of "it doesn't exist now but will tomorrow" but in the sense of there won't be an episode of Self Help Radio this week.

2) It doesn't mean there won't be an episode about radiation.  That will happen in two weeks.

3) Because the radiation show will happen in two weeks does not mean there won't be a new Self Help Radio next week.  Self Help Radio returns Friday, October 12.

4) The show next week will not be about radiation because it is the show's 16th anniversary episode.  The very first episode of Self Help Radio aired on October 9, 2002.  Next week's show is the closest to the 9th without being before the ninth.

4a) On anniversary shows, I revisit an old theme.  Since I've never done a show about radiation before, I have chosen to move the radiation show to the week after.

4b) The theme I am revisiting is mirrors, which first aired around fourteen years ago.  Since the show was only two years old (& I didn't know how long I'd be doing it), I didn't do a two-year anniversary then.

5) Tomorrow I will find some interesting things for you to listen to.

6) My apologies.  Even if the show were on the air, I would not have been able to do the show this week.

7) Seven facts is way too many for this nonsense.

8) & yet it continues.

9) It may never end.

10)

Preface To Radiation: Nope!

Hi.  I spent most of today (starting around 5am) in a hospital, or going to & from a hospital, gathering things to be taken to a hospital.  My wife had surgery on the spinal area around her neck, which seems tricky but is apparently a very common procedure, & she's done well, thank you, but if I spent the lion's share of the day with her today, when there were more people around to help, I can't imagine I'll have the time to do anything but help her when she comes home, as I hope she will.  & if she doesn't come home tomorrow, I will be spending most of the day at the hospital.

Here's a funny story: she is a dork who thinks she's some kind of hero, & she loves to get high scores, good grades, accolades of any kind.  When one of her students visited her, he told there were three stars on the board outside her room.  My wife immediately said, "I'm the best patient ever!"  When we asked the nurse what the stars meant, she said, "They indicate fall risk.  Three stars mean we have to help the patient in & out of bed."

Was my wife discouraged by that?  Hell no.  She asked, "What do I need to do to get four stars?"

This means no Self Help Radio this week.  My apologies to anyone who might have wanted to hear a show about radiation - that'll happen in a couple of weeks.  Next week is my anniversary show - celebrating sixteen years of Self Help Radio.

If you've nothing better to do, might I suggest catching up on older SHR episodes?  Or maybe listening to my last couple of KNON shows?

Any News??

Oh, you can't fool me.  I know you're waiting with bated breath ("bated" means "in great suspense; very anxiously or excitedly," as opposed to "baited," which would imply someone had put, let's say, worms in your mouth to help you catch fish maybe?) for word about whether there will be a new Self Help Radio this week.  The answer is I don't know yet.

On the way to Dallas this morning to do the Tuesday Morning Blend (I resisted just now linking to the page but have since thought better of it) I listened to many songs about radiation.  There are plenty & they're good!  But it remains to be seen if I'll have the time to put a show together.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear - what?  You found this blog by accident & you have no idea what it is?  It's for a radio show...  Oh, you don't care.  You just read this far in case there might have been something about pornography or drugs?  No, no, there isn't.  But wait!

Damn, they left.  Anyway, I'll keep hoping that I'll be able to put a show together.  & I'll probably know whether or not I'll be able to do that when I write again tomorrow.

No!  There's nothing about porn or drugs here!  It's called Self Help Radio for fuck's sake!  Why would you even think...  Oh, they're gone now.

The internet is weird.

How Many Times Have I Titled One Of These "Reminder"?

Well, here's another one.

This is a reminder that if you read this blog because you like to listen to Self Help Radio which usually happens once a week, Fridays at noon, that the show might not happen this week.

But wait!  Didn't I say that last week?  Yes, I did.  & it happened last week because the thing that might have kept it from not happening didn't happen but rather was rescheduled to happening this week.

& as far as I can tell, that thing will in fact happen this week.

What is the thing?  The thing is my wife having surgery.  This may require me to forego much of what I do to take care of her post-operation.  & most of what I do during the week is Self Help Radio.

For the moment, I am planning on doing the show.  But you know what they say about planning.  "Planning sometimes doesn't take into account surprises or other unexpected things which screw up plans."  Something like that.

Please consider this reminder reminded.  Or something.

Self Help Radio 092818: Out Of Sight

(Original image here.)

Yes, this week's Self Help Radio is out of sight!  How out of sight?  You can't see it!  It's too far away to be seen!  Get it?  It's totally out of sight!

Technically, you can't really "see" an mp3, anyway, so a show on mp3 is out of sight.  Maybe I should do that thing where when you get to different parts of the mp3, a different image pops up on whatever device you're listening with.  Do they still do that?  Is that called "enhanced" mp3s?  Have I forgotten what I'm supposed to be doing here?  Oh yeah.  This week's show is out of sight!

There are interviews with a businessman, a robot lady, & an impostor.  There's a lot of music.  There's some etymology & some science.  But mainly there's music.  A lot of music.  & I couldn't even play all the "out of sight" songs I found!  My apologies to Tom T. Hall.

Listen at Self Help Radio dot net.  Learn the password: selfhelp.  Learn the username: SHR.  Look below to see how the show is structured.

Just be careful - listening might make you out of sight too!

Self Help Radio: The Out Of Sight Show

"Out Of Sight Out Of Mind" Porter Wagoner _Chronological Classics 1957-1959_
"Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind" Brian Hyland _Sealed With A Kiss & All The Great Hits 1960-1962_
"A Bird Flies Out Of Sight (Felicidad)" The Tokens _The Lion Sleeps Tonight_

introduction & definitions

"She's Out Of Sight" The Casinos _The Best Of The Casinos: Then You Can Tell Me Goodbye_
"We Are Out Of Sight" German Bonds _Die Hamburg Szene - Smash ...! Boom ...! Bang ...!_
"Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind" The Marauders _Mindrocker: Anthology Of 60s US-Punk Garage Psych, Vol. 3_
"Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind" Carol Fran _Bluesoul Belles: The Complete Calla, Port, & Roulette Recordings_
"Out Of Sight" James Brown _Star Time_

interview with "Hippy Dippy David Frippy" originator David Fruchter

"Baby, Out Of Sight" Liverpool Five _Out Of Sight_
"Keep It Out Of Sight" Paul & Barry Ryan _The Best Of Paul & Barry Ryan_
"My Best Friend's Girl Is Out Of Sight" Sonny Bono _Inner Views_
"Plum Outa Sight" Maxine Brown _Out Of Sight_
"Uptight (Everything's Alright)" Stevie Wonder _At The Close Of A Century_

interview with robot human Betty Cyborg

"Right, Tight, & Out Of Sight" Branding Iron _The Complete Stax-Volt Soul Singles: 1968-1971_
"Out Of Sight Out Of Mind" Shocking Blue _Inkpot_
"Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight" Kris Kristofferson _Jesus Was A Capricorn_
"Out Of Sight" Tubeway Army _The Plan_
"Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind" The Dickies _Stukas Over Disneyland_

interview with someone claiming to be musician John Ferguson

"Out Of Sight" Blue Orchids _The Secret City EP_
"Out Of My Sight" Frente _Marvin The Album (21st Anniversary Edition)_
"Out Of Sight" Adventures In Stereo _Alternative Stereo Sounds_
"Outta Sight" The Riverdales _The Riverdales_
"He's Outta Sight" The Rondelles _Fiction Romance, Fast Machines_
"Out Of Sight" Arling & Cameron _Stereo Showcase_

a discourse on the limits of human sight

"Outta Sight" Dexter Romweber _Blues That Defy My Soul_
"Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind" The Liarbirds _Second Quartet EP_
"Out Of Sight" The Spyrals _Out Of Sight_
"Tonight Is Out Of Sight" Lunchbox _Lunchbox Loves You_
"Out Of Sight" The Popguns _Pop Fiction_

conclusion & goodbye

"Outta Sight (Luke Vibert Remix)" Osborne _We'll Never Stop Living This Way: A Ghostly Primer_
"Out Of Sight" Moderat _Moderat_

Whither Out Of Sight?

(No, no, it's not about that movie!)

Oh you know, my brain was all like hey how many songs do you think use the phrase "out of sight" & I was all like hey brain we're not too separate people you know I am you & you am I & I know I just used grammar wrongly & wait a second are you making me dumb all of a sudden?  & my brain was all like yes of course you fool I am better than you & you are merely a vessel which I use to cruise clumsily through this world getting my meager pleasures where I may!  & I was all like no no no man you & I are the same there aren't two consciousnesses inside me there's no vehicle & driver there's just who I am & the brain is part of that!  & my brain was all like yes I let you think that but really I am in charge & now you're going to gather many, many songs with the phrase "out of sight" featured prominently within for my amusement & what the hell let's make it into a radio show that's not on the radio & waste an entire day or several days doing so ha ha ha ha!  & I said to my brain take it back you're me & I'm you!  & my brain was all like you are a fool & what's more you can't stop me wait what are you doing is that an icepick you wouldn't dare attempt to stop me no who taught you old-school lobotomies wait wait you're right if you hurt me you're hurting you which is to say us which is to say we are the same no no no nooooooooooooooooo!

Then I woke up in a pool of blood & I heard voices no more.  But I still felt the urge to do a radio show.  & so I shall.

Tomorrow, noonish, Self Help Radio website.  Who knows?  Maybe George Clooney will drop by?

Preface To Out Of Sight: Haunted IKEA

Today we went to an Ikea.  Do you have to capitalize all the letters in Ikea like I did in the title of this post, or can I write "Ikea" like I've done the last three times?

The answer is not simple.  According to the Wikipedia article, it should be all caps.  But a couple of articles locally, wherein Fort Worth was set to get its own store, but then suddenly it wasn't, spelled it "Ikea."  I just don't generally like words in all caps.  YOU DON'T EITHER.

Anyway, we were at the new Ikea in Grand Prairie, which is about thirty minutes away from us, although not as far away as the one in Frisco, which is about an hour away, although they're only about thirty-five miles apart, connected by a toll road called the President George Bush Turnpike, so-called because Texans often forget there's been not one but two George Bushes as President, so they need to be reminded, & also pay money for the pleasure.  Stupid Texans.  Where the fuck was I?

Oh yeah.  The early afternoon, a cool autumn Wednesday, & we were like one of maybe twelve people in the store.  Have you been in an Ikea, like, ever?  There are usually hundreds if not thousands of people in the store.  By the way, I'm not counting the people who work there.  There were plenty of those, & they outnumbered the customers like twenty to one.  In fact, I got to know everyone else who was there who was not an Ikea employee.  I could name them right now if I didn't value their privacy.  They were buying weird shit, too.

This is how desolate the place was: I just stood in the middle of one of their interminable aisles just spinning a shopping cart, spinning, spinning.  Those damn Ikea carts have all four wheels able to do 360 so you can spin it, you can give it a good shove like a roulette wheel or whatever & it'll just spin. I did that & I even took an iPhone video of myself spinning it & there was no one else there.  Well, maybe my wife.  She was looking at rugs.

In fact, at some point I became convinced I was a ghost of a spouse who came along to Ikea one horrible day & never left, never found my way out, despite maps & arrows on the floor & secret doors that lead to sections that don't follow logically, god I would've had so much fun playing in an Ikea when I was a kid.  But now I'm a ghost & for some reason even though no one can see me, I can spin carts around, but does anyone notice?  No, because it's a Wednesday afternoon on a cool Autumn day & it had rained & no one was going to Ikea.

Then the wife bought a rug & we left.

It Might Be Autumn If...

You just made pumpkin pie cupcakes.

That picture above is not a cupcake I made.  It's the picture from the recipe I used, which I found here.  The frosting has been frosted on the cupcake & they're in the fridge, so the frosting doesn't melt all over the place.  I don't know how they tasted, but the batter & the frosting were both pretty awesome before put to use.

Baking is not something that comes natural to me.  For one thing, I don't own a fancy mixer, or even a hand mixer, so I furiously mixed everything with what is either called a spatula or better a scraper.  I even timed the furious mixing as if I myself were the mixer.  The speeds, however, were not constant, as I was making a mess & would pause to clean up.

There's another downside to baking in our household: living with a sugar addict who's also weight-conscious.  On the one hand, this person will eat as many sweets as possible without the slightest hesitation, but on the other hand, she (because it ain't me) will become quite angry when there are "treats" in the house which may increase her weight & will in fact throw them away rather than exercise self-control.  In fact, I made half the recipe - six cupcakes - & she's now talking about giving most of them to friends.  When I mentioned I didn't have any friends, she suggested neighbors.  Please understand: she hasn't even tried one of them yet.

So how does one get better at baking while living with such a neurotic companion?  The truth is, one doesn't.  One gives baking up.  Until one decides, I really should learn how to bake.  & then one hopes the fruits of one's labors don't get thrown or given away without one noticing.

Perhaps I will keep you posted.

Back-To-Back Back Surgeries

There are two things to say about the title of this post:
1) I am not going under the knife.  I had back surgery nearly seventeen years ago.
2) For the purposes of this post, "back-to-back" can mean "seventeen years apart."

Yeah, it was just to be able to say "back" three times.

If you listened to last week's show, you'll know I said I might not be doing this week's show, because my wife was having surgery this week.  That was the case until this afternoon, when they had to reschedule.  Someone had an emergency & that person got the priority.  It's frustrating but it happens.

The crazy thing is, it happened to me when I was scheduled for surgery!  Does it happen to everyone?  Is getting scheduled for surgery the worst kind of appointment in all of medical appointments?  Because I had an appointment recently with a podiatrist for 2pm, & I showed up at 1:45 because I knew they'd need me to fill out forms but I was ready before 2 & you know when they saw me?  3pm.

But a week later!  That's amazing.

For the porpoises of this show, however, it means that, yes, there'll be a new Self Help Radio this week.  (& I'll be able to do the Tuesday Morning Blend next week as well.)  As for the week after next - it's anyone's guess.